Work Text:
“Thought I would find you here.”
Ash didn’t respond, continuing to stare up at the sky. The stars were in different places on this side of the world, unfamiliar constellations all around him. There was some light pollution in this city, but not as bad as it was Lumiose.
(Even as high up as he was a few days ago, he could barely make out any natural guiding lights. Only the glare of searchlights and camera shutters, electronics pulsing with artificial illumination.)
“I go to finish off my work after your practice and yet you’re still up and awake as ever. Seems like someone still has some energy to burn.” Alexa sat down next to him, following his gaze. “Looks a lot different from your home, doesn’t it?”
“Yeah,” he said, voice devoid of light in itself. She gave him a look, before sighing.
“Aren’t you going to sleep? You’ll need to be well rested if you’re going to challenge my sister tomorrow. We don’t want her to get the upper hand again, for both our sakes.”
“Yeah,” he echoed, holding his head up with his palms. He knew that he should say something else, grin and smile and pretend to be that happy boy she met on an island in between Unova and Kanto, but he just… couldn’t. Not now.
Was he broken? Was it over? Before it has truly begun?
He forced himself to lift his head up, straighten out the line of his mouth a little. “I just need to think a little, that’s all.”
The journalist beside him propped up her own head with a hand. “Think, huh? That’s not your usual go-to, Ash. Did the defeat hurt you that badly?”
Ash pulled his head away and looked down at his hands at the last few words. A few hours ago he held Pikachu and Fletchling in his hands. A few hours ago he lost to the first Gym Leader and hurt them both in his pursuit for victory.
“Not as much as I expected,” he admitted.
He has lost enough early Gym battles to not feel pain. Or at least, limited pain. Pain he can hide in training and food and words.
Alexa had met him after the Unova League, after the regional crisis, right when he was going home with his friends. The worse she had seen him was when those friends had left unexpectedly, without warning, after the journey that they had taken to get to mainland Kanto; even then he had managed to hide it under a dream of battling Kalos. Strong. Untouchable. Never giving up. “Cheer up, it’s not like taking on the Gym Challenge in Kalos was going to be easy. Or did you think it was going to be a walk in the park?”
Nothing was ever going to be easy. All he thought was that it would be a Gym Battle like any other—he has fought against countless Gyms before, battled Bug Types as well. Unova had a Bug Type Gym as well, and he had defeated it on his first attempt.
But the fact remained that he lost. Just like every other time, in every other region.
Ash came here to be strong.
“I’ll be better. Just… give me some more time.”
“Oh, Ash,” she tutted, and he felt his sadness suddenly rise and sharpen, leaving him feeling desperate and like a wild and dangerous beast for an overwhelming moment—hackles raised, eternally hungering, ready to pounce on anything that moved wrong. Ready to snap or scream if anyone talked, suddenly pushed to the edge and feeling too raw inisde and out. He felt like he should be put down with how intense the craving for victory was. The true reason why he pursued every battle along his way.
Ash wanted to prove how much stronger he was.
Ash swallowed down that instinct, burying his head into his knees to just… breath. This is just a friend. This is Alexa. She only has his best interests in heart. She doesn’t know.
(How much it hurt. How much he tried, truly tried. How many people he had left behind and who had left him. How many Pokémon as well.)
This is not a challenger.
Just breath.
He registered her voice flowing above him and lifted his head after some time, not looking at her face as she sighed and talked once more. Was she repeating words? He couldn’t tell. “That’s fine. Just… You don’t have to win every battle, you know. Losing is just as much a part of life as winning. I’m sure you know that, right?”
He swallowed back bile. He knew. He knew how losing felt like, and what it taught, and what he gained from it. But he was due for a win at some point, right? What kind of Trainer travelled as much as he did? Got as many Pokémon as he did? Completed as many challenges as he did?
He knew. He knew, too much, all about losing. What it tasted like, how it felt against his skin, the emptiness that followed. All he wanted was to clear the Gym Challenge without a single setback, and yet he couldn’t even get that right. “I guess.”
