Chapter Text
The idea of crushes is exhilarating in theory. If Kim Dokja had to evaluate the experience, he would say that his heart would beat quicker and not from infatuation— but anxiety.
It’s apparent when he laughs a little too hard at a single statement uttered by Yoo Joonghyuk. Sometimes the man had a comedic yet deadpan way of saying things, and while it was amusing and quite cute, that didn’t mean the prolonged laughter translated that. It was mostly nerves jumping out of his body and sounding them into unattractive tittering.
Currently, Kim Dokja is sandwiched between the wall and Yoo Joonghyuk, and their arms are practically touching. He squints at the spiraling smoke from the grill in a poor attempt to calm down. It spreads up to the pale light of the restaurant, filling the small space with the scent of cooked meat.
If distance makes the heart grow fonder, then the lack thereof means Kim Dokja is about to get heart failure.
After moving the meat around, Yoo Joonghyuk puts the tongs down and turns to him. His mouth moves, but all Kim Dokja can hear are the sizzles from the stove and the chatter from their friends. It doesn't help that Jung Heewon is particularly loud today, most likely brimming with energy from finishing midterms. Kim Dokja leans closer at the same time Yoo Joonghyuk does, causing them to almost bump noses.
“Woah,” Kim Dokja says, very eloquently. If this were fictional, he would have an easier time playing it off, but the phantom brush on his forehead is a reminder of reality and the emotions he fails to control. “What were you saying?”
“Do you want chicken or pork?” Yoo Joonghyuk replies, clearly unfazed. He continues to stare at Kim Dokja blankly as if he's nothing more than a second thought.
Kim Dokja jerks back at the lack of distance, head hitting the wall in the process. He ignores the sharp pain and replies. “Chicken.”
Yoo Joonghyuk nods, staring at him like he wants to say something, probably an insult, before shaking his head and looking away.
Releasing a relieved breath, Kim Dokja turns back and locks eyes with a frightening look from Han Sooyoung, who’s seated right in front of him. “...What?”
“Nothing,” Han Sooyoung replies, cheekily showcasing that annoying smile she does whenever she knows too much.
The walk back is as bad as he expects. Han Sooyoung shoots him faces and nudges him until he almost walks into a pole. This should provoke at least some sort of remorse, but instead she bursts out laughing.
“Whatever.” Kim Dokja grumbles, picking up the pace because all he wants right now is to jump in bed and read. It’s been a rough week, and his schedule gives him little to no time to catch up with his favorite yet overdone web novels. Scrolling through his phone, he sees that his favorite author posted in bulk. For a split second he believes that god is real and good.
Just then, a cackle pulls him into the conversation— the bits and pieces of it make him freeze.
“...a round of karaoke should be good.”
“Drinks too! It’s been a while.”
No.
Absolutely not.
Wasn’t dinner enough? Did people never get tired of socializing? He already felt like the wind would blow him away after dealing with a conversation lasting longer than five minutes.
People should start putting extrovertism on their resumes; how they receive energy in the presence of others is beyond him. In the future, maybe it could be a sport too. On the other hand, if Kim Dokja had to fill in a resume, he would put mediocre bullshitting in the skills section. It’s a useful necessity in circumstances like these.
“Ah,” he turns to the group, plastering an unsuspecting grimace, “I still have assignments due, but you guys have fun.”
Jung Heewon, who currently has Lee Hyunsung in a headlock— which is a feat in itself since he's tall and well built— pauses in her step. “Really? If you have to, then we can’t...”
“Yoo Joonghyuk is gonna sing.” Han Sooyoung interrupts, smirking.
Everyone turns to the speaker and then the subject in pure shock. Most of them expect it to be a joke, but Yoo Joonghyuk stares back at them like he’s been caught, deepening the vague atmosphere. It remains like this for three whole minutes. They’re all so lost in thought that a car honks at the group for being too close to the road. Jung Heewon pulls Lee Hyunsung up the sidewalk as he catches his footing. “Is he?”
Yoo Joonghyuk blinks, expression unknown as it’s always been. He keeps his eyes steady on Kim Dokja, and the latter’s heart thumps in anticipation. Maybe fear too. The man tilts his head, seemingly gauging Kim Dokja’s expression.
Then, he does the unexpected. “I will.” He speaks, weirdly smug, which Kim Dokja finds equal parts endearing and annoying.
Han Sooyoung pats Yoo Joonghyuk’s shoulder before whispering into Kim Dokja’s ear. “You still going home?”
The tiny disco lights on the ceiling rotate and illuminate the blank expression on Yoo Joonghyuk’s face. His hair is a little messy, windswept curls making him seem a little younger. Today, he looks extra petulant.
“Oh baby, baby.” He says into the microphone, completely monotonous.
Someone should probably be laughing by now, but everyone is doing this weird thing where they barely utter a word as they hold their breaths. Maybe it’s to live in the moment because this might never happen again. In fact, Kim Dokja thinks the world must be ending to witness such a scene.
Maybe it’s so silent because they’re holding back insults. Or laughter. Sparing a quick glance to his left, he sees Lee Hyunsung’s face turn purple.
“I must confess…that my loneliness…is killing me no-o-ow.”
Then the trance breaks because Han Sooyoung complains. “More emotions, please? What would Britney Spears-sunbaenim think? ” He swears everyone else exhales in relief; Kim Dokja probably does too.
Yoo Joonghyuk glares at her, but then at Kim Dokja, and somehow he complies. Complies as in he pounds his chest twice and calls it a day.
