Archive of Our Own

Fox was relaxing, legs stretched out on the ratty old couch some troopers had rescued from the landfill and dragged into the commander barrack. His fluffy socks were a mismatch of different colors, with how often they had been patched up with whatever yarn they had on hand. The rest of his clothes were in a similar state of disarray. The trousers were soft, Jedi-looking sweatpants, and the pullover was two sizes too big with a second pair of sleeves that had been hazily cut off and the holes sewn shut.

To summarize, Fox was damn comfortable and had no intention of moving a millimeter away from his spot or cheesy Holonovel. It was his first day off in weeks, and he planned to shoot everyone who dared to come in and disturb his peace.

This naturally meant that someone had to storm in when the main protagonist of the book found out that his lover had slept with another man.

Quinlan looked too excited, face flushed from running, hair in disarray, and clothes askew, all in all too enthusiastic for Fox who wasn't hopped up on seven mugs of caf today. Not even the Vibroknife flying towards his face could dim his boyfriend's mood as the man just ducked to the side grabbing it from the air with ease.

"Fox, darling, love of my life." Quin sing-songed as he stepped towards the sofa. "I heard you had the day off today, so I thought we could go on a date!"

“This is my only day off in weeks,” Fox growled, rubbing his temple, “and you want me to help you commit a crime?”

Was it harsh to accuse one's boyfriend of criminal intent when offered a date? Maybe but it wasn't like Fox was wrong. Every date so far had ended with Fox somewhere involved in the other's work. Their night out at a club was Fox providing cover for an undercover op. Their trip to the museum had led to them catching a thief. And their romantic picnic in the botanical garden had ended when Quin had tackled an assassin. So one had to excuse Fox for making assumptions. He still loved this idiot of a man, even with all his shortcomings. But today he wasn't in the mood for chaos.

“It’s not a crime!” Quinlan insisted, waving his hands dramatically. “It’s an investigation... that is not really approved by the council.”

Fox groaned. They rarely were with Quin. In his world things that weren't strictly forbidden were as good as approved. Which made him a damn good shadow and a constant headache to Mace Windu.

"I'm not saying that I will come with you, but if I should what would we be investigating?" Fox was curious about what had his boyfriend so excited.

"This beast is prowling through the lower levels. No, it is not just a rumor or hearsay. I saw proof, Holos, blurry, but they exist and the destruction it leaves is undeniable. Claw marks on houses, gigantic footprints in the walkways, and turned-over Speeders."

"So you want me to come and hunt a Mythausaur with you?" Fox sounded mocking but he was anything but, his heart beating fast inside his chest cold sweat breaking out.

"It is not! It is real and apparently force-sensitive. Can you imagine a beast of that size being force-sensitive? It could even be related to the Sith!"

It was not related to the Sith! As if Fox would ever be in cahoots with the ones responsible for getting his brothers killed!

Yes, because the beast terrorizing the lower levels was Fox. No, he had no idea why or how, but he was inclined to blame the Kaminoans for fucking up his genetics. For some time ever since he left Kamino and experienced freedom for the first time when he was in an extremely stressful or dangerous situation he changed. He had yet to see a proper Holo of himself but he knew he was bigger, and mostly moving on instinct taking care of the danger.

He had learned box breathing and every other calming technic real fast as changing and ripping apart senators even if therapeutic would get him and his troopers in trouble.

Which was also a big factor in why he had told no one, not a single soul about his abilities. Even if his fellow troopers wanted to keep his secret if they were tortured there was a chance they would let it slip. And Fox was too afraid to end on Kamino being cut open for science.

Plus there was no guarantee he wouldn't be treated differently if people knew. He had been apprehensive when he thought he was just a big animal like Hound's Massiffs , but now he was apparently force-sensitive as well? He didn't think so, he didn't feel especially force-sensitive in his daily life, but who knew what was going on when he went into a haze after changing forms.

All this meant his relaxing time was done because for all his faults Quin was damn good at his job and if no one, especially Fox, intervened he would soon find out the person standing behind the beast. "Alright. Let's go cryptic hunting, but you owe me dinner afterward."

Quin smiled brightly at him. "Ohh you won't regret it." Fox was sure he would but he still got dressed folding his comfy close and putting on his armor. Being the commander of the guard had its peaks like getting to the lower levels uninterrupted as no one wanted to mess with him and get in trouble.

Following Quin to the scene of the incident Fox was curious. He had never seen the aftermath, afraid returning would somehow imply him, and when he passed by after a while the damage had always been fixed already. So he wasn't prepared at all for the size of the claw marks. This was nothing Massiff-sized, or maybe a bit bigger. His whole arm fitted in the claw mark left on the side of a house. His stomach turned thinking of what kind of monster he had to be.

"Wow." Quin sounded impressed, overly so. Stupid idiot with no self-preservation instinct. This was proven as Quin reached out to touch the damage , bare skin on full display. Fox cursed pulling his boyfriend away and cutting the connection.

"Are you insane?" He hissed. Quin had a faraway look in his eyes and Fox was afraid laying eyes on his shifted form had broken his boyfriend. How horrendous must he be?

"They are so beautiful," Quin whispered filled with wonder, shocking Fox. "I never seen something like it."

But the compliment didn't stop the worry Fox felt. "What were you thinking? Didn't you see the damage? What if you were faced with backlash? Do you want to faint?" Quin just hummed a big smile on his face.

"You didn't see it. It is majestic." Fox fought back a blush at the words. Quin didn't know it was him.

"It destroyed a building! We are lucky no one was trampled to death. It is dangerous." I'm dangerous Fox thought. If I do anything wrong I can get everyone I care about killed.

Their little showdown caught the attention of a passer-by who so far had kept their distance intimidated by his armor. They stepped closer, eager to share some gossip. "Well, they weren't trambled, but someone got killed."

Fuck! Fox had done that, had ended a life. Well the fact he killed someone didn't bother him per se it wouldn't be the first time. It was more the fact he didn't remember killing anyone and had no idea if the person deserved it. He could only hope it wasn't a child.

