Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

~ summer night 1925 ~

The air was heavy with the threat of rain. Credence was walking back home after a long, gruelling day of handing out the pamphlets for the Second Salem Philantrophic Society. The streets were dimly lit, reminding Credence a bit too much of the oppresive, dark basement ma would surely lock him up in if he came late. His mind swarmed by a whirlwind of panicked thoughts, Credence made his way down a particularly dark street. Someone bumped into him, sending the pamphlets flying in all directions.
" Watch where you are going, boy " though it was a reprimand the gentelman's voice was unnaturaly soft. Gentle almost. It made Credence feel something he couldn't quite name.
" I - I am sorry " Credence stammered, his eyes glued to the pavement. Without warning the gentleman's hand was on his shoulder, steadying him. His other hand extended, clutching all the leaflets Credence had dropped just moments ago.

Slowly, hesitantly Credence looked up, meeting the tall man's piercing, dark eyes.
He wore an immaculate shirt, embroided with silver, scorpion cufflings. Over it lay an unbuttoned, neatly aranged coat. It was the same dark color as the stranger's mysterious, striking eyes. The scent of his cologne made Credence dizzy. His features were sharp, yet elegant. He carried himself with an air of importance. Everything about his screamed confidence and grace.
" I am sorry, I didn't mean to startle you, young man" the handsome stranger apologized, handing Credence the pamphlets back with an almost kind smile.
" Are you alright ? " he asked sounding genuenly concerned. It confused Credence, no one had ever spoken to his like this before.
" Y- Yes I am f - fine " Credence stammered, his voice barely audible. He hugged the flyers to his chest, as if they were some sort of beloved possesion. People like this, well-dressed and confident rarely spoke to him. And when they did it was not offer him help.
" Are you sure you are alright ? You look like you have been carrying much more than just these papers " the man remarked softly. Credence blinked, unsure how to respond. No one ever spoke to him like this - like they actually saw him for, well him. It made his body shift uncomfortably, unable to decide whether to run or stay.
" What is your name ? " the stranger asked his tone low, but insistent.
" Credence, sir " the boy responded, keeping his eyes down.
" Credence " the man repeated, it sounded so smooth coming from his mouth almost like a prayer.
" I am Percival Graves. I see you work for the Second Salem Philantrophic Society, is that so ? "
" Yes, I help my ma - mother, to spread the word " Credence admitted feeling his hollow cheeks heat slightly under the weight of Percival's piercing gaze.
" Interesting " he said after a while of quiet contemplation.
" Tell you what, this is where I work, perhaps you can stop by sometime, tell me a bit more about your - cause " Percival's tone was light, filled with genuene interest. He slipped a piece of paper - his business card Credence realized, into his hands, their fingers brushing lightly. MACUSA it read, Credence stared at it puzzled. He had never heard of that organization before, but he figured it had to be important if someone like Graves worked there.
" All you need to do is ask for me "
Credence stayed quiet unable to conjure up an appropriate responce. No one had ever shown such interest in him before. It send a thrill of excitement and fear through his body. He couldn't wrap his head around the whole situation. Why was such a well-dressed, kind stranger interested in him of all people?
But he only nodded, not trusting his words as he made to leave. Graves's hand on his shoulder made him stop. The man was looking at him with a strange twinkle in his dark orbs.
" You take care of yourself Credence, I will be seeing you around " with that he turned away, letting go of Credence, the warmth his touch brought dispersing. Credence just stood there, frozen. Unable to turn his gaze away from Graves's slowly dissapearing figure. His hands closed around the bussiness card as if it were a lifeline as he hurried back to the church, happier than he felt in weeks.

~ 5 days later ~

Ma had gone into a rage after Verity came back with all the pamphlets still in hand. Credence had jumped in to protect her, getting himself into a heated argument with mother. She had beaten both children bloody, locking Verity away in the attic and throwing Credence out into the street afterwards.

Rain was pouring relentlessly, and from a distance thunder roared. Soon Credence's tattered shirt, which was his only layer of protection was soaked through, making the boy shiver. He had no strenght to move, so he stayed like that. Sprawled out on the cold, hard pavement, blood dripping from his wounds.

~ an hour later ~

Pain radiated through Credence's entire body. His shirt torn and bloody from the beating.
At least the rain had stopped. His pale, hollowed out cheeks were decorated with already-purple bruises and an array of scrapes. Some deep, others shallow. His right eye was swollen shut. A monocle already forming around it. Traffic roared past, the sound deafening, only making Credence feel more embarrased and alone.
Somehow Mr. Graves found him.

" Credence, what happened? " Graves sounded a bit panicked, an undercurrent of worry in his tone. Credence couldn't respond. His body shook uncontrollably, his breath coming in quick uneven gasps. When he looked up he was just able to make out Graves's kind face creased with concern. His immaculately styled coat billowed behind him as his stepps quickened.
" Mr. Graves " the boy huffed out a breath of relief upon recognizing the approaching stranger. Percival knelt down next to Credence on the wet pavement. The sharp scent of Graves's cologne and rain hit his nostrils.
" What happened to you ? " Graves asked again, more insistent this time. Still trembling, Credence shook his head frantically, refusing to answer. His arms wrapped around his knees, shoulders curling inward.
" Hey, I want to help you " Graves said gently, leaning even closer, but not touching him. After a moment, when it became clear that Credence wouldn’t answer he spoke again, softening his tone further.
" Please, let me help you, you deserve better than this " the words seemed to shatter something in Credence and he finally spoke.
" It's my fault. I - I intervined with my sister's punishment. I deserved it "
" Your mother ? " Graves asked though he already knew the answer, he just wanted to hear Credence say it.
" Y - Yes" Credence confirmed, his voice shaky. Graves's expression darkened, his anger growing, but he controlled it. With a loud, exasperated sigh he spoke again.
" You can't stay here, Credence. I am going to take you to my place, just for tonight. I will see to your wounds there. " his voice was gentle, but firm. Leaving no room for argument.
" I can't she - she will punish me again. Worse this time " Credence tried to protest weakly.
" She won't I promise you. I will protect you " Graves soothed. Credence's breathing hitched. The trembling subsiding slightly. His chest tightened with a mix of emotions - gratitude, fear and hope. He nodded, allowing Percival to help him to his feet. But as they made to go, he hesitated, doubt raising.
" Why do you care? " he questioned, letting Graves hear the confusion in his voice. Graves's expression darkened, but quickly softened again, turning to a look of understanding.
" Because I see you Credence. How hard you try, how special you truly are " Credence stated back at him. Shocked. Percival extended his hand. A peace offering, a show of trust. After a moment of hesitation Credence slid his palm into Percival's. It was warm, grounding. He let Graves lead him across the city, into an unfamiliar apartment complex. It was located in the richer part of the city. Clearly Percival was well-off.

~ Graves's apartment, an hour later ~

Graves lead Credence through the huge complex, into a homey, richly decorated apartment at the end of a narrow hallway.

Credence stood awkwardly in the living room, curled in on himself. Too afraid to touch anything. To as much as move.
" Sit down, please" Percival urged the boy gently, gesturing to a plush, lavish armchair. Credence slumped into it, feeling terribly out of place. When he looked up to Graves he found that the man was gone. Panic rose inside him, but he quickly calmed down as Percival came back. Carrying a tray with two piping cups and a plate of some fancy biscuits.
" There you go, you must be starving. This will help you warm up a bit" with that he placed the tray on the small coffee table, positioned next to the armchair Credence occupied.
"T - Thank you " the boy stammered, tense despite the warm cussions that enveloped his tired body.
" You don’t have to be afraid, you are safe here. With me. " the emphasis on the last sentence was clear. Along with the sharpness of Percival's voice as he said it. It made Credence shift uncomfortably in the plush. His body shivered as if only now reacting to his soaked wet clothes.
" Wait here, I will bring you a blanket " Graves said his voice warm once again, making Credence think he had imagined the whole thing. Perhaps his exhaustion was making him paranoid.

