Work Text:
“Benefactor?”
Stelle turned from the edge. She’d been standing at the rail of the Radiant Feldspar, doing her best to keep out of the way of the other groups- Himeko, Welt, and Ruan Mei on one end, and Tingyun and Yukong on the other. Dan Heng and March 7th had departed the ship a few minutes ago, escorting Sunday quietly to the Astral Express. Stelle had felt a little guilty about that, but neither Dan Heng nor March had expressed any outward distrust, and Stelle was quietly hopeful they wouldn’t give him too hard a time.
Standing in front of her, resplendent in her new robe, Tingyun gave Stelle a gentle smile. Stelle shook her head slightly, dispelling her thoughts. “I’m sorry,” she said in greeting. “I got distracted with my own thoughts. How are you doing?”
Tingyun shrugged her shoulders. “Truthfully, it’s still strange to be moving around again, and my tail… The pain takes time to get used to. But I’m still alive, and that’s far better than the alternative.” She fixed her gaze on Stelle. “Actually, I came here to ask about you. Ever since arriving in Penacony, you’ve seemed… uneasy. I wanted to make sure you were ok.”
Stelle blinked, surprised. “I… you noticed that?”
A trace of sadness flickered across Tingyun’s face. “Though I do not have all my memories of the time you spent in the Loufu, I remember well the vibrance of life that seemed to follow you wherever you went. I do not wish to insult, but that vibrance seems… diminished, here in Penacony. I worry I may be the reason for that.”
Hurriedly, Stelle shook her head. “No, no, of course you’re not the reason. I was happy to see you again. I still am.”
The sincerity in her voice made Tingyun’s shoulders visibly relax. “Then, may I ask what is bothering you?”
Stelle sighed, and let her gaze wander across the deck of the opulent ship. “I’ve… struggled in Penacony,” she admitted in a low voice. One of Tingyun’s ears twitched, indicating she could hear. “Even setting aside the chaos of my experiences here, I’ve struggled with dreams ever since leaving. The dreamscape is so vivid, and the impression is so great, it’s left me struggling not to panic every time I dream when I’m away, like I might fall asleep and wind up back in here.”
“Like a gilded cage,” Tingyun whispered, and Stelle nodded sadly.
“I know logically it shouldn’t be possible for me to wake up back here even when I’m in an entirely different world,” she murmured, “but the fear never really fades. Try as I might, I haven’t really been sleeping well. I don’t know how to shake the fear that I’ll fall back into the Golden Hour, and this time, I won’t be able to leave.”
For a moment, there was silence. Then Tingyun reached out and gently placed her hand on Stelle’s. “My dear Benefactor,” she said softly, “I understand that fear. When Ruan Mei restored me, I spent a great deal of time in strange dreams, struggling to break free of Phantilya’s damage. In truth, it wasn’t until I wound up here that I was able to shake the worst of that disorientation. The days before Madam Ruan Mei brought me here were hazy, and only when I slipped into the living dream was I able to shake that. I imagine it will be far harder for you, unfortunately, because it is the living dream itself that haunts you, but I also know that, between your relationship with the previous Imbibitor Lunae and the Loufu’s current leader of the Vidyhadara, there may very well be an answer in Cloudhymn Magic for you.”
Stelle blinked at her. “You think it will help?” she asked, faint hope stirring.
Tingyun smiled at her, that familiar, mischievous glint that reminded her of their adventures on the Loufu, before Phantilya appeared. “I think,” she whispered conspiratorially, “that there’s no better time than the present, when everyone is busy, to speak to Lady Bailu and ask. Surely, for the saviour of the Loufu, she wouldn’t charge such an exuberant amount.”
Stelle chuckled softly. “I’ll head over right away. And Tingyun,” she added, “thank you.”
For a moment, Tingyun looked startled. Then she smiled again, a warm, bright smile. “It’s always a pleasure, Benefactor,” she said warmly. “When we meet again, perhaps we’ll both be in better places.”
********************************
Stelle had barely crossed the threshold of the Alchemy Commission before she heard the familiar, childlike voice. “Miss Stelle! What’re you doing here?”
