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Izuku Midoriya was never one to hang hopelessly on something. The thought of clinging with the awareness that the thing he desires to reach is impossible makes Izuku's stomach churn with uneasiness.
But mind you, Katsuki Bakugou isn't something and no, hanging on the hopeless idea he's alive wasn't because Izuku was going mad.
He knew Katsuki was dead. He knew it all too well.
His Kacchan died like a true hero. He knew he'd die in the battlefield but kept going, and as much as Izuku hated what he did, what his efforts resulted into, he couldn't hide the feeling of pure pride echoing through the depths of his aching heart,hollow and stinging like a bitch,like adding salt to an open wound.
But it was still there nonetheless, a cruel reminder yet again of Katsuki's sacrifice. And as far as Izuku knows, Katsuki died with the thought of him in mind.
Izuku knows he'd probably soaked his pillow with tears by now, but he didn't pay it much mind. How could he? He could cry and cry but that wasn't gonna bring Katsuki back.
And like an anchor pulling him back to reality,he remembered that tommorow is yet another day of school. Being a teacher was tiring Izuku to the bone, and he doesn't know if it's because of how long a day at school can be or the fact that he's slowly deteriorating himself all over again.
Going past that point, he really needs to sleep.
Against his will,his eyes close as he tries to reign his thoughts to something else other than Katsuki. And,maybe, it's really the tiredness that overtakes him in the moment,because Izuku is mostly up by this time, scratching at his arms as if to pry the skin away,to escape from the feeling of adrenaline pumped into him as he sits in his bathroom,shaking like a leaf on a windy autumn day and hyperventilating like there's no tommorow.
So he falls asleep, drifting into his little own world where there's an unphasingly dull void in which he surprisingly doesn't fall in, for now.
In the corner of his eyes however, there's a faint light, flickering in an irregular pattern.
Like a moth to a flame, Izuku is drawn to the light, which is also a balm of warmth. He's a starved man.
The person in the distance is Katsuki.
He's as young as Izuku remembers, not having aged a bit. He's clad in the same hero costume he died in, the splatter of fresh blood forever the mark beared by such beautiful face.
Izuku doesn't dare to move and neither breath, afraid this is all gonna dissapear if he does so.
The ethereal being seems to advance forward, slowly and steady,but getting to Izuku faster than Izuku would have wanted to. His face is not scrunched up in sadness, regret or fury. No, like always, his face is speckled by the flair of serenity as his eyes follow Izuku's every move.
It almost makes his heart stutter into a calming rhythm, almost.
Warm hands cradle Izuku's face, slowly, almost reluctant or unsure if the other is gonna pull away if he does that.
Izuku immediately relaxes in the hold, letting himself get lost in the rubies he's been craving for. They're still the same fiery colour, a striking crimson red that has always caught Izuku's attention.
Izuku lets himself relish in the relief he knows too well is temporary, his breath hitting Katsuki's face a friction too quick.
Unlike him, Katsuki is calm, collected, unphased even. His breath hits Izuku in return,however.
He wants to stay here. Izuku wants to stay here so much, let himself drown into the carmine pools, to be able to map his body, face and soul completely— to be able to feel him close,beside him. Things Izuku never had the chance to do.
Katsuki leans forward, a small smile coating his lips. Izuku can't help but think he's beautiful, a smile so pure has his body ascending to Heaven. He can almost forget he wasn't dreaming, that this, really, was reality.
A voice in the back of his mind tells him this is what could have been reality.
Before he can let his train of thought go further, he feels warm and soft lips against his chapped ones. It's featherlight, a kiss so small yet hopeful that Izuku wants to pull him in for the real thing.
But he doesn't have the chance to do that,either. When he tries touching Katsuki, his form is already dissipating into thin air. Izuku feels the same surge of adrenaline guide his body into full-blown panic,scratching like a cat at nothing and trying to gain whatever particule of Katsuki he manages to catch.
He catches none. Katsuki once again, dissapeared before his very own eyes.
Just then, Izuku falls into the void.
He waked up abruptly, encrusted in layers of cold sweat and tears. His breathing ruptures out of him like he's choking, conceiving a horrible sound that is even worrying to him.
He feels foreign in his own room. It's too quiet. Silence never soothed his nerves.
A part of him was missing and he knew it— the part that kept him whole in the first place.
With a bitter taste in his mouth,he walked on auto-mode to the bathroom. The longing he was drowning in had engulfed him whole, not playing a threat anymore but a whole danger. He's never felt so dead inside, hopeless for once.
Izuku Midoriya is the Symbol of Hope,yet for once,he finds himself hopeless because of the same cause that haunted him for years now,in the best and worst ways. After all, without the Sun, the Moon can't shine, can it?