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Evan and Barty were sitting in a quiet corner outside the Hogwarts building. It was like their hideout, their place of comfort. Whether they were there after running away from some sort of mischievous trick they had pulled, or just sitting and talking, it was nice. A place they could talk about anything and everything. And today the topic was:
Regulus.
It was a chilly winter afternoon, and Evan pulled up the warm scarf he was wearing above his mouth, desperately trying to keep his cheeks warm. Barty was rambling on about Regulus. Talking about how amazing his hair was, how beautiful his eyes were, all the average stuff you would talk about if you had a crush. All the things Evan had been thinking of Barty since Year 4. It hurt, a lot, really, listening to Barty talk so well of someone that wasn’t Evan. Truthfully, Evan knew it would never be about him, no matter how much he hoped and prayed to Merlin that someday, it would.
Evan wasn’t even registering the words that were spilling out of Barty’s, pretty, plump lips that were a shade of slightly darker pink than normal, due to the cold. Of course, Evan would be thinking about that. Noticing the almost unnoticeable change. Evan had always been observant, he knew that for sure, but not like this. Not to the point he knew the shade of every person fucking lip shade, but he knew Barty’s.
Evan knew he was doomed. He knew it since the moment he realised he was in love. It was already as disastrous as it was having his first crush, but Barty being his first crush took it to a whole new level.
Barty was a player, a fuckboy if you will. He always had his tongue down some random girl or boy’s throat at partys, whether he was drunk or not. Evan had walked in on Barty doing something, or someone.
It felt like there was a giant hole in his heart, a giant Barty-shaped hole. Evan knew that Barty didn’t have that problem, though. Or maybe he did, just with Regulus. Not Evan. Never Evan.
He absolutely hated it when Barty would jokingly flirt or make some weird sex comment towards Evan. He hates how it makes him blush and puts him at a loss for words, despite being able to make some snarky remark back for anyone else. It was just so different with Barty. The way he always managed to put butterflies in Evan’s stomach, they way his tongue would do this weird flicking thing whenever he was stressed or studying that always made Evan glance at his lips, silently longing for them. He hated every part about this stupid crush that he had. It just made life a little harder, especially knowing those feelings would never be reciprocated. No, because those feelings were meant for Regulus, and Regulus only.
It was worse knowing that Regulus knew. He knew about Barty liking him (it was very obvious), but he also knew that Evan liked Barty.
its not like Regulus ever did anything about it. He didn’t care for Barty’s, nor Evan’s feelings. Although, sometimes he would play along, leading Barty on, and that always made the pit in Evan’s stomach grow.
This was why Evan was so fucking glad he was friends with Dorcas. He cried into her arms for hours, sometimes, always asking himself, and Dorcas, the same questions. ‘Why doesn’t he love me? I’ve done everything!’ ‘Why isn’t it me he looks at like that?’ ‘Why am I not enough?’ ‘How do I be enough?’ ‘Why?’.
Dorcas would just let him cry, no matter what. There were times she would drop all her plans, even with her girlfriend, McKinnon, just listen to him and his problems. She didn’t care if he got one of her favourite jumpers wet, or if he would fall asleep while cuddling her, she was always there whenever she needed him.
Of course, Pandora comforted him a lot, especially when they were home for the holidays, but she never put in as much time as Dorcas. Pandora would sometimes cry with him, even, and they would talk about their relationship problems together until there was nothing more that could be said. Nothing more that could be done.
Evan had tried his best to talk Barty out of this stupid fucking crush on Regulus, but nothing ever worked.
Now Evan was always the one comforting Barty whenever Regulus came back to the dorm late wearing Potter’s hoodie or something stupid like that. He had to hold in the tears so that Barty could cry. Cry about a boy that wasn’t him.
It hurt Evan when Barty was sad, which somehow made this already terrible situation even worse. Imagine the boy you’ve loved for almost 2 years comes to you crying about someone else. It feels as though there’s a boulder rolling right down to crush Evan, and no matter how fast he runs, the boulder will always be faster. He’ll always be the one getting hurt, with no one to truly help him.
A small grin and a soft glint in Barty’s eye made Evan snap out of trance. And then he looked up.
Regulus fucking Black was standing right there, a sly smirk was plastered on his face and he was saying something to Barty that Evan’s mind couldn’t register.
Fuck, he hated Regulus sometimes. He knew that he and Regulus should be best friends, should care for each other, but how was Evan meant to do that when all Regulus did was mess with Barty’s feelings? Evan felt like a ticking time-bomb that could explode any minute.
Evan couldn’t believe how easily Regulus could make Barty brighten up, or make his cheeks blush so quickly like right now. Like how it always would be.
It would never be Evan, and he just had to accept that.
He’ll have to just be there, encourage Barty on, because no matter what,
Someone will always be taking up that number one spot in Barty’s heart,
And that person will never be him.
Evan will always be second place in Barty’s heart.