Chapter Text
A piercing screech of glass sliding against concrete rang through the crowd. A few mildly concerned folks flying above the crowd turn towards the sound, but continue on their way once they notice the lack of a wing on the one who had fallen.
Gritting his teeth, Autumn picks himself up from the pavement along with his, now mildly cracked, glasses. Some walking by gave him snide looks, others ignored him entirely. Autumn dusts off his coat and glances behind him. A pair of scruffy looking teen years leaning against an apartment building giggle from behind their hands. Autumn scowls. Didn’t those crow hearted magpies have somewhere else to make their fun? The teen years notice him looking their way and jeer at him before taking to the skies.
“Pricks” Autumn grumbled under his breath, the noise drowned out by the perpetual drum of clacking and crunching of feet against stone and gravel as more people passed by him. A drop of something warm trails down his cheek and under his jaw. “Wha–” He swipes at the side of his face that had hit and slid against the ground. A hiss escapes him and he grinds his teeth together. Autumn stares at the smear of purple on the back of his hand. Oh. He’s bleeding.
Autumn sighs, wipes his hand on his pants, then begins weaving his way through the people choosing to walk the street rather than fly above head. He kept his head down as he dodged relaxed wings, filled strap bags, and shady individuals who looked at him with a conniving eye as he passed. He rushed past alleys with desperate street dwellers who looked ready for violence if it got them a bite to eat. Wasn’t too long ago that he was one of them, desperate for anything to survive. Wasn’t too long ago his brothers were in the same position. He came to a stop in front of a strip of buildings with variously placed overhangs serving as landing balconies for each floor of the buildings. Planters with, withering in the cold, vegetable plants hung outside of nearly every window.
Staring up at the stairless apartment buildings, a bone deep sort of ache began to set into Autumn. And all too familiar ache nowadays. Normally, one would fly up to their apartment floor but– He shifts his focus over to the set of ropes connected by scraps of wood attached to the landing that connected his apartment building to the next in the alley. –he had to climb. Autumn grabbed the third rung from the bottom. Luckily he lived on the second floor, so the ladder didn't take long to climb. He grunts with every pull of his arms and every push of his legs. Once on his apartment floor, he dabbed his sleeve at his scratched up face, wincing at how much it stung still and the stain now on his coat.
He couldn’t let his little brothers see him bleeding like this. Shades know they've seen enough.
“Audumn?” called a gruff voice, and Autumn twisted his head towards the woman it belonged to.
“Rust?” He replies, pitch raising with confusion, “Thought you’re workin’ on a long project at the smithy? Wer’nt gonna be back for a couple days?” She was a broadly built individual, with dark reddish orange skin and feathers that are freckled with darker and lighter spots randomly. Meanwhile her hair was a mess of various dark shades of red and orange, that's been braided tight and close to her head out of necessity.
“Tch-ahhhh,” Rust waved a calloused hand in his direction, looking down at where she was unlocking her apartment, “jus’ came back fur–” Rust’s brow furrowed. Autumn jerks as she turns towards him and gets up and close to his face. He tries to take a step back, but she grabs his coat and rubs a thumb over his cheek.
“OW. Stop!” Autumn swats her hands away and pushes her away with a gust of air magic, then he flares his wing, twisting it around front to put it between him and Rust.
“Wha’ppened?” She asks after looking him over.
Autumn looks down towards his ripped pants and gives her the, technically, true and simple answer. “I tripped.”
Rust reminded him of Sugar, his late caretaker, in a way.
She snorts, shaking her head. “I swur, yur gonna show up ‘alf dead at m’dur sum’day,” Before dragging him inside by the coat collar.
“AY WAIT–” He protests, stumbling and struggling to keep his feet under him. “Rust! Com’on it's just a scra–” Rust releases him once they’re in her kitchen and he’s only just gotten his bearings together when a wet cloth hits him square in the nose. He scrambles to catch it and right his glasses while Rust crosses her arms and leans against the sink.