Bailu, the familiar ball of bright purple Vidyhadara, had been sitting across the courtyard with another familiar face: Lingsha, the new Cauldron Master. Upon seeing Stelle, however, Bailu immediately abandoned the work she’d been doing at the table, scampering over with infectious joy and curiosity, and- Stelle noted with a mingle of surprise and pleasure- no familiar weighted collar on her tail. Whatever had happened with the Preceptors after Dan Heng and Lingsha dealt with them, it seemed to have set the young leader free in more ways than one. Behind her, shaking her head and smiling, Lingsha also stood and approached, keeping a respectful distance from the younger Vidyhadara even though she was clearly older and more powerful.
“It’s good to see you again,” she greeted warmly.
“Did you come to visit?” Bailu asked eagerly.
Stelle smiled at them both, but she could feel a hint of embarrassment peeking into her expression. “I actually came to see if I could get an appointment, if you have the time.”
Both the faces in front of her filled with concern. “Are you sick?” Bailu demanded.
Stelle shook her head. “No… or at least I don’t think so. I’ve been having some trouble with dreams. Recently I came into contact with one of the merchants I’d met during my first visit to the Loufu, and they mentioned there might be an answer in Cloudhymn magic.”
Lingsha gave Stelle a long look, then turned to Bailu. “I think this case is probably something the both of us should look at,” she said, both respectful and gentle. “Let’s bring our friend into one of the private rooms and see what we can do, hm?”
Stelle ducked her head. “Ah… shouldn’t I pay first?”
Both Lingsah and Bailu shot her incredulous looks. “Of course not!” Bailu practically shouted. “You’re one of the heroes of the Loufu! I won’t let them charge you!”
Lingsha shot Bailu a fond, exasperated look, before turning back to Stelle. “After all you’ve done to help this place, both against the Ambrosial Arbor and the Borisin, we would never dream of making you pay for health services here. Especially when you’re struggling.” At Stelle’s startled look, Lingsha tsked lightly. “You’re exhausted, friend. It’s clear in your eyes. So come. Let us see what we can do, hm?”
***************************
Roughly half an hour later, Stelle sat gingerly on the edge of the surprisingly comfortable bed, in a small patient’s room where she, Bailu, and Lingsha had relocated. The two Vidyhadara were together at a nearby table, frowning down at a frankly massive tome and a small collection of bottles. It hadn’t been as bad as Stelle had feared: once she’d explained the nature of the Dreamscape, and the concept of the living dream, Lingsha understood the problem fairly quickly, and was able to explain to Bailu the pieces she didn’t understand with better explanations than Stelle might have come up with. There had been nothing of Herta’s cold, vaguely curious diagnoses from when Stelle still regularly went to the Space Station, which was a relief.
Somehow, it was this part that made Stelle the most uneasy, the point where the consideration of treatment came into play. It wasn’t that she didn’t trust Lingsha and Bailu; both women had proven time and time again that not only were they skilled, but they were compassionate as well. Stelle had seen that firsthand as they treated the wounded Jiaoqe. No, the issue lay solely with her- with her own innate fears and insecurities. She struggled more than she would like whenever she was sick or injured, as if those situations counted against her, made her less valuable somehow. Stelle’s entire remembered life had been filled with her fighting for what she- and the Astral Express- believed was right. She’d seen lives upended entirely, life-changing injuries that defined entire futures. The things Dan Heng alone had gone through had taken a great deal of time for Stelle to understand. In comparison, her own issues seemed so… small. The idea that she needed help for these dreams, in comparison to the things everyone else needed help with, seemed ridiculous.
“Hmm,” Bailu leaned an elbow on the table. “I think this’ll work. We’ll try MoonMist Tea. It’s really good for calming dreams and stuff.”
“We typically use it for patients who have come back from the front lines,” Lingsha explained. “The tea is useful for helping men and women who deal with intense dreams after their time fighting, to give them a more calming rest. For you, it should also be effective in creating dreams that are vastly different from the Dreamscape as you’ve described it. If we give you this tea, it should help you experience dreams so vastly different from the manufactured space of the Dreamscape that you won’t have to worry about being pulled back in.”
