Chapter Text
The morning was quiet, save for the soft chirps of birds that soared through the waking skies.
Izuku lay still as ever — eyes closed yet wide awake — listening to the lack of sounds within the dorm. Being the weekend, most if not all of his peers had either returned home or taken the day as a well-needed vacation off campus. However, he couldn’t bring himself to move, afraid that if he finally accepted the silence, noise would rise in its place.
He couldn’t afford to be caught, so he waited a while longer, hoping to ease trembling nerves.
As he listened to the song of the world he caught onto the sounds that one may let fade away in the cacophony of everyday life. The soft hum of the air conditioner mixing with the unruly whipping winds outside. The mechanical whirring of a lawn mower a story down singing along to the song of the morning.
If he listened close enough he could hear into the rooms nearby, above him Kaminari’s occasional shout at a video game death would pique his interest & in response he’d hear Sero scold the former for making another bad move. If he really listened he could even make out the sound of Jirou’s guitar as she practiced the same song she had been fixated on for the week.
Yes, the sounds of U.A. that usually went ignored. He listened to all of them — as if they were calling for his attention — each one wishing to be heard.
And yet, he wished that his sounds would be inconceivably silent. He had things to hide, and he couldn’t afford the repercussions of being found out. No, he would never live it down, he’d die with shame if it were to happen. However, the longer he waited, the less time he had.
With acquiescence, he lifted himself from lying atop his comforter & lowered himself to take a seat on the hardwood instead — hands reaching into the bottom part of his dresser as he shoved neatly folded clothes to the side.
Hidden beneath his shirts was a thin cardboard box covered in various All Might stickers, courtesy of his Mother & his past self. He pulled off the top of the box, not daring to take it out of the drawer just yet in case someone was to interrupt his plans early on.
His eyes softened as light from the rest of the world hit the contents of the box. It was always relieving to let them breathe… To let himself breathe. He pulled the box out, shutting the drawer with a light kick as he tipped the box upside down; contents now a messily strewed pile on the floor.
A once neatly folded All Might onesie sat front and center, Izuku pulling it closer and running his fingers across soft sewn patterns and seams. He took off his t-shirt — cleverly labeled by the t-shirt kanji on the front — and basketball shorts, unbuttoning the onesie as he stepped into the footing. Though he stopped before he got it all the way on, realizing he was getting far ahead of himself as his eyes caught the other items on the floor. A plain white padding sat next to a green binkie, both having been neglected to focus on the onesie. The act making him feel bad, an apology at the tip of his tongue, though he had learned to stop apologizing to inanimate objects long since grade school.
Having gone through the same song and dance before he removed his boxers, folding them aside before diapering himself. The soft smell & feel of the padding filling his senses. He wasn’t sure if they had a genuine smell to them, but he appreciated it nonetheless — the softness blanketing his thoughts. The onesie came next, hiding his shape from the rest of the world.
All that was left was the pacifier, though the act of putting it in his mouth was daunting. Once he put it in his mouth that was it, no need to be “big” for the day, no need to be Izuku either… Just himself.
It took very little for Izuku to fall into his headspace, having been regressing for the longest of whiles. He couldn’t recall when it started, nor did he care to. But his earliest memory of being in his headspace had to be his fifth year of grade school. It had hit randomly after his mom had taken the time for one of her rare pick-ups, usually working around the time school let out.
He had babbled to her for hours on end and she simply listened as she cut up his fruits and enjoyed the nostalgic waves that hit her; memories of when her baby was still just a baby. It was only once… Then it was twice, and soon it became a call for concern.
It took a few calls and a child specialist or two before they had a name for what was occurring, age regression. He remembers his mom tearing up, thankful that there was nothing wrong with him and that she hadn’t been leading him astray by encouraging it.
And so was the life they lived. Every once and a while Izuku would enjoy the peacefulness of youth, his mom getting to indulge in a moment of selfishness; not wanting to take in the reality that time was passing — and soon her baby boy would be paving a future she’d have no control over.
However, as middle school approached, their every-once-in-a-while’s turned into every-now-and-then’s work and his mom’s worrying (worrying that if she coddled him too much he’d never truly grow up) getting in the way. Though, despite how much he had grown physically, he felt as if he never truly left the years before, his mind struggling to catch up with the rest of him. The past constantly intertwined with the present for him; childishness always present in the corners of his mind.