Moments later Graves waltzed into the room, his strides long and confident. He quickly came up beside Credence, placing the crimson blanket over his shivering shoulders. It was soft, made out of the smoothest velvet. It's edges embroided with tiny scorpions.
" Drink, it'll warm you up " the sharp edge slipped back into his voice, instistent. Credence obeyed, his fingers curling tentatively around the warm porcelain. He tilted the mug to his lips, taking small sips of the hot liquid. The tea was rich and aromatic, Credence had not tasted something so soothing in a long time. Graves settled into a twin armchair across from him, studying the boy with a curious gaze.
" Not hungry, are you ? " he questioned the boy kindly, his gaze flickering to the untouched buttery biscuits.
" I am sorry. I don't much like eating " Credence blurted before having the time to think better of it. Apologizing had become second nature to him. It was as much a part of him as his awkward smile. As the belt he wore around his hips.
" You have nothing to apologize for my boy. Can you tell me why that is though? " Graves said gently. Credence felt something warm pool in his gut at the nickname. Spoken with such care and effection. It felt too good to be true. Not wanting to dissapoint Graves he rushed to answer.
" Well - he hesitated, his hands going to the back of his neck, pulling at the tender skin and scratching it.
" Ma punishes us if we eat too much, sometimes she makes us go for days without eating for - for other mishaps. So when I eventually do eat, I feel guilty about it, like I - I don't deserve it" his voice trembled despite his attempts to keep calm. He could feel Graves's eyes narrowing at his slightly. Glowing bright with anger and for once Credence wasn't at the receiving end of it.
" No one deserves to be treated like this, especially not you, my boy. You are safe here, I won't hurt you for eating " Credence's eyes welled up with tears, Graves's words made him feel better somehow. No one had ever been so kind to him. No one had ever showed him such care. Graves stood up, walking over to Credence slowly as if sensing the shift.
" I know it is hard to believe, but you are special Credence. You posses an extraordinary power - a gift and I will help you to master it. But only if you trust me first" Credence stared, waiting for Graves to burst out laughing, to tell him it was just a bad joke. But he didn't.
" I don't- I don't understand - what - what power ? I have no power. I am a nobody " he tripped over his words, in the hurry to get them out. It had to be some kind of mistake. Graves must have confused him with someone else. Credence felt a pang of fear that he was going to lose all this. That he was going to lose Graves's warm voice, his soothing touch.
" It is no mistake, my boy - again he emphasised the nickname.
" You are a wizard, just like me" then he snapped his fingers softly and a bright spark of blue light came alive above his palm, dancing to the rhytm of Graves's fingers. A small strangled gasp left Credence's lips. The boy watching in awe as the light danced before his eyes.
" If you trust me, I can teach you. I will show you everything I know. You will grow powerful beyond your wildest dreams. No one will ever hurt you again " Credence's eyes flickered to Graves's face, he nodded enthusiastically.
" I will do my best, sir " he said hastily, unable to keep the wild thrill from his voice. Graves smiled at him warmly, a spark igniting his dark orbs.
" That is all I wanted to hear my boy "

~ later that evening ~

Credence was perched on the edge of Mr. Graves's bathtub, shivering faintly. His back was bare, turned to Mr. Graves. The bathroom lights glowed brightly above them. Graves had pulled up a chair next to him, and was now lounging in it, completely at ease as he carefully surveyed his rich collection of bright vials and containers. They were full of various healing potions and salves. Graves was currenly trying to pick which ones would work best on Credence's wide spectrum of injuries. Finally making a choice he selected a bright green potion. He uncorked the small bottle and poured some of it's contents on a strip of gauze. As he was about to apply the tincture he noticed a subtle shift in Credence. His body had gone tense as if anticapating a painful blow. Annoyence threatened to bubble over, but Graves pushed it down again. Pulling his lips into a reassuring smile he whispered :
" My boy, it's okay, relax. It doesn't hurt " the words seemed to have the desired effect as the boy's shoulders slumped and he released a breath of relief. Graves's words proved truthful as the only thing Credence felt was the gentle brush of the soft cloth against his bloodies back. They stayed like that for a while, Credence growing calmer. His breath evened out and his body ceised shaking as he finally allowed his muscles to relax. Soon his wounds were gone, only a trail of white scars remained.
" Thank you, mister Graves " Credence's voice was full of gratitude, a small smile resting on his lips. Graves reached out a hand, cupping Credence's cheeck gently, the soft touch sending electric sparks dancing through Credence's stomach. Then Graves pulled away, leaving only a swarm of butterflies behind.
" No need to thank me my boy, now wash up. I will wait for you outside " with that he rose, explaining to Credence where to find everything he needed to get himself ready for bed. When he made sure Credence understood it all he left the bathroom, closing the door. Giving Credence the privacy he so longed for.

~ An hour later ~

When Credence emmerged from the warm bathroom, clothed in the fluffy robe Graves had laid out for him, he truly felt the weight of his exhaustion.
" Here you are " while Graves's voice was soft, there was an undercurrent of annoyence, but as the older man smiled at him Credence was all too sure it had been just a fragment of his imagination.
" Let's get you to bed now. You had had a long day, my boy " Graves sounded unusually caring, reminding Credence of the father he had never had. So Credence allowed himself to be lead into Mr. Graves's bedroom, his limbs straining under his own weight.
They walked through a too-polished grand door, made of rosewood. Behind it Graves's grand bedroom was located.

The room was lavish, and like everything in Percival's appartment it had a dark almost sinister shade to it. In the middle of the room a luxurious, four-poster bed stood. It's headboard was made out of ebony, a real rarity and one of the most expensive wood types. It was enough to make Credence feel out of place. The bedpost was embroided with wrought iron in the shape of scorpions. A crimson blanket, made of the softest velvet was draped over it providing a welcome contrast to all the black decor. The bedding was increadibly neat, each fold perfect, deliberate, carefully calculated. And again small scorpions were woven into the material, almost unnoticable unless examined closely. Graves seemed to like the solitary arachnids.

Oposite the bed an imposing desk leaned against the far corner of a paneled wall. All the panels were from mahagony adding a subtle warmth to the otherwise dark atmosphere of the room.

The desk was crafted from ebony. A dark wood sympolizing power, clearly showing off Graves's wealth. Beside it a marble fireplace stood, fire quietly crackling inside, bathing the room in a comforting, yelowish glow. A figurine of the same scorpion was placed on it.

Next to the fireplace a grand bookshelf lined the wall. It was made from rosewood, it's natural dark hue drawing Credence's attention. Leather-bound books decorated the shelves, most were on magic, but a rare few touched on the subject of philosophy and human psychology. Some forbidden volumes were tucked away amongst them. Hidden in plain sight. Just like the ominious symbol of the deathly hallows. On the other side of the desk an impressive collection of magical artifacts gleamed. Credence had no idea what they were, but that didn’t stop his eyes from wandering to them, admiring. The walls of the room were lined with wall sconces, dimly illuminating the grand space.

Two twin armchairs sat in the room. At a safe distance from each other. They were covered in a layer of black leather, giving them a masculine feel.
The richly paneled walls were set with an array of paintings. Abstract pieces, drawn in dark colors along with classical portraits with an air of dominance. But one artwork stood out sharply, different from the rest. It portrayed a black scorpion it's tail raised high, ready to strike.

Opposite the door was a grand window, dark curtains embroided with silver scorpions were pulled over it. Beside it a mirror stood. Reflecting the whole room back at Credence. But as richly decorated as it was the bedroom lacked any real warmth, yet despite that Credence found himself strangely drawn to it, as if it had a magnetic field of its own.

Graves lead Credence over to the bed, with just a wawe of his hand the bedding was pulled back and arranged neatly on the armchairs.
" After you, Credence " Graves's voice was different somehow. It carried a note of something darker, more intimate.
Graves waited for Credence to settle in before climbing into bed himself, draping the silken coverlets over them both. Then he flicked his wrist and all the lights went out at once. Credence stiffened, his imagination coming to life despite how tired he was. He hated the dark. It reminded him of the basement ma locked him in as punishment. Suddenly Graves pulled Credence closer by the waist. An unfamiliar heat swirled in his gut. The butterflies from earlier returned, settling in the pit of his stomach. The gesture seemed awfully intimate given they have only known each other a couple of days. But Credence didn't pull away. He knew it was wrong of him to find comfort in the touch of another man, but he just couldn't push back the sinful thoughts that roared to life inside his wicked mind. With Graves so close to him Credence fell asleep in an instant, all thoughts and dreams wiped from his too-tired brain.

~ the next day, morning ~

Credence woke up well rested. He couldn't remember the last time he had slept so well. Graves was already up, now sitting at his desk, hunched over a stack of neatly organized papers.
" Good morning Credence " he said warmly.
" Good morning Mr. Graves, thank you for letting me stay here and for taking care of me yesterday " Credence replied, cheeks heating with shame. Graves noticed this and walked over to him, sitting at the edge of the bed.
" This is nothing to be embarrased about my boy" he soothed. Suddenly he drew his wand from the back pocket of his too-petfect pants and summoned a pair of jeans, a loose shirt and a leather jacket. All taken from his personal walk-in closet. Credence stared in awe.
" I will wait for you in the kitchen, its just down the hall to the left, opposide the living room. I trust you will find it easily enough"
" Yes, o - of course Mr. Graves, thank you"
Credence replied gratefully.
" What do you want for breakfast ? " Graves questioned. Credence's blood turned to ice. Panic swarmed his mind. Oh God, he had no chance of talking himself out of eating now.
" I - I don't know, I usually skip breakfast " he admitted, eyes trained on his lap. Graves put an arm around him. The touch was warm, grounding. The gesture clearly ment to be intimate. And it worked. Heat spread over Credence's entire body, igniting it with longing.
" I will fix you something hearthy so you won't go hungry " the older man informed him. His tone firm, making it obvious Credence was not to argue.
" Okay, I - thank you " the boy murmured, his voice low, barely above a whisper.
" Good boy " Graves remarked before striding out of the room.

