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The night hugged Welton coldly, with a white, frozen layer. Winter break was over. Complaints and giggles from the first students ran through the old hallways, sneaking under Todd's room door.
He stood by the closet, methodically unpacking his belongings. His movements were careful, almost mechanical, placing a book here, folding a shirt there, Todd turned to the bed, smoothing the blanket as if it were made of glass, ignoring the other bare bed, ignoring Charlie's and Keating's absence, ignoring.
Neil.
It had been a month since Neil's death. Thirty blurred days drowned by pitying looks, firm pats on the shoulder, and hollow congratulations from his dad's friends who told him he was “handling it like a champ.” Their words always landed wrong, sharp and heavy. He smiled anyway, accepting their glasses of wine.
A few knocks on his door brought him out of his trance, accompanied by a familiar voice.
“Todd, Todd are you there?”
Todd froze. It was Knox’s voice, but something was off. The usual spark was gone, replaced by a quiet hesitation that made the hairs on Todd’s neck rise.
“Come in,” Todd replied softly
When Todd finally turned around, Knox was in the doorway, clutching a blanket and pillow to his chest like a shield. His posture was uncertain. The usual glint in his eyes had vanished, replaced by something sunken and shadowed. He looked like a ghost of himself.
Todd opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out.
“I didn't think you'd be here this early,” murmured Knox, breaking the silence.
“My family wanted me to follow Nolan's recommendation” Todd replied, rubbing the back of his neck. “They didn’t want me rushing to unpack everything tomorrow. I'm pretty sure they just wanted to drop me off as soon as possible,” he added, not looking.
Knox managed a small smile, leaning casually against the doorframe. “You wouldn’t believe me if I said I actually wanted to get back early. My mom was driving me crazy.” Knox explained, falsely annoyed. “Looks like we’re having a sleepover.”
“The heater in your room failed again?” Todd asked as Knox walked in.
“Yeah. And since you don't have a… Roommate yet, they sent me here” his gaze flickering to the empty bed before quickly looking away.
Todd followed his gaze, feeling the familiar weight in his chest.
“How were the holidays?” Knox asked quickly, breaking the silence as he leaned back against the desk that once belonged to Neil.
“No big deal,” Todd said, shrugging. “I tasted wine for the first time, though. It doesn’t taste good.”
Knox smiled slightly, “Champagne’s better. Or beer, if you’re feeling rebellious"
“I’ll assume your holidays weren’t very enjoyable either.” Todd replied.
“You’re always right, Todd. But…” Knox hesitated. “I have to admit, there was one thing that made them better.”
Todd tilted his head “Chris?”
Knox’s grin widened as he pulled a wrapped package from his coat pocket. “From Charlie,” he said, winking.
Todd’s eyes lit up as he took the package, turning it over in his hands like it was something fragile. “How did you get it? I thought he would be grounded after the expelling.”
“He is very grounded for sure, so I had to throw rocks at his window,” Knox explained laughing.
“In a pure Romeo and Juliet way!” interrupted a couple of familiar voices.
“Meeksie!, Pittsie! Charlie didn't forget about you guys either” he said, tossing each of them little wrapped packages from his pocket.
Meeks caught his mid-air and smiled.
“What are you guys doing here so early?” Todd asked, the smile still lingering on his face.
“We got an early flight,” replied Meeks.
“Meeks’ grandmother was very kind, but her Irish accent was so thick I had no idea what she was saying half the time!” Pitts added, chuckling.
Todd tilted his head in curiosity “I didn't know you had family in Ireland.”
Knox leaned against the desk, smirking. “Where do you think Meeks' red hair comes from? West Virginia?” Laughter floated around the room.
But Pitts’ laughter faded quickly, he scratched the back of his neck, looking down. “After what happened… my family didn’t want me around this Christmas. My mom thought it’d be a good idea to be with Meeks.”
The tension returned as quickly as it left. Todd’s smile faltered, and Knox glanced at Pitts, his brow furrowed. No one knew what to say.
Before the silence grew too heavy, Professor McAllister appeared at the door, his voice cutting through the moment. “Gentlemen, curfew is in ten minutes. Let’s not start the term with late-night disobedience.”
Meeks and Pitts exchanged glances, Meeks letting out a soft sigh before following McAllister out. “See you in the morning,” Pitts said, flashing Todd and Knox a quick smile before closing the door
The room felt quieter now. Todd sat on the edge of his bed, running his fingers over the edges of the package again.
“Come on, open it,” Knox said, with excitement in his voice.
Quickly, Todd unwrapped the package, revealing a copy of Frankenstein by Mary Shelley and a note in the disorganized handwriting he knew all too well. His hands trembled slightly as he unfolded the paper.
To Mr. Anderson.
