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If someone from the distant future had traveled back in time to meet his 17-year old self, clutched his small shoulders, and told him to be ready because one day, he would drop everything just to celebrate the New Years with the Kita Shinsuke, of all people— well, Atsumu was positive that his younger, reckless-self would chew out that innocent time-traveler on the spot for their diabolical bullcrap, as well-meaning as their warning may be.
Frankly, even if that scenario was only imaginary, his 23-year old self still had a hard time believing that he was, indeed, doing just as that example had foretold. Here was Miya Atsumu tonight, packed into the crowded limited express train with the last wave of citizens frantically hoping to make it back home, moving kilometers away from Osaka where the Jackals were getting as drunk as Meian allowed them to, ditching the festivity of the big city for the cozy comfort of his smaller hometown, all because Kita Shinsuke asked him to.
A week ago, the text that Shinsuke had sent to him simply read, Hi. Will you be coming home to Amagasaki during the New Years? If so, do you want to go to the shrine together around midnight? Make a date out of it? :)
One mini heart attack, an earnest apology to Meian for skipping out on one of their team's biggest end of the year parties when compared to their previous ones, and accidentally triggering Bokuto's mood swings because he had made the rookie mistake of excusing himself out of the celebration in the middle of their practice break later, Atsumu had managed to wipe the sweat from his palms and punched a swift reply of, Yes! I'm totally down for that! Which shrine do you want us to go visit, Kita-san? :D
Osamu had predictably cackled at his face when the news was broken by Hinata in Onigira Miya, later on that same night. For once, Atsumu restrained himself from whacking his twin in the head, not just because they had company; after all, they both knew that he was nowhere near religious during the short life that he lived, and the fact that he readily agreed to a shrine visit date made it obvious that it had less to do with praying and more because he just wanted to see Shinsuke again. It was, indeed, a laughable matter; Atsumu had never guessed that he, of all people, would be willingly wrapped so tightly around someone else's fingers, reduced from the focused and hard-working athlete that he was to a fox that was mated for life with another one, elated to spend the remainder of his life with his captain-turned-boyfriend, Shinsuke.
Still, none of that embarrassment mattered once the train came to a gradual halt at the station Atsumu that was headed for, even more so when he spotted a tuft of gray hair peeking among the hustle and bustle of the platform, staying rooted amidst the chaotic rush like the steady, reliable person that those shining locks belonged to.
No matter how odd his requests may sound, Atsumu was willing to do it if it meant that Shinsuke was beside him, step by step.
“Kita-san!” Atsumu shouted, realizing his foolish slip-up when everyone in the platform whipped their heads to hunt for where his eager voice echoed from, even when he stood three train cars away from where Shinsuke was huddled near the exit, making his presence as sparse as possible while he quietly waited. Again, the blush that crept up his cheeks was as instant as a lightning zap, but luck was on his side, this time around; no one teased him for his youthful longing or, at worst, recognized him as a volleyball star, only throwing him a confused glance before they went on their way. The sea of people seemed to part as effortlessly as waist-tall paddy leaves, afterwards; soon, Atsumu was standing in front of Shinsuke, clamming up when his sole attention was taken by his boyfriend's gentle smile, his gaze unable to fight the pull of the amused, hazel irises belonging to the man standing in front of him. Shyly, Atsumu rubbed the back of his flushed neck, smiling sheepishly as he said, “Uhm, hi?”
Shinsuke was, unsurprisingly, as calm and collected as always when in reality he, too, was biting back his laughter, letting it out in the most tender chuckle that, to Atsumu's ears, was void of the condescension that was present in everyone else's.
“Hi, Atsumu,” Shinsuke replied, and just the sight of his face glowing with radiant warmth, that rare, lovely smile of his widening with ease— all because of him —was enough to convince Atsumu that he made the right call, abandoning the glamor glitz of Osaka's New Years celebrations in favor of coming back home to meet his boyfriend. After a beat, Shinsuke opened his arms, his round, sharp eyes now glinting with a knowing look. “You don't need to hold back; I've missed you too, you know?”
Like a dial had been turned, Atsumu looked less like a human and more like a perfectly-ripe tomato now, with how harder his face had blushed.