Following the man they entered an alleyway, eyes flickering around catching all the small details trying to puzzle out what happened since he couldn't remember. He was sure he must have transformed in here since the scratch marks started up in the middle of the alley.

His victim was under a blue tarp someone had dropped over the body. It didn't hide the dried blood on the sidewalk. No one stopped them when they got close, as a Marshal Commander and a Jedi had all right to inspect a crime scene. Lifting the tarp Fox winced. It wasn't a pretty sight.

The passant had been right the man hadn't been trampled. He was torn in half, sharp claws gutting him apart in the middle and splattering the insides against the wall. Fox's beast really had wanted the guy dead.

Well now that he saw the face and could tell who exactly he had killed he couldn't say the guy didn't deserve it. In fact, it explained why there was even a beast running around at all.

This specific piece of scum had cornered Fox on his way back to the barracks yesterday. It was against the rule to go alone as it made you an easier target but since Fox made the rules he had less qualms about breaking them than anyone else. He was after all able to defend himself and he much rather had Thorn stay with the shines to make sure they were safe instead of walking Fox back. Usually, Fox being alone was not a problem, but this man had not gotten the hint even with Fox on his best intimidating Marshal commander behavior. In fact, it had made him only more persistent in quoting laws and saying Fox had no choice in the matter since he didn't have any sentiment rights, and that he would file an official complaint against the guard if a Fox didn't behave.

Some memories were coming back. Fox thought the man had touched him. Laid his hand on his neck fingers pulling down the fabric of Fox's blacks. That must have been when the transformation hit and Fox killed him. Fox was not sorry for ending his life. But for being as unsubtle as one could be. A monster apparently bigger than a troop transport was not going unnoticed and even if he was lucky so far there was always the danger of it being connected back to him which he really couldn't risk. A clone killing a civilian was way easier to brush under the carpet than a beast.

"Oh, that is… well… they really must have pissed the beast off ." If only Quin knew how right he was.

"No longer having a crush on it now that you know it could easily kill you?"

Quin's eyes wandered up and down Fox's body. "I dunno someone that could easily kill me seems to be my type." He purred stepping into Fox's space. "But no worries Fox you are the only deadly thing for me. Can't fault a man for appreciating from afar though "

Fox's heart was beating fast and he didn't know if it was because Quin was confessing to Fox or because the stupid man was even also appreciating him in his beast form thinking him beautiful. The thing this did to a man's ego. Quin really knew how to flatter him.

But he was still in public and feeling his cheeks heat up despite being hidden by his helmet he pushed Quin away roughly. "Shut up!"

Anyone else would have been offended by Fox being so rough and denying affection. Even Fox's own brothers sometimes were miffed when Fox was pushing them away and they had grown up with him running hot and cold. But Quin? He was just smiling winking at Fox and returning to inspecting the crime scene not even the slightest bit irritated by Fox. The more Fox pushed him away the more determined the man seemed to figure Fox out to make sure he was always there when Fox was ready to accept affection. The stupid man was spoiling Fox rotten. Even his commanders were complaining that the man made them look bad and they did their best to make sure Fox was comfortable.

"Jokes aside this guy really must have done something. Think about it, the distance the beast has traveled and how easily it could have trampled someone but there is only a dead person, and that one was cut? This was not an accident it was targeted. He doesn't look like he is an animal smuggler, but who knows "

Fox was reminded why he usually avoided working with Quin alone, the man was just too sexy when his mind worked. And without some commanders keeping him in line it was damn hard not to give into the impulse to drag the guy away from prying eyes and kiss him senseless.

It was all Quin's fault for being so damn good-looking. Fox had been a hardworking, cold commander no one dared to mess with. And now? His image was ruined as he went all soft-eyed when the other man was brought up leading to endless teasing.

"Properly. We are lucky it was just one person offending it and the thing vanished after without much more. I doubt this will land on my desk officially or make it to the senators given that it happened in the lower levels." Fox really didn't want to have anyone looking too closely at the beast.

"Ha, afraid they will tell you to catch it to make it their pet?" Quin teased and Fox couldn't help his smile. With how stupid some senators were he had no doubt they would want to bring a deadly creature into the Senate and have it run wild.

"As nice as it would be to get rid of the annoying ones the paperwork will not be worth having them eaten." He retorted.

"Shame I could really make without seeing Senator Neesele's ugly face ever again. But there is always the option of an unlucky accident I guess."

"I want in." Fox instantly said not the least miffed that his boyfriend was planning murder in public. The lower levels hated the Senate as much as Fox did, they were more likely to give them an alibi than sell them out.

"It's a date then" Quin smiled and this time Fox didn't prevent him from openly flirting in public and just nodded. Other people would be horrified at the mere thought of the offer but luckily both Quin and Fox were a bit crazy and Fox found the idea of committing the murder of his most hated senator together actually romantic.

"Think I should touch him and see if I can figure something out?" The warm feeling in Fox's chest instantly disappeared and he shook his head grabbing Quin's arm for good measure. "Alright, you want to share with the class?"

Fox didn't but Quin knew him well enough to know that he had figured something out. Something he didn't want Quin to see.

"I trust you." Quin let the tarp fall back over the body. "Just tell me when you are ready or need help alright? I don't want anything bad to happen to you." Had Fox mentioned he was being spoiled rotten by his lovely boyfriend?

"Thank you," Fox whispered.

"Well, not much we can do then with our beast disappearing from the face of the earth. Let's go I think I owe you some food for disturbing you on your day off."

They bid farewell to the locals with a warning to not piss the thing off if it came back. They were safe since the beast didn't attack or kill unprovoked. That eased the minds of the people significantly. From what Fox could tell they were good people so they were in no danger to trigger his transformation. He still felt bad for the damage he had done but when asked if they needed help for repairs from the guard he was quickly reassured they had already figured it out and had just waited for the Jedi shadow to come take a look and everything would be covered back up by tomorrow.

Fox always wondered how the Senators could think the under city was uncultivated and only a bunch of good for nothing. They were well organized, no senator could ever have the work done so fast.

