Work Text:
Kiyotaka is confused when he wakes to the sound of his doorbell ringing in the dead of the night. Groggily, he climbs out of bed and treads to the door, opening it just enough to see who apparently needs him so late, fully prepared to lecture them.
His anger dissolves into concern when he’s met with Mondo, looking like he’s seen a ghost.
“Kyoudai?” Kiyotaka asks, careful to keep his voice low. “What’s the matter?”
“I… I had a nightmare,” Mondo replies hesitantly, as if he’s ashamed. Kiyotaka’s expression softens some as he opens his door all the way, feeling the wall for the light switch nearby.
“You want to talk about it?”
Mondo nods, not quite meeting his gaze. Kiyotaka nods back and gently ushers Mondo inside, closing the door behind him. He sits down on his bed, patting the spot next to him. Mondo sits down slowly, staring at the floor. Kiyotaka doesn’t want to rush him, but the way Mondo is acting has him worried. The two of them sit in an awkward silence for several moments before Kiyotaka realizes that Mondo isn’t going to talk without being prodded.
“What was it about?”
“...My brother.”
Kiyotaka knows three things about Mondo’s brother: that Mondo looks up to him, that he’s dead, and that Mondo doesn’t like talking about it. Kiyotaka’s brows furrow slightly as he nods.
“About… His death?”
Mondo nods, visibly tensing. Kiyotaka reaches over to gently place a hand on his bicep. Mondo jolts, and Kiyotaka quickly pulls away. Mondo curses himself mentally
“Sorry! I thought—”
“No, it’s fine. ‘m just jumpy.”
Kiyotaka nods again, though his face betrays his concern. Mondo sighs.
“I never told ya about his death, did I?”
Kiyotaka shakes his head, prepared to listen to whatever Mondo was about to tell him. His blood runs cold at his boyfriend’s next statement.
“Well, I killed him.”
“What?”
Kiyotaka blurts out. Mondo scowls, but he’s shaking.
“I killed him. He died because of me, Taka. And tonight…”
Mondo takes a shaky breath. It’s getting harder and harder for him to breathe, actually, but he needs to do this.
“Instead of his last words, in my dream, he said… He said, ‘you have to tell him.’ Now, I don’t believe in ghosts or any of that shit like Hiro does, but, fuck…”
Oh no. Mondo feels something welling up in his eyes. He forces it away, like always, and continues talking.
“Daiya was right. I’ve been keeping this secret from you for too damn long.”
Kiyotaka swallows.
“What do you mean, you killed him?”
Mondo balls his fists against his thighs.
“My big bro… Daiya, he was the epitome of a leader. Charismatic, attractive, caring, and badass. He built the gang himself from the ground up. He was what I always strived to be. But I wasn’t. I never was, and I’ll never be half the man he was. Fuck, even the other guys in the gang always knew I’d never be able to measure up as leader. And so, on the night of his retirement ceremony…”
Fuck, fuck, fuck. He can’t start crying. He can’t look weak at a moment like this. He doesn’t deserve Kiyotaka’s pity.
“I challenged him to a street race. During the race, my stupid ass drove into oncoming traffic, and Daiya… Daiya knocked me outta the way. He was hit by a truck and died in my arms.”
Mondo couldn’t hold it anymore. Kiyotaka is going to hate him; the one person in his life he had truly learned to trust since Daiya’s death is going to leave him out of disgust. Mondo’s breathing begins to speed up, his chest tightening, and he digs his nails into the skin of his palms in an attempt to ground himself, to no avail.
“Mondo. Mondo, listen to me, it’s not your fault.”
What?
“Mondo, look at me, you need to breathe.”
Not his fault? What an absurd thing to say. Of course it was. It was something that had haunted him for the past several years. How could it not be? As Mondo trails down this spiral of thoughts, he begins to gasp for air, tears meeting his eyes.
“Mondo!”
Mondo’s gaze snaps up as Kiyotaka rests his warm hands on his cheeks.