Had to add something to that statement. Alexa was never satisfied with the short answer. “Thanks for the training earlier, you’ve really helped me back there.”
Gust, a Flying Type attack. Sticky Web and Signal Beam, both Bug Types. Solar Beam, one of the most powerful Grass Type moves.
They’re not new to him. He has seen them used in battles, in Contests, in small skirmishes and as an obstacle remover. He’s seen them so many times, being used by so many different people and Pokémon alike.
Ice Beam. Psychic. So powerful in the right hands. So painful when it lands.
“I only helped you with Gust, Ash. But if it’s about getting you to train and get off that seat, well, I’ll take what I can get.” She put a hand on his shoulder, rubbing it once. “And you should take what you get as well. Get some sleep. Tomorrow is a new day, and you’ll get her back. Then it’s onto the next Gym and the next adventure for you.”
And the next, and the next. Is winning ever guaranteed? Does Ash have what it takes? “You’re right,” he sighed, rubbing his eyes. “It’s just one battle. Tomorrow will be different.”
She hummed happily. “That’s what I want to hear! Don’t let this one loss keep you down, okay? It’s no good to you, your friends or your Pokémon.”
Ash froze at that, before sitting up a little straighter. “Okay, you’ve made your point,” he said, tone noticeably more breezier and light. She stiffened for a second before relaxing again, most probably dismissing his mood change. “Aren’t you supposed to be in bed yourself, Alexa? I’m pretty sure working on that report would make you tired on a good day, and today was a lot more than that.”
“Turning the tables around, are we? You clearly haven’t learned the difference between me and you.” She stood up, stretching her arms above herself as she took a few steps around.
He laughed, giving her a cocky grin. “And what’s that?”
She waggled a finger at him. “I get to have coffee and you don’t.”
Ash groaned, waving her off. “Go back to your coffee shops,” he said, readjusting his seated posture. “I’m just going to sit out a little longer before going back in, I promise.”
That silence passed them again, tense and dark, and her mouth pressed into a harsh line under the streetlamp she stood under, at the far side of the outdoor battlefield of the Pokémon Centre.
Then she shook her head while shrugging her shoulders. “Alright then, I’ve said my piece. Just make sure you get some shuteye, okay, Ash?”
“You know me, I never miss out on some sleep.” He gave her a charming grin, waving to her. “Trust me, Alexa. I’ll be fine.”
Alexa gave him a tired smile back at him, waving as she walked away. Ash continued to wave until she turned the corner, and then he put his hands down, looking out to the sky with a blank expression once more.
She did have a point: that he couldn’t expect the Kalos Gyms to be easy, even based on his own experience. This was supposed to be a clean slate right?
This was a lesson in its own right, that the current strength he had is never enough. He is never enough, as he is.
Ash needed to be more.
“Ash? Are you out here?” A few seconds later revealed a girl with honey-coloured hair and pink-purple shaded sleepwear, wandering around on the patio until she saw him by the flowerbeds nearby. “Can I…?”
“Hey. Serena, right?” She nodded, and sat next to him on his opposite side where he had signalled a space for her to sit upon. “Sorry about today. I don’t think you wanted to see something like that, and…”
He sighed, biting his tongue with his side teeth. He shouldn’t reveal weakness like that. Alexa knew him and expected a young boy with an overconfident attitude. All he had to do there was pick himself up there and bounce back.
This is a new Trainer. He had to look strong especially for her sake, to show hope and joy so as to not discourage her from the wonders of a journey. She already had enough problems as it was, he didn’t need to add his own there. He released his tongue once he thought of a better topic to speak of. “So, why did you come today? Did you want to challenge the Gym as well?”
Serena shook her head, pulling her legs up and setting her head in between her knees. “No,” she mumbled, hair tumbling to the side. “I mean, I didn’t even know how much effort it took to work with your Pokémon to overcome a battle like that. It looks like a lot more than I expected, that’s for sure.”
“You’ll be doing the same soon enough, trust me.” How many friends has he passed by at this point? So many of them starting out back then, not knowing what’s out there, all of it starting with him. All of them relying on him, and staying with him, then leaving. Chasing their own dreams.
