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Saturday, 1:34AM.
It’s what Klao read as he tapped the screen of his phone. The glow– too bright for his eyes compared to the dimmed lighting in which the place was bathed, caused his eyebrows to furrow while his eyes slowly adapted.
Klao was about to open Instagram, but stopped in his tracks when felt Warich’s hand settle on his forearm. Slender fingers caressed the veins there, slowly and carefully, leaving both a comforting and infuriating feeling behind.
He hated it– hated that his body’s first reaction was to melt into even the slightest touch he received from Warich, hated that he couldn’t control it, hated how much he loved it, how much he loved him.
Worst part is, Klao knows that his boyfriend isn’t doing it to make him feel better. The silence hanging in the room spoke for them, Warich’s lingering gaze, the caress on his skin, they all started to make the blood boiling in his veins hotter and hotter despite the light graze of his boyfriend’s nails against them.
Warich’s soft, low voice rang against Klao’s eardrum like a caress and the weight of his cheek was now resting on the curve of the man’s shoulder, “Stop sulking.”. The skin underneath the older man’s fingertips, heated yet mild, a direct contrast to Warich’s cold skin, resulted in goosebumps appearing on the milky skin. Soon enough, he pressed their palms together before he started playing with his boyfriend’s fingers.
After resisting for what felt like eternity, Klao tilted his head in his boyfriend’s direction, a mixture of many emotions on his face and his eyes. His eyebrows furrowed, but unable to hide the sparkle of fondness in his gaze, and before he knew it, they were both leaning into a kiss.
A gentle, light press of their lips. At least that’s what it was at first. One second later and Warich was already straightening his back to make the kiss easier for the both of them. Klao’s resolve crumbled as soon as they made eye contact, anyway. What was a simple peck quickly turned into a passionate exchange, way too passionate for Klao. This wasn’t right, he couldn’t just start making out with him as if he wasn’t having a whole monologue inside his head, cursing and yelling at him to stop.
It didn’t take much time for Klao to understand that whatever he chose to do, it’d end in a non-really-enjoyable way; he either had to act like he’s fine, and ignore it again , or they would end up fighting. Both scenarios were really not it for him, but the anger that had been bubbling inside him since they got back is starting to get too much.
“Why did you stop, baby?”
It was the first words that left Warich’s mouth, and it didn't fail to make Klao sigh. The latter turned his head away, bringing his attention back to his phone. “Woah, that’s one way to ruin the mood.” Warich’s huff, and the slightly condescending tone only served to fuel the frustration that was flowing within Klao’s whole body.
“Whatever mood I just ruined, I’m not into it tonight.” The reply he gave his boyfriend was cold– not even a hint of softness, of a possible attempt not to make the conversation end in one of their countless arguments. Warich pushed his lips into a pout as he studied Klao’s expression, and he looked at him as if not taking it seriously.
“I’m being serious, Phi. You made me mad enough earlier, don’t start staring at me like that.”
Warich sighed at that and he let his head fall backwards in the process. His hand came up to the bridge of his nose, pinching it between his index and thumb. The previous silence made its way back upon the couple, “I apologized already.”
Almost instinctively, they both turned their heads to look at each other before Warich continued, the tone of his voice emotionless. “What more do you want me to do, seriously?” Klao’s first response at this was to let out an obviously sarcastic chuckle. If there was one thing that pissed him off more than anything about his boyfriend it would be when he talks to him like this– cold, disdainful, almost mocking as if he wasn’t the problem in this situation.
Usually, Klao would’ve just stayed silent. Like he always did. Because no matter how many times he told Warich about the issue he had with him still talking to Yotha, no matter how many times the man would apologize, it never meant anything. It would always end like this. But this night was different, for once, letting his hot-headed temper guide his actions and words didn’t sound that bad.
Klao copied Warich’s tone, even if he kind of had to force the words out. “Maybe you should think it through before asking this, do you even hear how you’re talking to me? Just because you’re older doesn’t mean you have a pass to treat me like shit.” He paused, taking a deep breath in to try to keep his voice at the same level. “I’m your boyfriend, respect goes both ways.”
At the way he replied, Warich sighed even louder, his eyes squeezing shut. He ran a hand through his hair, combing his bangs back before letting them fall back over his eyes as he adjusted the way he was sitting to put some distance between their upper bodies. “Quit scolding me already.”
