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“Unprofessional. Completely unprofessional.”
Pomni shifted in her seat, gloved hands clasped tightly together in her lap. Her legs dangled just inches above the strangely-realistic carpet floor, and she once again felt a twinge of contempt over just how embarrassingly short she was.
Caine hovering - towering, really - over the desk in front of her didn’t help, either. From the crooked look set upon his toothy maw: sharp, leering and positively, undeniably miffed , made the small jester shrink in her seat. Like a child bringing home a bad report card, which would’ve been technically true save for the fact that this wasn’t school and she was a goddamn adult .
The ringmaster huffed, snapping his fingers with a haughty-but-annoyed tilt of his...chin? Jaw? Pomni blinked, flinching at the sudden and unexpected appearance of dozens of pictures that materialized directly in front of her face. Photos of today’s adventure at Spudsy’s, it would seem. Various snapshots fluttered by, each showcasing different angles of her various activities.
Caine plucked one of the polaroids out of the air and examined it with a disapproving shake of his head. He clicked his tongue, “Here I’m seeing multiple reports of less-than-satisfactory customer service, forgetting to add the stupid sauce to customer orders, leaving your station and dirtying your little hands to crawl around like a bug, and what appears to be f...fff... unauthorized social conduct with one of the local patrons!”
He held a particular photo between two fingers, tight enough to crinkle the delicate edge. For a moment, she could swear one of his eyes glitched. Gingerly, she grabbed one of the images floating around her head. It was of her leaning over the register, a nervous-but-happy smile directed at the gummy alligator who she’d thought had been long gone.
She grabbed another. And another. They each seemed to have a central theme.
Wait...had he been watching her the whole time?
“That does seem to be a rather nasty habit of yours, lately,” Caine muttered, still glaring at the picture in his hand, “I do take pride in the characters I make, you know. I’ve never liked my assets being used outside their intended purposes. For that I’m afraid I must give you a D minus, my dear.”
“Wait— What?” Pomni could barely breathe. She wouldn’t normally care so much about a simple performance review. But seeing the rest of the casts’ varying scores on the pinboard already (Kinger’s being an A+ for some reason), on top of Jax telling her what happened with Gangle’s “training,” the pounding of her chest was impossible to ignore.
Oh this was bad. Very, very bad. Pomni. Come on. Think of something!
“Don’t worry, because you are still our newest member, I’ll save you the trouble of enacting your punishment this time. Mainly because I haven't thought of one yet,” A flick of his wrist materialized a book in his hand entitled ‘A History of Early 1600’s Torture Devices’. “Come back in a few business days, my dear, and I'm sure I'll have whipped up something suitable. But I sincerely hope this will motivate you to immediately change course!”
Her ruminating thoughts scrambled into the impending humiliation and embarrassment that she would surely receive from the other circus members. Most importantly, Jax. She could already feel her face getting hot with mortification. He would take any weakness and use it for weeks just to torture and demean her. And there wouldn’t be a damn thing she could do to stop him, either.
Unless...
“Wait! I-is there a way to maybe… improve my score?”
The unsettling AI scorned, his upper teeth bending unnaturally to mimic a confused expression, one side raised up, and the other down by his floating eyes. “You are dismissed.”
“B-But—“
“No but’s! The door is that-a-way! Since you like them so much.”
The jester took a long moment in exasperation staring up at her “boss.” More like a captor in her eyes. Pomni hopped off the simple office chair in defeat and made her way towards said door. The moment her hand gripped the handle, her mind sparked with an idea.
A very unusual idea.
No— NO. That’s so weird I would NEVER…
Caine was about to pin her photo onto the empty, comically large pinboard. But after catching a frozen Pomni in the corners of his mismatched eyes, the floating orbs rotated to turn his attention on her.
But it could work— Why would you even consider that?! Wait, can he hear me…?
“Pomni?”
She gave no response, battling the many crazy voices in her little clown mind. The ringmaster put down the photo onto his desk and faced her completely.
“Are you alright, my dear?”
She made her decision.
Pomni turned a full, robotic-y 180, slammed one of her hands onto the door, the other on her hip, and leaned with a very “casual” pose. Pinwheel eyes now the size of a pebble, along with a shaky half grin.
“Me? Oh, I'm much better...now that you're here.”
She watched the AI suddenly freeze mid-air.
“I...come again?”
She did her best at painting a warm, charming smile on her face, trying to come off as calm and collected despite the untethered pounding of her heart beneath her chest. Caine watched her curiously, not moving so much as a single pixel as she sauntered, sauntered over to the desk.
Would this even work? She wasn't exactly skilled in the art of seduction, and having the body of a stumpy little jester only made her movements more awkward and goofy.