They were similar with how they both always fretted over his health if they saw him hurt.
“Clean tha’ gash up, y’don’t wan’an infection.” she directs, using one of her deep red-orange and red-brown speckle feathered wings to gesture towards him. “an’ press on ‘et aftarward so tha’ bleedin’ stops” Autumn eyes her large muscle build from behind the droplets on his glasses, wing flicking and shuffling.
But, Rust was rough and harsh about it where Sugar was gentle and sweet.
Rust angles her head downward and raises an eyebrow, “Audumn?” she adds with a low, warning, tilt to her words.
And Rust made it quite clear in the past that she was only willing to help him out because she knew he was taking care of two young kids.
Autumn gingerly rubs at the scrape on his cheek with the wet cloth, hissing and gritting his teeth from the acid-like burning of the texture on the cloth grinding into the damaged skin.
So. Definitely not like Sugar in that way, but… He tucks his wing close to his back and crosses his right arm under his left to prop his hand up as he presses on his cheek. Similarities were there.
The room is quiet for a couple minutes while Autumn stems the bleeding. Rust watches him the whole time. Autumn could feel her stare boring into him, into his right side. He got it, he knew that wing was missing, they didn’t need to stare. Everyone didn’t have to stare. He knew he was lacking, lesser, worthless. He squeezed his eyes closed. Shades, his chest was too tight, too heavy, itchy. He knew his body was wrong, stop looking at him. Stop it. Stop.
“Ey. Y’still at tha’ powar plant?” Rust asks. Breaking the oppressive silence.
“Of course I am.” He snarls, shooting her a pointed look and wanting nothing more than to tear at his chest. Then grumbles quietly, “Where else would someone like me find work.”
“Mm.” Rust pushed off from the sink and grabbed the cloth from him. She squeezed it out, then folded it neatly into a square. She keeps her gaze on the square as she folds it and asks, “You an’ the lil’uns eatin’ fine?”
Autumn bristles and shoves off from the fridge. He flares his wing out behind him and gets up in Rust’s face, snatching the cloth out of her hands and waving it as he rants. “They’ve got full bellies every day, You don’t need to give us anythin’. We’re fine. They’re growin’ and fillin’ out fine .” He watches her gaze flick to his wing then back to his face. Autumn snarls and tilts his head up to punctuate his words, “Don’t worry, you don’t need to give a Misspawn any charity .”
Rust doesn’t outwardly react to his hostile response and invasion of her space, she just looks down to his neck and where his jutting out collar bones damn him with the truth. His breath quickens.
“An’ wha’ bout you?” She asks, having the gall to have her tone toeing the line of concern, “You eatin’ fine?” There’s the warmth of blood rushing to his face and he snaps, flinging the wet square of cloth to the floor.
“IM EATIN’ AS FINE AS I FUCKING CAN, OKAY?!” He shouts, face flushed a bright violet, before pivoting on his heel and storming out. He slams her door behind him with a gust of wind and stands there with his lungs heaving and bangs sticking to his moist cheek. He knew what she thought of him. She thought of him like everyone else did. As a Misspawn. A freakish incapable drain undeserving of even existing. The only reason she cared was because of the twins, his brothers. If he never took them in, she’d just be an uncaring face in the crowd. Her help was always for the sake of the twins. He wouldn’t matter otherwise. She made that clear the day he first met her.
Autumn sucks in a deep breath and lets it out in a long shuddering exhale from a chest that felt like it was caving in on him. In and out. The twins were waiting for him. He needed to calm himself down. In and out. His chest slowly lightens up and his ribs loosen. Calm. In and out. With one last deep breath, he turns towards his apartment and walks over.
With spindly fingers, he fishes his door keys out of his coat pocket. Then, he touches his cheek to check if it had fully stopped bleeding. Nope. No blood on his fingers, his cheek was just wet from the cloth.
He shakes out his wing and limbs, letting out a meaningless warbling trill as he does so, before plastering a smile onto his face. A familiar greeting reached his ears after he unlocked the door to his apartment and stepped inside.
