Work Text:
Mateo
8:41 PM
“I’m scared, Roof.” I whisper, my eyes prickling with the beginning of tears. His strong body embraces me gently, a hand coming to rub up and down my back.
“Me too, Matt.” he sighs as his chin rests on the top of my head.
I woke up first, our short-lived nap keeping reality away until I read the clock. We’re still lying down on my bed, but the time now reads 8:41. Three hours and 19 minutes until tomorrow. We will die before then, we could die in the next 30 seconds, but it’s not up to me. I wish it was.
Regardless, I didn’t take a step out of bed when I woke up, consumed by fear of anything and everything killing me and taking me away from living. More like surviving, so Rufus won’t be alone when he dies.
“We have each other, at least.” He says, and I can hear the vibrations in his voice that only appear when you grapple with anxiety-inducing things. Like the fact that you will be dead and gone in a little over three hours.
“Yes, we do.” I hold him tighter, feeling his warm body pressed against mine, and it helps slightly, helps with the shaking.
In my childhood bedroom, it’s dark besides the street light entering from behind my window shades. In a way, the darkness is familiar. The glow-in-the-dark stars my dad put up when I was little still have a faint glow to them, and I hope that death looks something like this. Warm and comforting; unlike the monsters that you imagined hid in your closet.
“I just wish we had more time…” my voice breaks, and I sniffle, warm tears slowly falling sideways down my face and landing on his shirt. His hand comes up to my face, wiping his thumb beneath my eye and brushing a hand through my hair. I never knew I would love physical touch so much, but with Rufus I feel starved.
“I know. Maybe in another universe we did. One where Death-Cast didn’t exist, and we grew old with each other until all we did was bicker about the weather and other stupid shit.” Rufus chuckles, but it’s not happy. It’s bitter.
“I would’ve liked that stupid shit.” I reply, closing my eyes and listening to his heartbeat in my ear. It’s quick, anxiety growing in both of us by the minute, but it’s steady. We’re here together and that’s what matters. “I would’ve liked all of it.”
Exploring, singing, dancing, fighting, laughing. Loving.
“At least we’d be living.”
“Yeah…” Rufus responds but his voice is small, choked. We’re mourning the loss of something that should’ve been ours to decide. What we could’ve had together. The ache in my chest won’t dissipate and it’s almost suffocating.
I lift my head to look at him, staring into his beautiful brown eyes. I rise slowly, setting myself in his lap as he sits up too, questioning my expression. He can see I have something to say. I breathe deep and exhale, another round of tears falling without command.
“I can’t decide if I want to fall asleep again, or look at you for the limited time we have left,” I tell him, and a slight blush appears on my cheeks even while I’m crying. ‘Old Mateo’ would’ve taken months to say something like this, but I couldn’t let it go unsaid. Not with our time dwindling by the seconds.
I can feel my eyes itching to look at the clock on my nightstand, but I don’t let them stray from Rufus’ face. The construct of time will continue long after we're gone.
“Fuck, Mateo,” Rufus breaks, pulling me towards him with one hand on my waist and the other on my jaw. We sob as we kiss passionately, begging whatever being is out there for more time. Holding each other closer and tighter than ever because this is it. If this afterlife thing doesn’t exist, this is all we have. “I love you,” he says against my lips once we break apart, panting.
“I love you too,” I tremble, holding him close, attempting to memorize his voice, his smell, his hands holding me, his warmth. Everything. Tucking my face into his neck, he does the same, pressing a kiss to my collarbone and I shiver. There's not enough time for us. There will never be enough.
“I’ll always be yours, Last Friend,” I whisper.
Rufus’ breath hitches. “And I yours. This day - you - will live forever in my mind.”
I kiss him, breathing deeply as we break apart for air before losing ourselves in each other over and over again.
Loving deeply.
Hey, where you been all this time?
If the end is near, we'd better make it count
Thought I'd lost you back then in a different life
Oh, I knew it then and there you'd live forever
In my mind, my mind, oh my mind
For all of my life, all my life
(Pretty Boy by Léon)