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It’s late, but Cat’s only half asleep when she finally hears the balcony door open and close again. Her ears perk, a hint of a frown creasing her forehead when no kitchen sounds follow, just a long pause, then the muted creak of Carter’s bedroom door. It takes longer than normal before she hears it click shut again and every sense goes on alert.
Something is very wrong. She’s sure of it even though the evidence is little more than a few sounds. It hits her at that moment that, in the months since Kara moved in, she’s become much like police officers’ spouses, hyper aware of small things, always a little on edge and hunting for clues as to what’s going on. It’s all tied up in her fear, not just of losing her lover to death or profound injury, but of losing some essential part of her to the toll this fight takes. Kara is the gentlest most decent person she’s ever known, and fate has chosen a path for her that constantly threatens to shatter those qualities, to hurt or even destroy her soul and that horrifies Cat in a way she doesn’t dare look at too closely for fear of freezing in terror.
Enough time passes that she seriously considers going after her lover even though experience has taught her it works better if she waits until Kara comes to her, but finally she hears the muffled pad of boots on thick carpet and feels the way the bed lists slightly when she sits along the edge. A hand alights on her hip, gentle and warmer than a human touch — Kara’s Kryptonian biology means she runs a bit hotter. She starts to roll toward her lover only to have Kara use just enough strength to keep her where she is. For someone so immeasurably strong, Kara is very aware of her power and nearly always circumspect in its use. This time is no exception. There’s no pain to the pressure, but at the same time, it’s firm and unyielding. "Kara?" Cat whispers after a moment of mild resistance gains her nothing.
"I just...I need a moment," the younger woman says, the words coming in halting, ragged syllables.
She sounds awful, tired and heartsick and somehow...broken and a bolt of pure terror rips through Cat. "Kara," she says, her voice shaking just a little, though she fights to remain calm. "Are you—"
"I’m all right," Kara breaks in before she can say anymore. "So’s Alex and everyone at the DEO," she adds after a short beat. "There was a civilian hurt, but they think she’ll live."
Cat draws a sharp breath, almost gasping, her heart slamming against the inside of her ribs. Relief, but also awareness that there’s more story there.
"There was an alien...I don’t think she meant to hurt anyone. She just...she was alone, afraid. I tried to talk her down, but she just wouldn’t listen and I...I couldn’t let her kill...everyone..." There’s a long moment of silence, then she finally whispers, "The DEO doctors don’t know if she’ll make it."
"Oh, Kara," Cat husks, her tone thick with understanding.
There’s added pressure on Cat’s hip, the feel of it unusually possessive. "I didn’t have a choice," Kara insists in what Cat has come to think of as her Supergirl-Voice. It’s a little deeper, the words coming slower and more carefully spoken with none of the puppy-dog innocence that is so innate to the younger woman. The words are firmly enough spoken that anyone who didn’t know her well would easily miss the self doubt hidden in that seeming wall of confidence.
"I know," Cat responds, her tone firm, with none of Kara’s carefully hidden uncertainty. Kara has her issues, and despite what many might think, there’s a deep wellspring of anger and temper underneath the sweetness, but her ferocious drive to protect others includes her enemies as well as the innocent. It’s not something she would ever willingly surrender. "I’m so sorry you had to make a choice like that," she adds, hoping the words are enough comfort for her lover.
A moment passes, then the weight of Kara’s hand eases. Her touch turns to a caress and she smooths her palm lightly over her Cat’s hip as she leans closer. "I’m all right," she reiterates and Cat feels the warmth of her breath on the back of her neck. "I swear."
Then the bed shifts again and Cat knows her lover has risen, though she doesn’t realize quite how high until a soft kiss falls on her shoulder and the hand at her hip slides around to spread against the flat plane of her belly.
Kara is floating on air above her. "I need you," she breathes almost inaudibly as she snugs her body up against Cat’s, the lack of gravity giving her a freedom unlike anything Cat has experienced with other lovers. Her hands slip and touch, her strength and control allowing them both to seem weightless as she lifts and strokes and easily bares bits of flesh to her roving touch.
For a moment, Cat gives way, shivering and clinging to solid shoulders, trusting Kara to keep her safe.
