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“Haunted” was the best word Billy could think of to describe how he feels.
It’s been almost four years now. Four years since the last time he saw Garrett. Four years since the moment their friendship had ended forever. Billy had forgiven himself long ago, but that wasn’t enough to get rid of the ghosts.
He had a new life now. New friends, a new home, a new purpose. He liked Pinkerton, and he liked MI6 even more. The jobs were exhilarating, and the people were fun to be around. At least he had that. He had Sherlock and William, too. He couldn’t help but think of Garrett whenever he was around them.
“You would’ve loved them,” Billy whispered to himself. “They’re lots of fun. The sort of people we’d have been good friends with.”
He wasn’t sure why he was talking out loud. It’s not like anyone was there to hear him, anyway. He silently hoped that Garrett was listening from somewhere. Maybe, just maybe, if he thinks hard enough, Garrett is right there with him. Maybe their friendship never ended at all. Maybe Billy never went back to Fort Sumner at all. Maybe–
“It was supposed to be simpler than this. It’s only because the man who would’ve said to you the words ‘I forgive you’ has passed on, that it had become such a tangle.” He hears Sherlock’s words from years ago echo in his head. “That’s why you should forgive yourself in place of him.”
Billy had accepted right then and there that Sherlock was right, as he usually was. He really, truly, had forgiven himself for what happened, and he knew Garrett would’ve too. He knew that his current feelings weren’t because of that, anyway. More than anything, he just missed his best friend. He sighed and leaned back in his chair, taking a sip of the coffee he’d made over an hour ago. It had gone cold a little while after, but Billy found it fitting for his current mood.
“I can’t believe I’m gonna have to miss you for longer than I got to love you.” He blinked back a tear that was threatening to make its way forward as he spoke.
It was pointless for him to sit here reminiscing, really. Garrett was gone, Billy had forgiven himself, and that was that. Nothing Billy could possibly do would change that. Still, he just really, really missed him. There were no jobs today, so it’s not like there would be any harm in sitting here and thinking about Garrett all day. Thinking about the incident probably wouldn’t do him any good. Lucky for Billy, he knew this, so he decided simply not to think about it. Easier said than done, but he had plenty of other memories of Garrett to look back on happily.
Those times the two of them would sneak into abandoned houses to practice their shooting skills were some of Billy’s fondest memories. All the training had certainly paid off for Billy, though Garrett never got to show off his full potential the way Billy did. He tried not to think too hard about that. That time they’d received that old sheriff’s badge from Garrett’s dad was a fond memory, too. Billy still had the badge, despite the bullet hole, though he’d never admit it to anybody. Sherlock and William probably already knew about it, anyways, with how observant those two are. He still didn’t want to tell them about it. They’d probably scold him for still having it. On the other hand, William was the sentimental type, so he’d probably understand. Billy didn’t particularly care to find out.
He sighed again and got up from his chair, grabbing that old badge from his desk drawer. He ran his thumb over the bullet mark, thinking about how that badge saved his life, as Garrett had intended. Billy wasn’t quite sure why he kept that old thing in the first place. At first, maybe, it was his last attempt at holding on to who his best friend used to be. After learning the truth, it just became his last way to hold on to Garrett. He continued staring at the old badge. It had definitely seen better days.
His train of thought shifted briefly to his new associates within MI6. After Garrett, the thought of becoming close with anyone else was a terrifying thought. Not that he necessarily thought he’d be replacing Garrett– he could never– but more the thought that they’d never be Garrett. Sherlock and William were amazing, of course, but they were closer with each other than they were with Billy. Plus, the two of them had plenty of associates here in England. Billy had… well, Sherlock and William. He’d tried joking around a bit with that sniper– Moran, if he recalled correctly– at the dinner party the Moriarty family had hosted when Sherlock and William returned, but the other hadn’t really taken it the way Billy had intended. Billy had tried interacting with him again a few times after that to no avail. Maybe that was just how Moran was.
A knock on the door pulled Billy out of his thoughts. He quickly shoved the badge back in its drawer, speed walking to answer the door. Somehow, he didn’t expect to see Sherlock and William on the other side.
“...Hi?” He greeted them, knowing he probably didn’t look the best right now. Thinking too hard about one’s dead best friend will do that to a person.
“We figured you’d want company today,” Sherlock said, walking inside with William.
“We brought fruit,” William added, placing what was indeed a basket of fruit on the table inside.
Billy closed the door behind them. “What’s today?”
The other two exchanged a glance before turning back to Billy, who stood there in confusion.
“I’ll let you figure it out.” Sherlock walked into the kitchen to brew another pot of coffee, noticing that Billy’s had gone cold.
William stayed where he was, glancing over at Billy with a bittersweet expression on his face. Billy stood still in thought for another moment before being hit with the realization.
Today was July 14. Four years to the day that his friendship with Garrett was permanently damaged.
So that’s why he was feeling extra sentimental today.
The other two seemed to notice that Billy had caught on. William put a hand on his shoulder reassuringly as Sherlock continued what he was doing in the kitchen.
“Liam knew you’d probably be sad, so we figured we’d come over and help you feel better. Or keep you company. Whatever works, really.”
“The fruit was Sherly’s idea,” William added. “Though I helped pick out the best ones.”
Billy smiled at them. “Thank you, guys. Really.” He walked over to where Sherlock was, poking him on the forehead affectionately. “I appreciate it.”
“We knew you would,” Sherlock said, half-jokingly. Billy laughed at that before heading towards the fruit basket they’d brought. Sherlock and William really did remind him of Garrett.
“Thank you, Garrett. For everything, and for putting these two in my life.” Billy thought to himself.
He figured he could live with being haunted by Garrett, if this was how Garrett had chosen to make his presence known.