“Ay! Autumn’s home! Autumn! Missed you!”
A young child dressed in an oversized red sweater runs up to him and rams his head against Autumn's leg. It creates a muffled thunk of glass hitting glass and the kid looks up at Autumn with a toothy smile. Any other Porcilavian would likely scold the kid for the action, but Autumn didn't mind his little brother’s form of affection. What's one more affectionately caused scuff that he could polish away compared to the malicious ones that would never buff out?
“Missed ya too Flame, give me a sec, ‘ight?” Autumn replies as he takes off his winter coat. Meanwhile, a second child with a gray sweater rushes over and gently hugs Autumn’s other leg as he hangs up his coat.
His little brothers were nigh impossible to tell apart if it wasn't for the pink bow tie around the second’s neck and the first’s distinctly red sweater. The twins’ hair had a similar color to Autumn’s hair, but the shade leaned closer towards an extremely dark brown than his black. Their skin was a pink-ish red sort of hue and naturally a near pearly white, unlike Autumn's own skin. Autumn had to polish and shine his dull, gray, lightly lavender tinted skin rigorously in order to get it to what they had.
“Aw, missed ya too, Icey” Autumn grins at the second child, ruffling both of the childrens’ fluffy hair. The red dressed twin bumps his forehead against Autumn's leg again in response while the other chirps happily.
“Flame, Icey, dinner time, I gotta move now, ‘ight?” He tells the twins, putting his hands on his hips. Icey listens, withdrawing from Autumn's leg with a nod and running off, but Flame pouts and holds on tighter.
“Don’ wanna.” He mumbles.
“Flame,” Autumn starts with a warning tone and a flick to the child’s nose with a magical breeze of air to get his attention, “if you don't le’go an’ follow Icey, you won’t get to play before bed.”
Flame seems to weigh his options and Autumn suppresses a laugh when Flame’s face sours. The kid must’ve realized he didn't want to go to bed early. So, after Autumn repeats the warning, Flame pulls away and stomps after Icey with a mild sulk.
Autumn frowns at himself. He handled that well, right? Sugar used to get him to listen the same way. She was just as sweet as her namesake and never responded to his antics with anger. Granted he was a special case when he was younger, having misspawned an’ all that, Autumn was just glad the baker hadn't kicked him out for being a burden. Having one wing and his body generally being odd wasn't something he could control, he’d simply spawned that way and was forced to spend the entirety of his life living it down. Autumn’s chest twinges at the thought of the previous interaction with Rust. Sugar hadn’t cared about his oddities, she just saw a kid in need and Autumn was eternally grateful for the unconditional love Sugar never ran out of for him.
He wished Sugar was still around.
With a deep sort of exhaustion, Autumn finishes taking off and putting away his winter outerwear before turning his focus towards dinner for him and his little brothers. Making sure not to trip over the scattered pillows and blankets— Autumn made a mental note to tell the twins to pick up after themselves— he steps towards the apartment’s small kitchen, wincing at the bareness of the cupboard. There was only around a week's worth of food for the three of them if he gave up a meal or so.
After running a few rough calculations of portion sizes and how much funds his next paycheck would give him, he sighs. Sweet Shades. Having the food Rust wanted to give him would really help out. Taking out a bundle of veggies he knew both twins liked and wouldn't fight over, Autumn sets a small pot of water to boil on the electric stove. Can't ever go wrong with rice for a meal decision. As long as there was butter and salt in it the twins ate it right up.
Most native to Flurmere would be considered herbivores, never really finding the need or desire to eat meat. But there are a few that did have it as part of their diet due to no one wanting to waste a resource. Autumn’s brothers were not part of those few because he always made sure they’d never need to. He had that type of nutrition once or twice when he was younger, much to his detriment, but never needed to eat like that since.
As the rice cooked, he sets to chop up some carrots into smaller bits for the twins. Flame didn't like beans or peas and Icey didn't like corn, but they both agreed on eating carrots. Once the rice was finished, he puts it aside in some bowls with forks and boils the carrots in the same pot.