Then silk hair brushes her cheek, carrying with it a stench of smoke and burned meat that Cat instantly recognizes as human. Her days as a young reporter carry with them some truly horrific pieces of knowledge. "No," she hisses, shock making her tone sharper than intended as she starts shoving at the same shoulders she was clinging to only moments before.
Apparently lost in her own head, Kara simply catches a slender wrist, pushing it out of her way as she leans in to bury her face in golden silk hair.
Cat understands it’s not intentional, not a game, nor any intent to ignore her wishes. It’s simply a matter of unlimited strength and overwhelming need to escape into something loving and tender. She also understands that she can’t let it stand. If she does it will destroy them both, so her voice is sharp as she almost shouts, "NO!" and slams her tightly fisted hand into Kara’s shoulder.
The resistance registers this time and the younger woman’s chin snaps up, blue eyes wide. "I...wha’..." It takes Kara a long beat to realize what’s happened and when she does, she has just enough sense to settle Cat gently on the mattress before she rears back, hands jerking up in a pose of total surrender. "I’m sorry...I-I didn’t mean...I mean, I would never..." she stumbles hastily over the words, eyes reflecting guilt and misery..
"I know," Cat instantly assures her and reaches up to grasp slim hands, drawing her lover back when she looks ready flee. "I know who you are. I understand...and I trust you." She puts extra emphasis on the last two words, wanting Kara to understand and believe that nothing has been damaged. She knows the younger woman often needs the warmth and comfort of lovemaking after things have been particularly bad. Whether it’s a Kryptonian thing, a youth thing or simply a Kara thing, she doesn’t know, but she’s been through this enough times to know it will soothe and ease the hurt, and allow the younger woman to relax, sleep, and heal enough to talk about things later. Unfortunately, there are associations she can’t allow in their bed. The smell of burning flesh is one of them. "I want you," she adds quietly.
"You don’t have to...to...do anything," Kara denies, an appalled kind of fear in her eyes.
"Of course I don’t," Cat agrees, her tone dismissive as she reaches up to stroke Kara’s cheek. "I want to...but not like this...not..." She trails off, uncertain how to explain and uncertain now is the time. They both need comfort, not deep discussions of old traumas. Finally, she tangles their fingers together, then carefully eases out from under her lover. "Do you trust me?"
"Of course," Kara says instantly, not resisting when Cat finds her feet and gently tugs the her along.
Her bathroom is huge and dark and she leaves the lights off, instead opting to reach for the lighter she keeps tucked in the medicine cabinet. There are candles scattered around the room—vanilla scented because it soothes her—and she lets go of her lover just long enough to light several, casting the room in a warm glow. "Better," she murmurs under her breath, then does a slow pivot, frowning slightly when she notes the way Kara’s arms are folded around her midsection, while her eyes are fastened firmly to the floor. Not good. The girl has a profound fear of misusing her strength or accidently causing pain. "Kara," she exhales and closes the distance between them. "Trust me," she requests again, then tucks her fingers under her lover’s chin, guiding her head up until their eyes meet. "You didn’t do anything wrong."
"But I—"
Cat presses two fingers to full lips, silencing her lover. "You didn’t hurt me and you stopped the moment you realized I wanted you to. That’s all anyone can do...even you."
Blue eyes slide closed and soft lips silently move in what Cat believes to be a Kryptonian prayer, though Kara has never explained it.
"I love you, Kara." Cat’s voice is very soft and a bit uncertain. They are words that come easily only when said to Carter, though she has twice spoken them to Kara before. She knows the effect they have on the younger woman, the leap of joy they bring to her eyes. It’s sad that, for Cat, saying them brings an edge of fear, a barely hidden certainty that the day is coming when her young lover realizes her error and flies away because, under it all, Cat knows herself. She’s an angry, bitter woman with a sharp tongue and a quick wit that hones it to a fine edge. That she has learned to quell those instincts when they’re alone doesn’t erase all the things she’s said and the hurts she’s caused. She cannot imagine that anyone as gentle and decent as Kara will choose to stay by her side for long, but she also knows that end will come sooner if Kara ever has cause to think she’s the danger. "But more than that," she adds after a pause that stretches longer than she means for it to as she momentarily gets lost in her own thoughts, "I trust you...with my life, and with something a lot more important than that...my son...and you wouldn’t be here...in my home...if not for that level of trust."