And it’s happened again, hasn’t it? It’s happening again—Clemont and Bonnie watching him with wonder in their eyes, following his lead. And it’s going to happen again, that at some point they’re going to leave him, just like the rest.
Just like this moment. Once the night passed by, so would she, right? “I wanted to tell you something before, when we first met, but I’m not sure if you wanted to talk right now,” she whispered.
Ash turned to her, and her face flushed before she looked down. “I’ve got some time.”
“Really?” She perked up, before shaking her head. “It’s late though, and I don’t want to hold you back. You’re having a rematch, right? Maybe if you win, I’ll think about telling you.” She winked at him, and he pushed his hair up with his hands in faux exasperation.
“If I knew how much was riding on this Gym, I would’ve practiced for a whole year,” he bemoaned, flipping down onto the flowerbed behind them. She laughed, a surprised hiccup that she stifled a few seconds later, and he smiled to himself. At least he said one thing right today. “What’s your dream, by the way?”
She paused, looking away from him as he sat up curiously. “I’m not… sure, right now. I just started my journey after all.” Her curled hands pressed onto her knees and she shifted her position, putting her feet down to the ground.
Ash let out a quiet exhale next to her, looking out to the sky once more. It was unfamiliar, and yet, at some point, wouldn’t it be all he ever knew? How many different skies has he seen? “There’s no rush, you know. Just take your time and you’ll find what’s right for you.”
Serena looked at him, searching for something in his gaze. Ash sat up and squirmed in his seat, wondering what she was seeing in him. She made a small imperceptible nod, almost to herself, before looking away. “You haven’t changed a bit, you know?”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I’ll tell you tomorrow,” she hummed, and Ash shook his head. She’s different in her own way, a warm summer breeze full of sunshine. She’s so full of hope, of promise, of a better future. Ash wasn’t going to burden her with his old problems.
He stood up himself, shaking out his legs and the pins-and-needles sensation that had started its climb upwards. “I’m guessing if I ask you what your Starter is, you’re not going to tell me either, are you?”
She stuck out her tongue at him. “Nope! You’ve got to earn it like everyone else. Did you think that you were above the law, monsieur?”
“Woah, I just asked,” Ash said, laughing as he put his hands up.
Serena turned her head away and made an exaggerated huff, thinking to herself for a few seconds before clicking her fingers. Turning to Ash, she asked, “What’s your favourite colour?”
He paused his stretches, trying to understand the question. One part of him wanted to argue back, play around, but… maybe there’s something to her query. “I like all sorts of colours,” he shrugged, giving her a hopeless look.
She laughed, covering up her mouth and giving him a sly look. “Of course you would be the indecisive type with normal questions! At least tell me why so I can understand you a little more.”
“What do colours have to do with me?” He gave her a dismissive shake of his head, played up along hands on hips, before shaking his head to himself in earnest. She did answer one of his questions clearly, so he at least owed her that much. “I’m not sure, it’s just that all of them look good in their own way to me. Blue sky, green grass, Pikachu is yellow and so is the sun, um, brown is chocolate? And also trees and soil right?”
“The only tree that is fully brown is a dead one,” she pointed out, and he turned his head to the side. She waved her hand out. “Okay, I’ll stop. Please continue.”
He sniffed into the air. “Thank you. Now, where was I? Pink… reminds me of hearts, I guess. Of love. Purple is so good when you see a whole field of flowers with it, it’s amazing! Red is fire and warmth, and orange is like the sunset. I already said yellow, right? Black and white are strong colours to me, strong and clear. And I think I covered all of the colours, right?”
He was looking at her then, out of breath as his speech quickened with fervour, and Serena was smiling at him back. “Wow, you put a lot of thought into that one, didn’t you?” He opened his mouth to counter, before she added, “That’s really nice! I love your explanations, it makes the world look so vibrant when you think of it the way that you do. Now tell me, do you like desserts?”
“Of course I do!” He willed his mouth to stop salivating at the thought, giving her a mock glare. “What kind of questions are these?”