A few minutes later Credence was already dressed, making his way through the maze of rooms, before he finally found the kitchen.
Graves was already waiting for him. Sitting at the head of the already set table. Two twin bowls full of steaming oatmeal sat there, waiting.
" There you are. I was beggining to think you got lost " Graves remarked half-heartedly. But what was meant as a harmless joke made Credence's skin crawl with unease.
" Sorry " he apologized on autopilot, before taking a seat next to Graves where his bowl lay. Just looking at it made his stomach churn, but not from hunger, from fear. Fear so overhelming tears prickled at the corners of his eyes. He blinked them back, not wanting to seem weak. Panic welled up again, bringing an onslaught of unwanted thoughts.
How many calories are in it? What if its too much? You don’t deserve to eat, you have done nothing to earn it. If you eat this surely ma will punish you. An all-too-familiar voice piped up in Credence's mind. One he had been struggling to silence for years.

Graves placed his hand on the back of Credence's neck, the movement precise, calculated, making the voice subside.
" It's okay. I am here with you and I won't judge you. You are safe to eat with me " the wizard's tone was warm, encouraging. He lifted his spoon and took a big, albeit elegant bite of his oatmeal. Not wanting to seem ungrateful Credence followed suit, forcing himself to swallow it all, even as his mind screamed in protest. The guilt roared to life immidietally, but Graves's calm presence kept it at bay long enough for Credence to finish the hearthy breakfast.

They cleared away their dishes and got up to leave. Credence had to return home after all. And he was so nervous about it his body trembled uncontrollably even as Graves tried his best to soothe him.
" It's okay Credence, I will make sure she won't know anything of what had happened last night. I will not let her hurt you. But I want something from you in return, okay ? "
" Yes Mr. Graves anything, just please don't let her hurt me " a satisfied smile upturned Graves's dull expression and he placed an arm around Credence's shoulders as they walked the bustling streets of New York.
" I have had a vision, you see. It was of a child, no older then 10. It was in close proximity to your mother. I want you to gain that child's trust Credence. To bring it to me. Everyday you are to come and find me in the alley at 32nd street. Do you understand? " Credence nodded, it didn't seem like such a hard task, especially not for what Graves was offering in return.
" Yes Mr. Graves I understand, but how do I know which child is the one you are looking for? " as the words left his mouth he found himself regretting them. Ma always punishmed him for asking such stupid questions, but Graves only smiled again.
" Your magic, let it guide you Credence. You will know once you see the child that it posses an extraordinary gift, one that will wake up the magic inside you " Credence nodded, hanging on his every word. Soon they were standing in front of the Second Salem church, anxiety once again twisting in Credence's gut.
" Mr. Graves " his voice came out broken, a desperate plea.
" It's okay Credence, your mother will not know. I already made sure of it. " Graves answered, completely unbothered.
" Are you sure? How did you do it ? " Credence couldn't help but question Graves, it felt too good to be true. Annoyence flashed across Graves's face briefly before giving was to a reassuring smile once more.
" I am a wizard, am I not, Credence? " Graves reponded calmly.
" Remember our deal, meet me today at noon " without another word he was gone. Simly vanished into thin air. Credence stood before the church, but hesitantly pulled the door open. Ma was not waiting on him. There was just a pile of pamphlets he was to hand out today, spreading the word of the Second Salem Philantrophic Society. So Credence got to work. Relief washing over him like a tidal wawe. Graves had not lied to him. And Credence now felt obligated to fulfil his promise.

Chapter Text

~ 1 week later ~

Noon came quickly. Credence was again waiting in the alley on 32nd street, where he and Graves had been meeting up everyday. Credence still hadn't succeeded in his task, which visibly frustrated Graves, though he tried to mask it. This time however Credence had news to share. Earlier that morning a young girl had come to the church, when he looked at her something inside him surged up. If it was his magic he couldn't tell, but it was the only time it had happened and Credence would not hide it from Graves.

The man was precisely on time. As he always was. Today he wore a loose white shirt, embroided with wrought iron scorpions. His cologne smelled particularly strong, bringing on the usual wawe of dizziness.
" Have you any news, Credence? " he asked, impatient as ever. This time though Credence didn't cower in fear, but rather he stepped forward feeling a rush of confidence.
" Yes, I have" Graves's eyes widened noticably and his expression shirted to one of curiosity.
" Tell me, what is it ? " Credence felt his own excitement rising as he spoke.
" Today a little girl came into the church. She looked to be no older than 8. When she approached me I - I felt something come alive inside. It was like a wild rush. Do you think she is the one you are looking for? " Graves contemplated his words for a brief moment before nodding.
" Yes, she might. I want you to keep a close eye on her from now on, undertood? " there it was again, that sharpness Credence always noticed when Graves got excited. As if some part of a carefully constructed mask falling away. It made him flinch. His thoughts taking a darker turn. Did Grave really care for him or only for what he could gain ? Could he be trusted ? Was it really all just a trick? A gentle, almost seductive squeeze of his shoulder pulled Credence from his thoughts.
Graves was standing face to face with him now. Their faces inches apart. The warmth Credence had felt when sleeping next to Graves suddenly came back. More intense this time. Before he could stop himself, he brought their lips together, briefly. To his surprise Graves kissed him back, cupping Credence's chin in the process. It was full of longing and desperation. Quickly Credence's teeth sunk into Graves's tender lips, piercing the small layer of skin. Blood pooled in his mouth and he swallowed it greedily, wanting more, even though he knew it was a sinful desire. One he outh not to act on. But it felt too good to stop. Suddenly Graves pressed Credence's back into the wall, advancing on him, deepening the kiss. This time Credence's lip bled. They broke apart, panting heavily, their eyes mirroring their surprice and pleasure. Graves's neatly arranged hair was now disheweled and Credence's coat had been somehow unbuttoned in the process.
" Please " Credence pleaded his voice full of longing, as he grabbed a fistful of Percival's hair. Graves cut off all Credence's further begging with yet another passionate kiss.
Their hands roamed each other's bodies, tugging and pulling at their clothing, as if desperate to take it off. A loud pop sounded and suddenly they were no longer in an alley, but in Graves's master bedroom.
" You're so tense " Graves's complaint was a moan of pleasure. Their hands moved in tandem, making quick work of all the buttons of their shirts and pants. Graves looped his thumbs on the soft fabric of Credence's underwear and tugged it down urgently. Credence's proceedings matched Graves's, the fabric fell to the floor, soundlesly. The pair now-naked moved over to the bed. Their movemets resembling an exotic dance.
" I just want to make you relax " Percival moaned again, practically throwing Credence face-first on the bed. His right hand came up from behind cupping Credence's neck, the other pinning down the boy's wrists on the soft matress.
Panic rose inside of Credence, but he quickly pushed it aside, he wanted this, did he not?
A spell bound his hands together so that Credence couldn't move. Graves was on top of him in a split second, stretching him with his fingers painfully. With one powerful thrust he was inside Credence. Pain split his behind, but there was nothing he could do. The spell bound his wrists making him defensless. Graves continues rocking his hips forward. Each thrust making more tears come into Credence's eyes, but he didn't cry out. He couldn't dissapoint Graves now. Not after everything the man had done for him. So he lay back, taking it like he took all his other punishments. Credence owed him that much and more.
" Good boy " Grave praised, his warm breath tickling Credence's neck. The displeasure was growing still, but Credence didn't dare disobay Graves. He couldn't lose the effection and safety he brought with him. Graves sunk his teeth into the tender flesh of Credence's neck, his hands roaming along Credence's body, making nausea take over his senses. There was no pleasure in the act for Credence. What was supposted to be a loving moment was instead just another punishment. Soon bloody cum slithered down Credence's thighs, tears of pure terror running down his cheeks. He struggled against the invisible bond tying his wrists in place, helpless.
" Relax, Credence, I am doing this for you. You should be grateful " Graves's voice carried a hint of anger and it reflected on his actions. His thrusts became quicker, more violent, even more painful. Credence closed his eyes, praying for it to be over already. How could he be so ungrateful? How could he wish for Graves to stop fucking him when it was what they both wanted ? Graves had told him it was for him, he had to take it, so he did.