Stelle considered that for a moment. “That sounds like it could work,” she said eventually. “Even if it gets rid of the dreams entirely for a little while, I could at least rest properly, and we’ll be far away from Penacony soon.”
“Ooh, Dan Heng could help with this too!” Lady Bailu exclaimed. “His Cloudhymn magic is really similar to what we use for MoonMist Tea! He could definitely help with the effects.”
Stelle had to work to keep herself from flinching. The last thing she wanted was to drag Dan Heng into dealing with her issues. “I’m sure the MoonMist Tea on it’s own would be perfect,” she said quickly.
Lingsha shot her a long look, but Lady Bailu had already hopped off of her stool. “I’ll go whip some up!” she announced. “It’s one of my favorite things to make, and I don’t need supervision for it anymore.” She was out the door in a flash, before Stelle could make any kind of response.
Stelle shot Lingsha an amused look. “No supervision, huh?”
Lingsha sighed, a mixture of exasperation and fondness. “Thanks to my last meeting with the Loufu Preceptors, Lady Bailu is no longer in the care of the Vidyadhara council, but my direct care, which is why the shackle on her tail has been removed. Having been denied the right to properly grow as a person, Lady Bailu is now free to display her intelligence and willpower. Given how much time she’s spent preparing medicines, I decided that I would see what she knows how to do, and give her free reign to prepare medicines that she knows by heart without constant nitpicking. It’s done wonders for her self-esteem.”
“It would,” Stelle murmured. “Bailu has always been so full of energy. It has to be wonderful for her to have some freedom of her own.”
“Indeed,” Lingsha agreed. “Let’s set the conversation of her freedom aside for a minute now. What about you? Pleased as I am that you’ve come here seeking help, don’t think I haven’t noticed how uncomfortable you are, or how quickly you tried to insist that your friend didn’t need to help.”
Stelle sighed. “I can see why they made you Cauldron Master,” she said dully. “Nothing really escapes you, does it?”
Elegantly, Lingsha stood from her stool and pulled it over to the bed, sitting so she was less than a foot away from Stelle. “I have known you to be bright and curious, and open,” she said gently. “And though I do not know your full history, I can tell by how the General and your friends interact with you that your circumstances do not diminish your spirit a single ounce. So please, tell me what has you so troubled. It is distressing to see such a bright soul so wary and afraid.”
Stelle forced herself to look up at Lingsha, into the warm, comforting red eyes. “I had a hard time on Penacony,” she found herself whispering. “And I’m struggling to deal with it, and I hate it, because everywhere I look the people I care about are going through things that are so much worse than what I went through, and it-”
“Don’t,” Lingsha said sharply, causing Stelle to pause in surprise. “Don’t compare your struggles to others. Do not diminish your own feelings and experiences by equating them as not as bad as what goes on around you. What happened to you, what continues to happen to you, is just as important as anyone else’s. I may not have known you long, but it is still easy for me to tell that you do not exaggerate suffering. Do not diminish yourself in such a way. Please.”
Eyes wide, Stelle could only nod faintly. Some of the tension in Lingsha’s shoulders seemed to fade.
“Even so,” Stelle forced herself to continue faintly, eyes falling back to her lap, “please don’t worry Dan Heng over it. I… I want to at least try and sort this out myself, if only to prove that I can. That I am capable of taking care of myself on my own, even though I know so much less than my friends.”
Lingsha gave her a long look. “I can understand your reasoning,” she said eventually. “Though I still dislike it; there is no shame in relying on those who care about you. I imagine Dan Heng felt much the same in the aftermath of restoring his own Vidyadhara form.” She smiled mischievously at Stelle’s blush. “If he was willing to seek comfort from you then, I imagine he would be happy to provide comfort to you now.”
Stelle ducked her head lower. “Maybe,” was all she said.
Lingsha sighed. “I will not divulge your secrets,” she said. “It would be both a breach of trust in our friendship and a violation of my duties as Cauldron Master. But I would ask that you permit me to send him a notice that there will be MoonMist Tea aboard the Express for the next few days. Lady Bailu was telling the truth: it is an incredibly similar resonance of Cloudhymn magic to his own, and given his strength, he will sense it. I think he would benefit from knowing exactly what he’s sensing aboard the Express.”
