Chapter Text
Genya tries to calm his breaths and sobs against hsi pillow for the tenth time in the last five minutes.
He tells himself that it’s okay, after all, what else has he expected?
It was obvious that he was being delusional.
Who in his good sanity would think his brother was in love with him?
Oh yeah, he did.
He tried to be optimistic, when he found out three years ago that he was in love with his old brother Sanemi.
Of course, when he found out, he knew that was going to be impossible, it was wrong, it was disgusting.
He was disgusting.
But the way Sanemi looked at him sometimes, the way he treated him, make him thought that maybe, and just maybe, Sanemi and him were feeling the same.
He was a fucking idiot.
That was he was thinking, crying on his bed.
And what he thought earlier that night, when Sanemi suddenly appeared before dinner with Kanae Kocho, Genya’s biology teacher and Sanemi’s coworker, as they both teach in the same school.
He knew what was going on before Sanemi said the words, but he couldn’t help the crack and the pain in his heart when the words were said.
“Family, allow me to introduce you to my girlfriend, Kanae” he smiled as he put an arm around her waist.
His mom and siblings expressed their happiness for the news with big smiles and congratulating the couple.
He approach to his brother and hug him faking the biggest smile he could do.
“Congratulations aniki” he covered his head against the older one feeling his older brother’s arms hugging him back and kissing his hair but tightening his arms around Genya.
When they separated still faking his best smile turned to Kanae who looked at both brothers in awe.
“It’s a pleasure to see you Kocho sensei, I hope you make my brother happy” he bowed at her showing respect before the woman replied.
“I will Genya, it’s so nice to see you out of school” he smiled at him kindly.
After that, they had dinner at the Shinazugawa’s house followed by some time of chatting and laughs before going to bed, Sanemi and Kanae went to his room as she was staying over the night.
Genya tried not to think about what could they be doing in there. When he was feeling horny, he would find some free time and imaging him bouncing on his brother’s cock, imaging his brother’s eyes with luxury on them moaning with each movement and stretching his back throwing his head back.
Now, he couldn’t help but imagine Kanae on him, which made him want to throw up with the thought.
Genya cried himself to sleep, reprimanding himself with how stupid he was, how stupid he has been all this time.
The next few months were the worse ones of his life. Kanae used to come over every weekend to spend the night with Sanemi and his family, sometimes Sanemi would drive her back home and sometimes they would sleep in Sanemi’s room.
When Kanae came over, Miss Shinazugawa, along with the older siblings but younger than him, Hiroshi, Sumi and Teiko would spend sometimes chatting in the garden with Kanae and Sanemi while his youngest siblings Koto and Shuya were in bed.
And somedays, he just couldn’t bare it, excusing himself saying that he had to go nack to his room for studying and doing home, then, in the loneliness of his room, listen to heartbreak songs with his headphones while trying to play any game to distract himself.
Sanemi knew something was wrong with him, as he tried to avoid Sanemi as much as he could, but he showed his best face and telling his brother that everything was okay every time the white haired asked.
But then, that damn night came.
In that Friday night, nothing was out of the ordinary, except when, after dinner, they announced the good news.
“Sanemi and I agreed to get married” she lifted her right hand, taht happened to be a shiny ring with a diamond of medium size.
If he thought his heart was broken before that, it was nothing compared to that night.
That night, of course he didn’t stay in the garden with the others, he excused himself earlier than usual saying that he wanted to study for a couple of hours before going to sleep.
Once he was alone in his room, his knees fell to the floor and felt his breath heavy. His eyes watered when the words echoed his mind.
Sanemi was getting married.
Sanemi was getting married.
Those words repeated over and over in his mind, and he felt more difficult to breathe, he felt like he didn’t have air in his lungs as he felt his chest burning. He tried to breathe normally but the pain in his heart, the knot in his throat and the lack of air in his lungs did not make it possible.
He knew he was experiencing a big anxiety attack and that he was going to cry very loud.
He got up as fast as he could and went to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water still with heavy breath and teary eyes when he found his sister Sumi in the kitchen doing the dishes.
She knew it was him because he was the only one who went upstairs and was still up, so smiling at him with her eyes still on the task greeted him.
“Hey Genya, did you forget some-” he paused and frozen with worried eyes when she looked at him.
She quickly left the dishes and grabbed a towel to dry her hands.
“Genya! What’s wrong?! Are you okay?!” She ran to him and grabbed his shoulders looking at him with concern. Genya felt her screaming which didn’t help his condition because his head started to hurt and his difficulty to breath started to get even worse.
“Sumi, why are you screaming?” He heard his mom’s voice entering the house with a calm voice.
Oh no, his family couldn’t see him like this.
“I have to go” he muttered and only Sumi heard him.
He ran to the main door leaving his slippers at the entrance still wearing comfortable clothes for staying at home and only wearing white shocks on his feet.
The cold air of February welcomed him as he ran down the street hearing Sumi screaming his name behind him. He ran faster with teary eyes, his breath becoming heavier the more he ran.
He arrived at a park and fell against the grass, next to a tree. Soon he started to cry loudly, venting all the anxiety that he was holding back the last months.
Little by little, he felt that he could breathe a little better and saHis thoughts were broken when he heard quick footsteps running on the grass and when he looked up saw his sister Sumi followed by Hiroshi behind her.
They ran to him and hugged him.
“Oh Genya! Genya! We were so worried! What the hell is wrong with you?! Why did you ran away like that?!”
He hugged them both back crying even more.
They stayed like that for a while until his crying stopped.
His siblings sat in front of him and asked him to tell them what happened.
He stayed quiet.
t against the tree.