Credence was sore. It hurt to move. Graves had already gotten dressed and undid the spell that bound Credence's wrists. He had now dissapeared into his office, surely burried under mountains of papers and work-related documents. Credence got dressed himself and left. Shame and guilt swarming his mind.

~ Graves's apartment, a week later ~

Each movement made Credence's behind throb painfully, blood mixed with cum dripped on the fine, linen sheets. Tears blurred his vision. Was this how intercourse was supposted to feel like? Why was he not fulfilled, but rather hollow? Wasn't it supposted to make him happy ? Why did he feel so exploited ? So unclean, like he couldn't wash off the stain no matter how many times he almost drowned himself in the hot water filling the bathtub. A week had passed and yet the questions refused to leave him be. Graves had come to him again, everyday like nothing had ever happened. And it continued. Almost everyday now, Graves took Credence to his apartment and hurt him, telling him that it was love. But Credence didn't know how to make himself believe that, when everytime Graves finished he only fell deeper into the murky depths of despair. But somehow he still loved Graves, unable to leave him. Fear and longing keeping him from it. Somewhere deep he still believed that Graves cared, even if he didn't show it as much anymore. He had to, didn't he ?

~ Second Salem church, 2 months later ~

Credence just returned from Mr. Graves's apartment, he was sore, as per usual. He didn't feel human anymore. Even though their meetings became more focused on Credence's task, Graves still found the time to fuck him. Even if it was much more rare now. But the most confusing part about the whole ordeal was that no matter how many times Graves hurt him, Credence always felt like he was the vilian. Graves was only doing it for him. He surely meant it to feel good. It was Credence's fault it didn't. Graves was just trying to protect him and he was being difficult. God, he was such an ungrateful, pathetic brat.

His mind was constantly filled with fear and shame. He had become so paranoid that he had somehow convinced himself that everytime he returned from Graves's place ma would be waiting on him, somehow aware of his new-found sins and punish him. Taking his life this time. Strangely the thought seemed almost appealing. Wouldn't it actually be freeing to die? To leave all the pain behind, to succumb to the sweet absolution of the endless void that was death? Credence's thoughts had been straying to it more and more lately. Because what did he have left ? Nothing. Only pain and suffering and yet, he couldn't take his own life. Not with the knowledge that he would be leaving his siblings alone with ma. They were his only tether to life. Were it not for them he would have been long gone already. Living with ma was tiresome and Graves's kindness was fleeting, but it was of some comfort to him. Despite the painful things Graves did to his body, he still protected him. He could still be gentle, and lately that side was showing more. It was less frequent now for Graves to take advantage of Credence's body and the boy was every bit grateful for it. So he held on. Desperately clinging onto the weak hope that he would break free one day. That Mr. Graves would go through with his promise and finally take him away from ma. It was with that in mind Credence made it all the way to winter.

Chapter Text

~ 32nd street noon, 24th of november ~

Credence was late this time and when he eventually came he was closed off, wary. Not meeting Graves's eyes and barely speaking. Graves had decided it was enough.
" Credence, was it your mother again? Tell me" he pressed, but not unkindly. Credence met his eyes then. They were red-rimmed and swollen, from crying no doubt.
" My boy, what did she do to you? " Graves questioned feigning care. Credence turned away from him again, fliching at any and all of Graves's attempts at comfort. Soon Graves grew frustrated and harshly cupped Credence's chin, forcing the boy to look at him, depsite Credence's weak protests. Finally cornered, without the ability to escape Credence caved in.
" Ma, she - she h - hit me again. It's nothing really. I am sorry " Credence mumbled not meeting Graves's eyes. The wizard sighed heavily, but kept his composure. He wrapped his arms around Credence's frail body and whispered soft words of reassurence even as annoyence rose inside him.
" Shh, my boy, it's okay now " he soothed, his hands moving up to stroke Credence's bloody back. He savored how Credence flinched violently everytime his nails dug into the raw flesh through the torn fabric of Credence's shirt. They stayed like that for a while, Graves utterly satisfied and relaxed. Credence on the other hand nervous and shaky, fear coarsing through his veins. As suddenly as Graves had hugged him he pulled away again. Each of his movements carefully calculated, making sure to keep his frustration carefully hidden away where Credence couldn't see.
" Go now my boy. Remember to find the obscurial. The sooner you find it the sooner all the pain will stop and you will be free " Graves's voice albeit still soft carried an unmistakable hint of anger. It made Credence even more anxious. He couldn't fail now, not when he had finally found a way out of the place he was forced to call home. So, stiffly he nodded, even as doubt swirled in his gut, what if Graves was only using him? Graves's voice pulled him out of his head though. His expression now alight and the spark returned to his eyes again.
" How about we do something fun today, hm? " Credence perked up at that. There was nothing he craved more than to finally be listened to without judgement, without having to fear repreccusion. So he let Graves lead the way, trailing behind like an obedient puppy.

Graves took him first to the park, where they just sat on the bench talking for hours. Graves feigning interest in whatever Credence was telling him. But to Credence it felt like salvation. Finally being able to open up about his problems to someone who, in his eyes actually cared for him.

As evening slowly approached and the pair made their way back to the Second Salem church Graves suggested they stop at a nearby cafe. Credence had been anxious and unsure about it at first, but not wanting to lose the sudden effection Graves was showing he agreed.

The restaurant was dimly lit and nearly emptied out to nobody's surprise as it was late already and most people had work to go to in the morning. The sharp smell of coffee and worn leather hung in the air. Graves picked a table for two at the far corner of the diner, just by the window. After they sat down he smiled at Credence softly before handing him the menu.
" Here you go Credence. Pick what you want, but you have to eat it " Graves informed him kindly, but there was a dark glimmer in his eyes. Credence's stomach churned with dread but he nodded, not wanting to seem ungrateful. He picked a black coffee and a piece of fruit cake as it seemed to be the lowest calorie option. Even still the voice at the back of his head piped up telling him he didn't deserve the food.
You don’t even know how many calories are in it. You have done so well with your fast the last two days, you can't ruin it over a stupid piece of unnecessary cake. Credence tried hard to push the thoughts aside but just couldn't. Especially not when he saw the waitress bring out their order.

There was an elegant-looking cake for Graves. Opera cake he had said. It was rich and sophisticated much like Graves himself. It's layers were perfect, alternating between coffee buttercream and almond sponge, on top was a delicate chocolate ganache with a single golden leaf as decor. It looked more like an artpiece than an edible dessert. As if that weren't enough indulgence for him Graves also ordered a rich, sugary coffee served in a tall, too-perfect glass. It had a swirl of caramel on top.
Then there was Credence flaky fruit tart. In comparison to Graves's elaborate dessert choice it looked almost dull, but Credence felt a pang of fear nontheless.
It was full of cream and a too-sweet fruity filling. To top it all of it was drizzled with a fine layer of caramel. Truth be told though it looked and smelled utterly delicious, but that didn’t overpower the fear and shame that gnawed at Credence's mind at the very thought of eating it. So while Graves bit into his cake Credence just sat in his seat staring at his tart with a wide-eyed gaze as his thoughts swirled with panic. God, why couldn't he just be normal ? He envied Graves's easy-going and confident attitude, how the man delectated the food, how he savoured every bite. To him food was pleasure, to Credence it was just an unpleasant chore. Something he had to do from time to time in order to survive, it gave him no pleasure, only constant guilt.
" Credence, eat it. You are making a fool out of yourself, looking at the innocent pastry like it's going to claw your eyes out " Graves sounded impatient, annoyed. Credence felt himself shrink at the sharpness of his tone.
" I know Mr. Graves, I am sorry I just - the voice won't let me " he tried in vain to argue his point. Graves however cut him off sharply.
" You have to at least try Credence, but this isn't trying. You need to eat, otherwise you won't be strong enough for your task " Graves questioned, his tone low, almost pained but there was an undercurrent of something else there, something Credence couldn't place.
" I am sorry Mr. Graves. I will eat I promise " Credence tried to smooth things out again and hurriedly took a big bite even as the little voice turned to full-on screaming. The sweetness was overpowering, making Credence's chest tighten with fear. It made him so uncomfortable, the sugary treat cloying his throat like cement. Why would Graves force him to eat ? Was he ashamed of him ? But how could that be ? He promised Credence he was special, he told him he loved him and that he cared for him, so why were his actions so different to his honeyed words ?
" Good boy. You need to eat, to keep up your strenght " Graves sounded genuene and kind now, a slight edge of pride filling his voice as a self-reasured smile grazed his lips. Credence forced the food down but each bite brought forward tears. He suddenly felt very sick as the sugar coated his tongue. God, what was he doing ?! He wasn't allowed this, what if ma found out ?! But he forced the panic down, just like he did the overly sweet pastry. The only part of the meal that didn’t scare him and cause his mind to transform into a whirlwind of panicked thoughts was the black coffee. It was very bitter. A stark contrast to the sugary fruit tart Graves forced him to eat, but he found it comforting nontheless.