Much as Stelle would rather have not mentioned it at all, there was a part of her that definitely would feel guilty if she caused him trouble. She nodded slowly. “Can I at least get my own instructions on how to brew the tea?”
“Of course,” Lingsha said evenly. “Like I said, I have no intentions of divulging your personal information without your consent. Lady Bailu and I will supply you with two weeks’ worth of MoonMist Tea, as well as the detailed instructions on how to prepare it. If you need more afterwards, you need only let me know. Dreams are fickle things to treat, and sometimes those treatments take longer than initially planned.”
Relief suffused Stelle. “Thank you, Lingsha,” she said earnestly.
Lingsha smiled. “Anything to help a patient, and anything to help a friend,” she said warmly. “Now come. Let’s go track down our healer lady before she drowns us all in tea, hm?”
***********************
Hours later, after everyone had retreated to their rooms for the night, Stelle knelt on top of her bed, hair damp and dressed in dark red pajamas, cradling a lightly shimmering cup of MoonMist Tea.
Making it had been easier than expected; Stelle had figured, given the name, that the drink would require some heating, but that hadn’t been the case: the instructions given to her had simply been to pour out a cup’s worth from the massive pitcher that she’d been given (and hastily hidden in the desk in her room when no one was around) and then use the smaller bottle with the dropper to add two drops of something called ‘MistMaker’. She’d waited until after her bath to prepare it, hoping that everyone who might sense what she was doing would already be asleep. Now, she stared into the cup, mesmerized by the ever-shining liquid within, fighting down a mix of trepidation and annoyance with herself. She’d gone out of her way to get this, to help herself. Why was she hesitating?
“It’s always strange, the first time you drink it.”
Stelle jumped, narrowly avoiding sloshing the drink everywhere. Leaning against the wall in the entryway of her room, Dan Heng was watching her with a quiet, almost sad expression. This late at night, he’d already changed into his sleepwear, a looser black shirt and dark gray sweatpants. Carefully, Stelle set the mug on her bedside table and turned to Dan Heng.
“I didn’t wake you, did I?” she asked guiltily. “I was trying to wait until everyone was asleep so I didn’t disturb anyone.”
Dan Heng moved further into the room. “You haven’t disturbed me,” he said, his voice gentle. “But I do have to admit, I was curious. When Madam Lingsha told me you were bringing MoonMist Tea aboard the Express, I was surprised. I didn’t even know you had left Penacony.”
Stelle lowered her gaze. “Tingyun told me I might find answers if I consulted Lady Bailu,” she admitted. “She hasn’t met Lingsha yet, but she said that Bailu would have something I could try for… for the dreams.”
Understanding flooded Dan Heng’s face. “I see. Does that also explain why Lingsha was so careful with her wording? It seemed she very much wanted me to know that it was here, but not why.”
Stelle’s hands tightened around each other. “I just wanted to try taking care of myself for once. I don't understand why that’s so hard for her to accept.”
There was a moment of silence, before Dan Heng released a soft huff of air and closed the distance between them to sit beside her. “I don’t think it’s about not trusting you as much as it is her desire to help. Lingsha’s life was incredibly lonely for a very long time before she returned to the Loufu, after her master died. She once told me that she saw the Astral Express crew as the kind of family she always wished she could have. I also think Lady Bailu’s fondness for us may have rubbed off on her. Bailu is hard to resist.”
Stelle smiled. “Very true,” she agreed. After a moment, she sighed and leaned into Dan Heng, so that her head rested on his shoulder. “I was going to tell someone,” she admitted quietly, earnestly. “I just… I think I wanted to make sure it worked first. I wanted to say that I had been able to solve my own problems, at least once. And if this didn’t work, I’d try again.”
