Chapter Text
Quick, Ashley. Faster. I hear the instructor shouting at our group of cadets, urging us to hurry. The goal of the exercise is to complete the circuit and quickly carry an injured partner, represented by a dummy, to the other side of the wall.
It's a way for the academy to test our reasoning and speed, with the instructors analyzing how we will react in future high-pressure situations, and whether we will be able to save our colleagues.
I finish the exercise as the fastest in our group of cadets, but I need a break, feeling my body on the edge. I turn around and see Jim, one of the academy instructors, approaching me with SSA David Rossi by his side.
David Rossi, the most famous profiler in the FBI, also responsible for arresting my father and saving my family. I was fifteen when he was arrested, and that's when I met Agent Rossi. I remember him talking to me at the police station. I was just a frightened teenager after discovering that my father was a serial killer.
"Agent Seaver," I hear instructor Jim call my name. "Do you remember Agent Rossi?"
"Of course," I say quickly, looking at Agent Rossi. I feel intimidated by his presence right in front of me. "Sir."
I made the decision to join the FBI when I turned eighteen, inspired by Agent Rossi and the rest of his team. I never expected to run into him during a training exercise, but I hope I made a good impression.
"It's been a long time," Rossi says. "It wasn’t easy to find you. You should be working at the reception desk in the Washington office." Was he reprimanding me? Did I misunderstand and not have permission to do the exercise?
"Well, I’m on my break," I start to say, but I get nervous. "I was told I could do the exercise during my free time... even with the concussion."
"Relax, if you prefer to spend your free time on the training field, no problem," Jim says, calming me down.
I wasn’t nervous about disobeying the rules by doing the exercise or getting scolded by an academy instructor, but I was scared I wouldn’t be allowed to do field exercises
while recovering from my injury. An injury caused by a fight that got a little more intense than it should have with a fellow cadet. Even with the concussion, I can’t afford to stay still; I need to be moving, testing myself, and training to be the best agent possible. I’m not the best cadet in my class, but I’m proud that I’ve earned great grades.
"I’ll leave you two to talk," Jim says, shaking hands with Rossi and walking away, leaving me alone with the senior agent, who gestures for me to walk with him.
"You’re too busy to just stop by," I say, breaking the silence.
What could he want with me after so many years? I heard Rossi had retired a few years after arresting my father, but then he returned in the position of senior agent with the BAU elite team. He’s a legend in the FBI and a renowned author of books on serial killer profiling, definitely an asset to the agency.
"I want to show you something," he says, but doesn’t tell me anything more.
"Is this about my impressive grades at the FBI academy? Or is it about my childhood?" I ask back. What could Agent Rossi want with a basic and inexperienced cadet?
"Let’s take a walk," Rossi says simply. I wonder why he’s being so mysterious. He leads me to his car, and I realize we’re headed to the office at Quantico.
Along the way, Rossi asks questions to find out how I’ve spent the last few years, how my family is, and how I’m doing in my academy training. I give brief answers. I say my mother and brother are doing well, but I don’t mention that we don’t have much contact, that my father’s arrest destroyed our family.
The training is going well, but I think he already knows that. Rossi tells me about the team, giving me a brief rundown on each of the agents, but I still have no idea why he’s taking me to the BAU.
In the elevator, I wonder how I ended up becoming a consultant for the BAU on a serial killer case. Is this real, or am I living in a parallel universe like in a science fiction movie?
Okay, the truth is I was the one who insisted that agents Rossi and Hotch take me with the team to New Mexico. I want to help, and even though I have no field experience, I think I can find something to assist them with the case.
Even though the BAU is an elite team highly respected within the agency, I never dreamed of joining the team, but I wouldn’t have been disappointed if it happened. I mean, it would be an opportunity to hunt criminals like my father, a way of doing for others what Rossi and Hotch did for me years ago. That’s my problem, I’m always setting unrealistic expectations. When does a trainee agent get to join one of the top teams in the BAU? I need to keep in mind that my only purpose in this case should be not embarrassing myself and making a good impression on the other agents.
Rossi and Hotch meet me when I enter the bullpen, and they introduce me to agents Prentiss and Morgan.
"I’ve heard a lot about you two," I say, trying not to sound like a teenage fan. Well, it’s true, both are more than famous at the Washington office and the academy.
"I hope you’ve heard good things," Morgan says, looking me in the eyes. He’s attractive, no doubt, looks like a man used to flirting with young, beautiful women.
"Yes, sir," I reply.
"Anything specific? You know, about me," he asks, smiling.
"Don’t listen to him," Emily says, rolling her eyes at her partner. I’m talking about my remedial training because of the damn concussion when another agent joins the conversation. He’s young, thin, and about eight inches taller than me. His hair is messy, his eyes a mix of green and brown, and he dresses like a young college professor. Rossi introduces him as Dr. Reid.
"I also did remedial training at the academy?" he says.
"What was your problem?" I ask Dr. Reid.
"What was my problem?" he responds, looking down. He’s charming, I think to myself. Okay, I need to stop this. I’ve been in the BAU for five minutes and already I’m thinking about how attractive the youngest agent on the team is. How this might help me somehow?
"Gun drills, Hogans Alley, obstacle courses, basically everything that didn’t involve books. Eventually, they had to make an exception for me to go into the field," Reid says.
Right, so he’s super intelligent, must have more than one Ph.D. to be on the team. We’re about the same age, but I’m still at the FBI academy, and he must have a few years with the team. I force myself to stop staring at him.