Kara blinks, focusing on Cat as the message sinks in. "Thank you," she whispers at last, her voice ragged, though there’s still a silent question in her eyes.
She knows there’s more, Cat realizes and silently curses how well the younger woman is coming to read her. Despite not wanting to have this discussion, she’ll have to say something. A soft sigh escapes her lips as she accepts the need for at least a bit of an explanation. "When I was a young reporter, I saw some things...awful...things. There are ... triggers," she admits haltingly, then reaches out, settling a hand on her lover’s chest. "Smell in particular...smoke...burned flesh." A tiny shiver works its way through her and she spins away as memories surge and a tiny, self-conscious laugh escapes. "I don’t do barbecues either." She retrieves the discarded lighter, toying with it to have something to do with her hands, though she doesn’t light it, afraid even that bit of smoke might be a problem at that moment. "I won’t have that in our bed—ever—not when it’s so..." She paused as a lump rose in her throat. It took her an extra moment before she could continue. "What we have is so beautiful, Kara. I won’t see it tainted like that."
There’s a soft slap of something hitting tile, then water spattering against glass.
Cat spins to see a naked Kara stepping into the shower stall, where her uniform is already wadded in one corner. The alien fabric will rinse clean in the runoff and be dry within moments of the water shutting off, so it’s as good a way as any to wash it.
"I’ll just be a few minutes," Kara murmurs, her tone gentle, the look in her eyes meant to reassure.
Cat pauses, momentarily silenced by the sight of her lover’s body, struck not just by the sheer aesthetic beauty of her, but also by the fierce drive to love and care for her. It always does this to Cat, leaves her weak and longing and hoping it will never end, and she suspects it always will. She stands there for a moment as warm steam and the smell of vanilla and almond clear the air of the uglier smells, then steps forward, slipping out of her nightshirt as she moves.
Kara tenses, pivoting when the shower door creaks open. Black pupils expand until only a tiny ring of blue remains and her lips part ever so slightly. "You don’t have to," she breathes as Cat reaches for the soap.
A slow smile curves Cat’s mouth. "You really have no idea how amazing you are," she drawls and steps forward, urging Kara to turn toward the spray, then pressing against her back. "Or how much I love being with you." She runs soft kisses along Kara’s shoulder, enjoying the warmth and texture of her skin and the way she leans back enough to put them into full body contact. "Just trust me to take care of you," she whispers near her lover’s ear.
A low moan only encourages Cat to take her time spreading silky soap foam this way and that, following runs of taut muscle, touching everywhere, but never for long enough to do more than tease. Through it all, Kara is amazingly responsive, her body rising and falling with Cat’s stroking hands, her breathing increasingly ragged, muscles trembling gently. She tips her head back when Cat discards the soap in favor of a sweet scented shampoo that she works through silky hair in slow, massaging strokes. "You’re such a hedonist," Cat muses, her tone making it a compliment.
"Only for you," Kara sighs, her voice thick with arousal, but also contented and warm. "I feel safe with you," she whispers minutes later when Cat is meticulously finger combing her hair, rinsing away any excess of the sinfully expensive conditioner she’s used. "You’re my home." The mood shifts with the softly uttered words and when she turns a moment later, her expression is suddenly all intensity and need. She stays back a pace though, her hands held up in surrender.
Kara doesn’t have to speak to ask the question, her expression does it all.
Cat simply nods.
Then Kara is reaching for her and they’re kissing, mouths open, breathing synced, bodies molded together. Cat moans softly, her own arousal thick and pulsing. She’s pressed against warm, water-slicked tile by warmer, water-slicked flesh, then strong hands skim down her sides and around, spreading over the slope of her back. Cat sinks into the sensations, trusting herself to Kara.
The first orgasm is mutual and happens only minutes later with bodies wrapped around each other, flesh pressed so close it’s hard to tell where one body ends and another begins. It’s pleasurable, but also a relief that eases some of the desperation. It lets them simply hold one another, offering love and comfort until hands begin to roam, and kisses flow back and forth.