Never mind the praises that he sung to Shinsuke before. His boyfriend always has his ways to establish that he could be a mean whenever he wanted to be.
Atsumu whined, but nonetheless, he dove right into Shinsuke's welcoming embrace, hiding his flaming face in the fuzzy, fluffy fur of his winter coat's hood. How could he possibly begrudge his lover for his fleeting mirth when Shinsuke accepted all of him, then, enveloping both his bigger stature and childish attitude in his smaller arms?
“Yeah, I've missed you too. It's been way too long, Kita-san,” Atsumu croaked out, not at all ashamed at how he tightened their precious hug, just so he could take a better sniff of the soothing mix of Shinsuke's cologne and fruity shampoo, melting him further into their embrace. A silly part of him almost wished that they could merge together, just so he would no longer deal with the excruciating pang of their physical distance. “Thank you for inviting me here.”
“You got it the wrong way. Thank you for coming with me, Atsumu, even though you must've had a way more exciting agenda than a simple shrine visit,” Shinsuke whispered, pulling away from their much-needed hug just to beat Atsumu's incoming protest, leaving only their intertwined hands as their very last skin-to-skin connection. “It means a lot to me, really. Shall we go now?”
The next thing he knew, Atsumu was tugged forward, past the flurry of people wishing to make it to their own celebrations on time and out of the ticketing gates, Shinsuke leading the way to their designated shrine with the sureness of a north star acting as a traveler's compass.
In any other situation, he would be otherwise fine toddling behind his boyfriend, but something about Shinsuke's urgency just now— in the vagueness of his cryptic responses, like there was secret masked in between his words —has Atsumu hastening his pace, catching up to now walk side-by-side.
“Eh? But this is just a shrine visit, Kita-san,” Atsumu pointed out, right before Shinsuke himself was about to open a new conversation topic. He slowed his pace, then, forcing his boyfriend to match it until, eventually, Shinsuke turned his face, finally meeting the concern that burned in Atsumu's honey eyes, focused to unveil what lay beneath his peaceful face. “If you're looking to make meaningful memories, next time I can take you to the prettiest spots in Osaka instead of this? Ones that aren't a tourist trap, I mean.”
That, it seemed, was the wrong thing to say; like Atsumu had picked a puzzle piece that was similar, but not fitting to the missing piece that would complete the full picture. Shinsuke giggled, then, and just hearing that melody alone was enough to lighten his worry. The man that proudly held his hand was still his Shinsuke, after all, and as enigmatic as he may be, Atsumu was the only one that he fully let into his heart.
“Our dates don't have to be all grand and glamorous for it to be meaningful for me,” Shinsuke countered, raising one eyebrow when Atsumu tilted his head, looking very much like a confused, golden fox when a human offered it some snack. Amidst the loud chatter that surrounded them, his boyfriend's voice even sounded nostalgic as he asked, “Do you know why I chose the shrine?”
Finally, that last puzzle piece clicked in place, and everything made sense the moment that Atsumu caught the blush dusting Shinsuke's cheeks, a rosy red contrasting the paleness of his winter complexion.
“I do. This was the shrine that you took our team to before we went to Tokyo,” Atsumu whispered, sucking a breath when memories of his youth— ones that seemed to only happen just yesterday, every win and loss along with the joys and grief —trickled in. He failed to notice his weakening grip until Shinsuke tightened them on his own, giving him the energy to say, “Before the 2013 Spring Interhigh started.”
Of course Shinsuke would return to this shrine again, given their special circumstances. To anyone who has the privilege to know him beyond his stoic facade, he was an astonishingly sentimental person who clung onto cherished memories, betraying the very motto of the high school volleyball team that he once bravely led.
This shrine, for Atsumu at least, was just one of the many catalysts that sparked his love for Shinsuke. It was a comforting thing to know that, half a decade later, it held the same significance for Shinsuke, too; that, perhaps, his lover still recalled the fortune slip that they had both gotten, and what had transpired afterwards.
Shinsuke must be recalling the same moment, if the faraway, distant look clouding his eyes was anything to go by. “Correct. And while I'm not someone who fully believes that the fortune slip one received from the shrine would determine one's fate, something about that year's fortune slip changed my life forever.”
