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“You have no idea how happy I am to see you,” Adolin said cheerfully. Storms, he hasn’t seen Shallan only for 4 months but it seemed like a lifetime. So much has happened, he didn’t know where to begin.
“You too, love,” Shallan replied through the seon. She sounded and looked equally happy. “I’d love to hold you right now.”
“I hope we will be able to do that soon,” Adolin said in an attempt to comfort her. He sat down on the bed, his leg though gone, still hurt. Thankfully, his bed - as his room in Azimir palace - was very comfortable. He put seon on the bed with him. “How are you, Shallan? Are you safe?”
She lingered for a moment, looking as if she was carefully picking words to use.
“I’m tired,” she sighed with a defeated expression. “The walk to the Cultivation’s perpendicularity was long and… fruitless.”
She sounded exhausted. Adolin didn’t know what to say. He wanted her to be with him, but didn’t want to make hollow promises. Stormlight was gone and there was no way to use the Oathgate without it. The truth is, he had no idea what to do.
“Adolin,” Shallan started quietly. “How did the contest go?”
This time it was him who sighed. He opened his mouth, but no words came. His father was dead. Dalinar Kholin lost. Adolin had months to get over it, but the wound was still fresh. His voice was hoarse as he started telling Shallan about the contest. Tears were welling in his eyes as he told her about his dad’s death.
“Oh, storms,” Shallan whispered. “Adolin… I’m so sorry.”
He nodded, feeling hot tears sliding down his cheeks. If only I could talk to him again, he thought. Adolin wasn’t perfect and neither was his father. He finally accepted that. He could… forgive him.
“How are you, Adolin?” Shallan asked gently. She was sniffing too.
How was he? Adolin clenched his fists.
He was angry. He was worried. He was lonely. He was proud.
He couldn’t stop thinking about Renarin, Navani and Jasnah. He missed his family deeply, Dalinar included. He had no word about Kaladin. And right now he was a weeping mess.
“Love,” Shallan said gently through her own tears. “There is no other thing that I want more than to hug you right now.”
“I know,” he said, hiding his face in his hands. Storms, he hated that she had to see like this.
Shallan cleared her throat.
“It will get easier as time goes by,” she promised quietly. “I… Adolin, I know he loved you deeply despite your differences.”
He nodded. He took some calming breaths and started catching her up on Urithiru, Navani being in stasis, the lack of stormlight, spanreeds not working, Thaylenah and the siege of Azimir.
“I lost my leg,” he admitted, looking at the peg. The pain in the leg - whatever was left of it - was subsiding as he was sitting. “I’ve accustomed to it already. My shardplate helps. It’s not so bad now. I guess it won’t heal, since there is no stormlight.”
He grimaced as he thought about it. He was getting used to it, true, but of course would love to have the leg back.
Shallan inhaled deeply, eyes full of sorrow.
“Storms,” she cursed. “Maybe there is a way… Maybe there is a Radiant who could…”
“Not in Azimir, love. And Urithiru is blocked.”
Adolin heard his wife murmuring curses.
“I should be there with you,” she said angrily. “You’ve always supported me and now when you need someone to have your back, I’m stuck in Shadesmar. I… I’ll be holding you for a very long time, love. When I get back.”
Adolin smiled, imagining her arms around him.
“I’m looking forward to it,” he wiped his cheeks with the back of his hand. “Besides, talking with you itself helps. Tell me something about you, love. Cheer me up.”
Shallan fell quiet. He could tell she was pondering about what to tell him. She bit her lip.
“Eh,” his wife stammered. “Are you… are you alone?”
She seemed nervous, which made him tense.
“Yes. Are you okay, Shallan? You’re not wounded, are you?”
She chuckled.
“No, love, it’s alright. More than that actually.”
Adolin furrowed his brows.
“The suspense is killing me,” he said lightheartedly.
“I need to tell you something,” she said in a small voice, laughter long forgotten.
Oh, storms. So something WAS wrong. He leaned over the seon.
“I’m here,” he encouraged her gently. Shallan huffed quietly, then was quiet for a moment.
When he saw her sobbing again, his heart sank. His stomach tied in knots. All he wanted was to have her in his arms and whisper words of comfort.
“Shallan,” Adolin said as she wept quietly. “Whatever it is, we will figure this out,” he promised. His wife gave out a strangled sob.
“I know, love,” she sniffed. “But it’s one of those things that are better done face to face.” She inhaled deeply. “I’d love to see your face, when I tell you. I know we see each other right now, but it’s not the same.”
Her voice, steadier now and full of love, made him a bit calmer. He got closer to the seon, forcing himself to smile.
