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It had been after one of their first dome tours in Tokyo, day two was just as a success as their first. But with the constant running around, getting to the dome with all the traffic, having to do rehearsals early in the morning. Adjusting to a different city and getting to the enormous dome and back to the hotel on time took strength, the mind to not get tired.
Troubleshooting on stage, where they would be positioned for every song, lights and sounds working properly. Not getting in the way of other members, making sure they have practiced their lyrics perfectly. What they would say by the end of the show, what the tour will mean to themselves and the group.
Everyone had their mind on something, what happens in the next hour, the coming day, the weeks later. It came with responsibility, they knew that but also that they could count on each other. That there was always time in between that for fun, for the enjoyment of being present.
But one can only keep their thoughts, their wants at bay for so long.
It crept up on Manato so suddenly, the thoughts of needing something and not knowing what it was. What he wanted was so close, a hands reach from him. Yet he was going in circles wondering what that thing was.
He had become restless from it, even before they were set out to start their dome tour. A week from their first dates of the tour, Manato had difficulty falling asleep. The tossing and turning, laying with no covers over him, checking the time on his phone. The early hours of the morning finally put him to sleep.
Though he kept thinking about it, that feeling he had all over his body. An itch that wouldn't stop until he pressed himself against the wall and was wrapped entirely up with his covers, did it eventually stop. And it went on so often, a chill would come over. Needing to feel secure in some way, his body would appear with goosebumps all over.
He laid on his stomach one night, had his arms wrapped around himself. Like a need for someone to protect him from the dark, left alone to deal with it.
He told no one of it, didn't want to burden anyone with his troubles. Whatever he had it would eventually go away, is what Manato thought.
Hoping that this problem he had would be gone by the time the dome tours came around, but he wasn't so lucky. Not when he felt that dread as everyone was getting into the van to go to the hotel and start their first day of their shows.
All the boys had packed for the days to come, it was night when they headed out to their destination. The quiet ride there left Manato to go over what he could do to prevent it from happening in the hotel. How he would explain to whoever he had to share the room with that he was going to be an annoyance at night because his mind wouldn't let him rest.
Once they had arrived and their manager had checked them in, they were given their room cards and who would be with who.
They all had their quirks, Manato already knew how each of them shared with one another. So the anxiety came up when he heard that he will be sharing a room with the youngest member of the group.
Ryuhei will be sharing a room with him, he knows his sleeping habits where the boy will place his toiletry. Where he will throw his sweaters or hoodies after a long day, random items tossed about, giving Manato the messiest of roommates.
It's not that he doesn't like the boy, he's very charming. Sweet to the point of feeling a bit sick, for such a height and presence, Ryuhei sure is the boyish and shy type as well.
He's too mature for his age, quiet at times. But Manato is even quieter, much more calm, watching intently from the side whilst Ryuhei gives his input on questions in interviews. Wants to take care of the two youngest of the group even if he himself is still young.
His head continues to go in circles on how he's going to explain this problem to Ryuhei, even when they both get to the door of their room, Manato is distracted and the younger of them ends up opening the door of their room.
They step in and Manato shuts the door, flipping the switch on to the hotel room.
"You okay if I use the bathroom first?" Ryuhei asks.
Manato nods his head and stays silent, felt like an entirety since he's spoken. He picks which bed he'll take first, it never really matters to Ryuhei every time they roomed together. Unzipping his suitcase on the floor to pull out some items and then closing it back up again.
He plugs his charger in the outlet and rests his phone on the nightstand they'll both be sharing. Manato waits until Ryuhei comes out of the bathroom to talk to him, but when Ryuhei finally comes out, he gets nervous and decides to go to the bathroom next and wait for later.
And later comes too soon for Manato, he had changed into his pajamas. A simple t-shirt and baggy pants for the night, the hotel sheets were always too cold for him. He hadn't taken any blankets with him, too many things to pack already.
He sits on the edge of his bed, looking down at his hands as he plays with his fingernails. Ryuhei was laying on his own bed with a pillow covering his face, almost like he was trying to cool off from the day.
They hadn't spoken much, but that didn't bother Ryuhei and Manato wanted to tell the younger boy sooner than later.
"You ready for tomorrow?" Manato asks first, trying to ease into a conversation.
