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Yuuji sighed as he rested his chin on his palm and half-heartedly poked at the egg on his rice bowl. Next to him Fushiguro was diligently taking notes on the readings they had due for class later this afternoon. It was just the two of them there, which was something Yuuji would normally relish in, but since Fushiguro was studying he wasn’t giving Yuuji the time of day.
Which sucked for two reasons.
The first being that since Yuuji had nobody to talk to he was at risk of falling asleep and face planting into his breakfast. That would be completely embarrassing, and he did not want to make an ass out of himself in front of Fushiguro so early in the day—there was more than enough time for that later.
Even so, it paled in comparison to the second reason, which was the fact that without any distractions, there was nothing to assist Yuuji in the incredibly difficult uphill battle that was trying not to think about the heat of Fushiguro’s body where it was pressed up against his own.
He was saved (or interrupted, he figured that both probably worked) by a panicked cry followed by the appearance of a distressed looking Inumaki, Maki hot on his heels.
Despite the fact that Fushiguro visibly winced at the noise, his hand didn’t so much as falter when Inumaki started throwing drawers open and digging around inside of them.
It was actually kind of impressive.
“What’s wrong, Inumaki-senpai?” Yuuji decided to ask, cautious, since it was obvious Fushiguro wasn't planning to.
“He lost his ring,” Maki explained, a mocking lilt to her voice despite the fact that she immediately started helping Inumaki search.
He furrowed his eyebrows. “Ring? What ring?” he asked. “Inumaki-senpai doesn’t wear rings.”
Maki spared a quick look to Yuuji and pointed to the fourth finger on her left hand.
Yuuji pursed his lips, because how was that any kind of answer?
It hit him a second later.
“Wait what?” he shrieked, and this time Fushiguro flinched with enough force that he dropped his pen. “You’re married?”
“Who’s married?” Kugisaki asked as she walked into the room.
Yuuji turned to her and shouted, “Inumaki-senpai!”
Kugisaki’s eyes widened and her jaw dropped. “Wait what?” she shrieked, a perfect reenactment of Yuuji. “Really?”
Fushiguro flinched again. “Stop yelling,” he hissed, irritated. “We’re right here.”
“Well excuse me for being surprised that two of our upperclassmen are married, Fushiguro!” Kugisaki cried, voice even louder than before. Yuuji had a sneaking suspicion that she was doing it on purpose just to spite him. “I mean, Inumaki-senpai isn’t even eighteen!”
Yuuji gasped as he turned back to Inumaki. “You’re only seventeen!” he exclaimed.
The unimpressed look Kugisaki shot at him made him tack on, “I mean, I didn’t know you could get married that young!”
“Who got married young?” a new voice spoke up.
Yuuji jumped and whipped around to see Panda in the kitchen, pouring a bag of barbeque chips into a bowl. It was only 7:30 in the morning, but he ultimately decided not to question it.
“Inumaki-senpai,” Kugisaki and Yuuji answered in unison.
“Ah,” Panda responded knowingly. “Yes.”
There was a loud bang as Inumaki threw a stapler over his shoulder where he was still digging around in the drawers. Panda turned his attention over to him. “What’s wrong?”
“He lost his ring,” Maki repeated as she opened one of the kitchen cabinets.
Panda nodded before shoving some chips into his mouth.
“Wait, I almost forgot to ask,” Yuuji said. “Who exactly is Inumaki-senpai married to?”
The chaos cut off as if someone had hit pause; even Inumaki stopped making a mess to look up at him in disbelief. “Seriously?” Maki asked.
“What, am I the only one who doesn’t know?”
“Yes/Shake,” they all answered.
“Oh,” Yuuji mumbled softly, rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment.
“I could have sworn I told you all, though,” Panda mused.
Yuuji frowned. “You definitely didn’t,” he said. “I think I’d remember something like that.”
Panda actually had the audacity to sigh at him. “I said that Inumaki was softer around Yuuta.”
(Kugisaki blinked, shocked, because seriously? That was his way of telling them? If Maki-san hadn’t told her Inumaki was dating Okkotsu—though apparently she neglected to mention the whole marriage part, she thought begrudgingly—then she would’ve had no idea that they were together.
Not that she would ever admit that. Especially not to Itadori.)
Yuuji blinked. “When exactly did you say that?”
“While you were busy playing dead,” Kugisaki snapped.
