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Blood leaks from the open wound on her knees and panic fills her lungs. She takes in a heaving gasp for air, her lungs shivering under the immense fear, and Higuchi collapses to her knees.
She is left staring at the empty patches of grass and the dirt scraping underneath her fingernails, helplessness crawling up her spine. The man is long gone, having disappeared into the shadows, and there is not a thing she can do to find him again—not with her nonexistent strength and useless power.
She's known all along that she isn't suited for the role of a caregiver, but it still stings having it spelled out for her like this. There was always an inkling bit of hope deep in her heart that maybe she could prove everyone wrong—prove herself wrong, and show the world that she wasn't just a useless follower but a leader, but once again, she is sorely disappointed.
All the labels she had been blessed with were all for naught. Older sister, caretaker, superior… All Higuchi sees is an outcast.
A failure.
Her heart thunders in her chest as a mixture of emotions rush through her veins. The pain from her wound is reaching unbearable levels by now, but she still can't do anything about it. Her mind is still stuck on finding her sister, racing at the speed of light for a new solution. Their residence is a mess that she needs to return to, to try and clean up the mess and recreate the place she calls a house but not a home.
Not a home, because a home is where you belong, and Higuchi is merely inhabiting the place like a stain that cannot be removed.
A shadow creeps up in front of her, stopping right in front of her eyes. She freezes, for a moment wondering if the man has somehow returned like a recurring illness, ready to snatch another one of Higuchi's life sources from right under her nose, but when she dares to look up—
Red.
Red like the woman’s painted lips, like her sharpened eyes, like her fiery hair. Red like the blood stains on Higuchi’s fingertips, like her sister's hair, like the soles of her shoes.
Red like a blaring warning signal begging her to stop and red like a siren calling her in.
The woman is wearing a floor-length kimono, a parasol in one hand keeping her features shadowed. She regards Higuchi with an impassive expression and Higuchi feels tears well up in her eyes.
"Help," she whispers, begs. It's all she can do.
The woman's voice is silky smooth, belonging to a higher class, of higher power. "What is it you need?"
What is it, truly? Higuchi needs a lot of things—first aid for her injury, her sister to return, her house in one piece, a long night's rest… The list goes on. She can ask for everything or nothing, and yet, only one thought rises to her mind.
To fix this mess, Higuchi must fix herself. And to fix herself—
“Can you give me a place to belong?” she asks, raw desperation seeping into her brittle voice.
The woman in the kimono smiles as she lifts her parasol over Higuchi’s head, shielding her from the harsh sunlight. “Even better,” she promises. “I can give you a place to bloom.”
Higuchi knows that she has a special kind of stupidity in-built into her.
The kind of stupid that watches a man break into your house when your parents aren't home, rob the whole place, and take your sibling while you can do nothing to help. The kind of stupid that takes the first hand offered to her even if it reeks of blood and warnings. The kind of stupid that signs up for the mafia at seventeen years old, locking in a contract that can never be backed out of.
Higuchi is, obviously, terrified.
But as she’s settling into her new office—nothing special, just a shared space among many newbies like her, many who are sure not to make it out alive—Kouyou enters the area.
Instantly, Higuchi notices the way everyone in the room seems to stand up straighter, the tension in their shoulders obvious. Kouyou’s gaze sweeps across the room before it lands on her and she smiles sweetly, red lips stretched thin, as she reaches her hand out. “Higuchi. I’ve been looking for you. Come with me.”
The person next to Higuchi flinches. She casts them an odd glance before heeding Kouyou’s words and trailing behind her.
As they’re walking down an empty corridor, Kouyou turns to her. “How have you been liking the Mafia?”
There’s not much to say, is Higuchi’s first thought. The walls are coated with something eerie and sinister, like there is the vengeance of a thousand souls imprinted in this very hallway alone. The air is thick, so thick that it’s almost suffocating. There’s a promise of success until you fail, then there is the promise of death on your doorstep.
