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Leo has left Japan.
Izumi forgets when, exactly, he found this information out. Sometime in the last few months. He forgets where, exactly, he learned this information from.
Not Leo, certainly.
Maybe it was Ruka, in all her shyness, the last time he went to their house to ask for another round of approvals, only to be handed the seal. Maybe it was the whispers that surrounded Leo’s desk when he hoped to catch a glimpse of him returning to school. Maybe it was Eichi over a game of chess, lamenting Leo’s withdrawal from school. Maybe the pieces slowly came together and one day it all came crashing down on him.
He forgets.
It doesn’t matter.
He hovers over Leo’s name in his phone, remembers the last time he saw Leo in person, reflects on things like Judgement and hospitals and cats named Little John.
Izumi hovers over Leo’s name in his phone, because he knows that opening the messages will only reveal his desperation. The messages he sent since the day Leo stopped coming to school. The messages Leo never answered.
Leo has left Japan, and Izumi wasn't told. Still hasn’t. Probably never will. Leo’s always been scatterbrained like that. He lost his phone constantly, never responded to texts or calls in a timely manner except at his whim (often starting a new conversation in lieu of actually answering), and Izumi had spent a cumulatively large portion of his life chasing after him to make up for it. Leo’s always been scatterbrained, and Izumi’s always nagged him for it, but it was their routine.
Izumi hovers over Leo’s name in his phone and resents Leo. If there was any time that Izumi could ever hate Leo for not responding, it was now, with Leo no longer at school, with Izumi needing answers or closure or even hate in kind. He thinks of how far he’d have to scroll back in their conversations for the last time Leo sent a message, past all the texts Izumi had sent.
Asking if he was okay. Updates on Little John. Complaints about Arashi or Ritsu. Checking if Leo would be back in town for the break. The stupid sunset on his commute home. Comments about how the rest of the school year was going to shit- what an understatement. He’d been vague in those, because it felt weird to talk so one-sidedly about it, but if Leo answered, he’d gladly go in more detail if Leo wanted.
Once, he sent a really long message that was maybe a bit too honest. Too raw. That Leo might’ve been the only person he thought he had in this school, and now he felt he had been abandoned. He wished Leo would respond. He hated Leo.
That one didn’t get a response either. Two weeks later, Izumi sent another picture of Little John. And so it continued.
He wondered when Leo went from sometimes replying late to never replying at all. Had their friendship suffered that much? Izumi wished he could understand even an inkling of what was going through Leo’s head during the time he was still at school. Could Izumi have done anything? Changed anything? Would acting differently have led to Leo answering, or even Leo staying?
They used to talk every day. Izumi had learned to harden his heart and be cold to everyone, but Leo- Leo was the only person Izumi let his guard down around. He thought Leo felt the same. Did he not? Was the entire time they’d known each other a lie? Had Leo merely been putting up with his nagging and bad attitude, and now that he was out of school, out of the country, he didn’t need to entertain him anymore?
He knew Leo… needed time. Needed to be away from Yumenosaki, from Knights, maybe even from Izumi. Why else would Leo leave with Madara to go around the world without a message? He knew that all of it was his fault, and yet he was still clinging on to the hope that Leo would forgive him, that they could return to the way they were before everything went wrong.
But Izumi could tell that this wasn’t good for him. The waiting. The hoping. The reaching out to no response. He was, currently, the only one trying to continue their friendship, and it hurt. He had other things he needed to do, other people he needed to take care of.
Waiting for Leo was breaking him. Arashi and Ritsu weren’t exactly… subtle with the fact that they knew Izumi was doing it for Leo. They said Izumi needed time too.
Leo left Japan several months ago, and Izumi hovers over his name on his phone. He reads their messages, and slowly writes one more. He should keep it short. Professional. It ends up being three paragraphs. Izumi bit the inside of his cheek. It wasn’t everything he wanted to say. He wanted to yell, to cry, to beg Leo to answer or to at least curse him back.
Izumi wouldn’t mind if Leo hated him. He just wishes he knew.
This was the answer he came to, after these several months of wondering. Of wishing. Of waiting. He needed time too. But he would hold on to what remained, and hope for Leo to return. That was all he could do. He could only hope that they’d be able to speak again one day, but for now, he would let go of this.
He blocked Leo’s number.
Leo-kun,
I don’t usually admit things like this, but I miss you. I don’t know exactly where you’ve been these last few months, but I know you’ve been travelling. I hope you find what you’re looking for.
I’m not going to text you anymore. I’m not going to pretend you’ll answer anymore. But if you ever do one day read this, know that I’m protecting Knights for you. Knights is ours, so there’ll always be a place for you. If you want.
But if you ever read this… and if you want to talk, I guess you’ll just have to find a way, huh. I’ll wait for that, I guess. Bye for now, Leo-kun. Stay safe. Don’t lose your passport, okay?
Sena