"Yeah, I think." Ryuhei starts, "A bit nervous, but we've done this before, right?"
"Mm." Manato nods, "Same here, I just d-don't know.." He can't seem to find the words for what he wants to tell Ryuhei.
"I haven't been able to sleep these past weeks." Manato pushes through, "It'll probably pass, and I'll be fine." He wants to ramble, "I don't want you to think something is wrong, just letting you know in advance."
He looks up from his hands and notices that Ryuhei had sat up in his bed and was looking right at him, making his stomach do a flip. A sudden wave of want comes over him, as if Ryuhei's eyes have looked past the wall he'd put up.
Then Ryuhei started to speak, "That's okay.."
"I could stay up with you until you fall asleep." His words are so soft and sincere that Manato could feel heat rising under his cheeks.
"No, no it's okay Ryuhei." His voice sounds too loud in the room, with that he attempts to give the boy a smile that was concealing his pain.
His sadness, that he truly wants the younger boy's help, but it would show how serious his problem was. "Don't worry, okay." He tells Ryuhei, putting an end to their conversation. Manato turns off the lamp from the nightstand and tucks himself under the cold sheets.
He hears Ryuhei get under the covers as well, then his quiet voice again. "I won't worry, but I'll make sure you fall asleep before me." He's facing towards Manato's bed, watching over.
The dark room feels a lot smaller, now that Manato knows Ryuhei is keeping an eye on him. Though it doesn't last long, when he turns over in his bed and peeks from under his covers, the boy has fallen asleep. His expression relaxed and calm, as his dark eyelashes lay nicely on his face. How his smooth hair presses on the pillow, with a hand under his cheek for support.
It was the very first time Manato really paid attention to Ryuhei's soft features, how even with that Manato wanted to press himself against him. Wondered how it would feel to lay next to the boy, pass his fingers through his hair, and feel those long arms wrapped around him.
He fell into a fit of uneven sleep after that, he'd turn to face towards Ryuhei's bed and stare in the dark. Get too impatient and turn the other way, toss and toss for most of the night.
Ryuhei was the one to wake him up, a hand was shaking his shoulder lightly. He had opened one eye, blurry with little sleep and the currents that were now open brought too much light into the room. The young boy must have opened them as his figure stood over his bed, looking down at him.
"We're getting breakfast, you coming?" Ryuhei asks.
Manato lets out a small groan, "yeah, yeah." He responds, there's very little movement from him at first.
"I'll let the others know you'll be a little late." He gives Manato his half smile and moves away, rummaging over at his side and then the door of the hotel opening.
Right, they were all to have breakfast right across the street at a small restaurant. One of the many good things about touring for them was eating at different restaurants they wouldn't normally go to.
He got up with little energy, looking for a pair of pants and shirt to change into quickly, he was in and out of the bathroom. Manato stared at his reflection, moving his bangs to get them to stay in place. Leaving the room with his best morning face he could put on.
When he got down to the main lobby he greeted everyone and then they all headed out. They were able to get seated right away, they were all pretty mellow. Nothing that Manato couldn't handle, they spoke to him and he spoke back, making it known he was present even if he wanted to go back to sleep.
Even if he didn't notice that Ryuhei was watching him from across the table, or when they left the restaurant, not even when they were all packed into the van to head to the dome for morning rehearsals. Did the eldest of the two pick up what would happen later that night, or the days after.
The group got into the rhythm, putting on their best even in practice. Started out a bit unsure but as time progressed and the staff got the hang of it, where the lights would shine and how the music boomed passed the stage and all around did everything come together.
And Manato put in as much effort as the rest of the boys, the sleepless nights weren't going to stop him from giving his best. The work that went into everything and his members meant a lot to him. So he pushed and pushed until his body could no longer, that the tips of his fingers became numb and the sounds around him made his ears ring.
The sun had set and they were finally let go, back to the hotel for the actual day to come tomorrow. The first of many, that Manato was excited to perform with the other boys.
So did he dread to get back to the hotel and have the same difficulties he's been having for the past weeks.
Again, Ryuhei took to the bathroom first, to take a shower. Whilst Manato sat on the floor, going through his luggage to see if he brought some aspirin or anything to help with a headache that had started after they left the dome.
