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Tsukki never gets drunk.
Sure, he drinks, but he keeps that unwavering composure at the forefront of his conscience at all times. Tadashi only sees the slight pink flush come onto his cheeks, really mostly due to his paleness, but not even the coffee scent of Kahlua on his breath gives him away. Tadashi knows that two strong drinks don’t really do it for a man over 190cm, but even three or four on a night out with friends can’t crack that calculated exterior. His boyfriend acts as usual. Appropriately reserved, occasionally sharp tongued, and stuck at Tadashi’s hip. He does not stumble, over his feet or over his words. He does not suddenly wear his heart on his sleeve, letting each thought roll off his tongue instead of melt in his mouth first, letting the flavor soak before he speaks, poised and perfect and simple like how he always does. Tsukki has always been more physically affectionate anyway. He cuddles Tadashi before bed on the nights he drinks, just the same as he does every other night.
It’s predictable, it’s safe, it sometimes leaves Tadashi still wondering what Tsukki truly thinks about when his thoughts swirl with alcohol.
“Wine?!” Tadashi gawks after the waitress is out of earshot.
Tsukishima glances up at him with a cocked eyebrow. “Plum wine,” he clarifies, face then relaxing. Tadashi squints at him. He has been acting normal all day. No signs of a fever, no pressing work deadlines coming up, no holidays approaching. The restaurant is peaceful as well, something they have both come to enjoy more since they moved away from the city and into the mountains.
When Tadashi does not fill the silence, Tsukishima continues, “It’s sweet. Even more so because it’s been aged over a decade. Should taste like juice. I’ll let you have a sip.”
Tadashi just nods and sips his beer. They’re both nearly in their mid-twenties. There has been plenty of time to try other spirits, and then to settle on one that they enjoy the most. But Tsukki has had one this entire time and he’s stuck with it. He’s this way with food as well. He orders something he knows he will like in a restaurant and then orders it every time after that. This is the fourth time in a row he has ordered the unagi don. Tadashi knows it will never change. So excuse him for being shocked when Tsukki orders wine.
“Oh, it’s clear?” Tadashi comments while tilting his head to peer through the honey colored liquid that’s poured high in the crystal wine glass. “I thought it would be darker.”
“Nope,” Tsukishima says, lifting the glass delicately between his fingers to look through it himself. He closes his eyes and takes a sip. Tadashi watches him like usual.
Tsukishima’s eyebrows lift before he pulls the drink away from his lips. Tadashi nervously bounces his leg. Tsukishima sets the glass down with a clink on the table.
“That’s,” Tsukishima says, “better than I expected. The alcohol content in this one must be low.”
“Let me try,” Tadashi ushers. Tsukishima lifts the drink once more, taking another sip before he passes it over. Tadashi watches Tsukishima lick his lips before he tips the drink back and realizes it tastes much sweeter than it smells. It lights up his taste buds and sucrose settles deep into his molars. It hurts.
Tadashi swallows. “God,” he coughs. “That is sweet.”
Tsukishima looks slightly offended as he takes the glass back. “What did you expect?”
“Nothing less from your preferences,” Tadashi laughs. He cleanses his palette with beer. Tsukishima smirks at him, almost evilly after Tadashi doubted his sweet tolerance. He holds the glass in his hand still, keeping it near his chest. When Tsukki likes something, he holds it close.
He orders another heavily poured glass before he even finishes the first. Tadashi makes no comment. It really didn’t taste that strong, Tsukki was right. If he wants to enjoy his silly juice in the company of his boyfriend, Tadashi was not about to complain. They were warm and cozy between the wooden walls, shielded from the snow outside.
Tadashi scratches his fingernail on the table. “Are you glad we moved here?” he asks, continuing to look at the rhythmic back and forth of his finger.
“Yes, I am,” Tsukishima answers. Tadashi’s grin is small. His chest is warm.
“I—”
“I’ve always wanted to live in the mountains with you,” Tsukishima continues. Tadashi’s reply expires in the back of his throat. He finally stops scratching and lifts his head up to look at Tsukki, who looks back at him, even-faced and cheeks pinker than a camellia flower petal.
“You have?”
“Yes, since we started dating. I’ve imagined us somewhere quiet and peaceful.”
Tadashi blinks. He never knew this. Since they started dating?! That was six years ago. They just moved from the city, the first place they ever lived together, and Tsukki had no complaints about living there. Not even one. He never suggested living towards the mountains either.
“Actually,” Tsukishima continues, “Even before we started dating. I secretly hoped we would always live close to one another. Here, in the city, anywhere.”
“Tsukki, that’s so,” Tadashi murmurs, “that’s so sweet.”
Tsukishima shrugs. “It’s just the truth. I’m glad we’re here. And that I don’t have to live away from you.”
