Work Text:
Regulus was tired
There wasn’t much else to it, since he was given a record deal and started to work with producers he had to avoid his mother’s incessant attempts to find out where he had been spending his time. Sure he had come up with an excuse that seemed to calm her for now but it could only work during the school term.
Regulus had never thought about beginning a music career but after his relationship with James ended he was bedridden, sucked dry of any kind of life that was left in him. All of his friends had tried to help him but he couldn’t help but feel their commiserate. Regulus knew even his mother had noticed his newly gained melancholy, she had asked him once.
“Regulus, darling why is it you mope about the house. Even the guests can feel your sorrow from the left wing dinning room.” Regulus had apologised quietly and retreated back to his room.
Regulus had always written songs, Sirius had once told him it helped with regulating his emotions and Regulus had began from that time onwards.
Sirius was in a band now, because of course he was. That was how Regulus and James had met. Sirius had forced Regulus to visit him after their mother had made a public statement reclaiming Sirius as her son once his band gained international fame. Sirius had only agreed to rekindle his relationship with Regulus. Their mother was cautious about them forming a connection again because she worried Regulus would grow an opinion of his own or that was what Sirius said. Regulus walked into their rehearsal and he knew. Regulus knew James would forever plague his thoughts, cross his mind and linger in his heart. Regulus knew. Apparently James knew as-well because that very night James reached out, saying he was yes to get to know him more. Regulus agreed.
After the first night Regulus had only one word for how he felt. Fucked, Regulus felt utterly and completely fucked. His mind sometimes told him it was a rather confronting way of describing love but it was the only word that seemed fitting. James and Regulus had agreed to not tell Sirius. Regulus knew it was the right thing to do even if it made him feel as though thier relationship was going to end. Regulus knew it was, from the beginning. James was the sun and Regulus was barely a star. That was what James called him. Star. Regulus had only ever had one other nickname and that was given to him by his late father. Guin. It meant fair or white in French. Regulus had always loved that name. Regulus father had been a quiet man, sure he spoke occasionally but he seemed to enjoy the company of silence. Regulus had always thought of his nickname as another version of him. Regulus went by Guin in his music career. Seemed safe. Only James knew about the old nickname or he had known about it. Now James is just somebody he used to know.
Regulus had finished his first song. Finally. His agent had tried to get him to release it under his real name, thinking it would get more traction beucase of his mother and brother status in the entertainment industry. Regulus refused. He was only really writing music for one person. James. How could he not, James was unfortunately the only thoughts he had. Regulus had heard parts of the Marauders new album and knew James was the same. They had broken up a few months ago, Sirius was getting very close to finding out about them, and his suspicion had scared Regulus. If other people found out about them he would lose one of the few things that was his. Only his.
James had always said their relationship wasn’t for anyone else just the two of them. Regulus agreed. It was. It’s used to be.
Regulus and James had been having coffee one day and Regulus had seen Sirius walking out of a bookshop nearby and he booked it. Ran as far as his feet could take him. James had followed and then it happened. They went back to James’ apartment and did what they always did. Fight. James accused Regulus of being ashamed of their relationship. Regulus tried to disagree but he realised James was right. Or at least Regulus had convinced himself James was right so the breakup didn’t hurt as much. Regulus got angry and threw his copy of James key at him. James kicked him out. Regulus sat outside James’ door and heard what he always heard when they fought the smashing of plates, bowls and the metal cutlery connecting with James’ marble countertops. Regulus always knew James would never hurt him, so Regulus never got scared when he heard James raging out, he allowed James to do it. After all he would go home and scream into a pillow until his voice struggled to come out of his throat. Once James was done he would come and open the door for Regulus hug him and apologize. Regulus would forgive him. Always. James had called him a month after they broke up. It was the first time they had spoken since they broke up and James called spoke 3 words that pulled James right back to his distraught state, like the one he had after James didn’t call him the next day, or the day after that. 3 words and that was it. James hung up before Regulus could respond.
Regulus heard his song begin to play. The notes of piano began. Then he heard his voice come in.
“Do you remember happy together ?
I do, don’t you?
Then all of a sudden, you’re sick to your stomach
Is that still true
You said “Forever” in the end I fought it.