Quin lead him up a few levels to a dim-looking cantina, filled with bounty hunters and scum. But the food there was very good and they couldn't risk going to Dex as the GAR frequently went there and Fox didn't want to deal with their idiocy in his free time. Enough that he had to discuss with their commanders and captains that yes he had to put their troopers in the drunk tank before they got himself or someone else killed, nearly every day of the week.

At this point the people inside the cantina didn't even react when he and Quin stepped inside, a pair only stopped for a second to muster them before continuing their clearly illegal exchange of goods. A far cry from their first visit when Quin dragged Fox here after an undercover operation to have him try the food, which ended with a blaster fight as everyone assumed they had come to arrest someone. Now everyone was reassured after countless visits that they were just here for food and that as long as no one started something with them they would leave well enough alone. But outside the cantina, all bets were off if Fox caught them doing something illegal.

"Your usual boys?" The alien behind the bar greeted them not even waiting for an answer as they called in their usual order, spicy beef stews and banta skewers, with a coffee-flavored milkshake and a beer. It was not hard to guess who had what beverage.

Sitting at their usual table, they really had gotten quite comfortable, having a usual table. Should Fox feel bad being so buddy-buddy with bounty hunters and smugglers? Properly especially since he could get in big trouble if someone found out with whim he was hanging out. But lucky for Fox he had stopped giving a shit about protocol the second month on Coruscant together with all his hopes and dreams.

Eating their food Fox couldn't help but ask. "So do you have alerts set up for everything weird going on in the lower levels or is our little monster just special?" Fox didn't know what he wanted to hear. On one hand, he wanted to be special in his lover's eyes even if said lover didn't know it was him. On the other, it was bad if Quin was paying too much attention to his other self as that would increase the likelihood of him being discovered.

"Oh don't look at me like that. The planet is not your sole responsibility despite your trying to make it so. I'm not trying to undermine you or anything. I was just thinking with neither the Senate nor the council apparently giving a fuck what is going on right in front of the door I could help you keep an eye on things."

Fox instantly bristled at the insistent that he needed help to take care of his own planet. He knew that wasn't Quinn's intention, but it still irked Fox. It wasn't Quinn's fault just too many people always insisting he didn't know how to do his job. Plus he had not only the Senate but the Jedi council as well which was always a plus in Fox's eyes. The other clones might have a high opinion of the Jedi but Fox was faced with all the shit that was going on, on Coruscant right in front of them without them noticing so he found them rather useless. Present company excluded of course.

"I can handle it." He still insisted because there couldn't be a doubt in Quin's mind of that. Fox had it handled. If the shadow wanted to get involved he could but there was no need. Fox was not weak. He had things under control.

“Look, I’m not saying you can’t handle it,” Quin said gently, his tone careful knowing the thin ice he was on. “I’m just saying no one person should have to handle all of it. Even the best need backup sometimes.”

Fox’s jaw clenched. “I don’t need backup,” he said sharply, his voice cutting through the cantina noise. A few heads turned, but Fox didn’t care. “I’ve been running this planet while the Senate looks the other way, while the Jedi sit in their ivory tower, and while my brothers get shipped off to die for a war none of us started.”

“I didn’t mean it like that, Fox,” Quin said quickly, holding up his hands in a gesture of peace. “I know how much you do. Hell, I’d be the first to tell anyone who’d listen that Coruscant would fall apart without you. But you can’t keep this pace forever. You’re—”

“Don’t,” Fox interrupted, his voice dropping into something low and dangerous. “Don’t tell me I’m stretched too thin or that I’m one bad day away from breaking. I know, Quin. I know better than anyone."

Quin was right, Fox was slowly killing himself a little bit each day, he knew it, his medic knew it, and the other commanders knew it. But he couldn't admit it, not now or ever. If he did he would finally snap, breaking under the pressure, and then there wouldn't be a Coruscant guard anymore to keep things running. It was why everyone else stayed silent on the matter no matter how much it broke their hearts to see Fox suffer.

Everyone besides Quin, who made Fox's well-being his highest priority.

Fox shoved his chair back with a screech. “I need some air,” he muttered, his voice taut as a drawn bowstring. He didn’t wait for Quin’s response as he stormed out of the cantina, his steps quick and angry.

But Quin couldn't just let things be, it was not in his nature, once the shadow found a weakness he couldn't let things go. Not when he finally saw his chance to get through to his lover and make sure he wouldn't lose the man.

“Fox, please.” A quiet but unyielding plea but Fox didn’t turn around. His fists clenched at his sides as he stared straight ahead, willing himself to breathe, to calm the storm raging in his chest. But Quin didn’t stop.

“Fox, you’re not a droid. You’re not invincible,” Quin said, his voice soft but resolute. He stepped closer, his boots barely making a sound on the wet duracrete . “You don’t have to carry this alone. You shouldn’t carry this alone. I can see what it’s doing to you.”

“Stop,” Fox growled, his voice low and raw, his shoulders trembling. “Just... stop. You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I know enough,” Quin countered, and now his voice was firmer, pushing past the wall Fox was trying so desperately to hold up. “I know what it’s like to feel like the weight of the galaxy is on your shoulders. I know what it’s like to think you’re the only one who can fix it all. But you’re not. You don’t have to be—”

“I said stop! ” Fox snapped, spinning around to face Quin, his eyes blazing with a mix of anger and something deeper, something raw and wounded. Quin froze, startled by the sheer intensity in Fox’s expression.

Quin took a cautious step forward, his hand raised as if to steady the tension in the air. “Fox, listen—”

“No! You listen!” Fox shouted, his voice echoing in the narrow alley. “You don’t get it! You don’t get what it’s like to know that if you fail, everyone around you dies! That if you break, the entire system collapses!” His breaths came fast and shallow now, his chest heaving as the walls he’d kept so carefully constructed began to crumble.

Quin reached out again, his voice softening. “Fox, you’re—”

But Fox couldn’t hear him anymore. The emotions he’d buried for so long surged to the surface, too strong to contain, too overwhelming to control. And then it happened. His control was slipping away.