Dan Heng hummed. “I can understand the sentiment. I too spent a great deal of time in my early independence trying to be self-sufficient. To prove that my previous experiences had not diminished my ability to take care of myself, to make a path forward.” He tilted his head slightly to catch a glimpse of her eyes. “Working to take care of yourself for simple things is one thing, and an admirable thing at that. But the Astral Express knows the reason behind your nightmares, Stelle. I’d argue what you’re going through is something we all can understand. We wouldn’t judge you for looking for help.”
“Not everyone feels the same way about Penacony,” Stelle reminded him. “Himeko and March seem to love it there. And there’s no record that I can find of any of the other Nameless suffering from something similar. It isn’t a question of whether or not you all care; I know you do. But we don’t always have the answers.”
Dan Heng sighed. “You’re probably right,” he murmured. “For now, then, let’s try your tea, and see if it works, hm? The sooner you’re able to sleep peacefully, the better.”
Reluctantly, Stelle pulled away from Dan Heng and reached for the mug. To her surprise, Dan Heng merely shifted so that they were both sitting next to each other properly on the bed, looking out over the room. “MoonMist Tea draws on Cloudhymn magic of a similar resonance to mine,” he explained. “Go ahead and drink the tea. I’ll stay with you tonight, let my magic resonate with the tea. With a little luck, you should sleep peacefully.”
Stelle raised an eyebrow. “I appreciate the company, but are you sure you’re alright spending the night here?”
Dan Heng leveled his gaze at her. “The bed has its benefits.”
Stelle snorted in laughter, and Dan Heng’s face cracked into a wry smile. That small, warm gesture was enough to suffuse Stelle with comfort, and before she could second-guess herself, she brought the mug to her lips and drank deep. The flavor of MoonMist Tea was remarkably similar to the name, reminding her of the spray from the many waterfalls around the Scalegorge Waterscape. It was a pleasant taste, and as Stelle drank, it was as if she was enveloped in a wave of cool water. She lowered the mug, surprised. Lingsha had told her that MoonMist Tea was used to help soldiers who struggled with adjusting to an environment where constant adrenaline wasn’t necessary, but Stelle hadn’t expected it to be so instantly calming.
Dan Heng’s hands briefly enveloped hers, taking the mug from her hands and setting it on the bedside table. “It works quickly,” he murmured. “I used to drink it fairly regularly myself. It may seem strange at first, but you get used to it.”
Stelle nodded absently. “It’s… strange,” she murmured. “Not in a bad way, but…”
Dan Heng nodded, and then his arms were around her shoulders, gently guiding her to lay down. Stelle blinked in surprise as a faint shimmer of pale blue magic seemed to surround them both, and Dan Heng’s horns appeared. As if in a daze, she curled into his chest, and she felt Dan Heng’s arms tighten securely around her. “Sleep,” he murmured. “I’ll make sure you’re alright.”
It was impossible for Stelle to do anything else, as relaxed as she was. Using the last of her energy, she snuggled as close as she could, and placed a feather-light kiss on Dan Heng’s chest.
She was asleep in seconds.
*********************
Curled around her, reminiscent of a dragon guarding his treasure, Dan Heng looked down at Stelle.
It occasionally startled him, how much younger she looked in her sleep. Like a girl who had never faced down Stellarons and would-be gods. Like a girl who had never seen his Vidyadhara form, either, he thought wryly. He rarely, if ever, used this form, but if he was going to contribute Cloudhymn magic, it was far easier to do so like this. And to be honest, though he himself couldn’t decide whether or not he was comfortable with this form at all, he was most at ease when showing it around Stelle. The Astral Express had accepted him in all his forms, which still caused a flash of warmth bright as the sun every time Dan Heng thought about it, but Stelle, with her limited past and limited knowledge, had accepted him with an ease that stunned and revived him in equal measure. He had never known anyone quite like her, and he doubted he ever would again.
Absentmindedly, he ran his fingers gently through her hair. He should have paid more attention to the dreams. The moment he’d been told what happened- how Stelle had witnessed the death not only of Firefly, but of Robin as well, how the Family had manipulated the Astral Express, the whole mess with Misha and the remains of the Watchmaker- he’d been horrified. And all of this had happened before Acheron and Boothill had appeared on the Astral Express, pulling him in to face Sunday’s attempted godhood with the rest of the crew. It was no wonder Stelle had been struggling with dreams. Even in the quieter parts of the Dreamscape, the environment of Penacony was heavily artificial, and as had been the case at Paperfold University, it was all too easy to manipulate.