After they were done eating the waitress came back with the bill. Graves payed for both of them, naturally. Then he waited for Credence to settle down comfortably before he spoke. He straightened his posture and his face got all serious, his voice was suddenly urgent, insistent.
" Credence, there is something I need to talk to you about now " the sharp edge in Graves's voice was back, like always when the man aquired about Credence's task. It made the boy anxious again, he hadn't made any progress again, but despite the inner turmoil he made himself nod.
" You must progress with your task, do you understand? It is neccessary that you find the obscurial in time, otherwise our deal is off " the words shocked Credence, his fingers curling tentatively around his now cold mug of still unfinished coffee. He felt a bead of sweat break out on his forehead, his body beggining to shake slightly. This wasn't the first time Graves was bringing his task up, but it was the first time he had been so straightforward about it. So harsh. Credence felt fear swirl in his stomach at the change in Graves's usually composed demeanor. It made him once again wonder about the man's true intentions. He always seemed to be kind only when Credence was vulnerable, only to again bring up the obscurial thing again when Credence had calmed down. Something about it felt strangely off but Credence couldn't really put a finger on it. Not yet.
" I am sorry Mr. Graves, I am trying " his voice was small, but firm. Graves's expression hardened, unreadable for a moment before softening again as he said.
" I know Credence, but time is running out and you know what will happen to you if you fail to find the child in time " his voice soft once more, despite it's sharp edge. That too-perfect smile resting on his lips, yet not quite meeting Graves's eyes. Credence gave another nod again to show that he understood what Graves was asking of him, but inside he felt unnerved all over again. How was he supposted to find the child so quickly ? What if he failed and Graves took back the bargain they had struck ?
These thoughts plagued his mind all the way back to the church. But he spoke of them no more, fear and shame holding him back. He hated how his stomach churned with dread everytime Graves spoke, but the need for approval drowned out the piling doubt from his mind. As the church came into view Credence found the shame and guilt returning once more. Graves's words pressed heavily on his chest. But something darker had taken root. A defient question. Was Graves really trying to help him or was he doing it all just for his own selfish gain ? Credence didn't dare voice the question but it slowly ate away at him as they came even closer to the church.

~ Alley before the SSPS church evening ~

" I had a lovely time today Credence and I see you did too. I will meet you again tomorrow " with that he pulled Credence closer by the waist. The motion making butterflies swarm Credence's belly. This time it was Graves who innitiated the kiss, much to Credence's surprise. He kissed him back of course, the uncomfortable interraction already forgotten in the light of Graves's sudden gentelness. Before he could savor the tender moment however Graves pulled away again, crossing the street in long, confident strides and disapparating into the dim night. Credence suddenly felt cold, hollow again. Mr. Graves was the only person who could make him feel good and everytime he left it tore Credence's soul into bits. He hung his head low and walked back to the Second Salem church feeling defeated and fearful once more.

Ma was waiting on him with an expression of such fury he could swear his soul left his body when he noticed. Immidietally guilt clouded his mind along with unspeakable terror. She had seen them hadn't she?
Ma didn't even hesitate before she was on him. Beating him with her bare fists, driving her knee into his stomach until he lay curled on the ground, agony shadowing any and all of his thoughts.
" You sinful creature ! " Mary Lou screached, her voice reaching a fever pitch.
" How dare you betray the Lord? After all I had done for you, this is how you repay me? " her words stung Credence more so that the actual physical pain. It was the first time Mary Lou sounded panicked, fanatical almost. He felt a pang of regret. It made his stomach heavy with unease. He suddenly felt horrible for betraying ma's trust like that. God what was he thinking? Letting Grave lure him into the world of sin.

As suddenly as the beating started it came to an end.
Mary Lou's polished shoes came into view. She was standing before him, face pale, fists clenched. But she did not hit him again. Instead she fell to her knees, a fanatical glint in her eyes. She seized his shoulders, shaking him violently as she cried in a high voice.
" Repent my child for there is still hope for your sinful soul. Let the Lord guide you back into the light. Let Him show you the way " suddenly ma's voice turned sharp again and Credence recoiled back from fear, he had never seen Mary Lou act like this. So unstable, uncomposed.
" You need to learn your place, you bring nothing but shame to this family, you have failed me and I will not tolerate it. "
her bony hand closed around Credence's wrist in an iron grip as she dragged him to the kitchen.

" Sit " she comanded coldly. Credence hesitated for a moment, his body suddenly feeling heavy, like he was carrying a bag of stones on his back. His body felt alien, like it belonged to someone else. A sneer spread across Mary Lou's face as she noted his hesitation. Her hand was in the air, striking Credence's face before he could as much as blink.
" I said sit ! " she screamed, making Credence's body tense. Hurriedly he moved to obey, slumping into the nearest, wooden chair.
" Take off your shirt, now " she commanded in an indifferent tone of voice. Credence's hands trembled, but he obeyed, taking off his shirt even as his hands fumbled with the buttons. A cruel smirk touched ma's lips as she said.
" Stay here. You will learn obedience, you wicked child " her voice was cold again as she left the room. Her receding footsteps sounding faintly on the wooden floor.

Moments later she returned, carrying a wooden paddle. In two quick strides she was standing in front of Credence again. Looking down on him with a sadistic smirk. One that send a shiver down Credence's spine.
" You will learn what happens to people like you. Children who stray from the path of the Lord. Children who betray their mothers. " her voice was cold, but Credence could make out the small amount of satisfaction that she was trying to hide.

Taking the paddle into her hand, she stepped forward. The first hit was brutal, unexpected, making Credence's head spin as pain exploded over his stomach. She hit him again, until tears bloomed on his face and his breath came in ragged, uneven gasps.
" Almighty God, I correct not from hatred, but from love " another hit landed across Credence's chest, bringing tears into his eyes.
"For You have commanded that the rod of discipline shall drive folly from the heart of a child. " the crack of the wood against skin sounded in the room as ma brought down the paddle again.
"Let this chastisement be a gift, a reminder of Your boundless love and the promise of salvation. " Credence could barely make out her words now, so intense and deafening was the pain.
"Let his tears be the waters of repentance, and his cries the song of a soul returning to its Maker. " the rought wood landed with deadly precision, bringing on unbearable pain. There was only so much Credence could do to stop himself from crying out this time.
"Help me guide him with a firm hand and a tender heart, that he may be made whole in Your image. Amen." each word was punctuated with yet another strike, stealing Credence's last supply of air. Each hit made his skin explode with raw pain. But even as shame pooled in his gut, spreading to his cheeks, reddening them he heard a small albeit insistent voice telling him he didn't deserve the pain. It terrified him. He wanted to cry out, to beg but he knew better than that. Maybe if he hadn't betrayed her it wouldn't hurt so much. Maybe if he hadn't been a sinner she wouldn't look at him with such disgust. So he took the punishment without as much as a word of protest. She only stopped once his stomach and torso were covered in open, raw wounds. He was so weak he fell to the floor, unable to pick himself back up. Ma let him rest for a few moments as she whispered softly, almost tenderly.
" Remember Credence I do this because I love you. Perhaps one day you will understand and thank me for it " then her expression changed again, her lips narrowing into a thin line as her hand wrapped around his wrist in an iron grip. Before he could comprehend what was happening she had already dragged him up. He stumbled, unsteady on his feet. She didn't care though, dragging him to the basement. Credence's stomach churned with dread. Please just not the basement ! He thought frantically. He tried to pull away, to twist from ma's firm grip. But in vain, she was too strong, her grip unbreakable. Too soon his body collided with the cold, hard cobblestone. Credence bit his lip to stiffle a cry. The overhelming smell of mildew and rat feces hit his nostrils. He choked, coughing as his chest heaved. He didn't even try to get up, the key had already turned. There was no escape. He would have to wait until ma decided he had learned his lesson and come release him.

~ 3 days later ~

The door burst open loudly. Light flooding the dark basement. Credence blinked against it, his eyes burning after having spend so long in absolute darkness. Mary Lou stormed inside. Credence was flooded with immidiate relief, but also dread. Had she come to free him at last or to punish him again ?
" Credence, I hope you have learned your lesson now. I never want to see you with that man again. And if I do there will be much more severe consequences do you understand? I am trying to protect you, my child. One day you will understand " her voice was different, it was not her usual cold, monotone, this time it had a touch of warmth. He nodded quickly, desperate to be finally let out again.
" Yes ma, of course, thank you " he replied softly, but even as the words slipped from his tongue he already found himself thinking how he could sneak out to see Graves again. But as excited as he was, fear rose up as well. Graves would surely be angry at Credence for failing to show up, he was a very practical man after all.