As the stone Torii gates loomed the closer they stepped into the shrine vicinity, it almost felt like Atsumu was transported back into the body of his teenage-self, donning the crimson color of Inarizaki’s jacket on his shoulder instead of the winter coat that he currently wore. The words flowed effortlessly out of his lips, now that the memory's wistfulness has taken over him. “'True love is waiting for you nearby, you just have to take the first step'. That's what it said, right? Our fortune slips?”
The graceful poise that Shinsuke carried himself with broke, then, once he snapped his head too fast, hazel irises blown so wide they appeared more black under the passing street lights. He blinked several times, jaw falling down from sheer awe, the adorable flush on his face rising up to his ears by now. Slowly, he clarified, “You remembered it? Word to word?”
“I-Is that weird?” Atsumu wondered, his steps faltering until he came to a pause, the snow-kissed steps of the shrine a good meter away. He had spent many nights hunched over his study lamp, burning that sentence into his mind the same way he had immortalized the neat kanji etched onto a certain yellow post-it note, hoping to find some courage in them before he ultimately ran out of time. “I'm sorry if it is, I just— we both got the same daikichi slip, and at least I was already crushing on you, back then, so that particular fortune felt...”
“Like it was meant to be,” Shinsuke finished for him, even though that was far from the right sentiment that Atsumu wanted to deliver. It took a second too long for that simple, yet world-tilting speech to sink into Atsumu’s mind, but before they could spark any emotion in his weak heart, Shinsuke stopped it from beating altogether by adding, “You weren't the only one who had been secretly hoping, Atsumu. I saw you stealing glances at me, after you noticed that we shared the same fortune slip— you'd turn all red each time I caught you staring when we returned to the school. I had realized, then, that maybe we do have a solid chance of working out together as a couple— that the person the fortune slip was referring to was you, just that I had to be bold enough to make my feelings known.”
If it was possible to choose, Atsumu would rather bask in the knowledge that Shinsuke has liked him all along, even when he had been oblivious to just how awful his high school dye job had been, or how his temper back then was as terrible as a prickly Chihuahua dog.
What his brain chose to latch onto, unfortunately, was the chilling fact tucked in between Shinsuke's words: that his boyfriend had been aware about his feelings all along, that he knew Atsumu has always reciprocated his feelings, and yet…
“Then… Then why didn't you say anything?” Atsumu whispered. He never thought it was possible to feel like he was floating in the sky for one second and plummeting back to Earth the next; their upsetting loss against Karasuno was nowhere near this devastating sensation. It took them too many years to reconnect and get to where they were now, imagining what they could have gotten if Shinsuke had confessed sooner— the missing parts of their lives that could have been weathered together, the time that had slipped from between their fingers, and possibly even marriage at their current age —was enough to drive a lodge into his airway, and it was unfair how breathing was suddenly so difficult for him, too.
But, rather than give him a straight answer, Shinsuke shot him with a bittersweet smile, one that was just as full of regret as his heavy heart, as he calmly parroted back, “Why didn't you?”
Instantly, the yawning gap between them was closed, the cracks forming in his heart stopping its spread, now that Atsumu has an inkling of what Shinsuke was about to say.
Shinsuke, too, looked just as young as his 18-year old self in this stifling moment, smiling with the same kind of sad acceptance as he did, back when they parted ways during his high school graduation, the second button of his uniform still neatly tied onto his uniform blazer.
“You were going to a top university in Kyoto, and your plate had been full with the prospect of taking after your family's farm as soon as you graduated,” Atsumu murmured, the weight of that old heartbreak hitting him like a freight train, now that he was ripping that old, scabbed wound open again. Admitting that reason was just as difficult to do now, even with the years and wisdom he has gained. “I… I didn't think you'd need to deal with a boyfriend, especially someone like me, on top of all that. I wanted you to succeed more than I wanted you to love me back.”
It slipped his mind somewhere along the way that their hands were no longer cradling each other, but Shinsuke readily fixed that mistake, bridging the gap between them by cupping Atsumu's face with both ungloved hands, letting them study the vulnerability written all over each other. Anyone could witness just how pained Shinsuke was from what he would reveal next.