He fought desperately, clawing at his concussion trying to hold on. He didn't want to hurt Quin, no matter how annoying the guy was meddling in Fox's affairs Fox loved him. He didn't want to cause him harm. But he couldn't hold back the transformation, could feel his limbs stretch, a tingle going through his body. He knew the beast wouldn't leave whoever caused him harm alive.

“Fox?” Quin’s voice trembled slightly as he stepped back, his hand instinctively reaching for his lightsaber.

Good, at least then Fox wouldn't have the Jedi's blood on his hands. It would be okay.

With that reassurance, Fox lost the fight with the darkness.

~*~

"… alright. I got you. That's it. Nice and steady."

Fox slowly blinked back to consciousness, mind still foggy as he tried to make sense of what was happening. He was in an alleyway the rough metal of the wall biting into his back and side as he pressed into a corner. His whole body was trembling.

"That's it. Just relax. I got you. No need to panic, dove." Quin's reassurance washed over him like a balmy on an open wound calming some of the terror in his veins.

Blinking again he realised how tiny Quin looked, with his hands raised in the ultimate gesture of not being threatening. Had Fox climbed up somewhere? But then why hadn't Quin followed him and was holding him? Why wasn't he cuddling Fox? Had he angered the Jedi? Did Quin not love him anymore?

The shaking returned with vengeance and Quin cursed bringing the distance between them his warm hands falling onto Fox's leg. he shuddered leaning into the touch soaking up the comfort.

"That's it, darling. I'm here. Just come back to me alright? No rush. Take your time."

Fox slumped into himself Quin's words relaxed him and he let out a content sight. Only it sounded like a speeder had been started next to him making him flinch.

"Easy there. It's alright."

It took a moment to realize the sound was coming from Fox himself. A deep purr in his chest. It was the last piece that made things click. The fight, anger, losing control, the beast coming to the forefront.

He gasped afraid of what he had done his eyes wide as he took in their surroundings. A bent fire escape, a crushed trash pin. No other damage. Quin himself looked no worse for wear. No blood or other injuries just a worried frown on his face.

"It's alright you didn't do anything. Just scrambled to hide in the corner. No one was hurt."

Fox was relieved he hadn't hurt anyone again. Especially not someone that didn't deserve it. Even shifted he hadn't hurt Quin.

He had shifted!!! In front of Quin! The secret he had tried to keep hidden all day was out, Quin knew what he was, what he had done.

Feeling the panic clouding the force again Quin kept speaking. "Don't be afraid. Whatever dark scenario you are thinking about will not come to fruition. I will make sure of it. Do you think you can change back?" The pressure on Fox's chest eased somehow. It meant Quin wouldn't leave him, even if he was a beast. He tried to return to human form but didn't know how. He never had to, he usually just woke up back human again somewhere safe. Right now for the first time, he was awake during a shift.

He shook his head shocked when the movement scrapped against the wall making the metal groan. He really had to be more careful as he had no control over his body or he would fall face first and crush Quin on accident.

"That's okay. We can just wait here until you have calmed down and changed back on your own. I will make sure no one sees us. It has been a while since I had a chance to practice my mind trickery." Quin made it sound so easy if all the worries that seemed to crush Fox were nothing. He just leaned against Fox's legs, relaxed as one could be, not worried about being injured at all, and kept an eye on the entrance of the alley.

With the stress vanishing exhaustion caught up with Fox like every other time he had an anxiety attack in the past. It didn't happen too often anymore since the guard knew how to keep Fox away from potential triggers, but he was still well acquainted with the feeling.

He slumped forward to a startled 'oh' from Quin and was caught in the man's strong arms.

"I changed back?" Fox's words came out slurred but Quin still understood him, his fingers running through Fox's hair turning him completely into putty.

"You did. All limbs are back where they belong. You look exhausted. Do you think you can make it back to headquarters?" Quin sounded concerned, like he always did, and his fingers were still soft in Fox's hair. It was what gave Fox the courage to shake his head. Quin hadn't changed even after finding out. He could be vulnerable around Quin. The man would protect him. "Can I carry you to the nearest safe house?" Quin asked waiting until Fox gave him permission with a nod before sweeping him off his feet, armor and all, and effortlessly carried him away.

Fox dozed until he was shaken by Quin transfering him to one arm, balancing him carefully against his body so he could type in a code into a keypad to open the door to the safe house. It was nothing much, just a small flat with the essentials, nothing too fancy, most of it was used, but it was safe. Disposing Fox on the sofa Quin went to the kitchen to make the tea all Jedi safe houses had plenty in stock of.

With the beverage on the small table, Quin pulled off Fox's armor stacking it on an armchair before sitting beside Fox and pulling him into his side.

"You wanna talk about it? Or do you want me to let you be? Fair warning thought I will come to my own conclusions, can't stop my mind from wandering." He loved Quin for never pushing and always giving Fox a choice. But he also never sugarcoated things and always said things as they were.

"We can talk." Fox's words were scratchy and he found himself instantly with a mug in his hands. The heat of it helped ground him some more, as did the warm but slightly sweet liquid. Quin must have put sugar in Fox's cup as Jedi always preferred to drink it without something added.

"So you are the beast running havoc in the lower level. Did you know? When I dragged you down there to investigate." Quon didn't sound accusing, he was rather calm just stating facts. It didn't help Fox as he still flinched, guilt crawling up his throat. He knew how it must look to Quin, like he was playing the man for a fool, laughing behind his back. Fox had to quell that misunderstanding right now.

"I'm sorry. I should have told you. I shouldn't have lied to you. I trust you. I do." Even if my actions don't reflect that. He didn't dare but say. "I just didn't know how to. I was afraid. No one knows. I don't even know why I can do it. If it came out they would drag me to Kamino to try to figure out what is wrong with me!"