When it ends, Yoo Joonghyuk sits beside him. Kim Dokja laughs at how red his ears have gotten. “That was really soulful, Joonghyuk-ah.”
Yoo Joonghyuk opens his mouth, then closes it, opting to sigh instead and lean back. Han Sooyoung does a duet with Jung Heewon, and they would probably sound better if they didn’t constantly break the sound barrier. He keeps his eyes forward, desperately trying to ignore how his body tingles from how close Yoo Joonghyuk is.
Gazing down at the drinks on the table, maybe he should have a drink or two.
He definitely had more than two.
“You’re drunk,” Yoo Joonghyuk says as Kim Dokja leans against the cement wall. He seemingly followed Kim Dokja when he went out for fresh air, but he never heard any footsteps behind him.
His head pounds, drowning out most of the noise. Yeah, no wonder.
The night paints Yoo Joonghyuk in a mysterious light, shadows hugging every dip and outline of his face. There’s an oddity in his expression tonight, eyebrows appearing softly bent and eyes somehow shining under the stars.
“You know,” Kim Dokja starts, “I used to think you had a shitty personality, which was sort of like… compensation for having such a nice face.” Even now, with Kim Dokja’s vision blurring, the man always looked good. It could probably pass as a personality trait given how constant it is.
“Hm. Do you like it?” Yoo Joonghyuk’s voice is always quiet, but it sounds a little closer now. He can almost hear the buzz in his throat.
“Who wouldn’t?” He parrots, shutting his eyes because using all five of his senses is overwhelming him. Post-drunk migraines are not worth it. He’s never doing this again. “Objectively speaking, you’re very handsome.” It was both a compliment and a complaint, because shouldn’t he have his ugly moments too? The man didn’t have to worry about ever looking good. He opens his eyes to voice this out but is caught off guard. “Hey. Are you drunk too?” Why is Yoo Joonghyuk’s face so red?
This makes the man’s eyes widen. Then, almost like a diversion, a large hand is placed on Kim Dokja’s forehead, softly brushing away his bangs. Yoo Joonghyuk speaks, voice raspy. “You’re warm. One second,” and as quickly as it came, the touch withdraws and the man walks back inside.
It doesn’t take long when he returns with a glistening can of soda. He taps it onto Kim Dokja’s cheek.
“You’re too nice to me.” Kim Dokja hums as he leans into the can, relishing the coolness of metal. It’s patently different from how things were in the beginning— in fact, all he expected were hard glares and clipped words, never anything more. “I used to think you hated me.”
This makes Yoo Joonghyuk laugh a little; it’s a nice sound that makes Kim Dokja feel silly for ever assuming the man was mean. Maybe he’s just closed off and shy?
“I never did. It’s the opposite,” Yoo Joonghyuk says. It almost sounds like a declaration.
…The opposite of what? What was the opposite of ‘opposite’ anyway? Do two opposites make a similarity like positives do with negatives? Whoa, his head really hurts. He will not think about this further.
“Take me home?” Kim Dokja proposes, if only to calm down his racing heart.
To his surprise, Yoo Joonghyuk complies. “I will.”
Yoo Joonghyuk’s car unexpectedly smells of strawberry air freshener. The man explains that it’s because his sister likes it so much.
“You really do care about your sister.” He mumbles, resting his head on the window. The position makes him feel the vibrations of the engine on his temple and the humming of the AC.
“Why should I feel otherwise?” Yoo Joonghyuk replies, an inane sense of pride coloring his tone. Whether it’s bashfulness or honesty, it makes it all the more clear that he cherishes her dearly.
“Mm, careful there. Now that I know she’s a weakness of yours, I might use her against you.” He counts down with his fingers. “Weaknesses include younger sister, outside food, incompetent people. What else?”
It goes silent, which is expected, but he doesn’t know whether he likes it or not. Kim Dokja opens his eyes to decide his next move. Though he doesn’t expect Yoo Joonghyuk’s gaze to be on him, the amorphous weight of it almost seems pivotal.
“We’re here.”
“...Oh.” Kim Dokja blinks as he stares at the familiar building from Yoo Joonghyuk’s window. It was simply wishful thinking; of course, nothing would happen. Clearing his throat, he hastily gets out of the car. “Thanks for the ride.”
It’s even more embarrassing that the car was parked in a way that made Kim Dokja walk around it, legs feeling like jelly with every step. He keeps his head down with embarrassment and feels for his keys when Yoo Joonghyuk suddenly calls out to him.
“Kim Dokja,” he says, ushering him closer. Baffled, he blinks before approaching, making sure this wasn’t his mind playing pranks on him. After noting that he and his car are in fact still here, he moves toward the opened window to hear him better.
“We’ll talk about this tomorrow,” Yoo Joonghyuk says, and Kim Dokja’s eyes must be playing tricks on him with how the corner of his lips lift in a gentle manner.
“...Okay.” He automatically responds, not sure what exactly this implies. He feels out of the loop, and the unguarded look Yoo Joonghyuk wears makes it worse.
He belatedly realizes they’re close enough that Kim Dokja can see his reflection in Yoo Joonghyuk’s eyes. What’s even stranger is that the man is looking at him with a small and almost hidden smile. It’s so striking that he doesn’t know what to do with himself. Lost in thought, he almost fails to notice that Yoo Joonghyuk closes the distance and brings his lips to Kim Dokja’s forehead.
“Goodnight.” Yoo Joonghyuk whispers, eyes glimmering with warmth. By the time Kim Dokja registers what happened, he’s already driven off. Kim Dokja can only raise a hand at the tingling sensation that remains on his forehead.