“I decided against it because of the same reason,” Shinsuke started, and it was apparent that for someone who was always focused in the present time, this was a heartache that haunted him from the past, one that he was not ready to let go just yet. “You were about to be the team captain, and knowing our early loss, winning the next Spring Interhigh must've been your top priority. Coach Kurosu had also told me that there were already Division 1 scouts monitoring your performance, back then— it was even more important for you to give your very best. I wouldn't want to ruin your chances because I added one more weight to the tall responsibilities that you were about to juggle.”
The December air was unforgivingly cold, every inhale sending a jab of its freezing punch into his heart. Or that was just Atsumu's poor heart, barely beating in time with the grief that suddenly permeated its chambers, an old ghost coming in uninvited. It was hard not to spiral, to question exactly what had gone wrong tonight that they were now frozen in time, struck by the plenty of what-ifs that could have been avoided had they both pulled enough resolve to take that first step.
But, just like before, with a touch that carried the warmth of summer, it was Shinsuke who grounded Atsumu, his next words righting his unbalanced world once again.
“As much as I regret not confessing sooner, that we lost a few years where we could've dated and shared milestones together, I'm now just grateful that we get to have this. That we dated, in the end,” Shinsuke pressed on, and gone was that miserable sorrow shrouding them both, their spines no longer held ramrod-straight as that sweet reality that they now lived in returned. A tender stroke from his farming-calloused hands was enough to sweep away the tears threatening to pool in Atsumu's blurry vision as well. “Our love remained the same even after all that distance apart, and we now have all the time in the world to catch up on what we've missed. To me, that is the most crucial part. It did took us way too long to take that first step, even though we were always near to each other, but we are where we are meant to be now, isn't that right?”
The next breath that Atsumu inhaled was enough to thaw the ice that froze his soul, to make way for a blooming meadow into his heart like spring had come to sprinkle its magic. Deep down, his very heart knew that what Shinsuke said was right, and there was nothing holding him back now as he diverted his attention to his lover, ready to move on together with him.
Whatever they had lost in that long-gone past, they now have all the chances to reclaim it back this very present, to mark the world with their existence from now on.
Everything would be fine for them, in the end— Shinsuke was with him, after all.
With newfound joy buzzing beneath his skin, Atsumu delicately laid his bare hands over Shinsuke's smaller ones, nuzzling into his frigid palms before planting a gentle kiss to the right one, right in the center. It only felt right for Atsumu to bring back the New Year festivity now by offering, “Then, let's try something new for us both to do next year, Kita-san! To mark our first year as a couple, yeah?”
Oh, was it heaven to see Shinsuke brighten up simply from witnessing his smile, as if Atsumu himself was the sun that was ready to greet him after the rainstorm passed, a much-needed positivity after that dreary gloom. Shinsuke leaned in close, then, their lips now exchanging the same bubble of cold air, his gaze flitting shortly towards Atsumu's mouth before they swerved back to his honey-gold eyes, voice lilting as he playfully teased. “Oh? And what do you suggest?”
The chuckle that Atsumu let out was, again, booming loud enough to attract other passerbyers’ attention, but the two of them hardly cared to look the slightest bit apologetic about it, not when he offered to Shinsuke, “Making New Year resolutions as a couple, of course! What do you say?”
It took Shinsuke a few, startled blinks before he pulled away, his hands still cupping Atsumu's cheeks as he giggled. There was something so thrilling about seeing this side of him, lips quirked and one eyebrow raised in challenge, playfully mean but only for him. Atsumu should have known that Shinsuke would joke with him by replying, “Well, I won't ask you for much— we can start easy by having you address me as Shinsuke first. Preferably done by the end of this month.”
“That— But that's just a resolution only for me!” Atsumu squeaked, trying and failing to hide his deepening blush but having nowhere to go when Shinsuke was content to stay where they were, gladly committing such a whimsy sight as something dear to him. It was crazy to think that, just yearshuge action to Atsumu when, compared to now, Shinsuke was willing to share every little touch with him. He inhaled again, more for the sake of calming his rapid heart, before adding on, “I meant, like... do you have anywhere else that you want us to go together, or things that you'd want us to do and achieve together? You can make it as small or as big as you'd like.”
