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"Thank's to you I can't love right."
-Emails I can't send. Sabrina Carpenter.
Nova’s back was against Adrian’s side. She could feel the subtle movements of Adrian’s left arm as he turned his sketchbook so his right hand could keep the confident traces on the page. Whereas Nova was scrolling through the phone Simon and Hugh had given her.
To be honest, she was a bit upset since they’d been like this for almost two hours now.
Nova had left the house early to go help Narcissa with the arrangements for the Rejected kids who will be adopted soon and returned with nothing more in mind than a make-out session with Adrian.
It was the perfect opportunity! Simon and Hugh weren’t in the house and Ruby along with her brothers picked up Max to go for a hamburger or something.
Despite that, she’d arrived and though Adrian did ask her how everything was going and they talked for at least half an hour, once they kissed and she tried to do it again, he had brought up the excuse he needed to finish a drawing before he forgot.
Trying to catch his attention, Nova groaned and stretched her arms letting the phone fall on the rug.
“Adrian,” she called. Her boyfriend hummed in return. Nova rolled her eyes. “I’m starting to think you rather spend time with your sketchbook than with me,” she meant it to sound teasing, and lighthearted, but against her best performance it came like a complaint.
Finally, his gorgeous brown eyes left the page to look at her. Nova changed her sitting position to see him face to face.
“What?” Adrian sounded confused “No. Of course not.” He gently grabbed her chin and traced circles with his thumb on her cheek “I love you .”
Warmness spread through her chest. Nova closed her eyes leaning into the touch. It wasn’t the first time he said those three words to her, but every time it made her feel better, like she was really lovable after all.
Slowly she inched forward. Her lips brushed his. Nova sensed his breath quicken, and her own did too. For the first time in what seemed forever, Adrian was the one to kiss her. After a soft, gentle meeting of their lips, he pulled away leaving her wanting more. So this time she took the lead.
Nova pushed her lips against his, cupping his face to keep him close.
For a moment, she was afraid he wouldn’t follow, but he did. A smile spread on her lips as she continued with the kissing. She straightened for her almost knelt position on the couch.
Her tongue made its way to Adrian’s mouth. A heartbeat passed before he let her in. Nova passed one leg to the other side of the couch, straddling Adrian.
The boy left the sketchbook on the armrest so he could stabilize her by holding her waist. Her fingers traveled from his cheeks to his neck and all the way down to the hem of his shirt.
Below her, he trembled, losing his grasp on her waist, Nova let herself fall completely into his lap. Biting her lower lip, she dared to make the slightest of movements with her hips.
“Nova,” Adrian moaned.
Nova felt her insides churn. A twisted heat burning her from the inside. All she could feel, touch, and think about was him. Adrian. The only person who believed in her, the only person who made her feel safe. She pulled herself upwards, still straddling him, but not touching.
When she thought everything was going smoothly, she felt Adrian tried to pull away from her lips. Nova let him, but her hands stayed hidden under his shirt, feeling his abdomen.
The only sound heard was their loud gasps. Adrian’s chest moved slowly and heavily. He was flushed, a sting of pride hit her. She was the one who made him like that.
His hands were still softly attached to her waist, and when Nova tried to sit all the way down in his lap again his grip tightened. Not letting her do it.
“Nova,” he warned. His eyes trying to meet hers.
The pride was quickly erased by guilt. She already knew what he was gonna say next.
“We can’t do it.” Adrian sentenced.
Nova groaned “Why not?” She was still breathless and she knew she was sounding like a desperate spoiled brat, but she needed this. Needed him .
“I’m not ready, I already told you.”
The guilt escalated from the base of her stomach to her throat. “Can’t we just play around?”
Adrian shook his head. His grip on her waist loosened. Nova also took her hands off.
“Not now. I’m just not in the mood.” One of his hands stroked her hair, setting a black strand behind her ear.
“The condoms in your drawer the other night suggested another thing,” she teased.
This time, Adrian chuckled, making the knot in her heart lose. “Not now.”
Reluctantly, Nova hopped off Adrian and went to the door.
“Where are you going?” He asked.
“For some fresh air,” she answered leaving as fast as she could.