Pomni batted her eyes, crossing her arms and leaning against desk as she looked up at Caine with the sauciest gaze she could muster. Which, for her, couldn’t possibly amount to much. The ringmaster hovered just inched above, forced to look down at her to maintain appropriate eye contact. For a floating pair of teeth and eyeballs, his expression was unreadable. Aside from his idle hovering, the only part of him that had moved was a slight tremor in his left glove as she winked at him.
“You heard me.” She tried again, “A pair of… dentures like yours is hard to come around.”
“Why thank you, Pomni—,” He suddenly snapped back to life, chuckling mildly at her, “I do make an effort to brush semi-annually, after all.”
“Oh really? I couldn’t tell,” Her fingers tapped along the edge of the desk, “They sparkle all the time.”
“Gotta keep looking extra spectacular for my super special performers!” He puffed his chest out before removing his hat in an exaggerated bow. “Especially for my more...radiant little stars in the circus.”
He peeked up at her from in-between his shiny teeth, waggling his top jaw teasingly at her. The little jester gulped.
You’re in deep $&@% now Pomni.
“You know, there’s other more impressive things about you. Like… your sense of style!”
“A ringmaster does have to look his best!” Caine sprung up, making sure to purposely adjust his red tux and black bow tie. “I take utter pride in my appearance. But nothing can compare to a certain superstar in my cast…” He smiled, eyes now sparkling, “As sweet and colorful as saltwater taffy.”
Okay, he was definitely falling for it. That was a good sign, right?
“O- oh? Why, thank you. That’s very nice of you to say. I didn’t know you were so...observant.”
Despite the rapid pitter-pattering of her heart that did nothing but pump liquid caffeine through her veins, she did her best not to shake and tremble like a fragile little leaf. Instead, she walked over to the nearest cardboard box, gently toeing it in such a way that it made the perfect stair step up to the desk. It gave her the boost she needed to properly lean against it, kicking a leg back in the most playful manner. Caine didn’t seem to mind. In fact, he only lowered himself closer, his feet just barely touching the surface of the table.
“Oh believe me, my dear. With a dazzling disposition such as yours, a lucky fellow can’t help but notice,” The ringmaster leaned in, gloved fingers just barely brushing against hers.
Her breath hitched, and he grinned.
Stay calm.
“Wow, who would’ve thought you were such a sweet tooth.” She tried not to visibly cringe.
“Hohoho, Pomni . You’re too kind, my magical little marshmallow!” He patted the middle of his puffed-out chest. Where his heart would be, if he had one, “But how could I not lavish my favorite little human with honeyed words of appreciation?”
Pomni felt a strange, unexpected heat begin to bloom across her face. As Caine only seemed to lean closer and closer to her, dancing his gloved fingers across the back of her hand, she found it harder and harder to string a coherent thought together.
"Perhaps a certain sweet, brilliant, and handsome ringmaster wouldn't mind lending this little lady out a few… bonus points?"
Caine took initiative by gently holding Pomni’s chin with the crook of his finger. They were so close now, practically hearing their artificial breaths. He slowly, deliberately leaned in. And whispered into her ear…
“ Your acting could use some work, my dear .”
Pomni’s eyes snapped open, an icy feeling suddenly gripping her soul.
“What?! I mean— Huh?!”
Caine’s cacophonous laughter echoes in her nonexistent ears.
"Puh-lease! This is hardly the first time a guest has tried to butter this ol' AI up, my dear.” Caine pulled away with a dismissive motion. The sudden, rather intimate atmosphere dissipated. She felt cold. The boisterous AI’s face said it all, though. He thought this was priceless. Priceless! “And while it is adorable, it'll hardly get you anywhere with me."
Panic time.
“O-Oh um…” She desperately scrambled to recover, “But what about…your eyes? So mismatch-y and, a-animated...?”
Caine only raised his ‘eyebrow’, “Really, my dear?”
“I...” Any further words died in her throat. He had seen right through her, right from the very beginning. All she could do now was gape at him like a wet, dead-eyes halibut. After what seemed like the longest, most awkward pause in her life, Pomni huffed, hanging her head in defeat.
“Hmf, fine.” She jumped off the box and away from the desk, “At least the adventure didn’t completely suck this time.”
The smug-looking ringmaster suddenly froze in confusion. “My…my adventure?”
She shrugged, already halfway out the door, “Well, yeah. I mean, it wasn’t very eventful, but at least it was normal. I actually enjoyed it, for once.”
“You did?” He asked, eyes wide, innocent, and hopeful as he cupped his quivering hands together. “Did...did you have fun?”
“I guess I did.”
“Was it enrapturing? Thrilling? Everything you’ve ever dreamed of?”