He winced, though he was a bit confused as to why Fushiguro did it right along with him. Kugisaki wasn’t talking to Fushiguro, was she? Did Yuuji miss something?
“Okay,” Fushiguro interrupted loudly. “Do you have anywhere else we can check, Inumaki-senpai?”
The question went completely unacknowledged.
Fushiguro sighed before turning to look at Maki, who had since moved to the kitchen. “When did he lose it?”
Maki tapped her index finger to her chin, looking thoughtful. “I’m not really sure, actually,” she said. “He just burst into my room half an hour ago yelling about how he couldn’t find it.” She paused for a moment. “Besides, he normally just keeps it on a chain around his neck because he’s worried that he’ll lose it.”
“Well, clearly it didn’t work,” Yuuji commented dumbly.
That at least elicited a reaction out of Inumaki—he made a quiet noise reminiscent of a wounded kitten, and Yuuji could feel Fushiguro’s glare burning on the side of his face.
“Yes, Itadori,” Maki deadpanned. “Clearly.”
“Did he check his bedroom yet?” Kugisaki asked Maki, trying to save the situation. It was clear that she knew that asking Inumaki any kind of question was a pointless endeavor, his limited vocabulary notwithstanding.
“Mm-hmm,” she answered. “It’s like a fucking bomb went off in there. You can’t even see the floor.”
“Well, there aren’t too many places that you could’ve gone this morning…” Kugisaki said. “Have you gone to the bathroom at all, Inumaki-senpai?”
Inumaki turned to her with a frown before nodding.
“Did you check there already?”
Another nod.
“Then maybe it went down the drain?” Yuuji offered.
“It’s possible it could’ve gone down the drain,” Panda said at the same time.
All this suggestion did was cause Inumaki to release another wounded noise from the back of his throat.
Fushiguro and Maki smacked Yuuji and Panda’s heads respectively. “Have some tact,” they hissed.
Zenin genes are scary, Yuuji thought as he stood up to help search.
Deciding to avert the discussion from what they all know was the very strong possibility that the ring fell down the drain, Kugisaki started counting off on her fingers, “So you guys have checked the bathroom and Inumaki-senpai’s room.” She paused to look around the chaos that surrounds them. “You’re currently searching the lounge area and kitchen.”
By this point Inumaki had climbed up onto the counter to search the highest cabinets. (Yuuji decided it was better not to mention that unless Inumaki was standing on the counter like this within the last twelve hours, then there was no way it could be up there. He was clearly on thin ice as it is.)
Inumaki must’ve realized this as well, because not a second later did he slowly climb off, looking defeated.
Yuuji drew a complete and utter blank about what to say or how to comfort his upperclassman, but he was saved by the bell before he needed to try.
Or, well, saved by the sensei.
“Having a party without me?” Gojo said, leaning against the threshold of the door.
“An end of the world party, maybe,” Maki corrected, her tone an odd mixture of concern and exasperation. “Toge lost his ring.”
“Maybe Gojo-sensei can help!” Yuuji exclaimed hopefully.
“I’m pretty sure that’s an oxymoron,” Fushiguro grumbled, and Yuuji laughed despite himself.
Gojo dramatically placed a hand over his heart. “Oh how you wound me, Megumi-chan,” he said. “Is that any way to treat your teacher?
“Besides,” he continued as he took his hand out of his pocket, revealing a silver ring held between his thumb and forefinger. “It wouldn’t happen to be this little old thing, would it?”
Inumaki’s head snapped up at the words so quickly that his neck cracked. When he saw the ring he practically sprinted toward their teacher, snatching it away and holding it to his chest as if it was the most precious thing in the world.
Yuuji couldn’t help but think that to Inumaki, it probably was.
“You should be more careful with that in the future, Inumaki-kun,” Gojo teased; there was a hint of seriousness behind the teasing that read almost like melancholy.
Nobody else seemed to pick up on this, and it was gone so quickly anyway that Yuuji couldn’t help but feel like he imagined it.
“Where was it?” Kugisaki asked.
Gojo smirked. “It was in the first-year classroom.”
Yuuji frowned. “Why would it be there?”
“Ah—he was probably just sulking and pining over Yuuta,” Maki told him with a snort. “That’s where they first met, after all.”
Yuuji turned to see what Inumaki had to say about the slight, but he was too preoccupied, still cradling the ring to his chest.