She’d barely reached the corner of the street when she came across Ruby and the three boys she’d been babysitting.
“Nova!” Max exclaimed running to wrap her in a tight hug.
She faked her best smile and ruffled his hair “Hey, Max.”
The twins also greeted her along with Ruby.
“What are you doing here?” Her friend asked.
Nova hesitated, after lying for so long sometimes she forgot she didn’t have to anymore. “I was going for a walk.”
“That sounds boring,” commented who Nova hoped was Sterling.
“It isn’t,” defended Max “Sometimes I go with her and it’s pretty awesome all you can notice and meditate while walking.”
Notice and meditate . An idea hit her, she looked at Ruby, eyes shining. The boys continued talking, mainly asking Max about what he noticed and pondered while walking.
“Ruby, can we talk?” She hated the way her voice trembled “I’m kind of confused about some things…”
Ruby nodded “Of course! Do you want to walk or go in the house?”
Nova gulped, the last thing she wanted right now was to face Adrian again after what she’d done. Or try to do.
“Walk.”
“Great. Boys, you can go on your own now, I’ll come to get you in a moment,” she told the boys. “If you’re fine with that, that is,” Ruby addressed her.
“I guess. I mean, the only one home is Adrian, I don’t think he minds.”
With that and a nod from Ruby the boys ran to the gates while the teenagers turned around the corner.
Ruby was the first to speak “Did something happen with Adrian?”
Fidgeting she answered. “Maybe?”
Ruby raised an eyebrow.
“It’s more of what didn’t happen,” Nova corrected “Though maybe I’m just being stupid.”
“I can’t make any statements if I don’t know what happened.”
Nova sighed. Suddenly Ruby took her wrist and guided her to a coffee shop on the other side of the street. She urged her to sit down.
“Okay, now, tell me.”
“I don’t know if this is the right place…”
“Nova, are you gonna tell me or not? I promise whatever it is I’ll help you.”
Lowering her gaze and fighting the knot in her throat, she gained enough strength to decide to trust Ruby with this. After all, since they met and Nova was undercover, the only thing Ruby seemed to want was a friend who could trust her.
“I’ve been trying for us to have sex but he keeps saying he doesn’t want to,” she spurted out. When saying it, it really sounded stupid. Of course, he wouldn’t want to, not everyone was ready to have sex at seventeen. No one should be ready for it at that age. And still…
Ruby’s eyes widened, and her mouth was open in surprise.
“I guess, it’s not that what bothers me exactly,” she explained “It’s more inclined to the fact that maybe he doesn’t want me, not like that at least. And I’ve been trying so hard not to think about… Well, kissing certainly takes your mind off things, so sex should be even better, right?” She didn’t dare to look at Ruby, her eyes were fixed on the table, not ready to see how deranged she sounded.
“Oh, Nova, honestly? I think you got it all wrong,” Ruby started.
Nova’s head snapped up. “What?”
“Adrian obviously loves you and trust me he also finds you attractive. But he maybe isn’t ready for it yet,” she shrugged. “And that’s okay, that doesn’t mean he can’t picture a future with you or love you all the same. I know what appears in social media can make sex seem like another thing a couple must do, but in reality is up to us to decide how we live our sexuality. It should be special.” Ruby got an instinct to reach for Nova’s hands, but recalling how she wasn’t very fond of physical contact she resisted.
“You should talk to Adrian about it, he’ll understand. As for a distraction, if you don’t know what else to do, call me, I’m always in to hang out and make plans with my friends.”
Nova smiled and nodded. She admired how well-balanced her friend was. She could be silly and quirky, but just like she proved now, she could also be understanding and wise.
“Thank you, Ruby.”
The girl smiled, “No problem, that’s what friends are for! You should read more about the concept,” she joked, and Nova chuckled.
Adrian was sitting at the kitchen table, with Max. Ruby had called her brothers to go outside so they could head home. Leaving her alone with her boyfriend and Max. She cleared her throat as she entered the room.
“Hey,” she said.
Adrian inhaled “Max, could you give us a moment, please?”
With a hesitant nod, he stood up and walked to the door “Yes, I’m going to take a shower and give you a ‘moment’ but please don’t kill each other. We’re past that, okay?”