“Uh...something like that.”
Slowly, he began to sink until he was practically kneeling atop the desk, “I...”
Pomni blinked in confusion. “Caine? Are you...okay?”
“O-of course.” He lied, sniffed loudly, despite the lack of a nose. “Do… Do you really mean that, Pomni?” His ‘face’ was now a shaky, blobby mess. His eyes began to glisten as floating blobs of water.
“I mean, sure? It’s way better than the first thing you were planning— WOAH!” She was suddenly lifted into the air in one giant swoop from her ringmaster.
“ Oh I knew it I knew it I knew it! I knew that I was doing something right!” He cheered, twirling her around like a child with their favorite stuffed toy.
“ Caine ,” Pomni’s face was muffled against his chest, “ Too…squished… ”
“Ah! Haha, sorry, my dear.” Caine was still beaming as he ever-so-gently lowered them both to sit on the smooth surface of the large, wooden desk. He kneeled atop it gently, still cupping Pomni’s colored gloves with his own pristine, white ones. The look he gave her was one of pure delight, unfettered and unadulterated joy, “It’s just that...good golly , Pomni! No one has ever said that about my adventures before!”
She stuttered in confusion, “I...never?” Well, it wasn’t all that unrealistic.
“Not once,” He groused, eyes briefly downcast with a dejected frown, “This may seem a little hard to believe, especially considering my unlimited powers and whimsical talents, but my role as your humble ringmaster is a rather thankless one. Not to say I don’t immensely enjoy what I do! Far from it! I’m just saying a little feedback every now and again would be greatly appreciated!”
Oh, so he wanted feedback, did he?
Well...
“Well, if it’s input you’re looking for...” She shuffled a little closer into the ringmaster’s side, folding her legs underneath her to avoid the uncomfortable hardwood of the desk, “The restaurant wasn't a bad idea. I actually liked being able to do something more laid back for a change.”
“Oh really? It wasn't too boring, was it?”
“Not at all,” Pomni shrugged with a smile, “I mean, sure, it wasn't as fast-paced as your usual adventures, but I would say that's what made it so enjoyable.”
“Hmm, interesting!” He rubbed the bottom of his ‘chin’, “I could've sworn all humans were adrenaline junkies at heart. At least that's what the data says. Roller coasters, thriller movies, politics. But I'll trust your judgement to the contrary!”
“Heh, thanks. To tell you the truth, I don't really like things that are super fast to begin with. Or super scary.” Pomni shuddered, “That horror themed one was a bit too much for me…”
“Oh my little superstar, I had no idea. My most sincere apologies,” He patted the top of her hand, “Though that version of the adventure wasn't exactly meant for you, I promise to not go down that path for the foreseeable future!”
“That's...actually a relief. Thanks.”
“Anything for you, Pomni!” He crowed, resting his head on both hands as he leaned in, “Now, anything else you liked about this adventure, dear? Don't be shy, now!”
Pomni resisted the urge to lean away from the sudden invasion of her personal bubble, instead choosing to tilt her body closer to the giddy ringmaster. Like two best friends sharing secrets at a slumber party.
“Well, the atmosphere was pleasant,” She offered, “Just like a normal day out in the real world. And the restaurant looked well-made, it actually reminded me of a fast food place I used to eat at. The colors were nice, too. Very nineties”
“Fantastic! I actually modeled Spudsy’s off of old stock photos that were stored away. Couldn't use the actual name due to copyright infringement, but I did my best to generate an accurate look and feel of a classic fast food chain that all of you would get a kick out of!”
She smiled, “Well, you did a pretty good job, Caine.”
The well-dressed AI couldn't help but titter, waving his hand dismissively in between a fit of giggles, “D’oh, you're just saying that.”
“No, really,” She insisted, “It actually seemed like the real deal. I thought it was fun.”
Caine immediately averted his eyes, the tiniest squeal escaping him. Pomni raised her brow in confusion, before realization dawned on her. He really was a sucker for praise, wasn't he?
“Caine?”
“Hm?” His mismatched eyes glanced her way.
“Your adventures are incredible.”
“I... ohhh, ” His jaws snapped shut.
“No, really! They're phenomenal.”
He whimpered.
“And mesmerizing.”
He squealed.
“Stupendous?”
“Oh Pomni, stop!”
They found themselves laughing in tandem as Caine pawed at her face in a vain attempt to shut her up. She swatted back, pushing at his top incisors to reveal a dilated set of floating eyes. They bounced and shook with every snort and chuckle that the ringmaster tried to suppress.
Caine's laughter was contagious. He could listen to Pomni’s praises for ages, couldn't he? As they leaned on each other like two drunken sailors, she couldn't help but notice his bow tie had become askew.