He had told Ryuhei to turn off some lights in the room before he went into the bathroom to shower as well. The boy obeyed and had left only the table lamp on, to the dimmest setting and then jumped into bed.
He waited until Manato appeared again, "We should share my bed.." Ryuhei's words were set on, "Maybe it would help." More of a mumble at the end.
His ways of helping Manato wouldn't come any other way, but that he didn't enjoy watching someone close to him endure a thing that so easily came to them, like sleeping in peace. Certainly someone like Manato, it honestly worried Ryuhei.
Not that he showed it, but he watched long enough to know that he wanted to be part of fixing Manato's issue. In innocence to what they both didn't know what would come of it.
Manato had the words right at the tip of his tongue, ready to be spewed out.
But he had endured plenty that his head wasn't working right, "uh, okay." He finally said, as he continued to stand at the end of Ryuhei's bed.
Ryuhei made room after Manato's response, and waited for him to get into bed. It clicked soon after for the older boy and he took some steps to get his own pillow and bring it with him. The bed dipped as he slipped in and took his spot closer to the nightstand.
It was warm with Ryuhei's body heat, almost too warm for Manato. But his body responded well to that as soon as the younger boy had covered them both, not long after Manato turned off the lamp and made himself more comfortable. Choosing to keep his back towards the boy, slightly curling in on himself. He had pulled some socks on prior to going to bed, and from what he saw early, Ryuhei was wearing a simple cotton t-shirt and plaid bottoms.
Neither said goodnight, only that their breathing slowed down and eventually Ryuhei was the first to fall asleep for the second time.
Manato doesn't remember when his eyes closed from exhaustion, but when he woke up an hour or two later he could feel Ryuhei's body pressed against his. He must have moved in his sleep, and had forgotten that the younger one did that often.
He was still facing away, but wanting to know how much room was left he decided to turn. When he did, he came face to face with Ryuhei's chest.
There was one arm pulled up near his head and the other laying between them, with little space to maneuver around to any other position. Manato could've gotten out of the bed and gone back to his own, but the skin to skin contact felt nice to him.
The need to scooch closer to the boy and be covered with his body, Manato didn't think twice. He pulled the covers higher up over them both and tucked himself to Ryuhei's chest, the faint smell of his body wash, soft fabric of his shirt hushed his tired body.
His arms were tucked in as well and as the minutes passed, Ryuhei had moved again but this time his legs had intertwined with his own. The heat of their body had put Manato to sleep, quicker than all the nights ago.
Manato was the one to wake up first, with his head laying right on top of the younger boy's arm. Ryuhei was now on his back, sleeping away in bliss. Manato's whole body had stuck to the boy's long limbs, every part was his, as it was much of the eldest. And he wanted to hold on for as long as he could without rest.
If he moved he was sure to wake up the boy, but it had to come to an end for now.
He was careful to sit up as the sheets of the bed made rustling noises and his body creaked with every movement. The covers were laying half way down their bodies and the heater had turned on at that moment.
Winter had come to the busy city and all over, temperatures were steady with just a light sweater being necessary if they were to go outside. Though for Manato he'd rather continue to stay in bed with Ryuhei, their warmth holding safety.
Quietly Manato left the bed to head to the bathroom and get ready for day one of their concert. Not long after, Ryuhei had gotten up and was going through his luggage, fishing out a hoodie to put on.
It was a similar routine from the day before, eat, head to the dome and rehearsal, then dress and makeup for the actual performance. The group huddled together and said their usual words before the concert for good luck and they all cheered with excitement, with great spirit they walked to the stage and began.
After every performance they leave with relief, positive that they all did their best in performing and giving their thank you's.
That second night, Manato didn't even ask. He got right into bed with Ryuhei, like it was a regular occurrence for them. It felt even warmer than the night prior, but it was no bother to Manato. Without much work, after a few minutes of moving around they got into a comfortable position with Ryuhei spooning the eldest.
It's if Manato's body was looking for exactly this, the presence of someone else's body. Their closeness with no hesitation, the way they slid perfectly together, arms and legs on top of each other.
Manato was out in seconds after getting what he so needed, craved.
The events the next day were just as great, the high of getting on that stage and performing all over again, the cheers of their fans. The bright lights shining on them and the heat, it was nothing like when they would go back to the hotel to rest, and the heat of their bodies made Manato need it more and more.
