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“...and that’s why Ogasawara couldn’t stop panicking this morning. Crazy, huh?”
Once again, another day in school. It was lunch time, and Sasaki was feasting on a mitarashi dango.
Meanwhile, however, a certain blonde-haired brick-faced boy was only half listening. Sasaki had been explaining to Hirano this whole lover’s quarrel between Ogasawara and his girlfriend. Word for word, Sasaki blankly stated, they ‘made up quicker than they took to meet up, and they started being all sweet with each other for the next 20 minutes. In front of me.’
It wasn’t the first time Hirano heard of Ogasawara’s mini feuds with his girlfriend… but this time he thought back to someone else. Someone he was… close to, would be the best way for himself to admit it.
‘Hirano-san, I’m sorry.’
Kagiura looked like he was about to cry. It’s that same face—that damned, heartbreaking expression.
‘I’ll… I need to go get..— I.. I forgot something at the gym, see you!”
“Kagi-kun!”
Hirano is knocked out of his thoughts when the sound of a door closing is replaced with the sound of a finger tapping on the desk.
“Hirano, you’re all zoned out ‘n shit.”
As Hirano refocused—and blinked a few times—he looked up and noticed Sasaki, looking down at him with a raised eyebrow.
“...man? What’s happened with you?” Sasaki looked at him, suspicious. In fact, he’d noticed Hirano walking into the classroom with a more solemn and frustrated expression much earlier. Hirano only grumbles.
“It’s nothing.”
“There is no way this is nothing—”
“I SAID it’s nothing, Sasaki.”
Sasaki doesn't miss the seriously irritated glare that pierced through his own brain. Shiver me timbers. Despite his concern for his friend, he didn’t want his head bashed in, so he sighed and offered something else.
“Wanna get a drink from the vending machine?”
Hirano looked at him, unsure.
“Fine.”
— — — — — —
Clang.
A can of coffee drops and deposits into the bottom of the vending machine.
It was pretty much silent between them, save for the occasional comments on the school scenery around them, or minor complaints as they went on about the machine.
Hirano picked up the can of coffee and tossed it lightly. “Sick,” Sasaki commented, before leaning down to pick up his own can.
But as he did so, he doesn’t miss the sight of Hirano zoning out longingly at the can in his hands. In the corner of his eye, Sasaki watched as he fidgeted with it in his hands.
Just what happened with Hirano? He muses, concerned. Although, he doesn’t judge Hirano for it, as he can get an inkling of what Hirano seems so distracted by.
Sasaki remembers the days where he waited for Miyano, the days where he kept thinking about him—how he looked, how he spoke, how he smiled how he smiled how he smiled—and the way his thoughts all bunched up into feelings, questions, doubts, about him and him at the very top.
I wonder how he is right now, was one thought, then the next was I wonder if I’ve been too rough with him. I wonder if he’s really going to love me back. I wonder— I wonder— I wonder—
Those were the thoughts that paraded his head when Miyano was his love but not his lover.
And he can see that same gaze of mere thinking erupting from Hirano’s furrowed brow and growing frown. Perhaps it really is about that ‘Roommate-kun’. Maybe his roommate ran away from him again? Lol. It seriously was one of the first things Sasaki thought of, though, because it seemed like nothing could get Hirano to make a face like that except his dear roommate.
Hirano seemed to have noticed Sasaki looking at him as his eyes shifted to meet Sasaki’s—who was cracking open a cold one at that moment. Sasaki was about to speak and point out for Hirano, but—
“Sasaki,” Hirano hesitated, looking down at the unopened can again, “What does ‘love’ feel like?”
..is a question Sasaki didn’t expect from the Hirano he knew. Not expected, but Sasaki felt more appreciative than shocked. But seriously… What a question. The air is filled with silence for a bit as Sasaki thought of an answer. What is love in the first place? No one knew, but the best Sasaki knew was that his own personal love stemmed from Miyano. His Myaa-chan.
“For me,” Sasaki started, taking a sip from his drink, “It feels like… wind,” He takes a moment to pause—he wasn’t the poetic type, but this truly came from his heart.
“Sometimes the wind can be soft and cool, like comfort,” He thinks of Miyano’s smile and his ranting, and the way his eyes shined when he blushed, “But sometimes it can get stronger, and stronger where it’s hard to control. Hell, it could turn into a damn tornado,” Sasaki looks down at his own hands, “It’s unpredictable; one day it feels sweet, but the next day it can be painful. One day it’s little puppy love, but there I can’t help but feel like I want every bit of him to myself..”
The metaphor ended up dropping at the end, making it clear who exactly he was thinking of—if it already wasn’t obvious enough.
Sasaki sighed as he leaned against a wall. As he carefully explained his own feelings, he couldn’t help but watch Hirano make that thinking face again. He wondered what Hirano’s wondering right now. Sasaki takes another long sip, then sighs.
“But it’s different for everyone, I think,” Sasaki smiled to himself, “I wouldn’t know how you think of it.”
“Huh,” Hirano finally made another sound, “I… ugh, damn…” Hirano’s face contorts back into frustration alone.
“What’s making that face now?” Sasaki commented. Thankfully, with the increased vulnerability in the moment, he only received a little glare.
“Shut up. It’s just that..” Hirano looked at the ground. He was thinking over what happened this morning, “I can’t get how it’s supposed to feel like.”
Sasaki took a shorter sip, “Try starting with ‘how do I feel about ‘Roommate-kun’ first before thinking about the love part.”
“..what. How do you know?”
“Not the point, can’t spill my secrets. Go and put the thinking cap on.”
Hirano glared at him a little sharper, yet it held a tinge of embarrassment. Hirano just stops and sighs, cracking open the can at last before taking a looooooooong sip.
How did he feel about Kagiura?
“...’ke seein’ him happy,” Hirano mumbles under his breath, “I… think he’s amazing.”
Sasaki grins, “Is that so…?”
Urgh. Hirano lost his words and he clicked his tongue, “I.. I…” I feel nothing when he touches me, or puts his head on my shoulder, or when we hold hands, but… “I feel..” like something in my shifts whenever he smiles. Whenever he thanks me, or looks at me with an expression of… everything. And when I see him frown like that, or tear up like that, something in my own heart breaks. I don’t want to hurt him. I feel like I want to care for him, to spoil him, to protect him, to understand him, to laugh with him, to see him, to make him smile, to make him smile, to make him smile.
“You feel? What.”
“...F– Forget it.”
Hirano faced away when he felt a flush crawl up his neck.
“Thanks, Sasaki. I guess I’ll think about it more later,” Hirano looks at the time as he downs a part of his coffee, “We should head back before the bell rings.”
“Right,” Sasaki still had a bit of his grin as he throwed away the can he had finished in the midst of Hirano’s crisis, “Good luck, Hirano.”
“....thanks,” Hirano scratched the back of his neck, and said no other word before walking off with Sasaki trailing behind him. It was silent now.. it always felt a little strange talking about love with Sasaki.
Sasaki looked at him from behind, and he stifled a chuckle. How amusing that was.. he could almost feel the tornado of soft breezes blow up in Hirano’s head.
He hopes his friend will figure things out.