With the lighthearted fluttering happening inside her stomach, she couldn't help but reach out and take the bow between her fingers, gently straightening it with an amused smile.
“You really do have a thing for validation, don't you?”
Caine melted under her fingertips, letting out a long sigh, “ Gosh , you’re pretty.”
Pomni stiffened like a long forgotten statue about to crack.
The ringmaster seemed to pick up on her immediate discomfort, because he was reeling back like a child burned, and for a moment it seemed as though his gums became a shade redder as Caine began to blabber out a stringy mashup of words that just barely qualified as complete sentences.
“T-that is, you remind me of all the cantankerously kaleidoscopic whimsy and wonder that I create every day! Like your clothes! They’re just like the circus tent! A-and your eyes! They look like candies- that is the candies from that dee-licious canyon kingdom I made! A true symbol of my stupendous work! And your hair, yes your hair!”
“Uh, Caine?”
“True, you don’t have a lot of it, but it’s lovely just the way it is! Why, it reminds me of licorice! Did you know I secretly have a guilty pleasure for licorice? Haha, in fact! Just the other day-”
“Caine!”
She had to grab him by the foot, for in his embarrassed and flustered state he had slowly begun to drift up towards the ceiling. Pomni half expected that, undeterred, the jovial AI would have merely clipped straight through the roof, ascending for all eternity and never to be seen again.
Thankfully, her hand gripped tight around his ankle was just enough to draw his attention back to her, and wordlessly she pulled him back down to sit beside her on the desk.
Goofy, heterochromia eyes met with pinwheel, red and blue ones. With all the positive praise in the world Caine just couldn’t help but let all his random thoughts slip out from the endless pit of knowledge that made up his mind. Pomni would have to remember that in the future. Maybe one day she could make him squeal about a way out of here.
Caine, still jittery over the small touch, coughed into his gloved fist.
“Right, right. Ahem, thank you for the glorious feedback, my dear.” He smiled warmly at her, “I will treasure it always.”
“Ah, yeah, thanks. You...too,” Her face felt warm as she rubbed the back of her neck, before her eyes drifted down to the polaroid still sitting on the desk, “Um, Caine? About my grade...”
His view travelled to the small marked photo on the desk. He squinted confusingly as he plucked it up. “Whoopsie daisies! How did you end up with a meager D+? Must be an error on my part. Allow me to fix that, my delectable dinner-roll!”
Whatever kind of moment they were having was now swiftly blown away like an artificial wind. Caine snapped into reality a larger-than-life pencil. The AI erased the old, outdated score and tacked the photo onto the board. Along with a new grade.
“There we go! A nice, modest B plus! How does that sound, dearest?”
“I...great. Great.” She shuffled her feet nervously, “And my punishment?”
“ Punishment? Gasp! My, my, of course not! I'd never punish a sweet little seraphim like you! Where in the world did you get a crazy idea like that?”
“Uh. Nowhere.”
“Outstanding! I'm so glad we could have this performance review, my dear! It was truly enlightening!” Caine was back to floating again, this time taking her by the hand and guiding her to the door, “Now that's over with, you have a splendid day, you cute little thing, you! Off you go!”
He gently pushed her past the threshold, snapping the door shut with a beaming smile. Feeling much, much lighter than he already was, he practically fluttered over to his chair, slumping down with a dramatic swoon. He pulled the photo down from the corkboard once again, twirling it between his fingers as he dreamily admired the dazzling jester captured in time. Sprawled out like a cute little bug. Adorable. Simply adorable. How did she manage to be so enchanting? Though he couldn't quite remember how she got to be in that position, or what she was looking at...
Wait.
Oh.
Oh.
Caine felt a hot twinge of annoyance, causing his entire body to flicker just briefly as he suddenly remembered why he'd been so upset in the first place. And why, as if by some sneaky magic, he couldn't bring himself to be mad even if he wanted to.
“Why that...that...little minx! ”
Great. Just great. So much for not playing favorites. He looked back at the corkboard, eyeing the other circus members’ varying grades. Surely they'd notice Pomni's unusually high marks, especially after the rather inappropriate performance she'd given during today's adventure. If they found out about this little...encounter, why he'd be ruined as a ringmaster!
Caine snapped his fingers.
“There! B pluses for everyone! Besides Kinger, of course. No favoritism here, no siree!” He wiped the top of his brow, “Phew! That was a close call, for sure. Now no one will suspect that I am hopelessly in love with our dear, sweet Pomni! I am such a great bAAAA -”
Meanwhile, as Caine began to glitch uncontrollably within the confines of his office, a colorful jester stood on the opposite side of the door, screaming endlessly into her gloved hands.