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“Childe!”
Childe faltered in his step, his heartbeat stilled.
For a second he heavily considered to pretend like he didn´t hear; to just take the last few steps over the dock and board his ship to Snezhnaya.
Then he decided that he couldn´t bear the of feeling running away from something he already left behind…
Or maybe he couldn´t bear the thought of never seeing Zhongli again. The man, the god, he´d lost his heart to. His heart, his ambition, his reputation and everything else that was once important to him.
Now Childe wanted nothing but to return home to his family, the only people he could trust in in this entire world. He couldn´t wait to hug his siblings – he`d missed them more than anything.
Never would he admit that hearing Zhongli´s voice again made him want to stay in Liyue forever. Far from his family, far from home. Far from anything, he´d ever loved. Except…
Childe turned on his heels and put on the face of Tartaglia, the 11th of the Fatui Harbingers. An expression he´d perfected long before he came to Liyue but today, it didn´t feel like part of him for the first time at all.
“Lord Morax…”
Zhongli´s emotions were written all over his face, so distinctly that it was obvious how he wasn´t even trying to hide them.
It felt odd to Childe that the man, who had been always so composed, so engaged to only show on his face what he wanted other to see, should be so careless about it now…
In front of his enemy, the guy who tried to destroy his city, his home.
The one thing Childe had always been able to tell from Zhongli´s expression was the little smile he´d only worn when they were together and that Childe had liked to think of as fondness.
He forbade himself from thinking of that exact little smile but it was hard to not look for it on Zhongli´s face when he stood right in front of him with such a vulnerable expression.
His expression was ridiculously serious like it always had been; as if he was an old man who´d seen any part of the world. Now Childe knew why that was.
Zhongli´s lips were pulled upwards into a smile that was so obviously guilty and apologizing that it choked Childe.
But his eyes, his beautiful golden eyes that usually were so expressive and told Childe everything he wanted to know.
Their glow was damped, leaving the dull expression of someone who carried a sadness that grew deeper than any regret ever could…
That was so much more than just regret.
Childe chose to ignore it. He wouldn´t allow himself to even think in that direction.
Not with the man, who´d ripped Childe´s heart out of his chest and now carried it with him just like Childe initially intended to do with his.
But weirdly enough said man looked relieved, oh so relieved, that he caught Childe just in time.
What could Zhongli possibly want from him, now where his city was saved and his deal succeeded?
“Childe… Ajax… You´re leaving?”
Childe thought about correcting him.
“It´s Lord Tartaglia for you”, he wanted to scream at his perfect face. But then, he also didn´t want to give in to any of Zhongli´s words.
His hands clenched into fists and his jaw into an even sharper line, Childe had to force his teeth open to answer.
“Yes.”
Zhongli didn´t answer immediately and Childe´s impatience grew with every second.
“What do you want from me?”, he wanted to scream at Zhongli, “Your city is safe! Actually, it will be a lot safer now that I leave. What concerns you so much that you can´t just let me leave in peace?”
But while he still thought about it, the question brought an unwanted memory back up from something quite similar that Zhongli had once asked him in an entirely different context.
“What concerns you so deeply, my dear Ajax? You´re awfully quiet today. Or do you want me to leave, for you to have some time to enjoy this moment in peace.”
They were sitting on a high cliff right by Liyue´s coast and had been watching the sun setting at the horizon with Zhongli occasionally sharing a fact about the wildlife and trade in Liyue´s waters.
They hadn´t actually planned to come here but after an extensive dinner at Liyue Pavillion, they had decided to continue their conversation on a walk.
Then Zhongli had shyly suggested, showing Childe one of his favourite places in all of Liyue and how could Childe ever deny any request by this man.
In the end it had led them to that exact moment, watching the sunset over Liyue´s bay, sitting next to each other, only about one foot apart, their light conversation mostly carried by Zhongli.
Childe was far too bewitched by the sight of Zhongli so close to him to form any real sentence.
He´d been watching him closely the entire time, lost in every perfect little detail of the man that even on a regular day seemed ethereal. But haloed in the golden light of the setting sun, he was simply breathtaking.
“When I have to go back, come with me to see Snezhnaya?”
The question came entirely out of nowhere and Zhongli took a lot of time thinking and staring at the sea before he raised his head for an answer.
“I´m not sure if I´m quite ready to leave Liyue just yet but one day…”
The beautiful yet painful memory got pushed into the back of Childe mind when Zhongli hesitantly spoke his next words.
“Will you… Will you come back?”
He´d taken a few steps further while Childe was lost in his memories and now stood so close to him that Childe could make out every beautiful detail on his perfect face.
To have him close like this, like nothing happened since that evening on the cliff, pained Childe more than anything that had happened until then. He choked on his breath when he tried to answer.
“No, I… Well I have to await any new orders from her majesty the Tsaritsa but… I don´t think so. But with the chaos I leave behind, that´s certainly for the better.”
“Childe, I-…”, Zhongli started then hesitated again.
“What do you want, Zhongli?”, Childe asked, the last bit of his patience failing him.
He couldn´t stand this any second longer. This conversation, the man in front of him in his entirety was draining the air out of him.
“Because my ship is leaving in a few minutes and it´s really time to board.”
Something in Zhongli´s eyes suddenly flickered through the sadness… A thought that brightened his dull gaze. A decision.
And again, he just let Childe read him like a book.
“I won´t just let you leave”, his eyes seemed to tell.
Childe held his breath as Zhongli suddenly came even closer.
He was tempted to take a step back and shakily exhaled when he remembered that the ocean began right behind him.
Just when he wanted to speak up and demand an answer from Zhongli, said men took two more steps closer, carefully placed his hands on Childe´s cheeks and then, without another word, softly pressed his lips onto his.
Childe let it happen. His heart skipped a beat, his breath got caught in his throat but not a single one of the screaming voices inside his head could stop him from leaning in.
The world grew silent as every part of Childe´s mind turned towards the man in front of him. And when he took the lead on the kiss, Zhongli didn´t give a single sign of protest.
Instead, Childe could feel him melting into the kiss, feel his own hope and yearning in every movement of Zhongli´s lips. But to Childe it tasted like guilt.
He broke the kiss.
“This is just guilt, isn´t it? It´s not what you want, you just feel guilty. You pity me!”
Zhongli smiled softly and wrapped his arms around Childe´s neck, one hand gently guiding Childe´s head onto his shoulder.
His whole expression had changed, the serious yet endlessly sad smile became warm and bright.
His affectionate, golden eyes could give a man the impression of being loved more than a simple human could comprehend.
He looked so fond, so happy, so… in love.
Childe had to rip his gaze of him and complied by pressing his own face into the curve of Zhongli´s shoulder.
“What does this mean?”, Childe asked quietly.
“It means, this is what I want. You are what I want”, Zhongli answered and Childe could practically hear his smile.
He wrapped his arms around Zhongli´s waist and even more hesitantly repeated his question from what felt like a lifetime ago: “Come back to Snezhnaya with me?”
“I´ll follow you everywhere”, was Zhongli´s assuring answer.