If you’re reading this, it means the stars aligned, and Knoxious actually remembered to give it to you. I would've liked to be there in person, but alas, I’ve been transferred to Balincrest, and my oh-so-loving parents have grounded me until pigs fly or Mr. Nolan finally kicks the bucket.
̶T̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶v̶a̶m̶p̶i̶r̶e̶ ̶b̶a̶s̶t̶a̶r̶d̶
Merry ̶l̶a̶t̶e̶ Christmas anyways, I know Hellton will be very boring without me, but don't faint! I'll try to sneak out for Easter and visit you. We'll take Pitts' dad's car and have a splash in Portland.
Nuwanda.
I̶m̶ s̶o̶r̶r̶y̶ T̶o̶d̶d̶s̶, t̶a̶k̶e̶ c̶a̶r̶e̶ o̶f̶ t̶h̶e̶ p̶o̶e̶t̶s̶
Todd reread the letter several times, his thumb tracing the crossed-out lines. He smiled faintly at Charlie’s irreverent tone, but the weight of the final words settled heavily in his chest. How could he hold them together when he was barely holding himself up?
A dull thud pulled him from his thoughts.
“Here they are,” Knox announced triumphantly, holding up a deck of cards and a pack of cigarettes, rubbing his aching head with a sheepish grin. “Charlie left them so we can play, what a kind guy." Knox said rolling his eyes. "You in?"
Todd laughed, his fingers brushing the edge of the book. He didn’t play cards, not really, but something about Knox’s efforts made him nod.
Hours later, the two sat surrounded by scrunched cards and Knox’s endless chatter. He had somehow filled the silence with stories, jokes, and strategies for winning the game. Todd leaned back against the bedframe, his head lightly resting on Knox’s shoulder. He had fallen asleep mid-sentence with his head tilted awkwardly, the dark bags under his eyes being more prominent in the dim light.
Todd sighed, sleep calling him from afar, but for the first time in weeks, he didn’t fight it.
‿︵‿︵‿୨ ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 .ᐟ୧‿︵‿︵‿
The snow was falling gently, blanketing the trees in an endless white. Todd shuffled his feet toward the huge frozen lake. He tried to avoid the dock, but he always came back. As if death had tied them together. He sat, the wood creaking beneath him, and let his thoughts drift like the snowflakes.
In the distance, a voice called out to him, That voice he would recognize for miles, that he would follow blindly, that made his whole body tremble.
“Todd, Todd, come skate with me!” Neil called to him from across the lake, waving his hands.
“But I don’t know how to skate, Neil, and I don’t even have skates!” he called back, his voice cracking.
Neil laughed, light and carefree. “Neither do I. Look!” He pointed to his bare feet, pale against the glassy ice. Yet he moved gracefully, gliding as though the frozen lake were his stage. The Puck crown on his head sparkled faintly in the winter sun.
“Just take my hand” Neil said to him, almost in a whisper, holding it out to Todd.
Todd hesitated. He searched Neil’s brown eyes, looking for something, assurance, permission, a promise. Those eyes held that familiar, gentle glow.
Slowly, Todd reached out, his fingers brushing Neil’s. They intertwined, and a warmth spread through Todd’s chest, even as frost clung to his cheeks.
The ice beneath his feet didn’t groan or crack at the weight or the awkward slips of Todd, who clung to Neil as if his life depended.
“I won’t let go,” Neil whispered, his voice steady and calm, taking Todd's other hand.
Todd swallowed hard, his words caught in his throat.
They began to move. Neil led, his bare feet gliding effortlessly, while Todd followed, his steps clumsy at first. The frost on their shoulders glowing faintly in the pale light.
The lake stretched endlessly in every direction, the edges blurred as if the world dissolved into the horizon. The snow shimmered like stardust, and time seemed to slow, bending around them.
Gradually, their movements synchronized, an improvised choreography borned. They glided across the lake, never looking away from each other.
In the center of the lake, a wooden piano appeared, or maybe Todd had never noticed it before. It rose like a mirage, half-submerged in the pale light.
“Since when do we have a piano in the lake?” Todd asked, breaking the comfortable silence.
Neil chuckled softly. “Since forever,” he replied, as if the question made no sense. He approached the piano, brushing a hand over its worn, dark-brown surface before sitting down on the equally weathered stool. He played a few hesitant notes, their sound oddly clear, reverberating through the frozen air.
Todd felt his cheeks flush. “You were forced to take piano lessons too?” he muttered, lowering himself onto the bench beside Neil.
Neil nodded, his focus on the grimy keys. “I could play Beethoven with my eyes closed,” he said, with a faint smile curling at the corners of his lips.