He’s almost finished when Icey comes running in and yanks on his sleeve.
‘Twin pushed me! He toppled my fort!’ The kid cries in Spawn, inky tears welling up in the corners of his eyes.
Then Flame rushes in, wings flared, “did not! You messed up your fort! You were tooking my pillow!”
‘Yes you did! You pushed me into my fort!’
“Nuh uh!”
Autumn sighs, leaning heavily on the counter with his hands on separate sides of the stove. Were the issues he had when he was that young so trivial? Despite him not even being in his twenties, it just seemed so… silly. He sets down the spoon he was using to stir the carrots and shuts off the stove with a loud click of the knob. Both twins halt their bickering and jerk to his attention, wings tucked nearly entirely out of sight behind them.
“Ok, first, Flame, it’s ‘taking’ not ‘tooking’ and second, I wanna hear what happened from both of you with no interruptin’ the other.” Autumn says firmly. He then gestures to the twin still clinging to his sleeve, “Icey, you first.”
Flame screechs in indignation, pointing at Icey, who sticks his tongue out at his twin in triumph, “What?! Tha’s na’fair! He’s gonna make it look like–”
“I’m gonna hear from both’ you, don’t worry.” He consoles the red dressed twin.
Flame still grumbles, but doesn’t say anything more and takes to fidgeting with the hem of his sweater now that the two of them are silent.
“Icey?” Autumn prods.
The child in question wipes at his eyes before starting.
‘I was building a pillow fort and i ran out of pillows so i asked Flame if he–’
Flame cut in, “No you didn’t!”
‘Yes I did!’
“Flame.” Autumn responds warningly and Flame huffs and crosses his arms. Autumn gestures to Icey once again, “Icey, continue.”
‘I asked Flame if he would let me have some of his, he said yes, then he pushed me into my fort when I grabbed one!’ Icey finishes with an accusatory finger pointed at Flame.
Autumn turns towards the accused twin. “How ‘bout you, Flame? What happened?”
“He didn’t ask me, he just took my pillows!” Flame shouts, then mumbles, “...So I pushed him, ‘ss not my fault he fell into his fort…”
Autumn frowns and looks back and forth between the two. Icey was swearing up and down that he asked, and Flame was saying Icey never did.
“Flame, did you not hear him?”
Flame cocks his head to the side, “Huh? He didn’t ask to use my pillows though.”
‘I DID! AND YOU NODDED!’ Icey screeches with Flame flinching at the sharp sound.
“I didn’t know you were askin’ bout the pillows..” Flame whispers, his fidgeting only increasing.
Well that confirms it then.
Autumn rubbed Icey’s shoulder, “Icey, he wasn’t payin’ attention, you know you need him to actually look up and repeat it back to you for him to mean it.” he explains, gesturing to the fidgeting twin with his free hand.
Icey huffs, looking down to the floor. ‘He still pushed me’ he grumbles.
“And he shouldn’t’ve, so, he’s not gonna get t’play after dinner” Autumn looked directly at Flame, “He’s gonna get ready for sleepin’ and go straight t’bed instead”
The kid in question pouts and rushes off to sit at the table, knowing the punishment was non-negotiable, and starts to nibble at the rice. Autumn meanwhile, pats Icey and nudges him to go sit with his twin. But the kid didn’t budge.
“Ay, foods gettin’ cold, go eat?” Autumn probes, smiling unsurely, “wha’s wrong?”
‘...why’s he not paying attention all the time?’ Icey chirps softly, ‘I don't get it, he says it's just really hard, but I can do it, we’re twins right? We’re the same?’ Icey glances at his twin, who was still dejectedly nibbling at the rice but unaware of the conversation and staring out the window.
How long had this been bothering the kid?
Autumn brushes some loose hair behind Icey’s ear, “Just ‘cause you two are twins and look the same doesn’t mean everythin's the same up here,” he explains with a tap to the kid’s forehead, Icey was still looking at him with confusion though, so he continues, “Usin’ Universal’s hard for you but not for him, right?”