Izuku popped the binkie between his lips, letting himself drift off into a peacefulness he only allowed himself to indulge in with heavy moderation. With the curtains drawn & the door locked, the outside world was little concern for the boy.
Though he lacked much gear in his dorm, having told himself he needed to grow up if he planned to be a hero, it was all he truly needed. He grabbed his laptop from off his desk, carrying it over to his bed as he tossed it up and hoisted himself atop the mattress. He sighed inwardly, as stress faded away, slipping off his shoulder like loose silken robes.
His laptop whirred to life, and with that, his attention to everything else died. An All Might movie he had seen times and time before played on the screen, his mind filled with a sweet breeze as he babbled around his paci, a weak attempt at repeating the movie line for line.
This was far from perfect for him, but it was nice to have. A part of him wished he could turn back the clock, to sit in his mom’s lap as they talked about everything his foggy mind could think of yet still talked about nothing at all. But this was nice all the same.
Hours passed, the dorms slowly coming to life as people returned from day trips and students from the opposing hero course were invited to the commons area for small get-togethers.
Meanwhile, Izuku stayed hidden within his dorm, peaceful morning turned chaotic afternoon. Albeit, much had changed since that morning. His laptop now played a cartoon as background noise, Izuku himself having taken to playing with his All Might figures, using his free hand to play as villains and civilians in need of rescue. Once dry padding now cold and clammy, having been too engrossed in his play to notice. Though, now that it had grown cold, his skin started to itch with displeasure.
A whine of protest played on his lips, though he found the blame only lay on him. If he had been more attentive, then he wouldn’t be in such a situation, a frustration overcoming him.
With heavy reluctance he put his All Might figures back on his desk so he could prepare for the change, the placement being off by a mile. He tried to keep changes as quick as he could, finding the act to be akin to listening to the sound of others chewing in terms of discomfort. However, now he was faced with a dilemma.
He was in no space to warrant wearing boxers, so the diaper was a must; but he had learned very early on that he didn’t exactly enjoy leaving wet padding in the trash. And while he usually opted for the dumpster outside or tied up in a plastic and shoved into a separate garbage can to keep it concealed, if he was insistent on wearing padding, his regular shorts would be far too risky for the quick trip downstairs. The onesie sat on the ground, bright colors calling him, but the issue with that was the possible attention it’d draw to him. He tossed a hand to his head, lightly knocking on it as if it’d wake up a part of his brain that knew what to do.
Hesitantly, he put back on the onesie and shoved his pacifier into the pocket, garbage bag in hand as he pushed himself off the floor. It was just a quick trip down the hall, in the elevator, to the commons, and back. He just needed to stay on track.
As he exited his dorm he couldn’t help the flood of nerves that filled his head, pouring into his chest. Every noise suddenly ten times its previous volume now that he was facing the world head-on. He focused on his breathing, something he could count to on stay calm. He entered the elevator, hoping that the common area wasn't as lively as it had sounded. Maybe it was his nerves that had intensified the dialogue he heard below, and if it was, he'd be more than grateful. Unfortunately, he wasn't so lucky. As he stepped into the shared living space he was met by a collection of faces, some from his class, others from Class 1-B. With a deep breath he walked forward, if he just kept his eyes looking forward, it wouldn't be so scary. He could make it to the trash can and back, it was only a few feet away and he was so close-
"Woah, Midoriya! Repping the All Might merch today huh?" Kaminari's voice shocked him to his core, almost causing him to slip on the hardwood, not the best combination with his footed attire. "Woah dude didn’t mean to scare ya."
With a breath and steadying his balance he turned to the others, Denki, Itsuka, & Momo sat on the floor, the former two painting their nails at the coffee table. To the left of them sat Yui, a fresh red coat decorating her own fingers.
"It’s alright Kaminari, just wasn’t expecting to be called out so suddenly." He went to rub the back of his neck before remembering the onesie that had caught the others' attention in the first place, pulling his hand back to his side.
Momo turned her head as Itsuka painted her nails. "Ah, what a cute onesie!" She cheered, going to bring a hand to her cheek before a light scolding from the ginger stopped her. "I haven’t seen it before, did you buy it recently?"
