Chapter Text
"It's about Blackwall." are the words that Raven had left on Dorian's usual spot in the library and Josephine's desk. It wasn't official inquisition business but if someone else happened to see that message they would think nothing of it. But Josephine and Dorian know. Their regular talks (a nice way to describe their shit talking sessions) had been part of their weekly routine and they know where and when to meet up in case of an emergency, and this clearly is one judging by Raven's face when Dorian enters Herald's rest, closely followed by Josephine who is significantly more out of breath than usual.
"Oh thank the gods you're here," Raven raises their head from the table. "I couldn't live with knowledge alone."
Dorian and Josephine sit down on each side of her. It is the middle of the day, so it’s still pretty empty.
Raven takes a deep breath.
"I saw Blackwall. Trying to flirt with a woman. It was worse than you can imagine."
Josephine makes a horrified undignified noise and Dorian mumbles "Andraste’s tits" under his breath.
There is silence for a few moments, all processing the horrors.
"I can hardly imagine a worse introduction than the one he gave you, but at least he wasn't trying to flirt with you."
Raven snorts. "Yeah, almost calling me a slur was surely...something. But no, he didn't do that. He tried a pick up line."
Dorian sits up straight. “I’m scared.”
“What's the worst pick up line you can think of? The most basic one?”
Dorian ponders the question, presumably going through all the ones he's had to hear, then leans over, clearly imitating someone specific who's used that line on him.
“Are you a mage? Because I swear I just felt a spark between us.”
Raven and Josephine groan in unison.
“Gods, not that one. It's also just boring, at least make it interesting. I’d rather hear a disgusting one.”
Raven shudders and looks at Josephine.
“Oh,” she exclaims excitedly. “What about ‘Do you believe in the Maker? Because you just answered my prayers’.”
Raven nods in approval. “Wow. It wasn't that one but I can absolutely see him using that. But no. Wait, I’ll give you a re-enactment.”
They get up, clear their throat and take a deep breath.
“I have to describe the general situation. There was a group of women, soldiers, in the courtyard. You’ll be the soldiers, I’m Blackwall.” They grimace. “I didn't think I’d ever say that.”
Imitating Blackwall, they take a few steps back and then walk up towards their friends again with a mix of awkwardness and confidence only Blackwall has the nerve to possess.
“Then he made eye contact with the different women before talking to the one he liked the most, I assume. And then he said ‘Are you the head of the chantry? Because you are Divine.’
Josephine and Dorian groan.
“Of course, how could we forget about that one? At least five different men have used that on me,” Josephine says.
Before Raven can continue, Cabot walks by their table and Josephine orders a round of mead.
Dorian raises his eyebrows. “I’m impressed, Ambassador. Don’t you have to work later?”
“Excuse me, are you saying you don't think I’m capable of diplomacy when I’m drunk? ” She scoffs.
He raises his hands in defense. “I would never dare to suggest that,” he concedes.
Raven smirks, puts her elbows on the table and leans towards her. “Yeah, for all we know the only reason you’re able to deal with the annoying nobles all day is because you’re always drunk.”
Josephine laughs and Cabot comes back to their table and sets down the mead jugs.
Maryden begins to sing her song about Sera. Since Raven had mentioned it's their favourite song and Maryden had made sure to play the song whenever Raven was visiting.
Dorian takes a sip of his drink and puts a hand on Raven's arm.
“Please continue your retelling of Blackwall trying to woo that woman.”
“Are you interested to hear if it worked?” Raven asks.
They both look horrified, like they hadn’t even considered success was an option for Blackwall.
“Well, I just assumed it didn't to be completely honest,” Dorian says and Josephine adds “Yes, who would that even work on?”
Raven sighs. “Okay yes, You’re right it didn't work, as we all expected. And it was so funny. Because the woman didn’t say anything for about five seconds, then just looked at her friends and they all started to giggle, clearly not even trying to hide their amusement.”
Dorian and Josephine break into laughter, drawing all the attention of the few people in the bar to their table.
“And then he did this,” Raven says, clears their throat again and returns to the Blackwall voice. “Well, if you want to give me an actual answer you know where to find me.”
They linger on the table for a few seconds before taking some steps backwards while looking into Josephine’s eyes and finally turn around.
“No!” Josephine almost yells and mumbles “Sweet Maker” under her breath while Dorian's mouth is wide open.
“Well, the giggling is probably an understandable answer for everyone but that oblivious insensitive man,” he says after a couple of seconds.
“An ancient pick up line like that doesn't deserve any other response. No pick up line does, to be clear,” Josephine says indignantly.
A shocked silence falls over them before Dorian speaks up again.
“Those poor women…just having to talk to Blackwall would be horrifying enough.”
Raven laughs, until they sigh and put their head on the table. “Don't remind me…Why did I choose him for the mission tomorrow?”
“Don't forget Sera and Solas,” Josephine chimes in and Raven groans.
“Not helping.”
Dorian and Josephine just grin at each other, clink their jugs and take another sip of the mead.