It is not the kind of place Higuchi belongs in. But Kouyou promised it would be, so Higuchi must trust her.
If it means a duty made for her and her only, then Higuchi will do everything in her power to keep it.
“I have something for you,” Kouyou says, and she realises she waited too long to answer the question. “It’s tradition in the Mafia for the person who invited someone in to give them a gift. This is my personal one to you.”
From the sleeves of her kimono, Kouyou pulls out something black and shiny. Higuchi freezes.
A gun.
“I’m not well-versed in these,” she explains. “I prefer other weapons. But an underling like you must perfect the art of shooting, understand? It’s your basic shield, your basic requirement for survival.”
Higuchi takes the offered gun with shaking fingers, flipping it back and forth. She knows close to nothing about this.
“I-I don’t know how to—”
“You will learn,” Kouyou assures, except it’s less like assurance and more like a demand. “You must if you want to bloom.”
Biting her lip, Higuchi bends over in a firm bow. “I will,” she accepts. “Thank you.”
This is her first step; her first taste of blood.
“—unnaturally talented with a gun. He’ll teach you.”
Higuchi looks away from Hirotsu, the person Kouyou had directed her to when she asked how to use her new gift. Her eyes land on the boy next to him, probably no older than her, with sharp gold eyes and a mean glare. He looks at her like he’s sizing her up and she looks back like she wants to be literally anywhere else.
When Hirotsu leaves, it’s just the two of them remaining. The other boy mutters something under his breath before jerking his thumb behind him, where numerous shooting targets lie. “Okay, newbie. Take it from the pro—look straight, wrists locked, and never close your eyes. If you’re scared of loud noises, don’t be. If you miss, don’t.”
He slides a gun out of his holster, turning around and lifting it to his eye level. Immediately, he fires off three shots in rapid succession, each one slamming into its target with impressive accuracy. Higuchi stares, jaw dropped, and tries not to flinch when the guy turns back to her.
“Okay. Go.”
“U-um…” She looks down at her own gun, which she has been cradling more than holding. The guy lets out an impatient sigh, tugging it from her and—
“Here’s another rule: Don’t let anyone just take your gun from you. Not unless you want to be defenceless.” He cocks the gun, unlocking it, and aims it straight at Higuchi’s forehead. She freezes as the cold barrel connects with her skin, her eyes widening as her heart thunders.
The guy holds her gaze for a bit before he smirks, dropping the gun back into her hands. “I have no idea what Ane-san sees in you.”
He ignores her questioning noise and gestures. “Three bullets. Don’t miss.”
Higuchi nods mutely, trying to mimic his position from earlier. She holds the gun up with two hands, and with her hands shaking, she presses onto the trigger.
Bang!
The recoil is much stronger than she imagined. The gun jerks upwards and she yelps, wincing when the bullet hits far above the target. The guy snorts and Higuchi expects another mean comment, but then his hands are reaching out, stabilising hers with a firm grab and pointing.
“Again,” he hisses, and Higuchi complies.
She feels almost useless, but when she pulls the trigger for the second time, his grip keeps her from any wild movements. The bullet flies in an eerily straight line, hitting her target exactly the way she wanted it to, and she can’t help the surprised yelp she lets out.
“Hah,” he says, “you’re a natural.”
“Really?” she asks. “You think I fit in?”
He regards her with an amused look. “Not at all. Hit them all first, stupid.”
For the next hour or so, Higuchi practices on her own. The guy gives her pointers here and there, but he spends most of the time leaning against the wall behind her, his arms crossed and fingers fiddling with the fur of his jacket.
Higuchi is so focused that she doesn’t even notice Kouyou walk in until she greets, “You’re doing well.”
She jumps, nearly dropping the gun and whipping around. Relieved to see a familiar face, she breaks out into a smile. “Hi!”