It took Izuku longer to formulate a response than he would’ve liked to admit, mind still covered in a thin layer of childish fog. "No." The word came out blunter than intended, follower by frantic sputtering in an attempt to lessen the harshness of his tone. "I mean, I’ve had it for a while! But it’s sort of embarrassing to wear outside of my dorm & it gets hot at night so I don’t wear it too often!" He found his face flushed as he turned his head back in the direction of the trash can.
"Ah, well that’s understandable… How has your day been?" Midoriya couldn’t help the internal groan at the continued conversation. As much as he loved his talks with Momo, he just wanted to get back to his dorm and lie down for a nap at this point. Was that so hard to ask?
Thankfully, Itsuka seemed to sense his inner turmoil, asking Momo’s opinion on her freshly painted nails. Which then drew out a series of muttered complaints from Denki, wishing the girls had brought something in his color.
Izuku let out a small sigh of relief, glad the attention was no longer on him or his attire, all that was left was his original goal. He was quick to shove the smaller plastic bag into the bin, albeit a bit suspiciously so. However, it was now out of sight, out of mind.
His head turned to the kitchen, noting its vacancy. His mouth had felt dry… Getting juice wouldn’t hurt. Apple juice to be specific, he wouldn’t want to take from Iida while the other wasn’t around to ask. Eyes caught sight of the pantry, juice now abandoned on the counter. If he was getting a drink surely a snack wouldn't hurt either. And so, he began to rummage through the shelves.
Treats… sweets… sweet treats… He deserved something sweet! He had been so brave facing the world outside of his dorm, so why wasn’t he rewarded? Rikido had started to keep all of his sweets in his dorm, not wanting to come back to an empty pantry and apologetic cries from Mina, Ochako, and Tooru as he had many times before. But that didn’t mean the class didn’t have any snacks at all… It just seemed as though they had chosen to favor savory goods in comparison to desserts. He couldn’t help the whine that escaped his throat as he settled for a pack of animal crackers; at least he could play with those as he ate.
As he turnt around, shoving the animal crackers in his pocket, he was met with a familiar face, Momo’s; causing him to jump as he hit his head against the doorframe in his shock. He took a step back, bumping into the shelves of the pantry with more force than needed. "Ow…"
"Oh, Midoriya! Are you alright?" She was quick to make her way over to him, cold fingertips finding their way to his now sore forehead. “I didn’t mean to spook you, my apologies!” She stepped back, giving the other room to step out of the pantry.
He rubbed at his back, giving Momo an awkward smile. "It’s alright, I’m just a bit jumpy today I suppose." He bit his tongue, knowing that if he was to say any more he’d only drag the conversation on longer than need be. Then he’d never leave the kitchen, which would mean he’d never reach his dorm, which meant never getting to take his well-deserved nap.
He stepped past the ebony-haired girl, grabbing his cup of juice and quickly exiting the kitchen. For a moment he heard Momo call out to him, but he couldn’t exactly afford to waist anymore time on the first floor, he had already far overstayed his welcome outside of his headspace.
He reached his dorm with a heavy chest, letting out a pained breath as he sunk into his mattress, juice placed safely at his desk alongside his animal crackers. Here, he was safe… He reached into his pocket for where he had stored his binkie, only to be met with nothing but soft fabric. He was quick to sit upright, going between both his pockets, taking a moment to look around his floor, and going back to his pockets as if the pacifier would magically appear in them again. But it didn’t. There was not a single trace of it in his room aside from his own memory of it.
It had to have fallen out somewhere in the hallway… Or worse in the commons. If it was the commons anyone could find it, and then he’d never get it back… What if it was tossed or became the topic of gossip? He only had one, he couldn’t afford to lose something so precious to him he just couldn’t–
A knock on the door drew him out of his thoughts. "Midoriya? Are you in?"
It was Momo…
Watching Midoriya leave the kitchen in such a rush was one thing, though it still brought a frown to the girl's face. He had left the juice out, alongside leaving the cupboard for cups wide open. She could only sigh as she commenced with the cleanup. As she turned to the pantry, hoping to retrieve some cheese almond crackers for Kaminari, she spotted something green on the floor. She knelt down, picking up the foreign object, and dusting it off.