Please, be honest, are we better for it?
Thought you’d hate me, but instead you called me
And said “I miss you”
I caught it
Good to each other, give it to summer
I knew, you too
But I only saw you once in December. “
Regulus remembers that time. Sirius had invited him to a Christmas dinner, Regulus seemed to forget that Sirius also knew James and found himself face to face with him. Literally. Sirius had seated them across from each other and the table. James seems off, absent even.
“ I’m still confused
You said “Forever” and I almost bought it
I miss fighting in your old apartment
Breaking dishes when you’re disappointed
I still love you , I promise
Nothing happened in the way I wanted.
Every corner of this house is haunted
And I know you said that we’re not talking
But I miss you, I’m sorry.
I don’t wanna go, think I’ll make it worse
But everything I know brings me back to us
I don’t wanna go, we’re been here before
Everywhere I go leads me back to you”
Regulus sat in silence as the final four lines repeated themselves fading out as the song ended. Regulus was ready. Regulus was ready to get James back. Only James knew about Guin. When they were dating Regulus had told James how he used to dream of being a star. James said he would be.
Then his agent told him. It was out. Regulus agent had already posted clips of it on social media and it had gained some traction so regulus hoped it gained enough to get James’ attention. Regulus decided to leave the marketing to his agent. Regulus only wanted one person to listen to it.
Within the next few weeks it had over a million streams. Turned out people really liked it. Regulus was surprised. He had been asked to go on a few talk shows or do interviews and he simply told his agent to send them all a message that he wanted to stay anonymous. Then Regulus saw it. James had posted a story. A picture from the top of a building, their building. The coffee shop they frequented had statues to the top of it which led to a an amazing view of London. James and Regulus would spend hours on top of it. Up there it was their, they were existing for each other when they were there. James had posted a photo of it, with Regulus’ new song in the background and two words
I know baby
Three words and Regulus had never felt such a sudden surge of emotion. Regulus didn’t know what to do now. Regulus would have called James but he deleted his number so he wouldn’t embarrass himself any further.
For the next week it was radio silence. James hadn’t tried to contact him and he hadn’t tried to contact James. As he said in his bed, in silence he got a message. A message from Sirius saying they had a concert in London and Sirius has bought him a ticket. It was fate, and Regulus didn’t believe in fate. He responding quickly agreeing to go. Regulus spent the next few days trying to calm himself or gain a sense of stability. Regulus was going to see James and James knew, he definitely knew.
The night of the concert arrived and Regulus was as ready as he could ever be. So off he went, he made his way to the concert, once he arrived it was pretty much full. Regulus fought his way towards the front of the stage successfully making it a little past halfway through the general admission standing section. Then it began.
Regulus sat through an hour of the band singing, Regulus knew almost every song. How could he not. Then Sirius spoke into the microphone.
“ I have two announcements.
First one being my little brother is here. Regulus. Where are you?.”
Sirius spotted him eventually and got the tech team to illuminate Regulus amongst the crowd. Regulus smiled softly and tried to shoo away the light. Sirius continued with his speech after a hearty laugh.
“Next our little prongs here asked me if he could sing a solo song tonight and I’m sure none of you would oppose so go ahead James.”
James walked towards the microphone. Regulus deemed him nervous. Regulus barely saw James nervous apart from the first time James played Regulus a song he had written about him. Regulus found out why James was nervous beucase James shad written the song the morning before their first date. Daydreamin’. Regulus had never felt more loved than he did in that moment. Regulus knew then he would never feel a love like the one that grew for James.
Then James began. The backing track was a bit more like pop music than the Marauders usual songs but all the songs James wrote for the band were pop. James was happy and so was pop music. Regulus realized that if it was a pop song it probably wasn’t about him. Maybe James had met someone else, someone better, nicer and someone who didn’t fight.The rest of the band started playing - James handed his guitar to Sirius who started to play in the background. Peter was on the drums and Remus was playing bass. James’ eyes were searching the crowd, after an unsuccessful attempt to find Regulus he started to talk into the microphone.
