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Maybe the beach hadn’t been the best choice of vacation destination. Even though An had agreed to it at the time, and Kohane had looked extremely excited to go, An was regretting it now. She’d watch Kohane splash in the waves from the beach when she got too cold and be reminded of Nagi, who’d teased Taiga about his hatred of swimming so much that he’d left their group for a convenience store and brought back snacks for An.
The ghost of Nagi stood slightly to the left of Kohane, preparing to throw a bucket of water on an imaginary Taiga’s head while An laughed from the shoreline.
Now, though, the only person being teased was Akito, and that was because Toya had been able to dunk him in one attempt despite his claims that he couldn’t be sunk.
An hated that her mind constantly brought Nagi into places where she didn’t need to be. If she’d wanted to spend time with Nagi, she would’ve brought out an old photo album and cried. That was the only way she knew how.
Grief was a process, they said. But what was the point in a process if An kept finding places where she could restart it? Most of the time, she could ignore Nagi’s presence in the back of her mind and enjoy the moment. When she was singing, it was like Nagi was cheering her on from the sidelines, and An had made her peace with that sentiment ages ago.
The worst part of grief was that it wouldn’t go away no matter what she did. It didn’t hit her often, but when it decided to make an appearance, it was always in the most innocuous of places.
“An-chan, you don’t look well,” Kohane said, sitting down next to her. “Are you okay?”
An wanted to lie. She wanted to tell Kohane she was fine and that worrying wasn’t necessary, because An had had enough time to process what had happened. She’d almost forgiven her dad for what he’d done. Why couldn’t she move on?
Kohane wrapped her arms around An, apparently taking her silence as a cue that something was indeed wrong. “You can tell me if you want to,” she whispered.
“It’s selfish.” An rolled her eyes. “You don’t have to worry about it.”
“We’re partners,” Kohane reminded her. “Your dad told me it was part of my job to worry about you.”
“You got that from Akito,” An protested.
“An-chan!” Kohane sounded offended.
An found herself at a loss for words. How- how was she supposed to express all the pain she felt because Nagi wasn’t a part of this world anymore? Kohane hadn’t known Nagi, but she’d always been there for her, so maybe An could trust-
“Is it about Nagi-san?” Kohane’s voice was barely audible.
An tensed. “Yeah. It... it is.”
“Is the beach trip too much?” She pulled back to look An in the eyes, which was probably not the correct move, because An’s attention went directly to both how pretty Kohane’s eyes were and the fact that she wanted to kiss Kohane, which wasn’t something she should be dwelling on-
Huh.
Why had her spiralling thoughts about Nagi gone away to the back burner of her mind the instant she’d focused on Kohane?
“An-chan?” Kohane sounded even more concerned now.
“I’m okay,” she said. Clearly Kohane didn’t believe this. “Nagi-san isn’t my focus right now.”
Kohane put two and two together, and, seeing that Akito and Toya were fooling around with an inflatable raft, kissed An on the cheek. “I kind of want to go back in the water...”
“Let’s go!” An stood up. She refused to meet Kohane’s eyes out of concern that she’d see her flushed red face and ask if An had put on enough sunscreen.
“Are you sure you want to?”
“Yeah. I’m going to go steal Akito’s floating tropical donut for you.” An grinned. “Coming?”
Kohane stood up. An forced herself to keep the compliments on her outfit to herself, especially considering that she’d told Kohane what she thought of her swimsuit (incredibly cute, almost as if she was trying to give An a heart attack) several times already today. “Yes!”
An sprinted out towards the sea, Kohane right behind her. She felt the sun on her skin and the salt in the wind, and as she stole the inflatable donut from Akito’s hand, she laughed.
Kohane took the offered donut and An stuck her tongue out at Akito before swimming after her partner.
Maybe, just this once, she could let Nagi go, and truly live in the moment.