“Hey, wait,” Yuuji started, and when all of them turned to look at him in perfect sync he startled a bit. “We got sidetracked again. Now I wanna know how Inumaki-senpai was able to get married.”
Gojo took a pen out of his pocket and mimed writing his signature in the air. “That would be thanks to yours truly.”
“Really?” Yuuji asked, eyes wide.
“Did you perform the ceremony, too?” Kugisaki asked, looking a bit awestruck.
“He did,” Maki answered. “It was unbearable.”
Gojo placed a hand on his chest and gasped, offended. “How dare you,” he said, though it came out sounding like a question. “The ceremony was beautiful.”
Maki pursed her lips. “It lasted like three hours,” she maintained flatly. “Hearing it was seriously painful.” She paused, a considering look on her face. “Though I will say that hearing the consummation was much more painful,” she added dryly. “So at least there’s that.”
A cheshire-like grin formed on Inumaki’s face and he tilted his chin up cockily. “Shake.”
Yuuji winced at that because while it was nice to see Inumaki happy instead of sad, he could’ve lived a very fulfilling life without that image in his mind.
“Moving on because gross,” Kugisaki started loudly. “What did the higher-ups have to say about that? I can’t really imagine them approving.”
Gojo turned to Inumaki. “Have you said anything to them?” A shake of his head. “Has Yuuta?” Another shake.
Gojo turned to Panda. “Have you?”
Panda shook his head.
Gojo turned to Maki. “Have you?”
Maki shook her head.
Gojo turned to Fushiguro. “Have you?”
Fushiguro shook his head.
“Then they have no idea,” Gojo informed them with a shrug.
It was Fushiguro’s turn to say (he would never shriek, Yuuji knew this for a fact), “Wait what?”
Gojo raised an incredulous eyebrow. “You think they’d allow something like this?” he asked with a scoff. “They’re almost as fixated on Yuuta as they are on Itadori.”
For some reason the words made Fushiguro stiffen, but before Yuuji could catch his gaze to see what’s wrong, Gojo continued, “I mean, Yuuta technically has an execution order hanging over his head too, you know.”
Yuuji heard Inumaki’s breath catch in his chest, presumably at the reminder of the not-technically-void kill order on his husband (husband!!); Fushiguro clenched his jaw and looked like he was about to commit murder.
Wow, Yuuji couldn’t help but think, a bit awestruck at the unconcealed show of emotion on Fushiguro’s face. Kugisaki wasn’t kidding when she told him that Okkotsu-senpai is the only upperclassmen that Fushiguro will openly respect.
Kugisaki hummed. “I suppose that’s true.”
Now let it be known that Yuuji was self-aware enough to know that on a good day he had trouble keeping up with conversations only a few times instead of a lot, and so trying to digest all of this information had his brain working overtime right now; he couldn’t be blamed for the fact that the implications of what Gojo only just sinking in.
“Gojo-sensei illegally helped Inumaki-senpai and Okkotsu-senpai get married,” Yuuji said, dazed.
“Yes/Shake.”
“Gojo-sensei illegally helped Inumaki-senpai and Okkotsu-senpai get married,” he repeated.
“Yes.” That one was definitely Kugisaki.
Yuuji opened his mouth to repeat for the third time, but he was cut off before he could continue.
“A few months ago you ate a finger and got possessed by a millenia old cursed spirit,” Maki deadpanned, “but it’s Gojo-sensei forging Inumaki’s parents signatures that’s tripping you up?”
Yuuji sputtered. “When you say it like that I sound—”
“Like an idiot?” Maki offered.
He blinked. Opened and closed and closed his mouth a few times. Blinked again.
Maki huffed. “That’s what I thought.”
Yuuji chose to shift the conversation elsewhere instead of calling Kugisaki out on the heart eyes she was sending Maki for making fun of him.
(Never let it be said that he wasn’t a good person.)
Something else dawned on him. Because apparently everything was coming in waves instead of all at once. He looked at Kugisaki. She looked at him a second later, clearly having reached the same realization he had.
They turned to Fushiguro in sync. “You knew about this?”
Fushiguro blinked at them like he was confused as to why they were yelling. “Yeah?”
Kugisaki looked like she wanted to grab his shoulders and shake him. “And you didn’t think to tell us?”