The second orgasm is Cat’s and takes place in their bed after Kara floats them in with Cat nestled safely in her arms. It’s gentle and luscious, all tender kisses and impossibly soft caresses that claim and tease and drive Cat to arch and plead until rich pleasure washes over her with Kara’s encouraging words still echoing in the air. Afterward, they sink into the mattress together, still touching and exploring, tired, but still too needy to let go and sleep.
The third orgasm is soft and sweet and Cat’s again. Breathing hard, her pupils completely blown, she collapses into the mattress. "You are..." She trails off, lips twisting into a wanton smile. Kara floats above her and Cat can’t resist the urge to reach out and touch. She trails her fingertips along the curve of Kara’s lower lip. "You’re amazing." She grins, a lilt in her voice as she adds, "And I don’t just mean that Kryptonian tongue of yours—"
Kara grins. "Kryptonian contains more sounds than English...takes a very agile tongue," she teases.
"Mmm, and you speak it so well," Cat murmurs, then hooks her hands around the strong column of Kara’s neck, tugging gently. "I’m afraid I can’t match the feat, but I do speak French...it has some very complicated diphthongs, you know."
"Really?"
"Mhm, very complicated." Laughing, Cat tumbles Kara to the bed and straddles her hips, hands braced on the mattress on either side of her head. Their gazes meet and hold and humor slides away.
The fourth orgasm is entirely Kara’s. It takes time—nearly twice as much as Cat’s two added together—and builds with aching slowness. Cat knows her well and is a skilled lover, drawing the sensations taut, then easing them before intensifying the game again, controlling the ebb and flow of pleasure until Kara’s body is stretched taut and mindless pleas escape her lips. Finally, when she thinks she can’t take any more and remain sane, Cat very deliberately tips her over, answering her prayers.
And Kara utterly breaks, body shuddering violently, whimpery cries that are part plea, part prayer, torn from her lips. When she finally collapses, it’s complete. She sinks into the mattress, her body limp and boneless.
Minutes pass while Cat slides up, then lies alongside her lover, head braced on one hand, the other resting lightly on Kara’s stomach.
"Thank you," Kara breathes when she finally speaks.
"My pleasure," Cat assures her, idly petting Kara’s stomach as she waits for her to come back down from the ultimate high. She can’t help the canary-getting grin. After all, it’s not everyone who can leave Supergirl totally blown out and barely conscious. There’s a certain wicked pride that comes with that.
"Not for that," the blonde demurs, cheeks suddenly pink. "Well, not just for that," she whispers, then lies silent until she finally explains, "I mean for understanding...for helping when I...I need." A soft sigh escapes her lips. "I know it must seem..." she pauses, clearly hunting for the right word. "... odd," she says at last. "By human standards, I mean." She looks to Cat, brows drawn into a frown, mouth pursed on one side in a way Cat has learned is an expression of a level of embarrassment that borders on shame. "I mean, who would want to make love after seeing...some of the things I see...the awfulness?" she exhales, the words coming progressively more slowly until they trail to a halt.
Cat’s mouth twists into a sad smirk. "We all have different ways of dealing with stress," she says, her tone practical and as non-judgmental as she knows how to make it.
"It’s just...." Kara trails to another halt, then tries again. "I know you’ve probably wondered...and I should have explained."
"I’m here if you want to talk, but you don’t have to." She sees Kara’s expression relax a bit and some of the fear slip away. She catches Cat’s hand, fingers smoothing over her knuckles. Sometimes in these moments when they’re quiet, but communicating Cat thinks maybe they have a chance, that perhaps there are things she has, things Kara needs and can’t get elsewhere, that perhaps she brings more than she takes, or at least that there’s some balance to it all. It eases some of the fear that she has no business being with this woman who seems far too good for her.
"I wanted to tell you before," Kara says after a long moment. "But it’s hard to explain...and I"m not sure how things translate..."
Cat simply listens, willing to give her all the space she needs.
Kara draws Cat’s hand to her chest, guiding her fingers wide, settling her palm where she can feel the solid beat of her heart, firmer than a human and a little faster. "On Krypton I wouldn’t have to tell you, you’d already know." She falls silent, then a hint of a smile appears, though it’s a little sad. "I won’t come to our bed smelling like that again," she promises when she finally speaks.