Kouyou nods at her. “You learn quite fast. But I suppose you had a good teacher?”
The boy rolls his eyes. “Don’t flatter me, Ane-san. She’s just like any other grunt we have.”
“Just because you’re under Hirotsu-san’s team, doesn’t mean you should be cocky, Tachihara-kun.”
Tachihara grins sharply. “If she’s under you, then she must be something special. I’m still waiting to see it.”
He pushes himself off the wall and gives her a lazy wave. “I expect you to hit every target first try tomorrow. Bye bye!”
Tachihara leaves and Kouyou sighs, shaking her head. “He’s always like that. Good job today, Higuchi. Your journey’s just beginning.”
“Thank you,” she mumbles.
She assumes that’s it, but then Kouyou drops a bomb on her right there and then. “Tomorrow at seven in the evening, I have a mission. You are to join my squad then.”
“I— huh?”
“We gather at the lobby fifteen minutes to seven. The brief will be sent to your email later. I look forward to working with you.”
Just like anything else, Higuchi is not given time to conjure a response before Kouyou is smiling, like she was just granted the most talented protégé. And just like how it’s been, Higuchi cannot find it in herself to say no.
Maybe that should have been yet another blaring warning sign, but Higuchi is starting to turn a blind eye to it all together.
"Girl, behind you!"
Higuchi doesn't get a second to react before she's hit, something large and metallic knocking into the back of her head. She's sent hurtling towards the ground, her voice getting stuck in her throat. Her gun flies out of her hands and she curses as someone kicks it aside, keeping it out of reach.
She's just another grunt on the mission, so she assumes that she wouldn't be paid much mind if she just lays there in defeat, but the pair of feet turn to her and she freezes up.
She can barely see from where she is, her body refusing to cooperate. Every time she tries to look up, her vision spins, and the throbbing ache in her head makes her stomach churn in discomfort. The cock of a gun makes her blood run cold and her limbs feel like jelly and there is no one coming to save her.
The thought hits her harder than she expected it to. She's just a grunt. No one is going to pay her any mind if she dies here, because that's the position she's in—she's replaceable, and if she dies, she'll just be another pain in the ass mess to clean up. There is no one coming to save her. That is the price she pays for walking the lightless path.
A blinding wave of gold fills her vision.
She hears the sound of a sword unsheathing and a brutal slash before her mysterious attacker collapses to their knees. Blood spurts from his neck and begins pooling around his lifeless body, spreading closer and closer to her. Higuchi screams as she is suddenly hauled upwards by what feels like a phantom touch, and when she opens her eyes, she's face-to-face with a white mask and golden eyes.
"What did Tachihara-kun tell you about your gun?" comes a disappointed, silky voice.
Higuchi winces when she's set down on her feet and she wobbles, but a firm hand on her shoulder stabilises her. She looks up to see Kouyou staring down at her with an impassive expression. Her lipstick is smudged on the corner of her lips, but other than that, she still paints a picture perfect expression, unbothered and unpanicked.
"Never let someone take it from me…" she mumbles.
Kouyou says something else, but Higuchi can't find it in herself to focus. The white glow coming from the creature beside her is hard to ignore, after all.
The phantom creature comes up behind Kouyou, floating but not moving. It looks similar to her actually, with its neatly styled hair held up by sharp pins and its long, threatening sword it wields. Its expression, like Kouyou's, is kept gracefully blank, but the red streaks running from its eyes give off the impression that it's shouldering a lot of pain.
Still, it's haunting. The red outline and its sword still reeking of blood. Just like its owner.
"Don't stare at it for too long," Kouyou says, snapping Higuchi out of her thoughts. "Its light will burn you."
Higuchi jumps when the phantom disappears with a simple wave of Kouyou's hand, disintegrating into thin air. She stares at the spot it was once in and without its presence, notices how dark the warehouse they're in really is.
There's the shadows of their enemies clinging to every corner. Without the phantom's light, the weight of the mafia's sins only feel ten times heavier.