"Fox calm down, I'm not angry at you. You have the right to your privacy. Force knows I haven't told you all about myself as well. If someone can understand keeping a secret out of fear it is me. Every time I can feel the dark side calling me, trying to tempt me, I freeze. I'm terrified that one day someone will find out how close I sometimes get to falling, and what it will mean for me. Being kicked out of the order, losing the only home I have. For you, it is even worse, but I swear if they try to ship you off Kamino I will ask Obi-wan for his pirate contacts and get you out of there before anything can happen alright?"

Tears ran down Fox's cheeks at Quin's support. He hadn't destroyed his relationship.

"Thank you." He pressed a wet kiss against Quin's cheek who didn't waste his chance and caught Fox's face in his hands and kissed his lips.

"Always darling. Are you still good to talk? Or do you need a break?" Before Fox could agree Quin stopped him. "Think about it. There is no shame in needing a moment, it is a lot. Plus I will always be here there is no rush."

Fox thought about it, really but in the end, he still wanted to continue. He wasn't fine, not really but he also wanted things to be over so he could sleep, knowing if he tried now he would only be woken by nightmares. "I rather have it done with."

"Alright. So you don't usually know what is going on when you change?" Quin asked, making Fox look at him in surprise. "It is just. Right after you shifted I reached out. You were so different in the force. It wasn't really you. Just instinct. Only after you were in the corner and I had calmed you somewhat did I feel you again."

"Yes. It is… when something happens, bad stuff. I can't explain it. It is like I black out. I wake up somewhere else. At first, I really thought I was just losing consciousness or had a panic attack and couldn't remember. It was just after some incidents that had reports that I put together what was going on but even then I didn't know much. I had no idea how big I was before today. Just when I read about an animal running through the lower levels on the path I must have taken to get away I instinctively knew that was me." That had always stumped him, but he had chalked him up to the weird magic which was also making him change into a beast.

"What bad things happened?" Quin's eyes were sharp, concern clear. "What did the guy we found today do." The hiss in his voice promised violence.

"He caught me alone when I returned to base. He threatened me." Fox couldn't say more.

"He can't hurt you love, you took care of it." Quin quickly reassured him, his warm palm rubbing his back.

"Now that I know you have two options. Either you can continue as it is, shifting when you are in grave danger, only I will be there helping you cover it up so no one will find out it is you. It shouldn't be too hard as no one in the temple has any idea about any incident that happened so far." Fox liked that option it was reassuring. "Or I could try to teach you to control it. As I said, I believe the beast, aka you, is force-sensitive."

"I'm not force-sensitive." Fox was quick to deny it. No way, if he were there should have been sights someone would know.

"Not normally, but that could also be you suppressing it in fear of being discovered and trying to be normal. You wouldn't be the first force-sensitive who ignored the call until late adulthood. The Jedi have a special program set up for such people to teach them to handle the gift. But your beast, it is pure instinct, using every advantage it can get to survive, without thinking about consequences. It has no reason to not use the force." Quin's explanation made sense, even if Fox didn't want it to be true. Turning into a monster was hard enough without being force-sensitive thrown into the mix.

"You truly think so?" He questioned, voice small.

Quin nodded enthusiastically. "Pretty much yeah. I'm no specialist but I'm sure if I train you and you allow yourself you will be able to use the force. And once you have control over the force I bet you will also be able to control the transformation." It sounded too good to be true. But Fox wanted it, wanted to no longer relay on the wimbs of the universe but actually have control of his own life. The mere thought of it just scared him.

"Would the order even allow someone like me to be trained? I'm not human, unlike the ones the training is for." Quin's face darkened like every time Fox brought up how he didn't have any rights in the blasted republic.

"The better will if they want me to stay with the order. And even if not I never gave a shit when breaking their rules. Because you are a human Fox, and everyone that try to say something else is just a piece of shit and doesn't deserve to breathe the same air as you. If anyone even took a single second to inspect your force presence they would know."

Fox's cheeks heated and he pressed his face into Quin's shoulder. "Do I have to decide now?" He asked unsure. He had no idea what he should do.

"No darling don't stress yourself out over this. Just take the time you need and once you made a decision let me know."

They stayed huddled together, a comfortable silence between them until Quin started to snigger out of the blue.

"What?" Fox was a bit irritated he was just about to fall into a doze and didn't appreciate being pulled back to consciousness no matter how nice Quin's laughter sounded.

"I just can't believe how gorgeous my boyfriend is. Not only like this all cuddly and soft. No even transformed you are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. Leave it to me to fall deeper and deeper in love with you the more I learn about you." How could Quin say such sappy words with a straight face and then also mean every single one of them? Fox had no idea how he had not yet gotten a heart attack with how much the Jedi made his flutter.

"Aww, no need to be embarrassed Foxy. Just telling the truth. I'm the luckiest man on the damn planet and that is with Anakin somehow managing to charm a Senator."

"No, I'm the lucky one. Thank you for still being here, even with everything. You could have left." Fox wished he was as good as Quin in packing things into words and showing Quin just how much the man meant to him, but he had never been good with that, making his actions speak rather than words.

"As if I ever could leave you, Fox. Don't be dim. You are my world. The reason why I'm still fighting this pointless war."

"Careful General that sounds very much like attachment." Fox tried to joke even as his voice was wet with tears.

"Like I said never much one for following the rules."

~*~

Fox was still riding the weight of Quin's confession a couple of days later. He had known that the man had cared about him in some way, otherwise he would never have agreed to date. Despite what many in the GAR thought Fox still had some self-respect left, thank you very much. But he had never thought that Quin's feelings ran so deeply. That he was more than just someone that he had along his duty, that Fox had become a real attachment for the man. It had almost sounded like Quin would be willing to leave the order after this bloody war if that was what it took to be with Fox. And Fox couldn't help but preen at the mere thought.

Call him shallow but he loved to know how much power he held over the Jedi. Not that he would ever make the man leave his people. But just knowing was enough for Fox.