Hating the flicker of what looks like guilt in blue eyes, Cat tries to wave things off. "Normally, it’s not a problem. I just—"
Kara catches Cat’s hand, stopping the dismissive gesture. "Cat, no," she says instantly. "I needed to know. Now I do." She continues stroking the back of Cat’s hand, sensitive fingertips following runs of bone and sinew. "It’s important...learning what could hurt you. That’s why..." She trails off and makes a small, frustrated sound in the back of her throat. Again, she’s silent, her gaze momentarily distant until she blinks and comes back. Another moment passes before she starts to speak, her voice low and solemn. "On Krypton, it’s traditional for pair-bonded couples to be together...intimately...after something traumatic happens. Please believe me, it’s not some weird kink or really about sex at all." She risks a glance at Cat, relieved to see only curiosity and caring in hazel eyes. "It’s a comfort for us," she continues, her voice soft and husky in the darkness. "A way to heal, feel safe, and grow stronger...learn about each other." She settles her palm over Cat’s sternum, fingers spread in much the same pose she guided Cat to adopt on her own chest. "It encourages us to take events that can tear people apart and use them to come closer."
Cat is silent, lips parted ever so slightly as she tries to decide how to respond because it feels like Kara is telling her something she desperately wants to hear and is terrified of at the same time.
Kara thinks she should probably shut up, but somehow Cat’s lack of her usual verbal pithinesss throws open some kind of wellspring of words. Or maybe it’s just that she can’t stand the silence and so feels the need to fill it. "I-I know we aren’t anything official," she says, her tone shaky and uncertain. "But being with you... it helps. I know it’ll be okay, that I’m not alone." She looks away then, the words coming progressively more slowly as she adds, "But I should have explained sooner." Her gaze swings back to Cat. "It’s a sacred act for us...a kind of vow."
"What are you..." Cat starts to ask only to trail off because their eyes meet and she see so many things that simultaneously terrify her and give her more hope than anything has since Carter’s birth. Suddenly her vision is blurry and she’s blinking away a few bits of hot moisture that cannot be tears, because she does not cry, a fact she feels the need to point out. "I’m not crying. I don’t cry."
Kara looks at her oddly, but doesn’t argue.
Meanwhile, Cat blinks desperately in an effort to clear her vision, but she is definitely not crying.
"Cat, I love you," Kara says very softly, the words spoken more as a simple statement of fact than a sudden declaration. "You know that, right?"
In that moment, Cat remembers that, though she has spoken the words, Kara has not, at least not before, and her heart simultaneously soars and breaks, while her eyes flood, though she is definitely not crying.
"That’s why I come to you when it hurts," Kara adds, her voice soft and worried sounding. She rolls toward Cat, settling her hand over the one on her chest and keeping it there when it seems like her lover might pull it away. "Feel my heart," she whispers. "It beats for you...for us...for the life we have together..." She falls silent for a moment, mentally cursing her own inexperience in these matters as well as her sometimes uncertain understanding of how human affairs work. "I should have said it before," she admits at last. "I thought..." She pauses again. "I know it was hard for you to say the words and I was afraid of pressuring you. I didn’t want you to feel you had to say them, but Cat, I am bonded to you. This isn’t something we say lightly. Pair bonds are nearly always for life for us."
And Cat is definitely not crying, not even a little. Any blurriness is pure allergies. "You don’t have to—" she begins as strong arms slide around her, pulling her close.
"Of course I do," Kara disagrees, smiling ever so slightly as she feels Cat stiffen right on cue. She’s so independent that it can be difficult to get her to listen sometimes, but Kara is determined. "How could I do anything else when you’re a part of me?" She presses a kiss to her lover’s temple. "You’re the one who doesn’t have to...to do anything," she says haltingly. She leans back enough to peer into green eyes. "I know things are different here...and your life...it’s complicated..." She drops her voice low, expression serious as she adds, "I know I’m not an ideal partner for you." There’s a flicker of hurt in the soft words, but no anger or resentment.