Tadashi’s heart flutters, replaying Tsukki’s familiar voice with unfamiliar words through his mind. Tsukki doesn’t deprive him of compliments by any means, or affection through words, but his inner thoughts, his secret thoughts from the past, seldom get let out. Tadashi doesn’t yearn for them. A tender kiss or a lingering hug is enough to tell him how Tsukki feels.
Of course, this is just as welcome. He’s not complaining, why would he complain? It’s like adding another cherry on a sundae. One is perfect, it’s enough. But two? Occasional indulgence never hurt anyone. Tadashi will just have to remember these indulged upon words all week while he zones out at work.
“I’ll be right back,” Tsukishima says as he stands from their table. He leans slightly to one side before he straightens himself, brushing his sweater down with his palms and blinking a few times. Tadashi meets his half lidded gaze but bites the inside of his cheek to refrain from laughing. Tsukki is tipsy. From two glasses of plum wine.
He returns with a third. Tadashi grins.
“Seems like this is your new favorite,” he says.
“This ones different. It’s made with honey, too,” Tsukishima replies, his voice wavering slightly with excitement. He’s got an easy smile on his face. “You want to try?”
Tadashi shakes his head. “No, I’m okay Tsukki. It’s all yours.”
“Suit yourself,” Tsukishima hums contentedly, seemingly not in any hurry to share with Tadashi. “It’s really good,” he says anyway.
Tadashi takes the last sip of his beer. “Mmhm,” he echos into the glass, not refraining from smiling at this goofy version of Tsukki.
“I really adore how you look on Sundays,” Tsukishima says out of the blue. Tadashi meets his eyes, and then looks down, expecting to see him fidgeting with his fingers like how he always does when he compliments him, but his hands are still.
Tadashi blushes. Today is Sunday. “You do?”
“You look sleepy, but pleasantly sleepy. Not like how you look during the week, or, uh, you know,” Tsukishima stumbles over his words, looking down in embarrassment. “Sorry, this isn’t coming out how I want it to.”
Tadashi feels like he’s peeling back a layer of Tsukki he’s never seen, thanks to the wine. “I understand. I don’t look exhausted, right?”
“Yes, but, eh, don't get me wrong. You look great every day. But I especially like how comfortable you look on Sunday. There’s a softness to your face that I just, I can’t forget. I look forward to it all week.”
“You- you do?”
“Of course, Yamaguchi, you’re—” Tsukishima sucks in a breath. “You are so handsome. I don’t tell you enough. I don’t know why I don’t. I should.”
“Well don’t beat yourself up about it,” Tadashi says awkwardly. “Thanks, Kei. It feels—good to hear you say it.”
“I will say it more then,” Tsukishima declares. “That’s easy enough. I’ll just say it every time I think it.”
“Okay,” Tadashi says.
“You’re handsome.”
Tadashi smiles. “Thank you, Tsukki.”
“You’re so handsome.”
Tadashi laughs, “Thank you.”
Tsukishima sucks in a breath, but then exhales immediately. “Maybe every time is a lot. Now I’m in a permanent mind loop.”
“Yeah,” Tadashi agrees with a laugh, “Want to walk home?”
“Sure, let me finish my drink.”
“Take your—” Tadashi stops when he sees Tsukki gulp the rest of the glass in a few seconds. “Time.”
Tadashi’s chin quivers when he tries not to smile. It’s fun to see Tsukki let loose. His nerdy and sweet boy, the one he knows is always there behind all the reservation, now facing out into the public world. But he’s so much more affectionate than Tadashi expected. Excitement pulses through Tadashi, wondering what he might say next. He’s feeling quite buttered up already.
Tadashi takes Tsukki’s hand as they walk back home in the cold. He tugs it over to put their hands in his coat pocket like usual, but Tsukki tugs back more, winning.
“My turn,” he mutters. Tadashi’s hand is warm in Tsukki’s pocket. He complies, humming contentedly as they walk along. The cold breeze nips at his nose and cheeks. He buries his face in his scarf, smiling under the knitted fabric.
Tsukki’s pace is slower than usual. He sways slightly when they stop at a crosswalk. Tadashi feels determination in his chest. He’s going to take good care of Tsukki. He’s going to make sure he gets home safe, he’s going to help him wash his face, and tuck him nicely in bed with a glass of water beside him. He never gets to take care of Tsukishima, who is too independent for his own good. Now’s his chance.
When they make it home, the warm air of their house makes Tadashi sigh. Tsukki doesn’t seem to notice much, seemingly quite warmed up already. They toe off their shoes in the genkan. Tsukishima grabs Tadashi’s shoulder from where he is leaning over. Tadashi looks up in surprise.
“Sorry,” he says. “Lost my balance.”
Tadashi laughs, “You’re drunk, Tsukki.”
“I am not,” he huffs, cheeks pink and adorable.
“Let’s get you some water, hm?” Tadashi offers, leading Tsukishima into their kitchen, hand gentle on his back. Tadashi fills a glass of water at the sink while Tsukki stares off into the distance, leaning against the kitchen counter. It seems his outwardly affectionate Tsukki has crept back inside for now.