“I’m here,” he assured her, “whatever this is”.
She nodded, smiling through tears. She took a deep breath.
“I… I am…” she stammered, not looking him in the eyes, “storms, I’ve never thought I’d have to say those words.”
A nervous laugh escaped her. Adolin grew tense.
“Shallan, love, you’re scaring me,” he fidgeted on the bed. She sent him an apologetic smile.
“Sorry, Adolin,” she closed her eyes and took another deep breath. Then said in a fragile voice, “I’m… pregnant.”
Adolin froze. He blinked several times, feeling as if his mind and body stopped working all of the sudden. He knew he should say something, but no words came. The room abruptly got hot.
“You’re going to be a dad, Adolin,” continued Shallan with a smile, still crying.
Oh, storms, he was going to pass out.
How did this happen? He knew HOW, but still… Him, a… father? The world was spinning.
“If you could see yourself now,” Shallan joked through tears. “I know this is big and… at the worst possible timing. I was shaken for days when I realized I was late. I’m still terrified.”
Adolin opened his mouth and closed it, again and again.
A baby. His and Shallan’s.
He was anxious, terrified, shocked and yet… he could feel a spark of joy. A part of Shallan and a part of him. It seemed surreal. Adolin felt his eyes welling up with tears.
He just lost a dad and now he was to become one.
“Love?” It was Shallan’s turn to look worried. “Are you okay? You’re not going to pass out, are you?”
“I’m okay,” he assured her in a hoarse voice. “I just… don’t know what to say. I didn’t know it was possible to feel these many emotions all at once.”
“Neither did I,” she admitted quietly. “Adolin… how do you feel about this?”
He tried to form a sentence, but words didn’t want to come. Again, he felt hot tears escaping his eyes.
“I’m going to be a dad,” he whispered through tears, earning another small smile from Shallan. Storms, they both were weeping messes. “I’m so scared… and excited, worried, happy… Angry for no stormlight… We have to get you out, soon.”
“We’ll think about it later,” Shallan said, seeming… relieved? “So, is this good news?” She asked tentatively.
“It is,” he assured her, tears falling from his eyes. He didn’t bother to wipe them. “I’m terrified and happy at the same time. Did you think I would be upset?”
Shallan shrugged, smiling apologetically.
“You’ll be the best dad, Adolin, I know that. But we haven’t talked about it, so I wasn’t sure.”
He’d like to be as confident as Shallan was about him being a good dad. He didn’t exactly have the best role model.
“How are you feeling, Shallan? You must be showing by now.”
He imagined her belly swollen. He’d touch it non stop if he could.
“I throw up sometimes and I’m tired often. Otherwise, I’m fine. The swell is here, but I’m still able to hide it.”
Adolin nodded, sniffing.
“I’d love to hold you, Shallan,” he said lovingly. She smiled warmly.
“I’d love that too,”she tilted her head. “So, would you like a boy or girl, hm?”
He laughed. If someone had told him earlier that morning that he would have a conversation like this, he wouldn’t believe it.
Storms, he will be a father. He’ll have a son or a daughter. A little person who would look like him or Shallan or both.
“I’ll be the happiest man alive either way,” he promised. “And you?”
Shallan hesitated.
“A boy,” she said finally, “with his father’s looks and kindness.”
“You’ll make me cry again,” he warned lightly, earning a big smile in return. He imagined the future. Him, holding the baby, playing with him or her, picking clothes, teaching swordfight.
Well, Shallan needs to get back first, he thought grimly. He couldn’t bear the thought of missing his child’s youth. He wanted to be a better dad than Dalinar was to him. He needed to. He couldn’t be absent.
Adolin thought about his father, suddenly missing him even more. How would he react to the news? He seemed to like spending time with Gav, he’d probably be joyous about this. Life was a weird thing. If Dalinar had lived a few months more, he’d have seen the birth of another Kholin. His grandchild. Adolin felt sorrow.
Shallan must have sensed his mood shifting, because she said, “We’ll figure this out.”
“I love you, Shallan. And the… the baby too,” he whispered, the word still weird and surreal to him. His wife looked at him lovingly.
“I love you too. You can send the news to Renarin, if you’ll be able to.”
He grinned. “Hah, I can’t wait for him to find out.”
“He’ll be the baby’s uncle,” remarked Shallan. “I think he’ll be great in this role.”
Adolin imagined his brother holding his nephew and his heart swelled again. Shallan noticed his grin.
“What?” She asked. He shook his head.
“Nothing, just… Thank you, Shallan.”