After a few seconds of thought, the kid replies, ‘So… it’s like how our Magics are different and yet we’re still twins?’
“Y– yeah, just like your magics” Autumn agrees, completely unprepared. He hadn't expected for the kid to make that connection. Then, Autumn nudges the twin towards his other half, “now go eat.”
Icey nods and dashes over to the table to hop into the chair next to his twin. Flame startles and chirups in surprise before playfully nudging Icey. The two have wide smiles on their faces, the fight quickly made up as they chirp and trill back and forth about what they were going to do tommorow.
Autumn himself smiles as well at the sight. He did well with that. So often it seemed like he was screwing up those two kids on the daily. He'd always figured he would screw this up eventually. But seeing the twins happy reminded him that he could do this. That maybe… This was the one thing he could do right? He hoped Sugar would be proud of how he was handling things.
He shakes his head to clear it before his mood could be soured again and stands, focusing on straining the carrots before bringing them over to the twins. They both held out their half eaten bowls and he split the carrots between them. He did notice Flame’s bowl was less empty than Icey’s. The kid must be eating slowly so he wouldn’t have to go to bed early. Autumn snorts at the realization, drawing confused looks and chirrups from the twins that he waves off.
Autumn then takes his bowl of rice and heads to the main room to eat, leaving the twins to chitter away with each other. He moves to sit on the couch, but as he turns out of the kitchen to face it he’s greeted with a toppled fort. He sighs and plops down on the floor to eat.
Eating with the twins wasn’t something he was up for at the moment. The pangs of hunger rack his middle, and he shivers even while under his flannel and sweatpants. Icey always caught on to the smaller portion he had compared to them and he didn’t want to deal with that. The scrape from him tripping earlier stings with every chew that stretched his face’s skin. Today wasn't the best. The only thing good to lift his mood today were the twins. The previous interaction with Rust pissed him off to think about and the sight of far too many street kids hiding in the alleyways made his heart hurt.
Winter had yet to come and the knowledge of a lot of them likely not making it through ate at him. Autumn pokes at the rice with his fork. He’d been one of those kids and so had the twins. If it weren’t for Sugar, he likely wouldn’t have been alive to save and take in the twins. Autumn wished he could help them all like Sugar did with her bakery but he could barely support himself and the two he had the responsibility of taking care of. He has no food stocked up at all and the three of them were living paycheck to paycheck on an unstable and physically draining job with an unforgiving boss. What was he supposed to do?
To get away from his bad mood, he gets up to rinse his bowl. The twins are still chittering back and forth, but they've finished their food as well.
Knocking on the table, Autumn caught Flames attention, “Ay, Flame, bedtime, y’two may have made up, but you’re still in trouble for shovin’ him” Autumn jabs a thumb in Icey’s direction.
Flame hangs his head and groans, but Icey picks up their bowls and drags Flame out of his seat. Autumn takes the bowls from Icey and starts rinsing them out as Flame continues to be dragged into the next room. When he’s finished, he finds Icey putting the couch cushions back and hears Flame in the bathroom brushing his teeth.
“You can still stay up and play y’know” Autumn tells Icey while picking up the strewn blankets that he knew belonged in the twins’ room.
Icey shrugs, wings dropped low, ‘It’s boring without someone to play with, i’ll go to sleep too’
Autumn fights the frown itching to happen. Was he no fun to play with? Why wasn’t he considered? “Well i could play with you?”
Icey points to his face. ‘You’re scraped, hurt. You need rest.’ Oh. Autumn bites his tongue and his wing tucks close. Figures. Icey would notice any sort of wound. Why’d he think the kid wouldn’t? He should have known the detail oriented kid would have noticed. He couldn’t protect Icey from knowing how he was treated. There’s a chirrup and Autumn blinks. Icey’s holding out his hands with his head tilted quizzically to the side, reaching for the blankets bundled up in Autumn’s arms. Autumn lets the blankets drop into the kid’s arms, head like it’s filled with feathers. The kid’s next question he has to fight to fully register.