“I’m not scolding you. I’m trying to keep us from having another argument, you should thank me.”
As the older one was about to get back at him, Klao cut him off without letting him even open his mouth. “You know what? No. I don’t want to hear it.” And, as if his boyfriend didn’t piss him off enough, the latter slowly slid his hand to rest on his knee.
Klao’s eyes widened in shock and he slammed his phone down on the couch before standing up, raising his hand and pointing at Warich with his index, his expression painted with nothing other than pure frustration. “Don’t even try. You are the reason why I do this, you put this upon yourself. If you want me to stop, then maybe you should stop that thing you have with Yotha.”
Warich huffed at that, looking up at Klao with his eyebrows furrowed. Deep down, he knew he was right, at some point, he should cut contact with him, but those thoughts were muffled enough for him to ignore what he was subconsciously doing entirely.
“I don’t ‘have’ anything with him, stop saying that. You’re acting childish.”
Every word that came out of this man’s mouth only served to make Klao feel worse and worse. That last sentence really tugged on his heartstrings, and a small knot started tying around his throat. Another silence fell between the two, and Klao took a desperate exhale before replying. “You know, I’m really starting to get the idea that you’re using me as a rebound.”
“Hey, stop that. We’ve talked about it already. You’re talking nonsense and you know it–”
Klao hates having his emotions reduced like it’s nothing, hell, who even does? But God, it hurt even more when it was said by the man he loved, it made his head hurt, his stomach, chest, it made his whole body ache both physically and internally.
The fight between himself and his voice was getting too tough, each breath felt heavier, his ears were ringing because of how neglected he felt, but also because of how much hatred was building up and it clouded him entirely, making him unable to even try to keep his voice from shaking. He could feel the tears slowly forming on his waterline, and he replied after a moment of complete silence.
“Oh so now what I’m feeling is nonsense? Is that what you’re saying?” He paused, interrupted by the sobs he was trying to hopelessly hold back.”I’m sorry for actually trying to communicate, because as far as I'm concerned, it doesn’t seem to be your main focus, but one of us has to do it eventually!”
As Klao finished talking, Warich also stood up from the couch pushing his hand away from his direction. The whole room was filled up with tension, one that was not about to decrease anytime soon. “Yeah? Well that’s one messed up thing to say, because you’ve never tried that with Yotha!”
It was always like this when they fought– there would never be one of them who’d even try to ease it out, to calm things down. It was the total opposite, actually. They’d take turns on putting more and more gas to the fire, and when they just walked away, its flame only became so small that they both ignored it, yet it was still as sensitive, if not more.
Klao feigned a chuckle at this, even if it worsened the pain in his throat and his heart, he didn’t want Warich to take him for granted again. His voice raised involuntarily, the rage he bottled up until then finally exploding. “Oh so now you’re defending him?! Because yeah, I’m the worst boyfriend, right? I just always--”
“Oh my god , Klao!” Warich’s tone of voice was pure annoyance, and he didn’t bother hiding it. He found it so annoying every time Klao said this. Frowning, he looked at him up and down once again. “Stop victimizing yourself all the time! I’ve had a hell of a week and you’re only making it worse.”
It was only harder to hold himself back from bursting into tears as Klao heard those words, worst is, it’s not even out of sadness, but more out of frustration. The one he had been trying to bury into him the whole time.
“Well so did I, but you’re surely not helping! Aren’t we supposed to bring comfort to each other?”
“Oh yeah? And who’s picking up a fight right now?”
All the air left Klao’s lungs, transforming the knot into a rope that was tightening more and more every second around his throat. He wanted to reply right away, to make Wraich shut up once for all, but he physically couldn’t. He was so close from just falling apart, from giving up and forgiving him again, but that also he couldn’t do.
His gaze drops down for a few seconds before staring up at Warich again, his voice raising. “Yeah. I am. Because I’m actually able to talk and not act like a fucking baby, unlike someone here! You’re older than me yet your communicating skills are the equivalent of an eleven year old!” He paused, unable to keep a tear from rolling down his cheek. “Do you know how draining this is, really?”
“And I’m not the one who has clear self-esteem issues. Genuinely, is being insecure your only excuse? Am I supposed to forgive you from keeping me up all these nights by screaming at me because of this?” Warich’s voice had grown louder as well as he kept talking, but he lowered it again to continue. “Why do you have to make it your whole personality?”