And Ryuhei could tell how much it meant to Manato, to be able to sleep again. It never once made him uncomfortable, not how close their bodies would be, how Manato stuck to him like glue. How with every move Ryuehi made he would move right alongside him.
It felt like a hard shove for Manato, when they packed their bags and left the hotel. Off to their usual routine of practices and doing some live shows for the end of the year schedule. The recording of video greetings or interviews, doing whatever else, it felt exhausting to Manato at some point.
The members as a whole regularly were together for a big portion of the day, usually with a day or two off in between their busy schedule. Even with that, even with Ryuhei being beside him in camera shots, or standing close for a video.
It was nothing to laying in bed, tucked under the heavy covers and thinking of nothing but how calm and quiet their nights were.
An exaggeration if so put that way, for Manato to want to pull his hair out. As if his body was having withdrawals from not having his comfort, no Ryuhei to put him to sleep.
The days became weeks, in instances where Manato would take out his phone and start typing out a message to then delete it. He would sound desperate, unlike him to go crawling right back to Ryuhei.
They would come together on a chilly night, on a Friday night.
The streets were crowded, the fast steps of people going about their night, Ryuhei following the flow. He was in a rush to get to the next stop at the subway a few blocks from his place, with a backpack slung on his shoulder, scrolling through his phone.
He decided to call.
As the phone rang, his hands began to sweat. Waiting for the other person to answer, hoping they would take it kindly.
Ryuhei heard his voice after some long seconds, sounding surprised and nervous. "Uh, sorry to call you so late Manato-san." He started.
It had been a while since Manato heard the younger one say his name like that, unsure and respectful.
"Is everything okay?" He was the one to ask this time, trying to calm his beating heart.
"Yeah, yeah.. just calling to.." He had to speak louder, too much commotion going around him on the way to the subway. "See if y-you want to have dinner?" Drawing out those last few words, waiting to be rejected and having to walk back home.
"It's okay if you can't.. if you're busy." Ryuhei continued.
"No, no I can.. I'm not busy." Manato replied, the boy's voice gave him reassurance. That he wasn't the only one in need.
"Okay cool, I'll be there in twenty." Ryuhei said.
"Ah okay, yeah." Manato's lungs filled with happiness. "See you in a bit." They both hung up and immediately Manato opened an app to order food for them.
Ryuhei arrived first before the food, he rang the front door to get into the complex and then up the stairs to Manato’s apartment. He was let in so quickly, as they danced awkwardly around each other and finally sat down on Manato's small couch in the living room.
Manato was apologizing for the mess but Ryuhei brushed it off saying it was totally fine.
The food came not long after and Ryuhei thanked him for buying the food for them. Manato took out the containers from the paper bag and Ryuhei helped with getting drinks and napkins for them. They sat on the floor of the living room with their takeout on the coffee table, chicken katsu with rice, some cabbage and sauce on the side.
They shared the small sides that came with the meals, their chopsticks accidentally hitting one another. The tv was turned on for background noise as they talked their way through the awkwardness.
They hadn't been alone since the concert some weeks ago, it finally felt calm for Manato as his body relaxed watching Ryuhei next to him enjoy his food.
They talked of everything and nothing at all, until Ryuhei had the last of his rice and then cleaned up after.
Manato put on a movie right after, then sat on the couch and Ryuhei followed. Placed his head on the older boy's lap and kept his eyes on the screen, which made Manato reach out and gently brush Ryuhei's hair with his fingers.
An hour in and, "let's go to bed, yeah?" Manato said, fingers still in Ryuhei's hair.
"Okay." Was Ryuhei's answer.
Manato let Ryuhei use the bathroom first, changed and brushed his teeth. Then it was Manato's turn and when he came out, Ryuhei had already taken his spot on the bed.
He got into the covers, his body gravitating towards the young boy. Right under Ryuhei's chin he tucked himself, taking in the smell of mint and softener. Taking in how those thin but strong arms reached fully around him and squeezed, how their thighs touched and how little room there was to breathe and Manato liked it that way.
Liked that without calling Ryuhei, he came right to him. A moth to a flame, but the flame made it stronger.
Enough to feel the brush of lips against his hair, and a quiet goodnight.