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I Want To Pull Out My Lungs And My Brain, That Way I Won't Feel Pain

Summary:

Medic ends up exhausted from splitting a new alter.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

The door rested against the wall as the giant loomed in the doorway. His blue gaze tracked along the floorboards, glass scattered across in fractals. A lump formed in his throat as he took a thundering step inside. His boot crunched against a hidden shard, snapping it like a twig. He continued his way through the living room and into the kitchen.

"Doktor?" The man called out to empty air. He approached the doorway and peeked his head inside. His blue gaze darted around, the air still. Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted his lover lurking over a sink.

The giant stepped into the room, a frown creasing over his lips. His gaze darted anxiously about. He looked down to the floor, spotting small drops of blood. The heart in his chest wretched and bile crept up his throat. A silent plea formed in his mind.

"Dok-" The giant began before cutting himself off. He swallowed heavy. "Herbert..." His name came out as soft as a bunny.

Medic stared at his bare palm, a deep cut stretched across the center. Crimson leaked from the wound in small amounts. They had stopped a while ago, the stream of tap water no longer tainted a deep red. His whole body tensed as he could feel his partner's gaze on his soul. He inhaled shakily.

Medic turned around, red puffy eyes brimming with tears. "M-Misha..." His voice came out in a weep. He stumbled forward and collapsed into the giant's warm, firm arms. The two men sank to the floor.

"Herbert, what happened?" Heavy asked, cupping Medic's chin with his hand. "Did someone attempt something bad?" He asked, raising an eyebrow. Large digits caressed his lover's face.

Medic sniffled and slowly shook his head. "N-No..." He choked out. Snot dripped from his nostrils, dangling like slime. Tears slipped down his face.

"I'm...I'm so exhausted, Misha." Medic confessed in a whisper. Heavy tilted his head and pulled the man closer. The doctor rested his head on his chest, indulging in the human warmth. His breath hitched again.

"I was trying to cook something." Medic began. The bones of his rib cage pressed against his skin. "And for some Verdammt reason..." A pained sob exploded from his throat.

"I burnt myself and I got upset from it. And before I knew it, another had formed." Medic looked up at Heavy. Exhaustion pooled in his pale blues. His lips quivered.

Heavy's frown lessened and he sighed. He placed a hand atop his head, running thick fingers through his hair. "Is okay, солнечный луч. It is part of survival." He kissed the man's forehead.

Medic sniffled and slowly shook his head. Every nerve in his brain pounded like thunder, overlapping voices swarming in his head. "I keep telling myself it's fine, I can handle it. In a way, I can. But every new one drains my energy."

Heavy nodded. "I understand. Sounds like pain." He smiled and rose up from the floor. "Come now, Doktor."

Medic looked up at the man and sighed heavily. He got up from the floor and dusted himself off. His gaze drew to the floor, mind jumping at the puddles of blood. He cringed at the shards of glass everywhere. "Looks like I got carried away."

Notes:

солнечный луч = Sunbeam.

Wrote this to get out feelings of splitting another alter since it happens a LOT for me. I'm pretty sure I've ended up coping via toxic positivity and by ignoring the disordering aspect of my condition. I know it's my brain trying to care for me and to survive. But it is so, so terribly exhausting, especially when I split so frequently.