Fushiguro pursed his lips. “I wasn't aware I was supposed to.”
Yuuji actually felt offended by this answer on Kugisaki’s behalf, because this was exactly the kind of stuff she would want to know. It was the kind of stuff she lived for.
Kugisaki lived for it so much that Yuuji voluntarily told her about his unrequited crush on Fushiguro just because he knew it would interest her, but all she did in response was tell him that she already knew and that if Yuuji would just open his eyes then he’d realize that Fushiguro loved him back. Yuuji thought she was full of it. He also thought she was a hypocrite.
(Yuuji was also smart enough not to vocalize either of those things.)
“Of course you were supposed to,” Yuuji and Kugisaki responded in tandem, pitying and outraged respectively. “That’s literally the exact type of thing she/I would want to know.”
Kugisaki turned and gestured at Yuuji emphatically. “See!” she cried. “He understands!”
The rest of their argument became background noise as Yuuji looked over at Inumaki, who was staring down at his hand where he’d just put the ring back on.
Yuuji rubbed his ring finger absently and wondered what it would be like to have Fushiguro’s.
The room went silent, and when Yuuji looked up everyone was staring at him.
Shit. He totally said that out loud, didn’t he.
“Um,” Yuuji said in a voice about five octaves too high. He resolutely did not look at Fushiguro despite feeling his eyes on him. “Did I say that out loud?”
“Oh, did you ever say that out loud,” Kugisaki said with a smirk.
“As you are technically emancipated,” Gojo began lavishly, “You don’t need a parental signature.
Maki nodded with a smirk that rivaled Kugisaki’s. “And Gojo-sensei is Megumi’s legal guardian,” she said. “Which means…”
“…you could technically get married this very second!” Kugisaki finished with a gasp. “Fushiguro, I will totally forgive you for your trespasses if I get to be the maid of honor.”
Fushiguro made a strangled noise.
“But I wanted you to be my maid of honor,” Yuuji said without thinking.
Gojo threw his head back and barked a laugh while Fushiguro hissed, “Stop playing into this—we are not getting married.”
Having already (heavily) implied that he had feelings for Fushiguro, Yuuji decided he would absolutely play into it. “But why not?”
Fushiguro made another noise.
Inumaki whipped out his phone and pressed a few buttons before holding it up. The dial tone only went off twice before Okkotsu’s voice came through, and he sounded a little amused when he greeted, “Well, you’re certainly up early, baby.”
Maki looked like she was holding back a laugh when Inumaki went red with embarrassment at the pet name. “You’re on speaker,” she said loudly.
Unlike Inumaki, Okkotsu didn’t seem to be embarrassed in the slightest when he responded. “Oh. Well, good morning everyone!”
Gojo didn’t waste a second. “How soon can you get here?” he asked.
Okkotsu sucked in a breath. “What’s wrong?” he asked. “Did something happen?”
“Well, Inumaki-senpai did lose his wedding ring,” Yuuji said. The jab in the ribs he got from Fushiguro was clearly reflexive.
“Which we found soon after,” Maki responded immediately, voice pointed and expression unimpressed.
Yuuji could feel the way Okkotsu relaxed even without seeing him.
“You didn’t need to worry so much, sweetheart,” Okkotsu said, voice so soft and fond that it actually made Yuuji ache. “I would’ve gotten you a new one.”
Inumaki shook his head vigorously as an almost wounded noise of disagreement escaped him.
Okkotsu huffed a soft laugh. “I know,” he whispered. (Yuuji couldn’t help but what exactly it was that Okkotsu knew, because he certainly had no idea.) Then, “Why do you need me to come back?”
“Me and Fushiguro are getting married!” Yuuji yelled.
“We most certainly are not!” Fushiguro yelled back.
“Congratulations!” Okkotsu said happily, steamrolling right over Fushiguro’s objection. “So, Fushiguro finally confessed? I’ll be there by the end of the week.”
The room went silent yet again.
“Confessed?” Yuuji asked weakly. Fushiguro looked panicked.
There was a brief pause before Okkotsu spoke again. “Yes? Why else would—”
Inumaki abruptly took him off speaker and ran out of the room.
“Confessed?” Yuuji asked again, softer this time.
Fushiguro winced and muttered something that sounded a lot like screw it before looking Yuuji in the eyes and asking, “Want to get married?”
Yuuji didn’t hesitate to say yes.