‘(status) OK?’ Icey asks, peeking from under the bundle of blankets. Biting down harder on his tongue, Autumn nods, ruffles the kid’s hair and gives him a weak smile. Icey stares at him.
“I’m fine Icey. If you don’t like playin’ with me, go on to bed, it’s okay. I understand I don't play the same as Flame.” He replies, voice quiet and nearly a whisper.
Icey stares for an uncomfortable amount of time before answering, ‘I like playing with you. But you’re always really tired when you get home, I'm okay with going to bed if it means you do too.’ then runs off to the bathroom.
His chest constricts and Autumn hunches over from the weight. How old were the twins, this was– Autumn grips the fabric of his shift in a white knuckled fist, wheezing while black film slid on and off his eyes with every blink. He didn’t even have an answer for how old they were or how old they spawned, the twins never told him. They looked to have been around for half a decade, assuming they spawned at a normal body maturity first, but that didn’t clue him in to their mental age. He’d been taking care of them for a year going on two years now and they’d matured quickly, jumping through milestones month after month.
Autumn stumbles over to the newly reassembled couch. Once he lays down, the weight evens out and he can breathe somewhat normally again. He closes his eyes and inhales as deeply as he could before counting to five and exhaling. Meanwhile, his fingers fumble with the buttons on his flannel to try to ease the weight by getting the excess fabric off. He slips off his flannel, accidentally bunching up the tank top he’d worn underneath.
Shades, Autumn knew Icey was the more analytical and mature one but this just shook him. He pushes himself upright and leans on his knees while pulling the tank top back into proper order. Don’t get him wrong, Flame had his strengths. Flame could randomly point out important things he’d never have noticed, or have boundless energy to spend when Autumn couldn’t even get himself off the couch. But that kid was also still a carefree kid. Well . Autumn lifts his glasses to rub his eyes. As much as a kid of their race could be anyway. Icey on the other hand, was growing eerily aware of the issues he tried to protect the twins from bearing the knowledge of.
With a shaky sigh that nearly makes him fall over, Icey was right about him being tired, Autumn leans forward and gathers the blankets he used with well aimed gusts of wind. As he takes off his glasses and places them on the flimsy table next to the couch, he sees the blurry blobs of the twins dash to the bedroom they shared and shut off the lights. Autumn calls out a goodnight and receives two chirps with the same message in response. The pressure on his chest lifts a little at the sound. He rolls over, bubbling himself up in the thickest of the blankets before draping the rest over himself and tucking his wing around the edge of his bundled body.
Settled in acceptable comfort for him, he relaxes his muscles and slips his eyelids shut. His worries slipping away under the weight of exhaustion.
Sometime in the night panicked screeching rang out through the apartment. Autumn startles at the sound. The twins. Something was wrong. Running on pure instinct, he scrambles to tear himself out of his blankets, rolling off the couch and hitting the floor with a thud in the process. Did he forget to lock the front door? Did someone break in? With a couple fierce yanks, he untangles himself and stumbles to the twin’s room. When he opens the door, huffing and with an arm raised to blow any intruder away, he squints to see the colored blobs of Flame hyperventilating and Icey trying to calm him to no avail. A sigh of relief leaves him. No danger, just nightmares.
‘I– i just got up to go the bathroom, I came back and–’ Icey chirps to him, gesturing to their twin with trembling wings.
Autumn rushes over to sit and pulls the two into his lap, “Ay, ay, it's okay, jus’ breath, you can’t help if you’re panickin’ too,” he hugs the two tightly and wraps his wing around Flame while rubbing circles between the kids’ wings. “Flame? Can ya hear me?” How bad was this panic for the kid.