Klao’s words died in his throat.
The weight of the silence after every comeback they made was getting a bit too much for the both of them, and they were just acting on impulsivity and whatever went through their minds. Neither of them were even bothering to gauge the impact of their words.
After what felt like hours, Klao spoke up again, his voice now back to a normal volume but more shaky than before, “Have you ever considered that maybe the reason for that is the fact that you still talk to your ex so casually? That you stay there late when he’s here even when you promised you wouldn’t countless times?”
Warich felt a wave of guilt wash over him and burn his insides, taking away from him the ability to act unbothered. The sight in front of him was truly starting to make his stomach ache; seeing Klao, who would usually just yell at him, look so hopeless and exhausted– knowing it was all his fault. He wanted to tell him he was right, to apologize, beg if he had to. But even if he hated it, his ego would just not let him do that.
“Drop it already, you just can't let it go.” He tries to take a step closer and gently takes hold of Klao’s knuckles, his thumb brushing over them. “I know you’re scared but I already told you nothing was gonna happen anyway, I’m with you now and my mind is settled on trying to imagine a future–”
Despite him almost literally feeling his heart shattering at the touch alone and the growing shakiness of his hands, Klao reached out and removed his hand from Warich with a shake of his head. His breath was coming out as ragged pants, and he looked away from his boyfriend’s face.
His voice, compared to previously, was much more emotionless; “I don't want you to think about any future.” To those words, Warich’s frown returned, and he started feeling a sort of panic welling up in his chest and causing his heart rate to increase.
“Klao, what the actual hell are you saying?” He cleared his throat to both attempt to break the tension and to hold back any involuntary sob. “I don't really have the chance to try to communicate when you never give me time to explain anything and immediately go crazy at everyone– You can’t just turn this around–”
The younger man sighed, and cut Warich off mid-sentence with a small, sarcastic huff. “Oh, because staying out to drink with your ex around just ‘because he brought a friend’, is a good explanation?” His voice started to get louder again, and he took a step closer to his boyfriend as they locked eyes. “You think that ’s gonna make me feel better?”
Warich backed away, the small of his back hitting the edge of the kitchen island. The sensation of the hard surface made him jump a little bit, but he still replied. “If it makes you that angry then why don’t you yell at me? It's not like I've ever not let you do that.” He shrugged at what he was about to say. “I’m sorry, but using that excuse when as soon as we got home that night you literally fucked me on couch we were sitting on just now— I didn’t really think about anything but your dick in me.”
Klao had to ignore the spark of desire that shot down his spine at the words, and God how much he hated that he reacted like that. The images, the sounds, the feelings, it all came back to him for a few seconds. “Don’t try to change the subject.”
“I’m not! I’m trying to have a talk so we can find ways not to fight every damn second and you’re—”
“No.” Klao shook his head, taking a step back and running his fingers into his hair and taking a deep, long breath in. The weight of Warich’s gaze, the hint of desperation in it, made Klao’s chest and heart ache. “What do you mean no?”
“I’m done trying to hold onto something I only fantasize about. I’m done.” He paused, the silence killing every ounce of hope that was in Warich’s eyes. Those usually bright eyes turned somber and only got worse as Klao pronounced the next words. “We’re done. I’m sick of your bullshit.”
As soon as the sentence was out of his mouth, he moved away, not even daring to look back at Warich because he just knew he would not be able to handle it without breaking down in tears.
Those gentle, delicate fingers wrapped around Klao’s wrist– desperately, hopelessly, as if it was a lifeline. The silence lingered between them for a few seconds, and the previously relaxing dimmed lights seemed to make the moment even harder for the both of them.
Klao turned his head towards Warich, and then the air was charged with a mix of tension and longing. His voice– the one that was usually loud and confident, sounded almost tear-choked. “Stop it, Phi. Please..”
“You know it’s not easy for me, why are you being so impulsive–”
“Let go, Warich. I’m leaving.”
The words triggered the alarm in Warich’s head and made him go full-panic mode. He let out a sob and suddenly all the tears started to flow out. His hand encircled Klao’s wrist as tight as he could, so tight that if he didn’t ease it out after a few seconds, bruises would probably be left.