He stayed for what it felt like hours thinking about everything.
His brother was making his life, and as much as it hurt, he had to do the same.
He saw an advertisement scrolling through social media the day before about university scholarships in the United Kingdom. He considered the idea, maybe starting a new life abroad, away from Sanemi and his family will help him.
He started to feel cold, which was not surprising because he was wearing shorts and a short t-shirt as a pijama.
“Come on Gen.. You know that you can trust us, whatever it is I’ms sure we can help” Hiroshi gave him a comforting smile after he spoke.
“You can’t…” His shaky and raw voice made their younger siblings' hearts sank.
“Please tell us Gen, you’ve been different this last months, Hiroshi and I have been worried about you” Sumi hold his hands.
Genya still looked at the ground hiccuping.
“This is about Nii-chan and Kanae, isn’t it?” Hiroshi said.
Shit, was he really that obvious?
“Tell us,” Sumi said.
A moment later, with comforting words from his siblings, he felt encouraged enough to tell the truth.
“You are right, please don’t hate me after this, please, please” His eyes were wet again as he looked at them again.
“We will never hate you Gen, we love you” Sumi spoke again as they both hugged him again.”Now tell us what’s wrong, please”
Genya paused him again before speaking “I know it may sound disgusting, but… I’ve been liking Nii-chan, in another way, for a while now..” he looked at the grass again afraid of what they were going to say.
“I KNEW IT!” Sumi screamed getting up on her knees as she smiled brightly “You owe me 50 bucks Hiro” she said proudly.
“Ugh, I hate you” The other said to Sumi with a defeated expression.
“H-HUH?!” Genya just couldn’t believe what was happening.
“You are obvious Gen, we suspected it for a while now” Sumi spoke again with a triumphant smile.
“So the compromise made you feel uncomfortable right?” Asked Hiroshi.
Genya nodded and they agreed to speak about it tomorrow.
“We should go back, Mom and Nii-chan are very worried about you” Hiroshi said.
They walked home holding each others arms and Genya felt much better.
When they got home they opened the door and Hiroshi shouted bot very loudly that they were back.
A bit later, without previous warning, he felt a strong pair of arms hugging him and pulling him against his chest, Sanemi whispering
if he was okay, saying how worried he was about him.
Then, he had to hear a big scold from his mom and Sanemi saying that he couldn’t just run away like that in the middle of the night.
They told him that Sanemi had to drive Kanae in her house before driving around the street to find Genya along with Hiroshi and Sumi who run in the direction that he went.
The next five months were full of wedding preparations, taht made him feel uncomfortable in his own house, with his family and Kanae’s family preparing details for the wedding.
That night when Genya ran to the park, before sleeping, made an inscription for a scholarship in the law school of the University of London.
He was surprised when he received the approval four months later.
He had talked about it with his Hiroshi and Sumi and although they were sad that he was going to leave, kept the secret to not tell her mom and the rest of the family about his departure.
He bought the flight for the wedding day. He decided that he would talk to Sanemi that morning. He didn’t want to go to the wedding anyway.
When the day came, he held the letter that he would give to Sanemui against his chest as he walked to his brother’s room.
He took a deep breath before he raised his fist to knock on the door.
He heard footsteps before the door swang open, showing an elegant man wearing a fancy black suit.
The man smiled at him.
“Gen! Come in!” He let him in and went back to the mirror to fix his tie.
“How are you? How come you’re not ready yet?” He asked him when he send a confused glare at him when he saw his younger brother wearing a hoodie with jeans and snickers.
“Sanemi, I have to talk with you” his voice was serious standing next to the mirror while he saw his brother finishing getting dressed, he wanted to be clear and quick before he left to the airport.
“Of course, what do you want to talk about?” He finished his tie and went to the little sofa on the room palming the spot next to him.
Genya didn’t move from his spot next to the mirror.
He cleared his throat before throwing the bomb “I’m not staying for the wedding”.
Sanemi frowned at him “What? What are you saying? How come you’re not staying for the wedding?” there was a little annoyance in his voice.
Genya got closer to him with the letter in his hand, he handed it to Sanemi, “this letter… has something important in it… Something that will probably ruin our relationship forever, what's more, maybe it will ruin your special day but… I need to tell you Sanemi, I’m sorry..” His eyes watered and Sanemi’s annoyance became concern as he took the envelope
The white haired was going to open it when Genya’s hand stopped it.
“Please read it when I’m out” He smiled sadly to the older one.
“Okay? Genya, what is going on? you’re scaring me” He took his wrists with both hands.
Genya couldn’t look at his brother’s face and just when Sanemi was about to lift his head, Genya hugged him and Sanemi could feel his shoulder started to get wet as he hugged his brother back.
“I understand that.. after the letter you don't want to talk to me again, in case you want, the letter says where to find me” His voice was shaky as he spoke still having his face on his shoulder and Sanemi worried even more.
Why would he didn’t want to talk to hom anymore?
“In case you don’t want to… I hope you’re happy Sanemi, I wish you all the best, really. You’re the best older brother that I could ever had, thank you for everything you did for me” He trembled when he spoke again and the oldest one felt his heart stop.
Was he saying goodbye? No, It couldn’t be.
Genya separated from the hug and kissed the older one’s cheek. “ I love you, I’ll always do no matter what” He smiled and looked at him with teary eyes.
“Gen.. what do you mean? What’s going on?” Sanemi’s voice was shaky, he wasn’t understanding what was going on and made him nervous that maybe his brother would do something stupid.
“Everything is in the letter” he said before running to the door opening it quickly before running down the hallway.
“Genya!” By the time Sanemi gets to the door, Genya has already left the hallway.