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Eugene remembers everything now and it’s…well, sometimes it’s unsettling. He remembers his past, from before the hypnosis. But he also remembers after the hypnosis. He remembers not remembering. The feeling of not knowing anything sits at the back of his mind like a strange, heavy itch. It almost buzzes. Sometimes it’s so quiet he can almost (ironically) forget about it.
Sometimes it’s so loud he can’t feel anything else.
It’s at its worst when he’s looking in the mirror. The versions of himself from the past, the one who knew and the one who didn’t, look too similar, too much like the version of himself he is now. And when the buzz threatens to drown everything else out, he does the only thing he can think to do.
He used to hate how cold Felix’s animatronic hands were, how different they were from the warm, soft cat he used to know. Now, he’s grateful for it. They feel nice against his head as Felix carefully applies the bleach.
When he looks in the mirror again, the blonde does a lot to quiet the buzz. He feels alive in an almost dangerous way, like he’s about to do something reckless. Like he should do something reckless.
Instead, he decides to do something that only feels reckless. Midnight Alley is actually pretty safe, after all. There’s a club there that he knows, although he hasn’t been in ages. It was always just crowded enough, just bright enough, just loud enough to satisfy his (admittedly fairly tame) wild impulses. He hopes it’s still enough.
But first, he has to get dressed. His cloak is nice, but too familiar. The teal of the collar stands out to him, though. Teal always was his color. Maybe it still is. He opts for a simpler black outer layer with a harness underneath, but finds a nice teal sash to go with it. Almost as an afterthought, he digs around in his makeup case for a teal eyeliner, carefully applying it in diagonal slashes at the corner of his eye.
He hesitates, before adding teal lipstick to the ensemble as a final touch.
The club isn’t anything special. Or, it might have been, if Eugene was in a state to really pay attention to his surroundings. But he does notice that it’s loud, dark and bright in the way clubs usually are, and just crowded enough. He can’t feel the buzz over it all, but he can still remember the way it feels.
A drink helps. Another is better. Maybe another. Someone hooks a finger around his harness and tugs, and he goes willingly. It’s been a while since he’s kissed anyone, but it’s hard to be in his head about it when he isn’t sure where his head is, or who ‘he’ is, exactly.
Teal smudges against another mouth, along a jawline, a throat, a collarbone, a particularly nice hip. Vaguely, he remembers reading a book as a kid about a fish with shiny scales, who gives them all away until he isn’t special anymore. He feels a bit like that fish.
Teal was always his color, but it looks just as pretty smeared on this stranger.
In the morning, Eugene wakes up with a headache that isn’t quite as bad as he would have guessed. If he’d been able to guess before waking up. He reaches blindly for his phone, squinting at the screen for the time. It’s later than he would have guessed, too. He has a text from Jancy, letting him know when his parents are supposed to be arriving at her office. They’re usually late, but he should be there early just in case.
He stumbles into the bathroom to get ready. Now that he’s calmer, Eugene can see that the blonde really does suit him. He smiles a little, noting that the teal lipstick is almost entirely gone, only faintly visible at the corners of his mouth. Whether it was a cheap brand or he just hadn’t applied it thoroughly he can’t be sure. He wipes off the last traces of it. The eyeliner survived, so Eugene decides it gets to say.
What can’t stay are the bruises clearly visible on his neck and chest. Eugene rifles through his bag for concealer. He’s sure Jancy will notice anyways, but she’s not the one he’s worried about. Jancy at least has the courtesy not to comment on it.
His parents, on the other hand…Eugene winces. They bounce back and forth from completely oblivious to absurdly perceptive. And they definitely would comment on it.
Yeah, he’s gonna need more concealer.