Dan Heng was not as averse to the landscape as Stelle, though he wasn’t entirely sure he enjoyed it. But he could well understand Stelle’s aversion to it, given everything that had happened to her there. And her friendship with Acheron, that terrifying Emanator of Nihility, had proven how fundamentally unstable the Dreamscape was when faced with someone the Dream Weavers were unprepared for. No wonder she feared falling back into the Dreamscape. When faced over and over again with such uncertainty, who could blame her for fearing the threat of being thrown back in?
If he got the chance, he’d do his best to keep her from having to go to Penacony in the near future. It was one thing if she wanted to enter the Dreamscape. It was another thing entirely if they were required to return for Trailblazing. Stelle had taken a great deal of work on her shoulders while he was recovering. It was high time he repaid the favor.
Curled into his chest, Stelle shifted, a small noise escaping, and Dan Heng adjusted his arms around her. She didn’t seem to be dreaming, he noted, the magic brushing lightly against her mind as it mingled with the tea. There was no presence of any dream. Occasionally a flicker of something would appear, but it would just as quickly disappear. Stelle already looked more rested in the hour she’d been asleep than she had in weeks. How had he not noticed? Lingsha’s remarks earlier had a new meaning: she hadn’t just been giving Dan Heng the opportunity to help while doing her best not to overstep, she’d been telling him to pay attention. Stelle had kept her situation quiet- for good reasons, he had to admit, she deserved the right to learn to take care of herself- and none of the Express had picked up on it. Stelle might be as vibrant as wildfire on most days, but that didn’t mean there weren’t signs that she was getting overwhelmed.
He sighed, relaxing further into the bed. Stelle really did have a fantastic mattress. It was almost enough for him to admit that he’d been subtly suggesting they spend more nights in this room than the archives. Realistically, he was happy wherever they slept, because he was with Stelle, and he still found his futon comfortable. But he wasn’t too proud to admit that Stelle had done a fantastic job with her room in the Express, or that he was proud of her for making the space her own.
He was far too comfortable to be thinking this much. With one last check that Stelle was still at peace, and more importantly, still present and not in the Dreamscape, Dan Heng closed his eyes. The magic would continue to do its work even if he was asleep, and with such a comfortable setup, it would be a waste not to indulge in it.
****************************
When Stelle opened her eyes the next morning, she felt more rested than she had in a very long time.
There was no indication of day or night aboard the express, but Pom Pom was a master at ensuring the Express indicated what should be daytime with the light system. They’d given Stelle an indicator for their room when the space had finally finished, and a glance at it told her that she had slept all the way to morning.
She hadn’t dreamed.
Though they were still anchored near Penacony, Stelle hadn’t dreamt at all last night. It was both surprising and liberating, to know that she had gotten a full night of rest so close to the Dreamscape without falling in. Satisfied, she closed her eyes… and then abruptly opened them as the faint brush of hair cascaded over her face.
Right. Dan Heng.
Her beloved was still in bed with her, his arms wrapped securely around her, still in his Vidyadhara form, though the Cloudhymn magic had tapered off. His hair, significantly longer, brushed lightly over her face as he slept. His expression was peaceful, something that sent a quiet thrill through Stelle’s heart. Nothing was ever quite as satisfying as seeing the people she cared about thrive.
She briefly considered waking him up so they could start the day, then thought better of it. While there were no official duties for them to worry about- the conversation about Amorpheus was still on the table- neither she nor Dan Heng technically needed to be up for anything. Stelle rarely slept in, and Dan Heng even less. They could afford to indulge in one late morning.
With a happy smile, she snuggled back up to Dan Heng and closed her eyes. She wasn’t sure she’d fall back asleep, but there was something comforting about drifting, as well. After all, there was no telling when they’d next be able to rest once the Astral Express departed again.
Moments of genuine peace were few and far between in the life of a Trailblazer. Stelle certainly wasn’t inclined to cut this one short.