“Mondo, can you hear me?”
Mondo nods dumbly, his lip trembling.
“Okay, I need you to breathe for me. Breathe. Like this. In… And out…”
Mondo follows Kiyotaka’s instructions, but it feels like he can’t get any air in. He hiccups awkwardly.
“Good, just keep trying. Come on. In… and out.”
Mondo feels the tightness in his chest slowly relenting as he and Kiyotaka breathe together, leaving only the tears running down his face and Kiyotaka’s skin against his own.
“There we go. That’s better.”
Kiyotaka offers a sad smile.
“What did… What did you say a minute ago?”
Mondo asks, afraid of the answer.
“I said it wasn’t your fault, Mondo. That was a tragic accident.”
“But I’m the one who challenged him to the race, and I’m the one who drove into traffic.”
“It is not your fault,” Kiyotaka repeats, his voice stern yet gentle. It’s almost enough to break Mondo. His next response is so soft that Kiyotaka has to strain to hear him.
“Why don’t you hate me?”
Kiyotaka frowns sadly, his hands sliding down from Mondo’s face to cup his fists.
“Why would I hate you? You’ve been carrying this burden–this trauma–for so long… I’m really glad you told me.”
Mondo inhales sharply, then gulps. He digs his nails into his palms harder, drawing blood. Anything not to cry.
“Mondo! Mondo, you’re hurting yourself!”
“That’s the point, jackass!”
He snaps.
“I can’t—I won’t—I-I don’t want to—”
“It’s okay to cry, Mondo. Lord knows I do.”
Mondo pauses to consider that, shivering some. He’s seen Kiyotaka cry on an almost daily basis for over a year now, and he’s never thought of him as any less of a man for it. But can Mondo really do that?
“Let it out,” Kiyotaka encourages him gently, “I’m here.”
Kiyotaka pulls him into a tight hug, and there, in the arms of his beloved, Mondo shatters.
He weeps.
Openly, for his brother, for himself, for the world, he clings to Kiyotaka and sobs. Mondo cries like he’s never cried before—not even at Daiya’s funeral. As he does so, Kiyotaka rubs his back and mutters soothing words to him. It’s a profound feeling that Mondo doesn’t quite understand and can’t put into words.
Altogether, it’s wonderful, having someone cradle him while he lets out almost three years’ worth of grief at once. There, in Kiyotaka’s arms, he feels truly safe. With Kiyotaka, Mondo can express thoughts and feelings that he’s never felt safe enough to express to another.
It takes some time for Mondo to calm back down, and once he does, his head throbs. He slumps over in Taka’s arms and sniffles. Weakly, he proclaims,
“I ruined your sleep shirt.”
Kiyotaka chuckles softly.
“Don’t worry. I have more than one like this. Besides, tears will wash out. I would know.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Really, Mondo, it doesn’t matter. It’s just a shirt.”
“No, not about the shirt… For not tellin’ you about this.”
Kiyotaka pulls away just enough to look Mondo in the eyes.
“You don’t have to apologize for that. This is something that you’ve been carrying for far too long, and I’m truly honored that you trusted me with it.”
Kiyotaka leans in to kiss Mondo’s lips gently.
“You should drink some water. The dining hall is closed, though…”
Mondo swipes his hand nonchalantly through the air.
“I’ll just drink from the tap.”
At Kiyotaka’s disgusted expression, Mondo laughs.
“What? It’s water! It’s perfectly safe to drink!”
“Eugh, I can’t believe you sometimes.”
“Says the guy who just kissed me.”
Kiyotaka huffs, his face reddening.
“Shut up and get a drink before I give you a detention for being out after curfew.”
“Aww, you wouldn't do that! I plead emotional duress!”
“This is a school, not a courthouse.”
Mondo snickers as he gets up and makes his way to the bathroom. As he noisily slurps up water just to annoy Kiyotaka, his heart flutters.