Hotch briefs everyone on my role as a consultant on the case, and I find out that none of them know my big secret. Rossi and Hotch are kind and let me decide how I want to present myself to the team.
I reveal my original last name, and I notice Prentiss, Morgan, and Reid are surprised immediately. It’s exactly the reaction I was expecting—the reaction everyone has when they find out I’m the daughter of a serial killer.
Dr. Reid seems to know a lot about my father’s case. He remembers the exact number of victims and the locations, which isn’t surprising since BAU agents are like encyclopedias of serial killers. But even so, it catches my attention that he knows these details right off the bat.
I take one last look at Reid and notice he’s staring back at me. He seems shy and quickly looks away. After that, we all head to the plane for the flight to New Mexico.
My performance as a consultant at the BAU isn’t going as expected. Of course, I didn’t think I’d be a natural profiler right away, but I also didn’t imagine I’d be completely useless to the team and make such a huge mistake, almost dying at the hands of a serial killer.
Besides being useless to the team in solving the case, I managed to put myself and everyone else at risk. Luckily, the agents arrived in time to save me from Mr. Jacobs. The worst part isn’t even almost dying, but knowing that a little girl is destined to have the same future as me, or worse, since she won’t have her mother around. I can only hope she has a slightly happier future than mine.
After Agent Hotch’s scolding, which I totally deserved, I talk a little with Rossi about what happened that night. Rossi is very kind, and I see he’s trying to understand me, really trying, but the thing is, I’m still alone with my dark past I know the rest of the team, except maybe Rossi, despises me. They all think I’m a risk, a danger, untrustworthy agent. I’ll be lucky if Hotch doesn’t report the issue to my academy superiors. I don’t want to think about going back to the academy knowing I made such a stupid mistake. When we land, I’m wide awake. The worst part is that I know I won’t be able to sleep tonight, and I’ll probably keep replaying my mistakes over and over in my head.
It’s cold when we leave the plane, it’s already quite late, but I imagine the agents still have work to do. I walk alongside Prentiss, who asks if I’m okay and offers to help me with the reports I need to fill out. Emily seems really nice, and I’m thinking about talking to her about continuing my training with the team. Maybe I can fix my mistakes with them.
I stay in the office for another two hours until I finish my report. Rossi offers to give me a ride to the dorms, but I decline, preferring to take a taxi on my own to clear my mind on the way.
When I start packing to leave, I see Dr. Reid also getting ready to leave. I rush to catch him in the elevator.
"Dr. Reid," I call him, deciding to take this moment alone with him to apologize for the discomfort I caused in New Mexico.
"Hey, you know you don’t have to call me that, right? You can use my name, Spencer, or just Reid. Most of the team calls me that. If you prefer, of course," he says quickly.
"Thanks, Reid," I reply, smiling. "I wanted to apologize for asking about my father, it was really inappropriate. It won’t happen again, I promise."
"It’s okay, don’t worry about it," Reid says, a brief smile on his face. I want to explain why I asked, but I’m not sure how to put what I’m feeling into words.
"It’s just that I want to know more about my father’s crimes, it’s weird, I know," I start to say. "It’ll probably hurt to know the details of what he did, but I think I need to, I can’t explain it."
"Actually, what you’re feeling is normal," he says and starts gesturing to explain his point. "There’s a psychological reason why you want to know the most horrific details of your father’s crimes... it’s a need to see it to confirm."
Reid looks down, and I think his shyness is cute. I wonder if he always gets uncomfortable around women. He seemed super confident in the field, so it’s curious to see him this way in front of me.
"Are you going by subway?" Reid says.
"No, I’m still at the academy dorms, for at least a few more weeks, so I’ll take a taxi," I say and pull out my phone to call a ride.
"Yeah, I remember that time, living in the academy dorms during training and sharing a room," he says, smiling.
"Living in the dorms isn’t so bad, but the best part is that it doesn’t last long," I reply, smiling back. It’s nice to have a somewhat normal conversation with another agent.
"Well, bye then, Agent Seaver," he says.
"You can call me Ashley, if you want." I feel sad thinking this might be my last interaction with Reid. I’d like to get to know him better, but the chances of me having the courage to ask him out for coffee are slim. "I hope to see you again."
Reid blinks and looks confused for a second, but then he smiles at me. "I do too, hm... hope to see you again, Ashley." With that, he turns and starts walking out of the building. I watch his slender figure until he’s out of sight.
As soon as I get back to my dorm, I head straight to the shower and end up crying a little, feeling a mix of fear and shame. I remember Mr. Jacobs’ blood on my coat and white shirt, both of which will need a good wash.
At night, I decide to skip dinner and go straight to bed. I start thinking about everything that happened that day, my first (and probably last) day working at the BAU.
I didn’t expect to reveal myself as a brilliant profiler right away, but I also didn’t think I’d be completely useless to the team and make such a huge mistake, almost dying at the hands of the suspect.
I still want to prove my worth to the BAU agents, prove that I’m not an incompetent and useless trainee agent. I wrote an email to Agent Emily Prentiss asking if the rest of my corrective training could be done at the BAU. Even though Rossi was the one who brought me to the BAU in the first place, Emily seemed like the best person to ask. I’m crossing my fingers that I’ll be able to return to the BAU and improve the image they must have of me.
The idea of seeing Reid again isn’t so bad either; something tells me we have a lot in common and that we might become good friends.
That’s what I want most, a friend, someone to desperately rely on, someone who understands me, even if just a little. Even though I’ve interacted very little with Reid, something tells me he might be that someone.