"Um… Is that your ability?" Higuchi asks. "It looks a lot like you. Like it's a reflection of you."
Kouyou raises an eyebrow. Her eyes flash with something dark and loathing, but it disappears as fast as it came. "It doesn't reflect its owner," she assures Higuchi. "A reflection requires light to be seen."
Higuchi blinks in confusion. The phantom was the brightest thing in this room, was it not?
Before she can ask, another wave of dizziness takes over her and she groans, bringing a hand to her head. When she pulls back, she realises it's slightly sticky.
"Let's go," Kouyou says with a nudge, "this mission is over."
"I really don't get what Ane-san sees in you," Tachihara muses as Higuchi is cleaning her gun, struggling to get a weird stain out of its handle. She has no idea how it got there, nor what it even is, but she decides that she doesn't want to know. "Like, you're clumsy and useless and so nervous all the time. You're like a dainty flower trying to grow in the drains of the darkest alleyway."
"Thanks," Higuchi mumbles, because she's starting to get used to Tachihara's constant sneering, and it doesn't affect her as much anymore, even though there is a painful truth in his words. Even if everything else about him feels fake or performative, for some reason, he is completely honest when critiquing her. "You said that in the morning too."
"Yeah, when you had a whole bandage around your head and you looked like a walking mummy," he laughs. "I can't believe she brought you on that mission. Even I'm not allowed for a mission at that level yet, and I wouldn't have gotten my gun taken away from me."
"How's training been for you?" Higuchi asks instead of entertaining his words. Tachihara has been undergoing some sort of private training away from the mafia for the past week. He only just came back today, looking as spunky as ever, but he seems to be moving slower than usual, like his body is trying to recover from something life-changing. Maybe the training was harsh.
"Eh." Tachihara shrugs. "It's whatever. You know, it technically isn't too late to leave the mafia."
"What?" Higuchi stares at him. "You know this place is a one way in, no way out area. No one leaves the mafia and survives."
"There have been a few," Tachihara replies casually. "Some have left and lived to tell the tale. I don't know the details, though."
"Oh." Higuchi sets her gun back down on the table, staring at it. She won't lie and say she isn't considering the idea, but… "I'm not clever enough for something like that. I knew what I was signing up for, anyway."
"Yeah, well, who cares? It's not like you hold the mafia's top secret information. Maybe they won't come after you if you sign an NDA."
"Very funny," Higuchi scoffs. "I'm still a mafia member. They won't let me—"
"Then act like it," Tachihara interrupts. His voice, usually so lazy and easygoing, grows sharp. "Succeed. Climb the ranks. Just do something instead of fumbling uselessly by Ane-san's side. She's the only reason you're still alive, you know."
Higuchi stiffens, her heart dropping. "Really?"
"You're completely incompatible in a place like this, yet she still keeps watering you, convinced you'll bloom." He shrugs again, sending her a finger gun. "Anyway, I gotta go. I'm supposed to meet some new assassin today. We're gonna be co-commanders or whatever of an elite fleet."
"Oh… Have fun," Higuchi calls as Tachihara disappears off, leaving her to her own thoughts.
Higuchi's next mission starts off no better than her previous one.
She's with Kouyou's team again, though she could not tell you why. They're raiding a warehouse, which is under suspicion for stealing supplies from the Mafia. Higuchi expected to be faced with a hoard of men again, wielding guns and steel pipes and some other dastardly weapons, but when Kouyou slices the door down, they're only faced with—
There's a group of about thirty children hiding behind various boxes, glaring daggers at them. One of them stands in the centre of the warehouse, two guns in his hands, but he looks barely any older than Higuchi. The air grows cold as both groups stare each other down, but none of them make the first move.
"What do you want from us?" the boy hisses through his teeth. There's a flickering fire in his eyes that seems to be dousing itself out the longer he holds Kouyou's icy gaze. "Are you from the mafia?"