Not even the message from the Chancellor could pull him down today, no matter how annoying the old man could be in his disregard for Fox's schedule. Sending another heated glare at the com message summoning him to the man's office immediately Fox handed over his patrol to Thorn before making his way through the senate building towards the service elevators. Another stupid rule. It took three times longer to use the detour. But if the Senators rather choke on their own blood during an attack, rather than have the guard use the official elevators who was he to judge. Especially for such a stupid reason as the clones destroying the peaceful image in the Senate.

Stepping through the doors into the Chancellor's office the first thing he noticed was the upturned furniture, a fight clearly had happened here. Sadly the Chancellor had survived standing behind his desk, although looking a bit ruffled. Shame. If you broke into the senate the least you could do was to actually finish the job so the paperwork Fox had to do was at least worth it.

"Ahh commander." Not even in here for 5 seconds and Palpatines voice had already stolen Fox's last nerve. "Good to see you. There has been an attack on my life. I barely survived." The theatrics. Maybe the man should have joined the opera he seemed to enjoy so much instead of going into politics. Although the politics on Coruscant were nothing more than a joke anyway so the clown fit right in.

"How horrible, my lord," Fox said his monotone voice betraying how unamused he was by all of this. Only Palpatine didn't even have the grace to notice his annoyance.

"Right? Now I need you to take care of the assailant. He can't be let run free, and I'm afraid if we were to imprison him he would just break out and try again."

Was the old fool really asking what Fox thought he was? He knew the man was corrupt but not to this extent. "What do you mean," Fox asked wanting the man to spell things out while he set his helm to record. It was too much to hope he would get Palpatine out of his position of power with it but maybe he could at least ruin his public image.

"Do I have to spell everything out to you clone?" Fox didn't react to the trinket thrown at him by a clearly enraged chancellor. "I have to don't I? After all, your kind is nothing but stupid. Make sure he doesn't breathe anymore and discard him. Discreetly. Understood?"

Fox just nodded and stepped forward until he could round the sofa which was blocking the would-be assassin from view. When he did he stopped in his track shocked by what he saw. Beige robes, tan skin, dark locks. He felt his heart sped up in pure panic seeing Quin laying on the ground, face down.

Was he even alive? Oh god, what would Fox do if he wasn't?

How did that even happen? Quin was a Jedi Master, talented with his lightsaber and the force. In here there was only the Chancellor. If his lover wanted the old fool death Palpatine should be lying there instead of Quin.

"That is general Vos. I can't just…" Fox took a hasty step towards the body, fingers twitching wanting to turn him around, to check the man was still breathing. But he stopped himself. He had to be reasonable and not show any weakness if Fox wanted to get himself and Quin out of there alive.

"You stupid droit. He attacked me! Shoot him to make sure he is dead and discard him!"

Fox just shook his head, static filling his thoughts. No, he couldn't. he wouldn't betray Quin like that.

"Why do I have to deal with such incompetence. Commander Fox. Execute order 44." Fox had no idea what order 44 was and was momentarily confused why the Chancellor thought such nonsense would get his way. But then he could feel it, his consciousness slipping away, darkness creeping in.

No!

Fox fought against the pain, the splitting headache that got more intense the longer he resisted. But he had to. He was sure the moment he would let go, Quin would die by his hand.

Whatever the Chancellor had done he was taking away Fox's free will forcing him to do something he would never even think about on his own. He was dangerous. If he could control Fox he had the whole guard under his thumb and there was no saying what unspeakable things he would make them do. More unspeakable than killing the man who meant the world to Fox.

Fox couldn't let that happen.

Instead of shoving down the panic and trying to stay in control, he did the only thing he could, a last attempt to save his love. He pulled for all his emotions and recalled all the terrible events that had made his skin crawl, his breath coming in short raspy gasps as he did so. Everything so he would feel unsafe. Everything so he would need his instinct to take over.

When darkness consumed him he didn't know if he had succeeded and it was the beast taking charge or whatever darkness the chancellor had placed inside his mind.

~*~

Blinking open his eyes Fox was confused for a moment trying to recall what had happened, but the pain inside his skull made it impossible.

But he didn't feel the urge to figure things out right away. He was at peace. The material he was lying on was soft, making his body melt into it, and discouraging him from moving. As was the heavy weight of an arm thrown over Fox's chest and the heat of the body snuggled around him. Yeah, no reason to get up anytime soon not when he was so comfortable. Taking a deep breath, smelling the spicy soap, and tea he couldn't help a smile as he pushed closer to Quin snuggling more into his lover's side.

Fox may not have any idea what was going on right now but what a way to start the day. He could get used to waking up with Quin like this more often. Their respective duty often made it impossible to enjoy a nice morning together. Even if said morning properly came to be because Fox had drunk too much last night, at least that would explain his killer headache.

"Morning Quin," he whispered not wanting to destroy the tranquility of their morning. Wiggling a bit so he could press his face against the other's neck, leaving a soft kiss there.

Quin sadly didn't get the memo of a soft morning as he instantly pushed up on his elbow dislodging Fox from breathing in his aftershave which was just rude. He looked at Fox with big eyes, his free hand instantly finding Fox's cheek and caressing it. "Fox." He sounded breathless. Shocked even.

Fox had no idea why but if that was the reaction a peaceful morning got they had to do it more often so Quin got used to it. "Are you alright? Any pain? Feeling weird somehow?" Quin instantly questioned, checking Fox's eyes. Mhh so maybe Fox hadn't gotten drunk but had a concussion instead. Fuck. Hacksaw would never let him live that down after promising the man he would not get any more head injuries for the rest of the month after the man had threatened to pull him off the roster after he cracked his skull last time.

"Fine. Headache. Come back here. Wanna cuddle." He groaned trying to pull Quin back down, miffed when the man refused and Fox had to move if he wanted to get a kiss. The audacity.

But then Quin didn't just lean in instead the moment he felt Fox's lips brush his he went stiff and pushed Fox away. It hurt. Quin had never before pushed him away as it was always him and only rarely Fox that initiated intimacy. Therefore Quin always treasured what Fox did. Fox bit out a whine as he blinked the wetness from his eyes taking deep breaths as he tried to come up with a rational reason as to why this was happening. Maybe his breath was just really bad today. There was no reason to cry over it. At least not yet.

