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Aventurine has no shame left, especially after emerging from the Nihility unscathed and not only surviving Penacony but walking out with a promotion on top of it. It’s why he chooses not to think about the fact that Ratio is the first thing he sees when he escapes the endless sea; Ratio is reliable, dependable, he is managing this task, and that is the sole reason that Ratio is at his bedside. This is what Aventurine chooses to believe, even when they both know it’s not the truth.
However, Aventurine has thought about his slightly wide eyes, the brief stammer in his voice, before he recovers and simply says as if in a trance, “They couldn’t find your body in the dream.” In the moment, Aventurine answered him with a laugh because while Aventurine has chosen to come back, there’s a part of him that can’t let go of the bitterness of feeling alive–especially when the primary physical feeling he feels is tired.
He vaguely recalls Ratio talking to him then and asking him questions. It doesn’t matter what they said and what pretty words Aventurine tries to use on him because Ratio comes to the conclusion that Aventurine needs to go on medical leave. Ratio is horrified by the fact he scoffs at the idea of taking any kind of leave. It’s not that I wouldn’t want to, Doc, I just genuinely can’t remember the last time the IPC let me take any time off.
Somehow, he’s at Ratio’s doorstep and inside his apartment right after leaving Penacony. Aventurine has been to Ratio’s apartment before, but mostly just to have sex. It’s nice to occupy someone’s bed without sex preceding it, without sex being an expectation for it. This is the first and last thought he has when the days turn into weeks at Ratio’s apartment.
He doesn’t even realize that Ratio has been taking time off himself to spend time with Aventurine until they’re talking about it. Aventurine’s leave is ending soon. He is now a rank P46, which means he is going to handle an entire mission mostly by himself. Topaz will join him at a later date and will hopefully be able to take her former rank back after what happened on Jarilo-VI. It’s then that Ratio tells him that he has to go back to the Intelligentsia Guild in a week and Aventurine furrows his brow. “You took leave? I just figured you weren’t getting any work.”
Ratio is giving him a look that would make most people wither from his gaze alone. Aventurine doesn’t mind when Ratio is a bit harsh with him, when he lets him know that he should have known something obvious in this subtle way. “You just only usually work for them when I’m around.” Aventurine decides to add for more of an explanation because it’s true, Ratio not working at the Intelligentsia Guild is nothing new, more and more often it seems like his work there was directly tied to Aventurine rather than anything else in the IPC. Aventurine has always reconciled with this thought due to the fact Ratio needs the funding and he wasn’t cooperative with anyone else but Aventurine.
It’s another example of Aventurine being an exception, but that’s been true in the entire course of their working relationship and, well, the other relationship that Aventurine thought only encompassed sex.
“Well, you’re returning to work the same week, are you not?” Aventurine has the feeling that Ratio is bringing this to his attention gently, trying to guide him to a realization that Aventurine hasn’t come to himself. “The Divergent Universe is mostly functional aside from a few patches here and there. With the launch of the new version coming soon, it makes sense that I would pick my work back up with the guild again.”
Aventurine nods because it does make sense, Ratio usually was always working on something, Some days he would let Aventurine tag along and other days he didn’t. It’s why he got the cat cakes for Aventurine initially, just because one day Aventurine made an offhand comment about being bored. He didn’t think that Ratio would actually bring back anything for him. He appreciates it, even as the snacks are currently stacking up on top of each other like a tower to get on top of the table while they’re both eating breakfast.
“You need to stop feeding them.” Ratio sighs and Aventurine just smiles back at him as innocently as he could possibly manage, which isn’t very much. Ratio shakes his head at him as soon as he glances up and sees him smile, before speaking again. “I just wanted to let you know in case you needed anything else before either of us returned back to work.”
Aventurine is having another one of those moments where he realizes that Ratio is more considerate than he bargained for, more than he deserves considering his own treatment of Ratio, the way he’s still been trying to keep him at arm’s length in his own apartment.
It’s at that moment that Aventurine realizes that Ratio hasn’t asked him to leave and, well, Aventurine doesn’t want to bring it up, because Aventurine doesn’t want to leave either. If they have a conversation about it, then Aventurine would end up moving back into his depressing condo where his neighbors are Topaz and fucking Sugilite. He still pays rent on it anyway, even though he has no plans to return.
“No, I don’t need anything.” Aventurine smiles all too sweet, stuffing the rest of his food in his mouth once he sees that the snacks have successfully created their tower. The cat cake that Aventurine secretly favored the most, Sponge, is slowly making his way towards the table.
“This is what happens when you keep feeding them, Aventurine.” He hears Ratio sigh as Aventurine gets up to put his dish away, it’s mostly a ploy to get away from the scene of the crime. “Could you at least grab that one, while I’m finishing my food?” It’s then that he notices that Ratio has brought a paper to the table, maybe one of his students, maybe a colleague, but he’s hardly touched his food.
This has been their routine, Ratio cooked breakfast, Aventurine managed lunch (forgot about it or ordered take out), and depending if Ratio worked or not, Aventurine would grab dinner for them or Ratio would cook something. Aventurine has never been able to experience something like a routine before, but routine with Ratio hardly felt like a chore, and that’s a thought that makes him laugh. “Oh, I’ll do you one better, Doc. I know exactly what will get Sponge to leave you alone.”
