Work Text:
>Be me, Neopolitan.
>A five-foot-nothing spinner, and a mute. I got issues. Still fine as hell though.
>Parents gone. Don't ask.
>World's fucked. Monsters everywhere.
>Ugh. Why?
>Still manage to have some fun. Got some cool powers.
>Master of disguise--take anything I want.
>City's OK. Plenty of shit to steal.
>Got a boyfriend. Cute mascara guy.
>He gets me; we steal shit together. Good times.
>So we meet this woman, wants us to steal dust. Lots of dust.
>She's kinda intense—a little scary, TBH. Makes lots of promises; some sound like threats. Lien talks.
>I think its a bad idea, but Roman says it'll be OK.
>Whatever. Fine. Smooth sailing...at first.
>Then boyfriend goes on one little job without me. Everything's fucked. Of course. [eye roll]
>Simple job. Rob one little dust shop in Vale. Easy-peasy.
>He hired some goons from the local goonmeister. Needed help robbing dust shops. Scary lady came along to drive the getaway ship. Helps to be able to fly away. Good plan, right?
>Robbery should have been in and out. Just one old man running the shop; one customer in the shop. Some little girl. Just tell her to lie on the ground and keep her mouth shut. No problem.
>Stupid goons try to rob customer too. Dumbasses. Customers don't have insurance. They get mad.
>Little Red Riding Bitch goes ballistic. Goons get fucked up. Like seriously fucked up. Like that barn scene in Tornado with scythes flying around and shit fucked up.
>Boyfriend barely gets away. Scary lady fights a magical witch. Close call. Goons a total loss.
>Can't believe I missed that shitshow. [face palm]
>Cinder mad. Says we need to step up our game. Bitch.
>Roman says we gotta go big or go home. Need to hire new help. No more rent-a-goons available. What we gonna do?
>Roman has a “great idea.” Get White Fang involved. The ones that hate humans. We're humans. Great. [another eye roll]
>Show up at White Fang meeting, nearly get lynched. Aaaaaaaand...yada, yada, yada...recruitment successful. White Fang is on board!
>How? Roman shows them a big Atlesian robot he stole. Promises a whole shitload of them. Now he's their hero. Guess who really stole them? You get three tries. Yeah.
>White Fang be like: Humans? What humans? We see no humans around here. Just a carrot-faunus and an ice-cream faunus. We're cool.
>Two faunus (faunuses? fauni?) from Beacon infiltrate meeting. They're just kids. Who da fuk cares?
>Of course, boyfriend cares. Starts chasing them. In a giant robot. On the highway. In broad daylight.
>Way to keep a low profile, Roman.
>Gets into a fight with a bunch of Beacon students. One of them is Little Red. Great.
>Red Tornado and Ice Queen fog up the place, ice up the ground—robot slipping and sliding. This might be trouble.
>Ninja Girl and Dragonlady manage to brick the robot. Boyfriend's in danger. Shit. [exasperated sigh]
>Enter Neo, stage left. Save his ass, again. It's a cute ass.
>Beacon sluts attack again, Roman candle and I ghost them. HA! HA!, later bitches!
>So now we're at our Super-Secret Hideout in Mountain Glen. Place has been abandoned for years.
>It's crawling with Grimm. Nobody comes here. Plus we're underground. Totally safe, right? Riiiiiiight....
>Guess who shows up? Again. Girl is like a beowolf. Dogged. Crashes our party. Literally.
>So Red's here, and the rest of the Beacon bunch is right behind her. Here we go again. [weary sigh]
>Roman orders the train we've loaded all the dust on to move out. Even though the tunnel is still not cleared all the way. Seems like that is an important detail, but whatever.
>So the kids are still chasing us, and of course they make it onto the train. Even detaching the rear cars and blowing them up doesn't stop them (of course not, that was a stupid idea anyway—they are like crazy-good at jumping and stuff).
>So they split up and decide to fight each of us individually, because that's like cool and shit. So guess who I get?
>No, actually, not her. Her sister, apparently. The Dragonlady. She doesn't look much like the Red Menace, but so what? Families are weird. Probably some fucked-up shit going on there.
>So Dragonlady is like a foot taller than me. She's obviously a brawler. I know her type. They punch and kick and yell and scream. Hate all that noise. Just shut up and fight, bitch!
>So after showing her my pretty umbrella, and a few of my sick moves, I bounce her ass off the ceiling. Blonde bimbo is out cold. But before I can finish remodeling her face with my blade, a magic portal opens up and some scary-looking woman with a big-ass sword shows up. She looks like trouble, so I bail. This train is cruisin' for a bruisin' anyway. Hope boyfriend makes it off too.
>. . . . . . . . .
>Well, crap. Some stuff happened. Train crashed, Grimm attacked, big fight, etc. etc. Boyfriend got beat by Ninja Girl, apparently. That was unexpected. Now he's under arrest, and Atlas will probably take him on one of those big ugly ships of theirs. This sucks. Guess who comes to the rescue again?
>The train plan was a total bust, but Cinder and her posse have another plan to attack Beacon during the Vytal Festival. I'll be helping; Cinder thinks that's my best shot to get him back. I guess so--I could get in on my own, but getting out without a distraction might be a problem.
>Everything goes off without a hitch. Festival is ruined, Grimm are everywhere, everyone is panicking, and best of all, those Beacon bitches are stuck right in the middle of it, not able to do a thing about it.
>I just waltz onboard the Atlesian mother ship (master of disguise, remember), and free my hunny from the big bad Ironwood. He was so happy to see me, I think. Maybe he was just glad to get his hat and cane back (no, he was definitely happy to see me, if you know what I mean).
>Anyway, thanks to some of Cinder's friends doing some computer voodoo, we took control of the ship, and had a little fun with it. Blowing stuff up and shit. I almost ROTFLMAO when those robots attacked Ironwood on his own ship.
>And then, SHE shows up. Again. HTF did she get up here? We're like a mile in the air or something. Ugh.
>So I snap her pic and text my hunny bear, “Guess who?” He can't believe it either. Girl is like a bad rash that just won't go away.
>She may have beat up a bunch of rent-a-goons, but against me and Roman, its gonna be different. In just a few minutes, we had her on the ropes. Then, that bitch got lucky and I got yeeted off the ship by my own umbrella. Well, shit. That was embarrassing.
>. . . . . . . . .
>I wasn't there for the rest, but I saw the security footage later. Had to know what happened.
>So she fights with Roman, and he's got her handled. Naturally. No little Beacon runt is gonna best him by herself (again). Then, it all went to shit.
>Brothers dammit! One of those big winged griffin/spinx things (can't ever keep that shit straight) swooped down and just swallowed Roman up. He never even saw it coming. That fucking little Beacon cunt--she's gotta be the luckiest girl alive, to get saved by a Grimm.
>So that's about it for now. Everything Roman and I had is gone now. I'm all alone again. Gonna need some time to think. And then I'll probably make myself feel better by getting revenge on everyone connected to this clusterfuck.
>Cinder and Little Red are definitely on my list. I'm gonna find them, and make them pay. This whole stupid plan was Cinder's idea. I just wanted to rob shops and keep it simple. It was fun. It was easy. It was SAFE.
>But don't worry, Red. I won't forget about you. And next time, there isn't going to be anyone or anything to save you from me.
* * * * * * * * * *