Tadashi hands the glass of water over, and Tsukishima gingerly takes it from him. He sips it with much less eagerness than he did his wine. He crosses an arm on his torso, propping his other elbow up on it. He crosses his legs too. He inspects the glass of water like it’s holding something from him.
”Come on, Tsukki, let’s get ready for bed,” Tadashi prompts.
He shuts the light off, but Tsukishima doesn’t make any move.
“Tsu—,”
“You know when I knew I was in love with you, Yamaguchi?”
Tadashi stills. His heart rate picks up, beating deep and hard in his chest, rushing this light feeling through him. Slowly, he turns on his heel.
“W-when?”
“When glancing at you passively wasn’t enough anymore,” Tsukishima tells him. Moonlight bathes their kitchen through the window above the sink, splashing Tsukki in a pearly glow. It shines off of his lenses, but his eyes, golden in the reflection, look at Tadashi like he’s something to covet.
Tsukishima continues, “I couldn’t bear to look away, even when I knew you were about to look back at me.” His voice stays even. “I needed to be able to watch everything you did and no longer just in secret.”
Tadashi closes his eyes, then squeezes them shut. Tsukki never speaks this openly. It makes Tadashi dizzy. But it’s euphoric.
Tsukishima leans off of the counter, straightening himself up. “Even when you spoke to me, I couldn’t stop studying you. The way your nose scrunched when you laughed. The way you’d take a deep breath before you started talking about something that really interested you, because you’d be talking for a while,” he puffs a laugh. Tadashi blushes deeper. “The way you looked at me with eagerness when you waited for my response, no matter how lackluster it would be. You enticed me in a way nobody ever had. And you were in front of me the entire time. I felt like a fool, appreciating you from afar.”
“And I knew,” Tsukishima steps towards Tadashi. His slippers scuff softly on the tile. He meets Tadashi where he stands, looking down at the mere inches between them, “I knew that, soon, I wouldn’t be the only one with my eyes on you.”
Tadashi meets Tsukki with a watery gaze. How precious he feels in this moment, it can’t be explained. He’d give his whole life to hear these thoughts and feelings Tsukki keeps tucked away. And he will.
Doubt spreads across Tsukishima’s face, Tadashi can see it even in the dark.
“Is this…too much?” he asks quietly.
Tadashi shakes and shakes his head. “No. It just feels so good. I don’t know how to respond.”
Tsukishima’s face settles back into the fondness he wore prior. “Oh, that’s alright. You don’t have to.” He brings his hand to Tadashi’s cheek and brushes his thumb along his cheekbone. Tadashi relaxes under the familiar gentle rubbing of Tsukki’s svelte hand.
“Can I keep telling you?” Tsukishima asks.
“There’s more?!” Tadashi can’t take much more of this electrifying feeling lest it kills him. Then he won’t be able to think about this all week at work, then look his best on Sunday for Tsukki.
“Just a bit. Hm?”
“S-sure.”
Tsukishima pulls him into his arms, wrapping around his shoulders and back tightly. He speaks into Tadashi’s hair. “Do you remember the night we graduated? When we went to my house with everyone to celebrate?”
Hinata, Kageyama, and Yachi were all there. They ate pizza and cake and laughed themselves silly. It was a great night. Tadashi was just trying to savor everyone’s company for a little longer.
“I remember,” Tadashi murmurs into Tsukki’s shoulder.
“When everyone left, you left shortly after. I watched you walk down the street from my window. I had looked at you all night long. Seeing you walk away was like a blow to the chest. I couldn’t spend my life doing that. Regretting the chances I never took. Being content with you living even one block away.”
Tadashi is breathless. When he hugs Tsukki tighter, Tsukki squeezes him back.
“It wasn’t a crush anymore. It was something I couldn’t get over, Tadashi. I knew I was in love with you.”
“You told me the next day,” Tadashi says.
Tsukishima pets his hair. “I did.”
“Tsukki…” Tadashi whines. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.” And the way he says it with a slight curl to his words, Tadashi knows he’s smiling. “But I think you know that.”
“Is this why you never get drunk around our friends?” Tadashi teases.
“That’s likely,” Tsukishima replies. “I’d be too honest. Hinata can’t know I’m actually fond of him.”
Tadashi laughs into Tsukki’s chest. Pure bliss blooms in his heart, blossoming not in a place that was empty, but instead creating abundance where it was already full. He makes a note to buy Tsukki some plum wine for the house.
“You can save it all for me, then,” Tadashi says selfishly. Tsukishima takes his face, tilting it up by his chin. He looks steady into Tadashi's eyes.
“What do you think I’ve done for all these years?” he asks. His breath is warm on Tadashi’s skin, but not as warm as his lips. Tadashi tastes the gentle kiss as he presses back. It’s sweet. And perfectly so.