“Hi everyone, I know I don’t usually perform solos but I really need to sing this one. It’s for you, it’s always for you and I miss you, I’m sorry. “
Regulus felt his breath catch in his throat as James finished the sentence. It was about him. Regulus felt as if the world went into slow motion. James did always know how to make Regulus feel loved. James began to sing.
“I washed my hands of us at the club
You made a mess of me
I pictured you with other guys at the club and threw up on the street”
Sirius laughed and told the audience it was true. James smiled softly too.
“Like waiting for a bus that never shows up
You just start walking on
They say that if it’s right, you know
Each bar plays our song, nothin’ has ever felt so wrong
“Oh, my love is a lie” shit my friends say to get me by
It hits different, it hits different this time
Catastrophic blues, moving on was always easy for me to do
It hits different, it hits different cause it’s you
Cause it’s you”
Regulus wiped the tears forming in his eyes and noticed James seemed to have spotted him. Regulus could feel how hardly he was breathing, James’ eyes didn’t leave Regulus. Sirius spoke again.
“It’s true, o thought he was lying for a bit. We never met them and he never even told us he was dating anyone then suddenly he’s crying all the time and we’ll of James cries we all do” the audience laughed and cheered as James kept singing.
“I used to switch out my loves, I’d just ghost
Rip the Band-Aid off and skip town like an asshole outlaw
Freedom felt like summer then, on the coast.”
Regulus remembered the summer they spent on the coast, the whole band plus Regulus went up to the French coast and stayed in the Black family estate. Sirius and Remus were too distracted with each other to notice if James and Regulus went missing. They went to the beach everyday and Regulus loved seeing James tanning next to the water. Regulus hadn’t been to a beach since then.
“Now the sun burns my heart and the sand hurts my feelings
And I never don’t cry at the bar” Sirius began to sing back ground vocals.
“Yea my sadness is contagious
I slur your name till someone puts me in a car
I stopped receiving invitations
Oh, my love is a lie shit my friends say to get me by
It hits different, it hits different this time
Catastrophic blues, movin’ on was always easy for me to do
It hits different, it hits different cause it’s you
Cause it’s you.”
Regulus felt like James was singing only to him. James hadn’t looked away since he spotted him and Regulus knew. Regulus knew that he was right back in it. Regulus couldn’t pretend he didn’t still love James. How could he. James was the only person Regulus had ever truly loved. Even if they fought, even if Sirius got angry when he found out. Regulus didn’t care. Regulus started to push his way further towards the stage, shoving the fans out of the way. James was watching his every step.
“ I find the artefacts, cried over a hat. It’s the space that I needed
I trace the evidence, make it make some sense why the world is still bleeding
You are the one that I love, don’t need another metaphor it’s simple enough
A wrinkle in time, like the crease by your eye
This is why they shouldn’t kill off the main guy”
Regulus had reached the front and James had tears in his eyes. Regulus had tears coming out of his eyes. James started to walk towards the stairs at the edge of the stage as he kept singing.
“Dreams, of you hair, and stare and sense of belief
In the good in the world, you once believed in me
And I felt you and I held you for a while.
But I could still melt your world, argumentative and andoeneodo dream boy. “
James had walked in front of all of the fans on barricades until he reached Regulus. James stopped. Regulus felt his body weaken as James reached out and put a hand against his face, caressing it softly.
“I heard your key turn in the door, down the hallway.
Was that your key in the door? Is it okay? Is it you?
Or have they come to take me away? To take me away. “
James stopped singing after that and embraced Regulus tightly. Sirius let out a yelp as he ran down the stairs, running towards James and Regulus. All of the audience members were yelling out and making noise. Regulus couldn’t even hear Sirius’ yelling overtop of them. James lifted Regulus over the barricade and carried behind stage. Sirius chased after them the whole time and Remus ended up stopping him once he reached the stage again.
James put Regulus down on a chair side stage and sat down on the ground in front of him. James spoke softly.
“ I hope that song you wrote was about me Guin”
Regulus chucked and let out a sigh.
“Of course it was you idiot.”
Regulus climbed into James lap, wrapping his legs around James’ hips, letting his face fall softly into the nape of James neck. James kissed the top of his head softly. James whispered.
“ I love you, I’m sorry”
“ I’m down bad”
Regulus replied