Todd let his fingers hover over the keys before pressing down tentatively, joining Neil’s melody. The notes tumbled out, unfamiliar. The sound seemed to ripple across the lake, bouncing off the boundaries of Welton and disappearing into the woods beyond.
“You’re good,” Todd murmured over the music.
“I was really good,” Neil replied, finishing the last few notes.
Todd glanced at Neil, now with his chest tightened. Neil’s features seemed sharper now, paler, his brown eyes darkened and his hand trembled. The puck crown sat on his head with a ghostly elegance
Todd’s surroundings began to spin, the lake blurring at the edges, and a familiar nausea clawed at his stomach. His heart pounded as flashes of memory assaulted him. Neil’s father dragging him away, Neil’s strained voice before the play. What came after.
“You, your father, the play...” Todd stammered, his voice breaking. “He took you, and I tried—I tried to stop him—and you… they told me—”
“It wasn’t your fault, Todd,” Neil interrupted, his voice soft but firm. “ Just…Life was always easier on you, than it was on me.”
Todd’s breath hitched, his chest heaving. “Don’t say that,” he pleaded, with tears leaving his eyes.
Neil’s gaze was full of sorrow. “I’m sorry.”
Todd’s voice cracked as he suppressed a sob. “You were supposed to be an actor, and I was supposed to be a poet. I’d write your plays, and, and you’d go on stage and dazzle everyone. That was the plan, Neil. That was the plan!” Todd yelled,
Neil’s voice grew faint, almost a whisper. “You can still be a poet.”
Todd choked out, tears streaming freely down his face.
Neil reached out, cupping Todd’s face with both hands. His touch was cold. “Forgive me, Todd,” he murmured, leaning forward to leave a soft kiss on Todd's forehead. “Please know that I tried.”
Before Todd could respond, Neil stood and began to glide away, his figure dissolving into the blurry horizon.
“Neil, no! No, no, no—Neil, come back!” Todd screamed, trying to follow. His legs slipped on the ice. Todd fell hard, the impact jolting through his body as he collapsed against the rough, frozen surface. Shuddering sobs wracked his body as he watched Neil fade.
“NEIL!”
‿︵‿︵‿୨ ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 .ᐟ୧‿︵‿︵‿
Everything went black.
“Todd, Todd wake up” a voice called, muffled as though it came from underwater.
Todd woke with a start, his chest heaving as he gasped for air. His skin was damp with sweat despite the chill of the dorm room. The faint morning light was beginning to seep through the curtains.
It took him a few seconds to get his bearings, his chest rising and falling frantically. Beside him sat Knox, looking at him as if he’d come back from the dead.
"You... you were dreaming," Knox said softly, his voice catching. He stepped forward a little, the pillow slipping under his arm. His eyes flicked across Todd’s face, as if searching for the pieces that had just broken.
For a moment, Todd couldn’t respond. His throat felt raw. “Did I wake you?”
Knox offered a faint smile. “Don’t worry about it. My sisters used to have nightmares all the time.”
Todd wiped his face, his hand coming away wet with tears he hadn’t realized were there. “I’m sorry. I’m really sorry—”
“You have nothing to apologize for,” Knox interrupted gently, while putting a hand in Todd's shoulder. “I know what it’s like to dream about him.”
The words hit Todd like a punch to the gut. He gripped the sheets tightly, trying to steady himself.
“Was I...was I screaming his name?” Todd managed to whisper.
Knox ran a hand through Todd's disheveled hair. “Yeah.” His voice was quiet, almost trembling.
Todd buried his face in his hands. Before he could say anything more, Knox leaned forward and wrapped him in a hug, catching Todd off guard.
They stayed like that for what felt like an eternity, their breaths falling into quiet rhythm. Neither spoke. Knox’s fingers moved gently through Todd’s hair. Todd stayed tucked against him, face buried in the crook of Knox’s neck.
“It was a good dream at first,” Todd choked out, his voice muffled against Knox’s shoulder. His sobs came freely now, his body shaking as Knox rubbed his back in slow, comforting circles.
“It’s okay, Todd,” Knox murmured, his own voice thick with emotion. “Everything’s okay. You’re not going to be alone.”
“I miss him so much,” Todd whispered, his voice breaking. “I don’t want to lose you guys too.”
Knox swallowed hard, his grip on Todd tightening for a moment. “You won’t,” he promised firmly. “We’re not going anywhere. We’re going to survive this, this hell of a school, the teachers, everything. Together.”
He hesitated before adding with a small, wistful smile, “Besides, who else is going to go with Charlie to Portland?”
A shaky laugh broke through Todd’s tears, surprising them both. He pulled back slightly, wiping at his face. A tiny glimmer of hope flickered in his chest.
“Do you promise?” he asked, his voice still trembling.
Knox raised his hand solemnly. “Dead Poets’ honor.”