She whistled off to the side, bobbing her head. “Hmm, I wonder…”
Ash shook his head. “How come I don't get answers from you but you can do that with me, huh? What laws are you operating on, madame?”
Serena turned to him and gave him a soft look. Rocking her body, she said, “I thought that I would liven up this night a little. I know that you went through a hard day and probably wanted to stay out by yourself, but being alone with your thoughts on a day like this is no fun, or at least to me, anyways. Maybe it is the same for you.”
He swallowed down his confusion and indignation and need to prove himself stronger when he heard the last words. This is not a challenger, but this is not someone from his old travels either. This is someone new, and she was trying to help while being helped herself.
Serena was someone different, he knew, but also someone better than he was.
She looked around as she continued. “I know the feeling of being sleepless. Sometimes when I’m stuck awake at night, I wish that I had someone to talk to, and, well, you seemed like you would appreciate it. I know that you don’t know me just yet, but I hope that you’re feeling just a little bit more better.”
And Ash realised that his thoughts had died down into murmurs in the night.
That the only thing left were colours and sweetness in the air between them.
(Serena was going to be amazing at whatever she put her mind to, and Ash didn’t even have the mind to say it.)
“Thanks,” he said gruffly, trying to hide his cheeks rising into a smile in the middle of it. “You really helped me.”
She let out a big sigh, putting a hand to her chest. “Really? Thank goodness, I thought I was being a bit nosy back there.”
“To be fair, you were a tiny bit nosy.” He rocked back on his heels as he looked up at the sky before looking down at her face, stars to her pink-dusted face. “But I’m happy that you were, if you understand what I mean.”
Serena nodded. “That’s fair. We should probably head back now, anyways, especially since it’s really late right now. I wouldn’t want to hold you back from your big day, even if it is a few hours later.” She started to yawn then, closing her eyes as she raised a hand to cover her mouth, and Ash almost had a moment where he was going to offer a hand to pull her up.
(A number of hours ago, his hands had held shuddering warm bodies covered in dust.)
The moment passed and Serena stood up herself and dusted herself off, smiling at Ash. “Come on, sleepyhead,” she said, making her way to the Pokémon Centre, and Ash stood behind her, waiting, wondering, held back by too many thoughts rushing back in the space between them, freezing over the night once more.
(A number of hours ago, Ash lost and he still doesn’t know how to live with it, after all this time.
But everyone is relying on him.)
He shook his head and followed her gait, into the PokéCentre and through the twisting corridors to their respective rooms.
The silence between them was defeating, and yet, he knew that it would fill with voices and movement within a few hours. People stirring awake, coming to the end of their sleep, ready for the next day.
Ash needed to be ready for the next day. The next battle, the battle that follows, and all of the ones after that.
Serena’s one was a few rooms ahead of Ash’s and the siblings, so she walked him over to his room and waited in front for him to catch up. When he reached his room she took a few steps towards her own, before pausing and turning back.
Ash turned his head towards her, watching her standing underneath the Pokémon Center's warm yellow light with a nervous smile. So different from the assured people he’s known, so different from the shy ones.
He would’ve liked to see what she ended up choosing as her goal, if they ever met again beyond tomorrow.
She hesitated, before saying, “I know we just met and you don’t know… or remember, but it was nice talking around and staying with you. I don’t think Gyms are for me, but you… I just wanted to tell you that I think you did good. And you’re clearly not giving up, just like always!” She pulled both of her arms up in determined cheer as she said, “And that’s how I know, with all of your training and your determination that you’re going to win your next match, guaranteed.”
Ash straightened up his head before shaking it, hands on the doorknob to his room, facing the white door once more.
(He’s never going to win like this.)
“You’re right, that’s not me at all. Thanks a lot, Serena; you really helped me a lot today.” He turned towards her to give her a smile of his own, willing it to be sharp, fierce, a winning one.
He needed to win.
“See you tomorrow!” she called, waving towards him.
Ash pulled out one hand, a hand that held his Pokémon that failed once and won’t fail again, and waved back.
“See you tomorrow.”
Two doors clicked, and the corridor was empty once more.