Ma made him complete endless chores around the house for the next week, not letting him off her sight for even just a moment. Claiming the whole time she was trying to help him, that it was the only way to save his soul from sin, but try as he might Credence couldn't force himself to believe her. But he was glad to not be beaten again, sure she made him kneel on rice and recite prayers for his sins, but anything was better than a whipping. Soon however the isolation Credence faced was becoming unbearable. Ma didn't allow him to talk to his siblings or go out with them. Not even for church on sunday. And he was sick of it. Sick of feeling so alone and invisible. He wished he could see Graves again, to let himself be held and comforted, even at the risk of another whipping, because quite frankly he didn't care anymore. He just wanted to hear Graves's reassuring voice telling him he was special. So he decided to sneak out on sunday when ma and all his siblings were gone to attend a sermon at a far church. He had planned it well, having had the whole week to devise the perfect plan. He snuck out through his window just before noon and headed to their usual meeting spot on the 32nd steet. Sure enough Graves was there, punctual as ever. When he saw Credence approaching his dull, annoyed expression shifted into that of relief.
" Credence there you are, I was worried she had done something horrible to you " Graves said in feigned care. He quickly embraced Credence before pushing him away again, as it the touch burned.
" Have you made any progress ? " he asked, that sharp edge slipping back into his voice. Credence was taken aback by the sudden change, anger and doubt swirled in his gut, but he justified Graves's actions quickly. Like he always did. Graves had made a deal with him after all, this was his purpose. He was meant to obey Graves no matter how harshly ma punished him for it. Graves had every right to be angry.
" No, I - I am sorry Mr. Graves, ma doesn't let me out of her sight at all. She - she has me do chores and daily prayers " Credence left out the reason for it of course. He couldn't tell Graves why ma had punished him like that. What if he stopped showing him effection because of it ? Credence couldn't lose it, especially not now, when ma kept him so isolated. There was a shift in Graves's expression again, his voice soft, gentle. He put either one of his hands on Credence's shoulders, the act a clear show of control, but to Credence it was one of effection. He leaned into it, all his troubles momentarily forgoten as Graves pulled him close. The scent of cologne wrapped around Credence's nose, bringing with it the usual dizziness but Credence didn't pull away. This time neither did Graves. He leaned closer so that his mouth was just above Credence's left ear.
" If she treats you like that Credence, she clearly does not love you. No one does, other than me, can't you see it? " Credence didn't know how to feel. He wanted to of course leave behind all the pain, he had thought about it often enough, but the guilt of leaving his siblings alone with ma made him keep coming back. They needed him, his protection. As the eldest it was his responsibility to ensure they were as safe as they could be.
" I don't know Mr. Graves, I can't just leave my siblings behind " Credence said his voice steady, even though he was afraid it would anger Graves further. The older man signed again then said
" She does not love you Credence, none of them do. If you come with me you will be free. just think of all the things I can give you. No one else will " the words stung, but they were true, weren't they? Ma didn't love him and his siblings ? Well, they were kind to him but what if they really just used him as a shield against mother. After all if she couldn't love him how could they ? Maybe Graves was right, maybe the only way for Credence to have a nice life was to leave with him. But still he couldn't help the guilt that perked up again, guilt that burned like a flame, one Credence couldn't smother.
" I am sorry Mr. Graves, I - I can't leave them with her "
" No future waits for you in that house my boy, I was merely proposing a solution, but be my guest rot there with all the rest " there was unmistakable annoyence in Graves's tone now, making Credence feel instantly guilty.
" I am sorry, I - I will think about it I- I promise, p - please Mr. Graves " a satisfied smirk touched Graves's lips, but he conceiled it.
" Very well, that is all I ask of you, my boy " with that he pulled away from Credence, but his hands remained placed at the back of his neck.
" How about we do something fun today, hm ? That would surely help you lighten up, boy " all the previous anger was gone, replaced again by gentelness. Credence nodded enthusiastically, not wanting to upset Graves again. Punishment be damned. This was what he wanted, why he had snuck out in the first place, wasn't it?
" Yes sir, please " Percival nodded, utterly pleased with himself. He lead the way, Credence trailing behind like an obedient puppy. Graves took him first to the park, where they just sat on the bench talking for hours. Graves feigning interest in whatever Credence was telling him. But to Credence it felt like salvation, he was finally out in the open after being as good as locked up in the church. It felt so freeing to have Graves listen to him, to soothe him. Giving him the attention Credence had craved for the past week.

Once it was already dark, Graves took Credence to his apartment again. He needed release and Credence was perfect for the job.

~ Graves's apartment, 31th of november night ~

Percival was standing at the bar, a bottle of fine Bourbon clutched in his hand. Credence had just walked in, his footsteps echoing on the polished, hardwood floors. The place, just like the rest of Graves's apartment was lavish, elegant. Each detail seemed to be just right, as if carefully calculated.

The bar stood in a shadowed corner of the open-plan kitchen. The bar counter was crafted from dark-oak, the wood perfectly polished. It's dark hue reflecting the soft glow of the pendant lights hanging above. The counter top was a black slap of marble, smooth, with veins of gold that resembled cracks in the earth. Behind the couter build-in shelves stretched to the ceiling, filled with an array of bottles. Some were simple, their labels clear and ordinary, while others were crystal decanters, filled with amber and ruby- colored liquids. Glasses, cut with sharp, geometric paters glistened in the faint light. The entire place smelled of smoke, fancy liqueur and Graves's cologne. Rich and intoxicating, making Credence head spin. A few decanters caught Credence's eyes. Their ruby and amber liquid contents seemed to glimmer under the dim glow of the pendant lights. Their designs hinted at something forbidden, intoxicating, yet appealing.
" It's impressive, I am right ? " Graves's voice floated through the silence, soft but commanding. Credence fliched, only to see the man now leaning against the door frame. He was holding two glasses of strongly aromatic Bourbon. The one Credence saw him pour out earlier. His pose was tense despite the warm atmosphere of the room. He had changed his clothes, sometime during Credence's inattention. He was dressed immaculately as always. A three-piece charcoal suit wrapped tightly around his muscled form. The tie was a deep, burgundy silk. A pocket square peeked from his breast pocket. He wore black leather shoes, that seemed to demand respect. They were perfectly polished, glistening in the dim light. Graves stepped forward, breaking Credence's transe. He extended the elegant, glass towards Credence with a relaxed smile. Credence took it from his warm hand, utterly enthralled by how handsome Graves looked. He hesitated to drink however. He had never had alcohol before and this seemed... too fancy for him. The whole place looked like the textbook image of sophistication and elegance, making Credence feel awfully out of place. Yet again. Graves slid into a high chair next to Credence, he leaned in so close Credence could feel his hot breath on the back of his neck, making his hairs stand.
" Try just a sip, you'll like it " Graves's hands moved to his back, messaging his tense shoulders. As Graves leaned even closer his soft, plump lips gingerly brushed against a sensitive spot on Credence's neck. It made something warm pool in his stomach, his breath hitching slightly.
" Come on, what are you waiting for? We are alone here, no one will see you. You can relax " Percival's voice was soothing, making Credence's shoulders slump with relief. He took a small sip, the amber liquid immidietally burning his throat, tingling softly. It made tears come to his eyes as he coughed. Next to him Graves who sipped on his own drink, chuckled. The sound light. He again came closer, his shoulders brushing Credence's, making the heat arise again. Along with butterflies in Credence's stomach.
" It's nice, isn't it ? " Graves's voice was somehow intimate, with a hint of something Credence's couldn't quite place. Something darker. It made his stomach turn with fear. Without warning Percival's hands were on the collar of his white, plain shirt, unbottoning a few from the top. Credence swallowed hard as shame and guilt prickled at his mind again. He had promised ma he wouldn't see Graves again, so what was he doing here? Suddenly he wanted nothing more than to leave, he should never have come. Ma would be furious with him, and god knows what she might come up with this time around. What if she came back and he found him missing? She would surely punish his siblings instead of him. Most likely Chastity, she always got punished when others misbehaved. And this time it would be his fault. His thoughts were interrupted by a deep, passionate kiss from Graves. God, how could it be a sin if it felt so good? Credence kissed him back and the pair continued making out until they were both breathless.
" I missed you Credence and I bet you missed me too, just relax, you deserve it "
Credence was panting, his head spinning from the lack of air, he took another sip of his drink, this time it slid down easily and soon Graves was getting him another glass. It didn't take long for Credence to begin feeling more on ease. But that changed after Graves poured him a third glass.