Flame nods with his eyes squeezed tight, still rapidly and raggedly taking in breaths. Autumn relaxes a little. This wasn’t as bad as the ones Flame had from last year. “Okay—” Autumn starts combing his fingers through the kid’s hair while Icey watches with a tear streaked face. “—I need you to take a deep breath and hold it for me–” Flame takes in a shuddering breath, “1, 2, 3, 4, 5, ‘ight now let it go, yes good, in, 1, 2, 3, 4, hold it, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, let it go, jus’ like that. Now you count it in your head.”
As Flame’s breathing eases back to normal, Autumn tilts his head upwards and closes his eyes. Thank shades Sugar taught him this for his own panic, Autumn had no clue what’d he’d do to help if he didn’t know the tricks he’d learned. He’d probably panic right alongside the kids.
“Flame? Y’good now?” Autumn asks once the kid had fully steadied his breathing.
“Y–yeah,” Flame shakily replies. Icey shifts to hug his twin and Flame eagerly does the same.
Autumn rubs the space between Flame’s wings and speaks with a soft voice. “Wha’ happened?”
“I woke up an’ Icey weren’t there, I thought I’d–” Flame tightens his hold on Icey and squeezes his eyes shut, “–I’d been put back and you kept Icey cause they’re not stupid.”
Oh shades. It hadn't just been Icey who had something bothering him.
‘I told you Autumn wouldn’t do that though, he’d never do that, he’d never separate or get rid of us over how smart we are like they would’ Icey whispers to Flame and Autumn's heart clenches at the words. He had thought about pawning them off onto someone else two winters ago multiple times and if he, the worst misspawn still living ever, turned them away, who else would be willing to take care of them? Autumn tries not to frown. Rust would take care of them if he didn’t want to. He shoves that thought aside, but another just as bothersome thought takes its place. Who’s ‘They’?
Flame pulls out of his twin’s hug and glares at Icey with a look only the pair knew the meaning of and Icey wilts. Quickly, Autumn intervenes before things can get ugly.
“Ay, you’re not dumb, and I'd never get rid of either of you, no matter what, ‘ight?” He consoles, glancing between each twin. Flame looks hesitant, but Icey smiles weakly. Autumn pulls the two back into a hug and gives each a nuzzle in their hair to hide his troubled expression. He knew they were living with someone else before he found them on the streets, it was obvious from how they acted and the things Flame has said, but it’s little things like this that make him worry about who it was. Clearly it was someone, or someone’s, who wanted the twins only for their usefulness to them. He hugs Flame a little tighter. And Flame was the one who struggled to keep up with that standard. Autumn loosens his hug when Flame wriggles and pushes at his front.
“Can…” Flame begins, pushing himself off Autumn's lap and fully out of the hug to stand, “...can you sleep in here?” The question weighs Autumn’s ribs down and Autumn struggles to answer. Flame picks up on the pause and stumbles over his words as he backpedals, “You don’ have to– i– i know you sleep out in there and you– but i just– i mean– it’s–” he clenches the hem of his sweater and falls silent with his wings pulled close.
It’s then Autumn realizes that, despite how mature they seem at times, the twins were still just a young pair of kids.
Autumn wraps an arm around Icey, who’s still sitting in his lap, and gives a soft smile, “Yea, i can,” he gestures to the room, “Jus’ tell me where, and we can drag my stuff in here.” Icey and Flame exchange another indecipherable look and Autumn stares in confusion. “What? Wha’s wrong?”
It’s Icey who speaks this time, voice trailing with a tint of hope, ‘can you sleep in our bed? With us?’ The kid grabs Autumn's hand from his shoulder and looks at him with wide eyes.
Autumn hesitates, while he was all for giving hugs and hair ruffles, nuzzles or pats, he always weaseled his way out of anything that led to cuddling. The twins apparently picked up on that. Autumn watches as Flame sniffles and rubs his nose with his sweater sleeve. But if he did that this time, he’d hurt the twin’s feelings and potentially reaffirm Flame’s fears.
