Work Text:
Sex is easy. It is like an exercise of sorts. Ainosuke doesn’t get anything from it anymore. He just does it for the hell of it. It’s become so banal that Ainosuke does it like a ritual. It is now reduced to a habit that he can’t get rid of. His interest in sex consequently affects how he sees his partner. When he looks at them, he doesn't feel the same excitement, the same thrill that he used to feel. Ainosuke used to like their kisses the most, but even those don't feel the same anymore.
Sex with them was also different. Ainosuke doesn’t get turned on like he used to. His body only reacts how it is supposed to. Like candlelight being blown out by the wind, the ritual suddenly stopped.
Ainosuke couldn’t have sex anymore because he can’t get hard.
Being unable to get hard embarrassed Ainosuke. While he doesn’t want to do anything about it, he finds himself in a predicament: he can’t meet with his partner for sex. He tried sleeping with others thinking that maybe he just got tired of his partner, but it was the same with the others. Being unable to get it up made him feel so small, that he didn’t want to go through the embarrassment again. It's as if all of a sudden he got erectile dysfunction. To get his mind off it, he drowns himself in work.
The sliding sound of the curtain rings takes Ainosuke away from the book he was reading. He looks over his shoulder and finds Tadashi closing the curtains. Tadashi walks to a tied curtain to loosen it. When he stepped into the uncovered glass window, the panels of orange light that streamed through the room lit his face, accentuating its beautiful contours. Tadashi holds the curtain in both his hands, about to loosen them when finds himself glancing at Ainosuke's direction.
Tadashi’s brief glance made Ainosuke’s heart beat fast like he just ran a lap. In that split second their gazes met, all the heat in Ainosuke’s hands left and went to his cheeks, painting them red.
Ainosuke has so-called non-negotiables in sex. One of those non-negotiables is that he will never sleep with a subordinate, nor will he fall in love with one. Cheeks burning, cold fingers gripping a page, left with more questions than answers. Those non-negotiables come to mind as he stares at Tadashi.
While friends in the past, Ainosuke and Tadashi's relationship was now strictly professional. The feelings Ainosuke feels are not emotions you get in a professional relationship. The peculiarity of it perplexed Ainosuke.
“Ainosuke-sama, I’ll take my leave. Don’t push yourself too hard.”
It was Tadashi's usual comment. However, the statement left a mark on Ainosuke that it didn't usually have.
Tadashi takes a bow and leaves the room. Ainosuke props his jaw on his hand as he watches Tadashi leave. Now that Tadashi is gone, the room feels larger than it really was.