His head felt suddenly very heavy and his eyelids began drooping. He jolted awake however when Graves's hands moved dangerously close to his core. His hands lay on his thighs, his thumbs rubbing gentle circles over them, making Credence's body tingle with pleasure. He leaned closer, lips spliting in a moan. Graves's hands traveled upwards, all the way to Credence's already unbuttoned collar, Graves peeled it from his shoulders, letting it drop to the ground soundlessly. Credence's own fingers shot up to Graves's fancy charcoal suit, making quick work of it's buttons. Suddenly Graves pulled him up and threw his body against the paneled wall, his hands going to Credence's pants this time, then to his own. Credence's body shivired slightly now that his clothes had been removed, but he didn't protest as Graves continued kissing him, even though it made Credence's stomach turn with more than just excitement. Quickly enough Graves was panting heavily. He suddenly ran his hands through Credence's unkempt hair, tugging at it so hard Credence's eyes welled up with tears. But the alcohol was making him defensless, unable to pull away even when it hurt.

Suddenly Graves was leading him through the apartment, still kissing him relentlessly and exploring his body in all places. It made Credence's panic rise, even with the alcohol that was now making it's way through the boy's bloodstream. In a split second Graves was throwing him on the bed, jumping in right after. But Credence was too intoxicated to take it all in. Graves's touch was making his body heat, but it didn't excite him. Not like it should have. Even in such a state Credence's body was clearly fighting against Graves with all it's might. But it wasn't enough. Credence's headache got so intense he found himself at the verge of passing out. His chest and cheeks felt overly warm, feverish almost. His movements slowed as his limbs began to feel like lead. Graves must have spiked his drink sometime during the night, but Credence had been too wasted already to notice. And now his body surrendered to the drug, sinking lifelessly to the linen sheets. Even as his mind screamed at him to run.

Credence's mind was hazy, his gaze unfocused. Graves's hands were all over him. In between his thigs, on his lower back, arms, chest. Everywhere. But it all seemed like a distant memory now. He was lying in Graves's four-poster bed, soft beams of sunlight casting a golden glow over the room. Giving it an almost ethereal aura. His head was pounding so hard he couldn't even prop himself up on his elbows. His mouth was so dry it felt like sandpaper. Credence looked around, trying to keep his movements slow as to not agravate the headache further. Still grogy he scanned the room. He was alone, but there was a note on the bedside table, alongside a pitcher of water an a glass. Ever-so-carefully Credence reached for the pitcher, not bothering with the glass. His limbs still felt increadibly weak and heavy, but the thirst was overpowering. Shakily he tipped the pitcher to his lips, gulping down the water greedily, unable to stop even when his stomach threatened to revolt with every mouthful. He set it back on the table only when there was not a drop left. Then he slumped back down onto the soft bed. Suddely he realized that his still-naked body was covered in sweat, shivering slightly. But Credence was too tired to think, his body being dragged under again, into the distant land of sleep.

~ Graves's apartment, 1st of december noon ~

When Credence came to Graves was beside him, nudging him softly to the side with an elbow. Credence moaned but forced his eyes open. As the fog slowly cleared away from his mind he realized that ma had come back already. She would be furious, he needed to get going, now ! Clumsily he scrambled to his feet and dashed out of the room, back to the kitchen where he recall being the night before. Sure enough his clothes were lying still scattered over the hardwood floor. He rushed to pick them up, and got dressed as best as he could manage in his weak, half-drunken state.
" Credence stop, what are you doing ? " Graves's voice drifted from across the room, angry and insistent. Credence looked to him, his eyes full of trepidation.
" I have to get back, now ma she will punish me again " Graves's features softened again as he approached Credence. The same way one would a frenzied animal.
" Okay, I will take you there, but first eat something. You have had too much to drink last night, you need to take it easy now " in two quick strides he was next to Credence, guiding him across the room to the dining table. It was already set. Another pitcher of water stood atop it along with a plate of plain toast. Graves helped Credence to his chair, then sat down next to him.
" You know, you don’t have to go back there. I can take good care of you here. You will be safe and you wouldn't have to work another day in your life again " Graves's voice was soft, hopeful. Credence shook his head. He already knew he couldn't leave his siblings behind.
" I am sorry Mr. Graves, but I can't " he explained, reluctantly taking a bite of the toast. Immidietally guilt clouded his mind and he found himself setting it down after just that one bite. But as always Graves didn't let it slide, with a loud sigh he gave Credence a dissapointed look.
" My boy you have to eat. Come on just take a bite for me. It's not that difficult " Credence felt self-loathing pool in his gut at Graves's words, they stung. But he was right, wasn't he ? It was not difficult to eat, or it shouldn't be. Normal people managed to eat without obsessing over the number of calories in their food, they managed to eat without guilt and shame deciding their every bite. But Credence was far from normal, no he was an abomination. Ma made sure to remind him of that often enough so he wouldn't forget.
Credence you are a freak ! You don’t deserve to eat. An abomination like you never should have been born. You are nothing but the devil's spawn, you shame this family ! Her harsh words echoed in his mind and it made him feel even more guilty for eating. Not just that, it made him feel like he didn't deserve anything other than death and her cruel, painful punishments. It was ironic really, he feared them more than the devil feared the cross yet found them a sign of love, acceptance, a necessity. They gave him a sense of purpose, false control. And control was the one thing he craved. He was hungry not for food but for control. Everytime he skipped a meal or exerted himself doing riddiculus workouts in his room it was a small act of defience, it proved that despite what ma did to him she could never fully control him. As time passed he had come to associate eating with failure, loss of control. What was meant as a small act of defience too-quickly turned into an obssesion. One that ran so deep it controlled every aspect of his life. And he felt ashamed about it, but it also gave him this twisted feeling of pride. Everytime he looked in the mirror and saw he had gotten thinner it didn't scare him like it should have. No, it made him feel proud, like he was taking back the control that had been taken from him, but it was never enough. No matter how skinny he got it was never enough to fill the hollow void inside him. Yet for some reason he just couldn't stop.

" My boy, you will feel better with something more sufficient in you, trust me " Graves's voice had suddenly gone sweet as honey as he gently cut the toast into smaller pieces before pushing the plate back to Credence. But that wasn't enough to make the guilt's claws subside.
" Credence did you hear me? I told you to eat ! " Graves's voice filled the dining room.
" I am sorry, I can't " Credence whispered, his voice thick with emotion. Too-sudden was the shift in Graves's expression. He looked at Credence with such pity it made the boy physically ill.
Percival sighed again this time taking the fork from Credence's hands and attempting to feed the boy, coaxing as if he were but a small child.
" Just take one more bite Credence, you'll feel better I know it " he sounded genuenly concerned and a shadow of sadness flickered across his face as he pulled his hand back, defeated. But Credence shook his head like a stubborn toddler, refusing to open his mouth. Graves dropped the fork snd suddenly rage flashed over his features and his hand shot to Credence's face, forcing it open. Before Credence could realize what was happening Graves took the piece of toast and forced it into Credence's mouth. Panic took hold and Credence immidietally started coughing and sputtering, trying in vain to fight Graves off but his hold was iron-clad. He didn't let Credence go until he had swallowed the bite. The harsh crust cut into his throat like sandpaper and nausea turned his stomach, but not wanting to go through that again Credence hurriedly finished the rest of the dry bread. But that didn’t ease the feeling of violation and disgust he felt rising inside him.
Graves sat back a smirk on his lips, looking pleased with himself.
" Good boy " he said running his hand through Credence's short, black hair. In was only then that Graves allowed him to leave the apartment and walked him back home, to the Second Salem church.