It’s then that Aventurine makes his way towards the couch, where Ratio’s lab coat is still draped over. He remembers that Ratio didn’t even have time to take off his coat last night, because for the first time since Aventurine has emerged from the Nihility he had enough energy to pounce Ratio and ride him before they could get to the bed, and Ratio complained against his lips at the time but he knows that Ratio's a bit relieved. The crease in his brow wasn't that deep when he was lecturing him as Aventurine was throwing the lab coat to the floor. At some point, Ratio must have moved it here, but didn't bother with much else.
Aventurine puts the lab coat over his pajamas, which were some silk indigo ones that felt nice on his skin. Ratio got them for him as a gift, even though Aventurine owns so many clothes as it is. The excuse he gave him back then was you look good in jewel tones. It was a terrible excuse, considering that Aventurine already knew that about himself. He gifted Ratio a matching pair the very next week. It's amazing they haven't mixed them up the entire time they've lived together.
The sleeves hang off of him just a bit, only showing his finger tips, even when he sticks his arms all the way out. This pleases him enough, so then he moves to grab the glasses that Ratio left by the coffee table. Ratio only wore these around the house, and it makes Aventurine feel pleased in an entirely different way. There are so many sides of Ratio that only he gets to see, and it’s only fair, considering what Ratio has seen of him. That next thought prompts him to put on the glasses, even though he can’t really see out of them, considering Aventurine’s own vision was just fine but Ratio only needed them for reading sometimes.
Still, he knows his way around Ratio’s apartment to sit back on the kitchen table, grabbing Sponge from the chair that he was sitting on and bringing him up to his face. “Sponge, when I don’t give you food, you shouldn’t work with the other snacks to get around that. The doctor says I shouldn’t give you food and I can’t break his rules.”
Sponge meows at him and Aventurine laughs, shaking his head. “I know what I said, you should be friendly to the other snacks, and you can't tell Ratio that I said some of his rules are stupid.”
Another meow from the cat cake and Aventurine creases his eyebrows in the familiar way that Ratio does. He does the best job that can at deepening his voice and glares down at the snack in his hands. “I just finished my work on the Divergent Universe patch coming up, and while I’m excited about the Trailblazer’s endeavors, I’m going to have to start everything from scratch. Which means that as snacks you’re going to have to be at your most healthy, so Aventurine doesn’t call me over to the apartment just because you all decide to have tummy aches.”
Dr. Veritas Ratio might not say the phrase tummy aches, but the sentiment comes across all the same, considering Sponge is now burying himself inside his gelatin shell in shame. Aventurine has to fight the urge to frown, but the urge to frown disappears the moment Sponge meows at him again, making one last final stand. “What do you mean Aventurine only calls me to check up on you snacks to have an excuse to see me? That’s ridiculous, the gambler wouldn’t go out of his way to do that.”
Ratio sighs loud enough to interrupt Aventurine’s mediocre impression of himself. “You know, I have realized that you do use that as just an excuse to see me.”
“Huh?” Aventurine drops Sponge from his grip and onto the floor, he ignores the noise Sponge makes when he lands on the ground, and looks to Ratio. “And yet you come anyway?”
“You’re under my care, Aventurine, of course I would come. You couldn’t handle everything yourself after just emerging from the Nihility.” Ratio would sound exasperated to anyone else, but Aventurine can hear the concern dripping from his voice, and lifts the glasses from his face to properly look at him.
Aventurine lets the lab coat fall off his shoulders and he knows that he must look a bit too small, pathetic–no, maybe honest is a better word for it. He can see Ratio already stammering, trying to further explain himself even though Aventurine hasn't said anything at all. “I know you can handle yourself, Aventurine, but maybe I was looking for an excuse to help you–”
Aventurine wraps himself around Ratio's shoulders and that's enough to silence him completely. “Can I stay here?” he asks before the impulsive thought can go away, before he can take the sentiment back.
Ratio blinks, clearly caught off guard by the conversation shift, but replies anyway. “I thought you were going to stay here. You've made no attempts to go back to your apartment since we got here.”
“When we talked this morning, in the back of my mind I thought that you were going to kick me out. I mostly… thought about other things, like how you were still being nice to me, too nice to me. Though I think even then I was waiting for you to ask if I needed help packing my things. You didn't though.” Aventurine pulls Ratio even closer and this time he uses it as an excuse not to meet his eyes. It's easier to stare at his lips anyway.
There's more that Aventurine wants to say, that their back and forth this morning is one of the easiest things he’ll ever do, that if he had to wake up without that again then he might actually have to say that he misses him, that it's all so domestic and as long as Ratio doesn't actually point it out then Aventurine wants it to keep happening.
Instead he says the only thing he can say, because the rest of that is too honest. “I just want you to answer me. Can I stay?”
Ratio doesn't answer him with words, he answers him the way Aventurine prefers. Despite the fact that both of them exchange words quite often, neither of them come close to being more honest than the kisses between them. Ratio doesn’t skirt the truth around Aventurine, but he’s conscious of it at all times, and Aventurine is good at evading that honesty. Aventurine has never been good at evading the feeling of Ratio’s lips against his own. Ratio is a man that only speaks the truth, after all, and so he kisses like it too, deep and full of longing. His hands always hold onto him in some way and this time they make their way to his face, keeping Aventurine trapped in this kiss because he’s just desperate to tell Aventurine the depths he would go to, just for him.
Devotion is not something that anyone has given Aventurine, and yet Ratio gives it away freely, like he doesn’t belong anywhere else.
“I’ll stay,” Aventurine whispers as Ratio pulls his lips away from his own.