Icey begins to slip off his lap, ‘if you–’
“No, its okay, let’s get my blankets” Autumn quickly replies, putting the twin down onto the floor before getting up from the bed and heading over to the open door, “come on” But then black fuzz rushes his vision with the feeling of feathers stuffed in his head. He grabs the door frame and leans heavily on it, blinking rapidly. Icey watches him warily while Flame’s body language lights up with glee from Autumn’s answer just then registering. The stuffed with feathers feeling is nearly fully faded when Flame rushes past him into the main room with Icey being dragged along by the wrist. The two of them gather up Autumn’s blankets and pillows before he could join in and help. The two rush back into the bedroom just as fast as they’d rushed out, nearly toppling Autumn over from bumping into him with their carried load. Using the doorframe to prevent himself from falling over again, Autumn laughs to himself and smiles.
How these two had so much energy, he had no idea. Autumn watches as the twins dress up and expand their nest with the added materials. The base of the twins’ nest was just a circle of plush on the floor, so it wasn’t too big a stretch to just pile the blankets and pillows in the spaces where it met the wall to make more space. But, they made a project out of rearranging their nest. Autumn had been meaning to save up money so he could build some sort of frame to go around it and make the space less pitiful, but food and rent had been too large of priorities to work around. But he was glad he could give them a bed in the first place.
Maybe the twins had more energy because they had more to eat. Everyday it seemed like it was a battle to just get up in the morning for him. The tip of his wing trails against the ground. Why get up when everyone didn’t even want him to? The twins settle into the plush and look expectantly at him. Why get up if today is going to be just as bad as yesterday, if not worse. Why try, when trying gets you beat half to death in an alleyway. What was the point? Why even live?
“Autumn?” Flame asks tentatively, his hopes starting to drop as Autumn just stood there. “You-" the kid sniffles, "you said you were gonna stay.”
The question was exactly what Autumn needed to snap himself into motion.
Seeing the twins happy was worth everything. They were entirely the point. They were why he stayed around and got up in the morning.
Autumn laid down next to the twins and chirupps affections while giving nuzzles to their foreheads. He maneuvers his wing out of the way of Icey so the kid wasn’t smothered by his feathers, while Flame pulls a few blankets up to cover them. The kid then snuggles into Autumn’s side and Autumn has to resist weeping messily right then and there. Sugar was gone and he had no one to be a comforting authority for him like he was being for the twins. Autumn bites the inside of his cheek and breathes through his nose. He missed Sugar, he didn’t want to think about her being gone. But the twins’ wanted him for comfort and he had to take up her role. An empty role for himself that he couldn’t fill. He couldn’t run to her room and ask her to watch over him when he was scared anymore. Couldn’t snuggle like this with his caretaker, who always smelt like fresh bread and treats, or ask her for advice anymore. Couldn’t ask her if he really was a burden, or sit in the kitchen before the sun was even up while she baked because he was afraid what he’d do if she wasn’t there.
Autumn blinks rapidly to try and ease the inky tears that were building up in the corners of his eyes. One of the twins let out a content sigh and rolled over to lay with their face resting against his torso and their wings stretched out behind them. Autumn settled a hand in their hair and leaned his head back to stare at the ceiling. Taking care of the twins had been a welcome distraction from why he’d been alone and in an apartment that wasn't the one he grew up in. It was times like these when that distraction came crashing down and overwhelmed him with what he’d been using it to push away. He could never be to his brothers what Sugar was to him. How could a useless misspawn be Sugar to someone?
The corners of Autumn’s mouth tug and jerk downward as his eyes leak tears despite his attempts to dispel them. He slowly lifts his head to check if the twins were asleep. Eyes were closed, or at least, Autumn thought their eyes were closed. He squinted in the darkness to try and clear up his bad vision. Yeah, their eyes were closed. Autumn lets his head fall back against the nest. The twins were asleep. Their breathing had slowed down and their weights were fully relaxed against him.
Reassured that there was no soul still awake to watch him, Autumn drapes the edge of his wing over his eyes and allows himself to weep silently into it till he falls asleep as well.