"Sorry Fox I don't think right now is a good time for that. You would agree if you weren't so out of it." Quin quickly tried to reassure Fox, but Fox didn't understand what Quin meant by that. What situation?

Well, he didn't until someone behind them cleared their throat making Fox jump, instantly alerted as he rolled over Quin, pulling the man from the bed and behind cover, making Quin yell out in shock. Fox instantly sought out a weapon shocked when he didn't find one under the pillow as at least one of them usually placed one there both being paranoid bastards. So he took the next best thing. Which was a heavy Datapad from the nightstand, perfect to inflict blunt force trauma.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to surprise you, commander. But could you please put that down, I don't think healer Che would want any more patients today." Master Windu was looking at him with a raised eyebrow. Master Windu of the Jedi order, Quin's superior, who should under no circumstances know about his and Quin's relationship so Quin wouldn't get in trouble.

Now alerted Fox's eyes flickered around taking in the room. This had to be the halls of healing in the Jedi temple. He never had been here, obviously but he had heard stories from Quin. And they weren't the only ones in the room. There was a blue Twilek properly master Che from what Fox had heard of the woman. And General Kenobi with Cody. His eyes flickered over his brother's shocked face, the lack of any form of reassurance from his older brother hitching up his heart rate. But that was nothing compared to seeing his brother's hand on his blaster, the only thing stopping him from pulling it, was General Kenobi's hand on his arm.

He had fucked up. He had fucked up so badly, assuming he was somewhere safe with Quin. He had shown their relationship to everyone. Not only the Jedi order it would only be a matter of hours until the last battalion at the front knew with Cody here.

He had ruined everything. He had destroyed Quin's future.

His breath was coming faster.

Instantly Quin's arms were around him pulling Fox against a strong chest but the gesture which usually brought comfort only set him more on edge now since it shouldn't be seen. He was shaking and Quin quickly pulled the datapad from his fingers before he dropped it. "Shh, it's okay Foxy. Everything is alright. No one's in trouble just calm down."

Fox shook his head vehemently at that, shivers running up his whole body.

"He is right," General Windu spoke. "We have been made aware of Vos's diligence. So if you could please calm down before there is an incident. We have already enough on hand cleaning up after what happened in the Chancellor's office" The words were anything but reassuring. Even if Quin told them before waking up that didn't mean it was okay and that Quin wouldn't be kicked out of the order for it, that Fox wouldn't end up on Kamino for seducing a Jedi.

Then the second sentence hit and the memories slammed back into him in full force. The chancellor, seeing Quin on the floor, is ordered to kill him. Oh god, he had almost done it.

But they were both here alive now. So his plan had worked, right? His beast had taken care of things? Did that mean people knew?

"Quin?" He gasped just needing answers and his lover, bless his heart instantly knew what he needed.

Hands brushed Fox's hair from his sweaty face, before coming to rest on his neck monitoring his pulse. "I was following up on some suspicious activities regarding leaked intel in the senate. I was questioning the Chancellor. I hadn't suspected him only needing to confirm some things, he misunderstood and attacked. He was the Sith hiding in the Senate. I didn't stand a chance, he was more powerful than I could have imagined." Fox flinched at the words, shock confusion, and worry waging a war inside him. Palpatine was the Sith? He found the man annoying but he would never have suspected him of something like that. Oh force, he had worked with the man since the start of the war. What if they accused him of being a cohost with him? Or just incompetent for never noticing? Although given that he was already in trouble for being with Quin he doubted it mattered.

"Can you tell us what happened next, Commander? Vos had been injured and was also unconscious for some of it." General Windu demanded and Fox needed to answer but there was not enough air in his lungs.

"Mace!" The words were angry and Quin was glaring daggers at the Jedi master, pulling Fox close and turning so Fox was mostly hidden from view. Fox wanted to protest since Quin would only get in more trouble but his throat was constricted. "Lay off."

"I have to agree with Quinlan," General Kenobi threw in. "All of this is clearly a big shock for Commander Fox and we don't want to overwhelm him unnecessarily."

"The Chancellor is dead and there is video footage of a gigantic beast biting his head off. I need answers yesterday to go to the press." General Windu argued, voice cold.

Fox flinched, control slipping further away as Quin cursed and held him even tighter mourning reassurance.

"That gives you no right to lay into him like that. He is a person for god's sake and he deserves better from us." Kenobis own voice rose it didn't matter that it was to defend Fox.

Then Cody, who had stayed silent through the whole ordeal so far opened his mouth. "Commander." Not Fox, not brother. He was using his title. That was what broke the Bantha's back. Fox could feel himself slipping.

He heard Quin curse as the man pulled away making a hasty leap over the bed and towards the others also pushing them back as the change ribbled over Fox. Only this time for the first time he was aware of it. He felt tension on his body, on every single bone as if there was a heavy weight on top of him pressing him down, his skin was itching, and then with a snap the tension broke, everything was expanding, his skin stretching as he let out a pained whimper, every fiber of his being burning. Vertico overcame him as things changed, the floor became distant, and everything was feeling too damn small.

Something touched his leg, and he lashed out hearing a crashing sound as an empty bed was thrown with such force through the room that when it made impact it impeded itself in the wall and got stuck there.

No one was breathing as they were looking at him with wide terrified eyes. Fox felt more terror than all of them combined in that moment. The lightsabers at their side would hurt, would burn. A sorrowful cry left his chest.

And then Quin was there, breaking free from Kenobi's arms and running towards Fox hands up, no weapon in sight. "Easy there darling. Easy. Everything okay. No need to panic. Just calm. Can you hear me, Fox?" Fox had no way of answering his vocal cords were gone no words came just some horrible screeching noise that made everyone flinch at the volume of it. Quin didn't step back. "That's alright. Just listen to my voice okay. Focus on it and follow it back okay. You can do it. Just like last time in the alley. You won't hurt anyone, you just need some time to calm down."