“You stay here.” Klao couldn’t help himself. His mind screamed at him to get out and run away, but his heart made him stay. It made him melt into the hold, into the warmth he loved and despised so much. “I can't bear the thought of leaving you just like that.. I don't want to erase the chapter so quickly.. like it meant nothing I.. I don't want you to feel like something i used to get over Yotha when it’s clearly not what–”
His words died in a soft hum against the familiar, comforting feeling of Klao’s lips against his. His whole resolve broke, and he found himself chasing after the man’s lips as he pulled back. “Get this name out of your mouth, my god.”
Klao’s hands automatically settled on Warich’s waist, his fingers squeezed the flesh there. The action earned a soft sigh from Warich’s parted lips. And before he knew it, the older man’s lips were back against his– with more passion, raw passion. Tilting their heads to the side, and a few seconds later the sounds of their lips moving together in a natural motion are filling up the dead silent apartment.
Warich tugs lightly on his boyfriend’s bottom lip as he breaks the kiss, a smug smile plastered on his face. His hands slowly made their way up Klao’s chest, lingered on his shoulders, and then traced down his arms, then up once again to wrap his arms around his neck. His words, spoken in an intimate whisper, arrived to Klao’s ears; “Then fuck me hard enough to make me forget every single word of my vocabulary apart from your name, Klao.”
The comment caused an immediate raise of the latter’s eyebrows, the side of his mouth curving into a smirk as he sneaked his hands back and forth the sides of Warich’s thighs. “Since when are you into dirty talking?”
A small giggle escaped Warich at this, and he shrugged. He was about to answer when he felt a pair of soft lips kissing his jawline, and that made the idea of talking get off his mind immediately. His long eyelashes fluttered and his lips parted in a moan, a breathy chuckle mixing into the noise as Klao pressed an open-mouthed kiss to the junction of his jaw and ear.
“But we’re not together anymore, I'm not going back on my decision, you know that?” Hearing Klao’s raspy voice and his heavy breathing so close to his ear made Warich shudder. He simply nodded, way too scared to even try to get words out of his mouth and ending up letting out anything else . Klao’s palm slowly inched further up his thigh before resting on his lap, feeling up the tight fabric of Warich’s jeans against his skin, and that only made him more glad for not trying to speak, because it would’ve ended up in everything but PG-13 words or sounds
___
The pillows and the mattress sank under the weight of the two men, engulfing them into the softness of the covers and cooling down their burning hot skin. Warich’s hips rolled against Klao’s own, the action leading to a new friction between their naked bodies and shifting the angle in which Klao buried himself into Klao. The heat around him, contrasting so perfectly with the cold feeling of the fabric clinging to his other members relaxed him, in a way.
“This is bad”
“ We should stop.”
Yet each thrust, each roll of their hips made it more impossible for them to do so, made it subconsciously impossible for them to stop missing each other. But it was natural for them to continue and not even try to resist the lust clouding their minds, and instead letting it lead their every action.
‘If this is the last night, let’s make it memorable.’
That’s what they promised to each other. And Klao did not forget it, and he wouldn’t lose the chance– as toxic as it sounds– to make Warich feel like no one could ever love him like he did. As passionately as he did. As deeply as he did.
“I hate you with every part of my soul, but I love you with every part of my heart, Wa.” He purposely made his voice sound soft, loving almost, and combined it with a simple action; he pulls his hand away from Warich’s hip, and reaches it up to tuck a strand of hair out of his eyes. “We wouldn’t want to hide your gorgeous eyes, would we?”
Warich instinctively leans into the touch, turning his head to press a kiss to Klao’s palm. “This isn’t what exes are supposed to tell each other, you know that, right?” He speaks up between whimpers, and looks into Klao’s eyes as he rocks his lower body, earning the same noise from Klao.
“I know. Should I shut up then?”
The older man shakes his head, a small laugh escaping his lips as they both lean in for another kiss.
— 1 YEAR LATER —
Warich was sitting on one of the chairs at the bar, moving his drink in circle motions as he looked around. His friends were too busy talking with customers, so he was basically alone. Until, he felt his phone vibrate against his thigh. He frowned, and looked down.
The screen lit up, so bright through the red lighting of the place.
KLAO
Requested to send you a message
His eyebrows furrowed even more at the sight of the name.
What the fuck?