"Oh, God, Kara..." Cat sighs, heart breaking a little at the younger woman’s tone. "You’re more than ideal. You’re...you’re so much better than I am," she whispers, her voice little more than a ragged shadow of itself. Her hand comes up as if of its own volition, and she strokes a softly curved cheek with gentle fingers. "You’re kind and decent and braver than anyone I know, and I’m—"
"Loving and loyal, and a wonderful mother...and an amazing partner." A tiny, wry grin curves Kara’s lips. "Okay, so you can be a bit sarcastic..." she teases lightly.
Pale brows shoot up and Cat’s mouth twists into wry smirk. She knows perfectly well who and what she is.
"And you do have a bit of a temper," Kara allows, then tucks a finger under Cat’s chin, drawing her back when she would look away. "But I know I can trust you." Her voice trembles on the last part, old hurts making themselves known. "You don’t expect me to always fix everything." She blinks away a few tears of her own. "And you always tell me the truth, even when it hurts or it’s hard. You’re the only person other than Alex who ever tries to protect me—"
"You don’t owe me anything," Cat says quickly, hating the idea of any kind of debt between them.
"Of course not," Kara agrees quietly. "Love isn’t a debt," she adds. "It’s a privilege." Then she’s kissing Cat, burrowing into her like she’s the only shelter in a storm. "I’m yours," she says when their lips finally part.
"Oh, Kara," Cat sighs and gently strokes damp hair back from Kara’s temple.
Almost purring with pleasure, the younger woman rolls into the caress as she sinks down, settling against Cat’s side and draping herself over her lover’s more delicate frame.
"I’m yours too, you know," Cat sighs at last, acknowledging the depth of the bond between them.
Kara pushes up on an elbow to stare down at her with eyes that sparkle with joy. "Really?" she whispers, not quite believing the words because they are everything she wants to hear.
Mouth twisting into a tender smile, Cat reaches up and settles her hand over Kara’s sternum, intentionally mimicking the earlier position when Kara so carefully placed it there. "Sometimes I’m terrified I’m nowhere near good enough for you," she confesses, very aware of the way Kara’s pulse accelerates in response.
Supergirl’s physicality is such that her fear of rejection does more to make her heartrate run fast than all the physical activity in the world.
Sliding her hand up, she cups her palm along Kara’s cheek. "But you’re mine now," Cat says, her tone low and insistent. "And I am not giving you up." It’s every bit as much of a vow as anything Kara has said and the younger woman almost vibrates with joy.
"I don’t want you to," she sighs happily and snuggles back down, pillowing her head on Cat’s shoulder and draping an arm across her midsection.
Cat peers down at her lover, smiling as she tugs her close and ruffles her hair. "Well, from here on out, you’re the only one who can make me."
"I won’t."
"I’m not a great bet," Cat feels the need to warn Kara. "I’ve got one ex-husband and a few more ex...other things...and they all eventually ran screaming."
"I won’t," Kara insists, though her voice is a bit distant as she focuses on toeing the blanket up until she can reach it and tug it up over both of them. When that’s done, she offers a proud grin. "I’m the one who’s going to stay...snuggle you and keep you warm." She presses a soft kiss to the Cat’s shoulder before settling back down. "Protect you, stand up to you, fight with you, love you, and be by your side...always."
Exhausted, a pleasant lassitude making it progressively harder to move, Cat simply sighs, "Ditto," which draws a muffled giggle from her lover. "I’ll revise and extend later when I haven’t recently survived three, mind blowing orgasms."
Kara giggles even harder at that. "I’ll wait."
They lie there for a long time, not sleeping but dozing off and on and enjoying the warmth of simply being together in the aftermath.
"I get it," Cat finally exhales thoughtfully as she slowly trails her fingers through Kara’s hair.
"Hmm?" Kara manages to sleepily mumble.
"Your tradition...being together. I get it now. It’s beautiful." She presses a soft kiss to Kara’s temple. "Thank you."
"No," Kara says, her voice slurred with exhaustion. "Thank you. I was so lost, but when I’m with you, I’m not."
"Sleep now," Cat whispers. There will be things to talk about in the morning, but for now, they have everything they need.
Each other.
End