Finally, the gravity of what Atsumu was asking dawned on Shinsuke, as he, too, shared an endearing moment where he had nowhere to go to conceal his burning face. His answer, however, came without hesitance, as if this was something he had longed for ages, but never had the chance or gut to vocalize. It was a rare thing to see Shinsuke look so small in his shyness, eyes darting to the snowy ground as he revealed, “I want you to help out with this year's biggest harvest, just so you could celebrate with my family afterwards.”
Leave it to Shinsuke to set the gates of his heart open, letting Atsumu feel the onslaught of butterflies now escaping free from its confines.
“Oh!” Atsumu gasped, jaw dropping to the ground. They had only been dating for a few months, and meeting the family was a concept that he was unfamiliar with, this being his first time in a romantic relationship. It sent his heart into a flutter, knowing just how serious Shinsuke was with his request, his hazel eyes rounded with hope and sincerity, now that they dared to peek up at him. Amidst his wild, hurried nods, Atsumu gushed, “Yeah, I'll block my week for that! I'd love to meet them! But you do know that we also don't have to wait that long to introduce me as your partner to them, right? Say the time, and I'll be there as long as I'm not stuck in a match!”
“I know. The timing just feels right if we wait until then,” Shinsuke said, solidifying one resolution for them to look forward to this year. He took the pause between them to let their hands go from Atsumu's cheeks, returning their grip as he finally guided them along the slippery stone stairs, lining up with the rest of the people to enter the shrine, officially kick-starting their date. In that minute halt in conversation, Shinsuke also seemed to have come up with another resolution: “Maybe we can make a trip out of your away games? We never went outside of Kansai as a couple, right?”
The giddiness from imagining a relaxing weekend getaway with only Shinsuke, preferably in a ryokan with their own private onsen? Atsumu nearly slipped when he missed his footing on the stone steps, his focus all but thrown out of the window in exchange for that lovely idea. Judging from the snort that escaped from Shinsuke's lips as he caught him at the last moment, his boyfriend had surely noted his excitement. With a grin, Atsumu confirmed, “Oh, that I would happily arrange, Kita-san!”
Again, Shinsuke's laughter danced on top of the roar counting down the seconds until the year changed, like it was the only noise that Atsumu could hear among everything else. His boyfriend brought his free hand up, booping Atsumu in the nose as Shinsuke shifted the spotlight to him. “What about you? We've now got two resolutions in our list. You need to add at least one of your own to officially make it a New Years couple's resolution.”
Oh, there were way too many things that Atsumu wished to do next year with Shinsuke; that to-do list would be endless, and he might not even be done if he explained them all by the time they would arrive back at his boyfriend's family home. He wanted to introduce Shinsuke to his mother just as much as he wanted them to experience their first matsuri in spring, or that he yearned to buy a homey apartment in Osaka where his boyfriend could cozily spend the night, instead of getting their privacy rudely invaded by his teammates in his dorm each time that he did so.
But, on top of everything else, the one dream that Atsumu wanted to realize was…
“I still want to comfortably call you Shinsuke-san somewhere around this year,” Atsumu whispered, his eyes tracking the snowflakes that waltzed down from the dark sky, one of them falling in its crisp formation on Shinsuke’s short bangs. He took the chance to swipe it away, peering right into Shinsuke's widening eyes, now that they were pressed flush against each other. In the very same breath, he declared, “But I also want to wear your family name at the back of my jersey. Preferably after I've played the Olympics as the only Miya in history for one last time in 2020.”
They might have taken the longer route to arrive and settle at where they were now in life, but in this ethereal snowy night, as Atsumu watched Shinsuke fall in love with him yet again, the face of pure awe glowing iridescent from the fireworks that suddenly burst in a frenzy flurry above them— he has no regrets.
Both of them did take their first step and found love in each other, and that was what they would carry until they took their very last step.
“That's at least 5 years too soon!” Shinsuke shouted, and even as the rest of the world cheered to greet the new page of their lives, the sound of his giggle— utterly fond of him and unmistakably wet around the edges after hearing that marriage proposal —was clear to Atsumu when they stood this close, breathing in the same rush of glee the more they lean into each other. “I thought we were making resolutions for this year!”
It was only right, then, that Atsumu stole a passionate kiss from Shinsuke to signify the start of an auspicious year together, grinning ear-to-ear as he cried back, “I know! I just can't wait for that one specific dream to come true!”