The teens chuckled but agreed. Nova ruffled his blonde hair as he rushed out of the kitchen.
“Can we go downstairs?” Asked Nova “I don’t really feel comfortable here.”
They made their way to Adrian’s room silently. The only thing being heard was the wooden cracking under their feet and the gush of wind outside.
Once in the room, Nova was expecting him to sit down, but he didn’t. She could tell he wasn’t exactly mad at her, maybe just upset.
“I’m sorry Adrian,” she said, her voice immediately breaking “I’m so sorry.” She used her palms to cover her face. “I should’ve respected your decision, I shouldn’t have pushed you. I didn’t do it out of malice, I don’t think so. I just… Wanted to forget, to not think, and honestly, I thought that to get lost in pleasure was the best way out.” Nova exhaled, trying to control her tears from falling. What was she even crying about?
Adrian sighed. His hands settled on her shoulders. “Apology accepted,” he said making her feel like the most fortunate girl in the world, it was a miracle he still wanted her at this point. “I’m also sorry if I gave you mixed signals. I do want you, but I don’t want you to think I only want you because of your body or what you can offer to me.”
She immediately knew why he was saying that. Ace only wanted her because of her powers, because of what she offered to him. And Honey at the gala had made her use a dress she wasn’t comfortable in just to look good for Adrian so he would be too distracted by her to suspect. Nova understood where he was coming from.
Her forehead rested against his chest.
“I’m so stupid,” she muttered.
“No, you’re not. You’ve been through a lot, is understandable that you think about anything to keep you from facing your feelings. But that is not okay, Nova.”
“You’ve also been through a lot,” Nova noticed.
Gently Adrian wrapped his arms around her shoulders and pushed her closer.
“We’ll get through this together.” He kissed the top of her hair. “And just to be clear, you’re the prettiest, hottest girl I’ve ever met. Especially when you do your sarcastic annoying comments”
Nova laughed, hugging him too.
“I do want to make love with you,” his tone got a tad more serious. “But I know you’re still sorting out everything that happened at the cathedral and even in your entire life. I don’t want you to make the wrong choice and regret it later, Nova. If we’re gonna do this, I need you to be in your five senses and not only emotion-ridden. It’ll be better for both of us.”
Her breath caught in her throat. Amazed by how well he could read her. Adrian was right, though, she hasn’t been thinking straight the last couple of months, she’d been risking her life recklessly, resisting the urge to cry in the most random moments, trying to get Adrian to fuck her when everything became too much. He knew she wasn’t doing fine and all these decisions weren’t the decisions she would take with her mind in place.
“So all those times I coaxed you to do it and you pulled away, you did want it?”
“Yes,” he answered after some hesitation. “But I knew it wouldn’t be right with you being so vulnerable right now.”
He would be taking advantage of me, she realized.
Just like Ace.
Nova wasn’t able to contain it anymore, a whimper escaped her lips.
“I love you, Adrian,” she whispered. “I really do.” A knot was forming in her throat. “I’m so grateful you still feel the same about me.” Nova looked up at him.
He kissed the tip of her nose.
“Of course I do, I could never fall in love with anyone else, Nova. You’ve been going through a lot but that doesn’t change who you are. You’re good, strong, fearless, and the love of my life.”
Another small kiss made her giggle. She was still in awe and processing how much Adrian respected her. She believe any other guy wouldn’t have thought of anything he did and just taken his chance.
Nova was so messed up, and yet Adrian continued to choose her and prove to her she wasn’t completely lost. She was valuable and deserved to be loved and respected.
“Thank you, Adrian,” Nova whispered. The boy smiled. “If you ever need to talk about… well, anything, I’m here for you,”
He nodded, his eyes shining like two beautiful stars behind his glasses.
The door swung open. Max came in, covering his eyes.
“Please tell me you are alive and not making out,” he said.
Nova and Adrian laughed.
“We’re alive,” said the boy.
“And not making out,” completed Nova.
“Thank the stars,” the kid breathed, “Do you wanna play video games with me? I made popcorn.”
After exchanging a look, they nodded and followed Max upstairs hand in hand.