A pacifier. It was a soft mantis green, the handle lightly scuffed from its apparent fall. It was far too large for an actual child, though that was the least of Momo’s thoughts. Had Midoriya left it behind? It was in his color after all…
"Yaoyomo? Whatcha doin' down there?"
Momo couldn’t help but jump, finding herself in a familiar situation as the boy who had left moments prior. She gripped the pacifier in her hands, hiding it from view as she turned to face the blond.
"Ah, Kaminari! Was I taking too long? Sorry…"
"Nah it’s fine, just wanted some water." He took a few strides to the fridge, fishing for his water bottle before turning to look down at Momo once more. She found a flush reaching her cheeks as she stood up, still keeping her hands clasped as she hid the pacifier from view. She cleared her throat, lowering her hands to her chest as she stepped around Kaminari, trying to keep her mannerisms from seeming too suspicious.
"Well, if you’ll excuse me I’ll be um…" Her eyes locked with the blonds, the soft sound of the fridge filling his water bottle being the only noise that now filled the heavy air.
It was at times like these she was grateful for the others' absentmindedness, the sound of water hitting the floor catching both their attention, drawing eyes away from their sudden bout of staring. "Crap!"
Momo took the opportunity to leave the boy to his overflowing water bottle as she went towards the elevator. As she clicked the button the the second-floor, elevator coming to life, she unclasped her hands, taking a closer look at the object of her attention. It was… cute. And while she didn’t understand its purpose, she wouldn’t want to have Midoriya lose something, especially something like this. Kami knows what would happen if Mina or Tooru had acquired it first, it was a well-known fact that the two girls had a knack for gossip.
She was heavily thankful that the second-floor hall was empty as she took the steps to Midoriya’s dorm. A deep breath was taken as she knocked.
"Midoriya? Are you in?"
There was a long silence before the door creaked open, Midoriya stood looking a tad bit frazzled, pupils dilated as he tilted his head at her. Seeing as it didn’t look like he’d speak first she started up.
"Sorry to disturb you… Again. I just–" She showed him the pacifier, looking around to make sure nobody else had entered the hall without her knowing. "–I presume it’s yours since it was on the pantry floor & the coloring, I wanted to make sure you got it back before anyone else found it and-" Before she could finish she looked up, finding the boy's eyes wide with an expression she could only place as terror.
There was an attempt to shut the door but in a panic she put her foot between the door, wincing a bit at the pain it brought. "Ouch… Ah, Midoriya wait!" She called, taking a step into the room as she watched the other back up, he stared at her like a deer caught in headlights.
Midoriya only choked on his word, a mess of futile stutters and abandoned sentences. "I… It’s not- Well it is, but… I… You… Um…" None of it made much sense to her as she stepped forward, though that seemed to be the wrong choice as she watched the boy's breathing quicken, breaths now sporadic and shallow.
"Midoriya, you’re hyperventilating!" She shut the door behind her and put out her hands as if to signify she wasn’t a threat. "You have to calm down, please…" Though her ask was met with nothing more than a choked sob. Oh great… She had made him cry.
As she watched tears well up in the others eyes she couldn’t help but step closer, lightly grabbing his wrist as she led him to sit on the bed. She didn’t ignore the attempt he made to shy away from her touch before being made to sit down.
His tears were akin to those of a child who had been caught feeding a stray and was afraid they’d be in trouble for encouraging the return — though softer as if not wanting to get in more trouble by disturbing unrelated parties.
"Calm down Midoriya, I’m… I’m not going to hurt you or anything. I just wanted to return it, I’m sorry if I upset you…" She murmured, taking his hood off his head as she held his face with one hand, running fingers through his hair with the other.
"Shhh… Shhh…" She cooed, a soft hum enveloping the room, a melody she had learned during her internship. "Let it out… it’s okay…"
Having seen Momo pull out his pacifier filled Midoriya with a mix of emotions. On one hand, he was glad it was back to him, but on the much larger and far more terrifying hand… Momo knew. His eyed widened, pupils dilating as he took in every detail of the matter before him. Momo knew. She knew what nobody was supposed to know, and he was cornered… Unless he shut the door.