Fox wanted to protest that he was not the one who was about to hurt anyone and that he was more worried about Cody having his blaster out. But even without words, Quin seemed to get it, a solid point for Quin's force-sensitive theory. Especially since it was not only Quin but the two other Jedi in the room as well, they spun on Cody and quickly took the weapon from Cody. "Calm down Cody. Quinlan has things under control."

"No one will hurt you here darling. They just want to help. They found me heavily injured in the Chancellor's office, with the man himself dead and you unconscious on the ground. They don't want to harm you. Especially knowing the Chancellor was a Sith." Quin reached out towards him and Fox couldn't resist, he leaned down, his head was as big as Quin , but the man still wrapped his arms around Fox scratched his head, and hummed softly. "See everything is okay."

Fox's breath had started slowing. Then Windu stepped closer and his eyes flickered to him still wary despite Quin's reassurance. "Beautiful." Fox frowned thinking he had misheard the General, but no the man continued with awe in his voice. "He is so bright in the force. I have never seen any being quiet like this."

Was he really so bright? Quin had mentioned something similar but he had just thought the man was biased because it was Fox. Not because he really was strong in the force. "He is. My absolutely gorgeous little Fox." Quin cooed at him and that was what completely broke Fox out of his haste. His limbs trembled and he felt like he was shoved into a small box, stumbled, and found himself falling in Quin's arms.

"There you are." Quin grinned pressing a soft kiss to Fox's nose. Fox's eyes flickered to the other people in the room but there was no anger. Windu was murmuring to himself completely ignoring them, Che was busying himself getting the bed out of the wall, cursing about being denied to bolt them to the ground, Kenobi was grinning and when their eyes met even gave him a nod, and Cody… he just looked lost and confused.

"Seeing that there is no mysterious being still on the run ready to attack the public I will have to make an announcement to the public to calm things down. As our shadows already have recovered evidence of the Chancellor playing both sides of the war and involvement with the Sith the public backlash shouldn't be too bad." With a bow, he left the room.

Che having given up the endeavor rounded on them and Fox ducked his heat afraid she would be angry because of the damage. "Back to bed, both of you. No, Vos, you are still recovering from your own injuries so lay down before you topple over and commander, you are still not recovered from the darkness the Sith used on you."

"But Che. " Quin whined. Clearly not ready to let Fox out of his arms any time soon.

"Fine you can share a bed, force knows it would be impossible to keep you both calm otherwise, but lay down before I make you." She ushered them to a new bed which had not been caught up in the mayhem and pulled a blanket over them.

"Keep us calm?" Fox whispered voice horse, after the transformation. Healer Che instantly pressed a glass in his hand, saying it was juice to get his blood sugar up.

"When we brought you in you were panicking in your sleep, fighting, kicking, screaming, we were at our wit's end until Vos woke from his injuries and stumbled over to your bed. The moment he held you you instantly calmed down." Fox's cheeks heated at that. Quin always made him feel protected but he didn't know if it was safe for people to know that yet.

"Oh don't fret I'm the last person to separate you. In fact, if someone tries to come to me I will have a stern talk with them. Your force presence is just settling and I will not have anything disturb this. Especially since your mental state is linked to your transformation and I will not have you waste energy on an avoidable transformation."

Fox nodded snuggling deeper under the blankets and towards Qun reassured that at least for now no one would separate them.

Kenobi sat down beside their bed smiling widely. "Really Quinlan you lost a few people quite a lot of money. Everyone thought you had a thing for the nice barista who always gives you free coffee, Bant thought you were single since no one could stand your obnoxiousness. I even hear someone put Ventress into the ring as a potential lover." Fox growled at hearing that, and Quin patted his head.

"And you? How much money did you lose, Obi-dear." Quinlan's voice was as sweet as one could be.

"Loss? Nah you made me a fortune."

"You knew" Cody screeched behind Kenobi. "And you didn't tell me?"

"Tell you?" Kenobi sounded confused. "Please they were very obvious, there is only so often someone can visit the guard to compare mission reports before it becomes suspicious. Plus the force sings when they are together. I'm surprised no more Jedi put it together simply from that."

Cody starred. Then starred some more. "I can't believe I didn't know who my brother was dating. I'm a terrible orivod." He huffed and sat down in the chair beside Kenobi.

"You are not dear. You were simply more reoccupied, with ignoring my Padawan's pathetic attempts to conceal his relationship. I thought I raised him better. Not inviting me to his wedding. At this point, the council has lost their patience for waiting for Anakin to come to them on their own and will properly confront him."

The council knew about Padme and Anakin? and didn't do anything but wait till they came clean on their own. "Will he be kicked out? Once he tells you?"

Kenobi looked confused before shock settled in. "God no. That boy wouldn't be able to survive a week without supervision. He will probably get some stern talks about attachments and how to balance it with his duty, plus some cleaning duty for doing it while he was a padawan but otherwise nothing."

Fox was very confused. "But what about attachments? It is not allowed." He gasped.

Kenobi winced. "Ahh, a common misconception that was spread to the public, properly to alienate us even further. I wouldn't be surprised if Palpatine himself was behind it. It is not forbidden just comes with a bit of caution which is what the courses are for and why relationships need to be reported to be monitored. And only once you have finished your apprenticeship you can focus fully on that and develop your connection with the force without intervention. Which is why Anakin is in trouble because he didn't do that."

So Fox hadn't gotten Quin kicked out of the order. Kenobi continued. "Since Quin is not only no longer a Padawan but even a master he has even more leeway in the matter. Plus he has already taken all the relevant courses years ago just in case, so he will properly just need a refresher."

"Sorry. I didn't know you had no idea how it worked since most clones were informed about it at the start of the war. I should have known that the guard hadn't gotten the info." Quinlan apologized. "I wanted to keep things on the down-low because I was afraid people could harm you to get to me especially since you were a clone and not protected by law. But now with the war coming to a close and already multiple laws on their way to gain you sentient rights I see no reason why not to be open about it if that is what you want to of course."

Fox leaned in and kissed Quin.