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Ughhhhhhhh.
Artemis turned to her side, trying to find a comfortable spot on the bed, and pulled the blankets over her head. I need to invest in a new—
She opened her eyes and saw the white, fluffy blanket draped over her. She sniffed it once, twice, three times.
It smells like Dick? Wait, had she stayed over at Wayne Manor last night? She sat up abruptly, blinking until her vision cleared and took in her surroundings. What the hell am I doing in Dick’s bedroom? They hadn’t even seen each other last night!
She turned to her side, expecting to find him next to her, but all she saw were a bunch of pillows. Okay, this is getting weird.
She slowly stood up from the bed and froze. Wow. Did I get taller or something? Artemis walked toward the bathroom to freshen up but stopped in front of the mirror.
She stared at her reflection, thinking this was a nice dream to wake up to—her boyfriend’s body. Yeah, this is why I’m in Dick’s room. I’m dreaming. She’d been disappointed that she hadn’t seen him last night, and now she was dreaming about him while inhabiting his body.
She continued to gaze into the mirror, admiring Dick’s form, because the only thing she could think about was—
Her hands automatically reached back to grab her—well, his—butt and squeezed the firmness that God had blessed Dick with. God, I know how much I love squeezing this.
—how amazing Dick’s ass looked bare.
She grinned as she gave it another squeeze. Damn, I could do this all day. She did it one more time, but then her grin faltered as reality hit her.
Because squeezing her boyfriend’s butt confirmed that she wasn’t dreaming. She was really in Dick’s body.
Panic surged through her, and she let out a shrill shriek that echoed throughout the manor. Oh my god, what the hell is going on?!
The door banged open, revealing the second Robin. "Damn it, Dick, wake up the whole mansion, why don’t you?!"
"I-I-I… have to go to Di—Artemis’s house!" she stammered, rushing past him and ignoring Jason’s calls. When she finally made it to the living room, she was stopped by the shocked voice of her favorite butler.
"Master Dick! What in the world do you think you’re doing?" Alfred asked, his wrinkled face etched with surprise.
"Going to Artemis’s house!"
Alfred stepped in front of her. "I suggest you put on some clothes before you see your girlfriend, Master Dick."
Artemis looked down and realized she wasn’t wearing anything. "Oh my gosh, Alfred, don’t look!" she screamed, running back up the stairs, ignoring Jason’s laughter, and returning to Dick’s room.
.
Forty-five minutes later, she finally arrived at her apartment, which she still shared with her mom. It took her ten minutes to get to her room and another second to close the door because her boyfriend was doing obscene things to her body.
She opened the door again, entered the room, and ignored whatever Dick was doing with her body. (She’d basically done the same thing when she woke up, so…) She wasn’t going to hit her own body!
"Dick, stop groping my boobs to see if this is real! We’re not dreaming!" Artemis snapped, and Dick’s hands fell from his chest as he slowly turned to face her.
He gaped at her, disbelief written all over his face. "How did this happen?"
Artemis sighed and sat down on her bed. "That’s why I came here as fast as I could when I woke up this morning."
"We need to call Zatanna. She’ll know what to do!" Dick announced, grabbing the cellphone from the counter and quickly dialing their friend. "Zee!" Artemis couldn’t believe how Dick was acting in her body. She did not flail her arms around when something went wrong! "We need your help. Can you come to my apartment ASAP? Oh, you’ll be here in a sec—?"
There was a loud magical poof, accompanied by a puff of smoke, as Zatanna appeared in the middle of the room, smirking. "You guys want me to play therapist again?"
"NO!" Artemis shouted. She quickly explained the situation to her best friend—how they’d woken up in each other’s bodies. After a few minutes, Zatanna hummed, thinking of a spell that could change them back.
The magician chanted a spell, with a few sparkles here and smoke there, and—
"Zee, we’re not back in our original bodies yet," Artemis deadpanned.
"I know, but it’ll take about 24 hours for the spell to fully take effect. So… have fun, you two." She winked mischievously and disappeared in another puff of smoke.
Artemis stared at her boyfriend. "Now what?"
Dick smirked, clearly liking the idea that had just formed in his head.
.
Later that night
"Babe, this is going to be so asterous. Nothing’s going to go wrong!" Dick explained, checking himself out in the mirror.
Artemis could only glare at her boyfriend as he continued to admire her body. She sighed, knowing that something was bound to go wrong. Then again, being in her boyfriend’s body might not be so bad.
She stood up and checked herself out in the mirror, smirking—the same smirk she loved seeing on Dick’s face. Her hands automatically reached back to grab her—well, his—butt and squeezed the firmness that God had blessed Dick with. God, I know how much I love squeezing this.
"Maybe this won’t be so bad," Artemis quipped, turning to see that Dick had— "Dick, what the hell?" She glared at herself—or rather, her body—and wished she had laser eyes to burn the horrendous costume he was wearing.
In response, Dick smiled innocently. "Heh heh. So, I might’ve prepared a Flamebird costume for you."
"No!"
"Arty, it’s not that—"
"Take it off. Put on my old costume now!"
"But—"
"Or we won’t go on patrol anymore!"
Artemis smirked triumphantly when she heard Dick sigh and watched him head back into the closet to change. Once things were back to normal, she needed to find and burn that horrendous costume. It would never see the light of day again. She snapped out of her thoughts when the door opened again, revealing Dick in her old Batgirl costume.
"Dick—what are—?"
"You said your old costume. This is part of your old costume, right?"
Artemis let out an indescribably frustrated noise, muttering something about her boyfriend being a dick and a troll and how the hell she’d fallen for him. "What’s wrong with my original costume?"
"Your midriff is showing."
"So?"
"I don’t like people staring at your midriff, Art."
"You never complain about it when I wear it."
"Yeah, well, you never listen to my voice of reason. So, I’m taking advantage of this while I’m in your body."
"You are ridiculous," Artemis deadpanned.
.
Two hours later, they were out patrolling the streets of Gotham. Being in Dick’s body was something Artemis couldn’t get used to. Why? Because she kept unconsciously doing flips she never knew she could do.
They managed to stop a few crimes—a couple of robberies, saving people from gangbangers and rapists, and busting a drug cartel. Everything went well—until they were ambushed by Two-Face, and things went downhill.
Now they were tied up and held hostage.
Artemis knew this was a bad idea from the moment she woke up in her boyfriend’s body. At first, the thought of being in each other’s bodies had seemed like a fun way to see life from the other’s perspective, but it had turned into a disaster—heavy on the dis. They shouldn’t have patrolled tonight.
She glared haughtily at her boyfriend, who was in her body, and sneered, "'Babe, this is going to be so asterous. Nothing’s going to go wrong,' he says."
"Calm down, ‘Mis. I’ve already contacted Bats. They’ll be here soon," Dick said, smiling sheepishly and clearly ignoring her angry look.
Artemis scowled at him. "After this, you won’t be getting any action from me for a month."