If he shut the door it was out of sight, out of mind. He could leave it for another day. Surely Momo wouldn’t gossip, she was one of the class reps, and she wouldn’t do that to him. All he needed to do… was close the door in her face. Maybe she’d even think she got the wrong person. He could live without his pacifier; sure he’d cry for the night and maybe have a tantrum or two, but it was far better than this.
But he didn’t get that mercy, for as he went to shut the door there was resistance, Momo’s foot wedged between the door and the frame. She said something though he didn’t pick it up, a loud buzzing filling his ears. She had to know now, how couldn’t she? Why would she come into his room unless she was certain it was his?
It felt as if the world was crashing down around him. This was the end of… well, everything. He couldn’t face the girl before him during class or training anymore. He couldn’t even go to class or training anymore, he didn’t deserve to. She must hate him now. She had all right to.
His throat tightened as he tried to explain himself, but his cries fell on deaf ears, a lump filling his throat as tears filled his vision. Was he even breathing? Right, he needed to breathe, he could count on that… Except breathing was suddenly unbearably hard. He looked up at her, unsure what she was saying or doing, her form hidden behind tears. She had raised her hands, that much he knew… Was she going to hit him?
He knew better than to water Momo down to such violence, but memories of junior high failed to allow him to be so kind. She was going to laugh at him, call him names, and tell everyone how weird he was. The boy who refused to grow up.
If Izuku didn’t know any better he would’ve sworn he was drowning.
He watched as she stepped closer to him, stuck to his spot as he tried to catch up to his own heartbeat. A hand gripped his wrist and he couldn’t help but flinch, expecting the worst from the touch, but instead, she led him to his bed, pulling him down to take a seat next to her.
He could only make out a few of her words, voice drowned out by his own heartbeat. "Down… hurt you… return… upset…" Followed the feel of his hood being pulled from his head as comforting fingers raked through his curls. A soft humming filled the room, melting into his senses as he focused on the feeling of her hand in his hair and the cradling of his face.
He could only bet he looked a mess — All Might onesie and all — as tears streamed down his cheeks, having to be comforted by one of his peers. While not the best way to calm down, picturing himself from an outside view helped calm him a lot, allowing him to properly focus on Momo’s soft humming. It was a sweet tune, one he couldn’t recognize… He’d have to look it up later. It made his head cloud softly, though he wasn’t sure if that was the melody or Momo’s doing, either way, it was well appreciated.
Eventually, harsh muffled sobs devolved into small sniffles and hiccups. A thumb ran by his eyes, wiping away premature tears. He let his vision focus on the girl before him. She was looking at him with the same worry he was used to seeing from his mother when he’d visit her after a rough day of school or the look she gave him post-sports festival.
A hand rubbed at his back as he took a deep breath, trying to keep his breathing as steady as it could be. He felt exhausted.
"Midoriya? Are you feeling better now?" She hummed out, eyes softening as she traced his features.
He tried to speak, though all the came out was a strangled attempt at words so instead he gave a light nod, balled up fists rubbing at his eyes to keep from letting any more tears fall. There was a soft sigh that followed, catching his attention back at Momo. "M…"
He was cut off before he could try to speak, Momo standing up with a soft stretch before turning back to him. "You seem tired, how about we take a nap, hmm?" He couldn’t help but find himself more speechless than he was before. A nap? He had wanted one but to be offered it was much different. He went to open his mouth to argue against it but found that she was already moving his comforter aside and helping him lay down. Well, if that was one way to get the nap he wanted, he supposed he had no place to argue.
"Once again, I’m very sorry for having upset you Midoriya… We can talk when you’re awake and calmer, alright?" She ran a hand over his forehead, moving hair from his vision. She turnt to leave and a terrible fear rang down Midoriya’s spine as he pushed himself up and latched onto her wrist.
There was a small gasp as she looked back at him. "Hmm? I’m… confused." He only replied with a light tugging on her arm, a whine escaping his throat as he looked up at her with half-lidded wet eyes. "You want me to… stay?" She didn’t get a proper answer but took his loosening grip on her wrist as one.
She looked back to the door before pulling his desk chair closer to the bed and taking a seat. Izuku let out a soft hum of appreciation as she ran a thumb over the back of his hand, the act lulling him into a well-needed rest.
"Alright… I’ll stay right here for you."