Kouyou hums. "If you're aware, then I believe you were expecting us. Let's get straight to the point. Have you been stealing valuable resources from us?"
"No," the boy answers firmly. "Leave us alone."
Higuchi watches, rooted to the spot, as a slow smile spreads on Kouyou's face. "You know, if you deny to speak the truth, we'll just have to force it out of you. My team is particularly good at that."
She flicks her wrist. The phantom materialises and the grating screech of its sword unsheathing makes all of them tense. Instantly, the men start charging, and Higuchi—
"Wait!" she gasps, turning to Kouyou. "They haven't— they haven't attacked us! Why are we attacking?"
A terrified scream cuts through the air. Higuchi turns towards the source, but she can't even see the boy with how much their team overtakes the entire area. A box is broken open and a bunch of grenades fall out of it. Grenades she recognises as the mafia's.
"Because they're thieves," Kouyou answers, turning her back to the mess. She blocks Higuchi's view completely like this, as if shielding her from the horrors, but at the same time, she doesn't stop them.
"They're barely older than me," she protests. Like her sister's age, at most.
"But they're thieves," Kouyou snaps. "They should have known what they were doing when they chose to steal from us. Just like how you should have known our style when you chose to join us, Higuchi."
Her gaze grows sharp, calculating. "Unless you intend to betray us?"
A cold shiver runs down Higuchi's spine. "N-no! Of course not!"
Kouyou's eyes don't let up. "Then—"
She's cut off with a gasp and a stumble. The boy, the same boy who was facing them directly, stands behind Kouyou. He's driven a sharp blade into Kouyou's side and is gripping the handle like a lifeline. Blood is trailing down his face and he can barely keep his gaze steady, but when he meets Higuchi's eyes, there's not an ounce of terror in them.
"You insolent brat," Kouyou mutters. The phantom swoops over, its sword outstretched, and the boy squeezes his eyes shut, and Higuchi's hands won't stop shaking but she still lifts them—
Bang!
The bullet embeds itself perfectly into the boy's skull.
He tumbles to the floor with a cut-off gasp. The phantom disappears with a puff and Higuchi is left with her hands outreached, her gun held tightly in her palms, and her eyes widening in horror at what she's done.
Kouyou looks at her with barely concealed surprise. "You…"
"I'm sorry!" Higuchi gasps, dropping the gun. Her hands feel heavy with the weight of her sins and she stares at the boy's body. Her stomach churns. She's going to throw up. “I didn’t mean to take him down before you could—”
A firm cough interrupts her ramble. She fumbles to pick her gun back up and when she looks up, Kouyou is smiling.
“I didn’t think you’d have the guts,” she says. She presses her hands on her wound and Higuchi winces, imagining the pain she must be in, but Kouyou doesn’t look the least bit bothered. “How do you feel?”
She takes a moment to think about it. The original shock of killing someone has worn off, left with something hollow in her chest. She looks down at the boy, and she expects the guilt to gnaw at her bones and eat her alive, but it doesn’t. It slides off her like water instead.
“It could’ve been me,” Higuchi realises. A bullet in her head instead. A defiant last stance taken down with no remorse. A life rendered useless.
“In a man eats man world, one must do what they can to survive,” Kouyou says. “It’s kill or be killed. You understand that now, right?”
“I do.” Her voice is hoarse, but it’s the steadiest it's ever been.
“I’m glad.” Kouyou holds a hand out. It’s coated in blood—Mafia’s blood. “Welcome to the mafia, Higuchi Ichiyou.”
Higuchi takes her hand, coating her own unblemished skin for the first time.
To share blood is the highest form of binding, even greater than any contract or promise. To tie her soul down to this place, to throw her entire being into this world, Higuchi will take it if it means she has a place to belong.
This is the story of how Higuchi dug her roots into infertile soil and still managed to flourish.