~ 32nd street, 1 hour later ~

Credence hesitated at the entrance of the church. Graves had made good on his promise and walked with him right after breakfast. But Credence still couldn't shake the fear that he felt when Graves force fed him, it felt like yet another act of violation and Credence found himself thinking it was all just one big act. What if Graves really didn't care for him ? What if he was the ignorant one, refusing to see his perceived hero in bad lighting ? It scared him to think how much things could escalate eventually. What if Graves wouldn't keep his promise ? What if he would soon become like ma ? His stomach turned over with disgust at his own thoughts. How dare he accuse Graves of such things when the man clearly wanted to help him ? How could he be such a monster ? Feeling even more defeated Credence walked towards the church, his anxiety shooting up again.
Now that Graves was gone Credence had to come up with a believable excuse to tell ma, lest he wanted to spend another week locked up again. Taking a deep breath he pushed the doors open. He wasn't surprised to see ma waiting on him. But her stern look send a shiver down his spine, making a bead of sweat break out on his forehead.
" You were with that man again " Mary Lou said her tone matter-of-fact, yet it still felt like an accusation. All Credence's excuses evaporated from his brain. It was useless to try and deny it now. He better take his punishment and pray for it to be over quickly. Without hesitation Credence took off his belt handing it to ma. But to his uttermost surprice she shook her head.
" No Credence, follow me " then she got to her feet, making her way to the kitchen where she filled a large bucket with water, setting it on the stove to boil.
" Come closer now " her voice was indifferent, utterly without emotion. Credence felt his body freeze up in protest, but obeyed ma nontheless. He stepped closer, only inches from the bucket now. Steam rose up from the water now. It was clearly boiling. Mary Lou came up behind him, her mouth pressing against his ear, making him flinch.
" Roll up your sleeves and put your hands inside " she commanded, her tone sharp like a cutting blade. After a moment of hesitation Mary Lou spoke again, her voice had a touch of motherly warmth woven into it.
" This is for your own good Credence. It is the only way to cleance your soul of sin. Come on now, let your sins be washed away "
Credence obeyed, putting his hands into the scalding liquid. Immidietally a scream bubbled up his throat and he tried to pull out his hands, but ma had gripped them, making sure he left them in long enough. After a few moments she relented and Credence drew his hands towards his chest, still screaming. His skin was red and angry, the burning sensation growing even worse but he forced his mouth shut. Ma never tolerated weakness. Her voice broke through the heavy silence that had enveloped the room. Her speech was monotone as she recited a cleansing psalm.
" I will turn my hand against you; I will thoroughly purge away your dross and remove all your impurities." Credence stayed silent as she prayed, even though his hands ached terribly and he wanted nothing more than to plunge them into an ice bath. Finally ma stopped her prayer and came up behind Credence again.
" Go to your room now, I expect you to learn all the prayers on purity and recite them to me in an hour, should you fail I won't have such mercy. And remember Credence this is for your own good, I am trying to save your soul, you will thank me some day" with that she slapped Credence across the face, the blow so strong it left Credence staggering. With shame heating his cheeks he left the kitchen, dragging himself up the stairs and to his room.

It was due to pure terror that he managed to cram all the religious texts into his head. Ma seemed pleased enough by this and let Credence join his brothers in handing out the pamphlets for their cause. During the whole time Credence found his thoughts wandering back to Graves and the events of last night. They were all so blurry he could barely piece together what had happened. Still the fragments he did remember made shame pool in his stomach along with fear. He could recall only Graves's uncomfortable, at times painful touch. It made Credence question whether Graves's intentions were as pure as he claimed. Credence hadn't wanted it to happed, or did he? No, he couldn't have, for god's sake he had passed out during the act ! He couldn't have consented to it. But what if he just didn't remember? What if he was falsely victimizing Graves? He felt a pang of shame, he must have just forgotten. After all he had had a lot to drink and his mind had been fuzy. He was probably just overthinking it. Graves would never hurt him. How could he, if he cared so much?

Credence spend the rest of the day mulling it over in his mind, trying in vain to remember all the details. It was like somebody had tampered with his memory. One moment he swore he could see another flash of yesterday's events but when he tried to think on it, it slipped away again. So after hours of contemplation Credence decided he must have just forgotten the details due to the high amount of alcohol he had consumed. It felt wrong to victimize Graves like that, especially with no real proof against him, but at the back of his mind there was still this voice telling him something was off. But he supressed it, not wanting to see Graves in bad lighting like that. No, Graves was his hero not a vilian, Credence decided at last. He would never hurt him. But wouldn't he really?

Chapter Text

~ 32nd street, 2 days later ~

Credence was late this time. In addition he had missed their last meeting and now seemed to be troubled. Graves was already waiting for him, impatient and visibly frustrated. But he sucked it up, putting on a false expression of concern.
" You weren't at the spot yesterday, what is wrong ? Tell me, Credence " Graves kept his voice gentle, still upholding his false facade of concern and care. Trying to make Credence more at ease.
Credence's posture however did not become more relaxed at all. On the contrary, his shoulders shook with uncontrolable rage. When he spoke the sharpness in his voice was unmistakable. It surprised Graves, who never though Credence was capable of defience.
" Why did you give me that drink ? " Credence's voice was low, but acussatory. Graves's own frustration rose, but he kept calm. He stepped closer to Credence, who for the first time flinched away from him. Graves's expression stayed the same but a shadow of annoyence creased his face. There was a notable pause before he spoke again.
" You were uptight, I gave you the drink just to help you relax " his tone was casual, like they were discussing the weather over an afternoon cup of tea. Credence's stance shifted again and his frustration grew.
" It didn't help at all. It made me feel wrong. I couldn't have consented to what you did to me " his voice was at edge of breaking, but he forced the words out. This time Graves was unable to hide his growing anger. His demeanor shifting into something more calculating, colder.
" Wrong ? No Credence, you were nervous and I helped put you on ease. That is all "
Credence finally lifted his head, forcing himself to endure Graves's scrutinizing gaze.
" No, it wasn't just that, after you gave it to me, I - there was no way I said yes to you " Credence's voice shook slightly as the memories of the painful intimacy came rushing back.
Graves stepped closer, a dangerous edge in his voice, even as his posture remained entirely relaxed.
" Stop, you are overthinking it. Sometimes we have to endure discomfort for the greater good. After all you trust me do you not? " Graves now sounded hurt, as if he had betrayed him somehow. It made Credence feel immidiate guilt. But still the feeling of wrongness remained. Softly, with trembling hands Credence admitted.
" I don't know " the words pained even him. Graves's face was suddenly overtaken by hurt and fury.
" I gave you everything you ever asked of me. Without me you are nothing Credence. I saved you. I will not have you walk all over me, twisting my actions into something they are not ! " the sudden change made Credence flinch. The feeling of guilt strenghtened. Maybe Graves was telling him the truth, maybe he was just an ungrateful brat for accusing him like that. But again the feeling of exploitation surged up, stronger than before. A voice at the back of his mind piped up. He hurt you, you hadn't consented yet he ignored it. He used you, assaulted you. With a deep breath Credence decided not to argue further. But his trust for Graves was smaller, broken now. Graves pulled his lips into a thin smile, not quite masking his anger. Without another word he disapparated, leaving Credence alone and more conflicted than before.

~ 3rd of december, 32nd street, noon ~

Despite their yesterday's meeting Credence came again. This time Graves was angry with him. His responses curt and filled with annoyence, but there was also something deeper. It was hurt, Credence realized.
" Have you found it ? " this time Graves didn't even try to sound genuene or kind. No, he let all his frustration be heard. Normally that would have made Credence nervous and guilty, but this time he was only resentful.
" No " he said softly, but he might as well have yelled the word. Graves's eyes narrowed at him and when Credence looked to them, they were absolutely cold, devoit of feelings. It was the expression ma so often wore when she was dissapointed in him. But Credence didn't apologize, he just couldn't find it in himself to care. Not after how Graves had treated him. He could not yet find forgivness. But there was still the shame and guilt for how he had acted. He was starting to doubt his own memory. Was he really in pain during the intercourse? Did he really not give his consent or was it just the alcohol's doing ? He was becoming more and more puzzled with each passing minute. It was making him feel crazy. After all Graves's hurt seemed too raw to be feigned, didn't it? Credence found himself regretting how he had handled the situation. He never should have accused Graves. Never should have asked about it. So as he made his way back home, the shame finally taking hold he decided to apologize to Graves. Even if it didn't sit entirely well with him.

~ december 4th 1926 ~

Credence was trying to hand out leaflets, but was met only with incredulity. Traffic roared past. The woolsworth building stretched ahead. Credence looked to it with longing eyes. Graves stood outside. Hope flooded Credence and he smiled softly. Now he would have the chance to put things to rights.He crossed the street in confident strides, his only focus was Graves. He had come. He hadn't abandoned him as Credence feared he might. He deserved nothing less after how unfairly he had treated the man. He walked quickly, head hung low, not even looking where he was headed. He looked up only once he was standing in front of Graves, who pushed him into an abandoned alley. More harshly than usual. Credence swallowed the last remaining bit of pride he had and forced himself too meet Graves's angry gaze. It was a bit softer now, as if some of the anger dispersed. Nervously Credence fidgeted with the hem of his old, worn coat. He still wasn't sure whether he was making the right choice, but truth be told he did miss Graves's gentelness that he sometimes showered Credence with. With a deep breath Credence forced the words out, trying his best to not sound too desperate.
" Mr. Graves, I am sorry... - he paused looking to the ground again, his hands clammy with sweat - I never should have accused you of all these horrible things. It wasn't fair of me, please forgive me " he looked up then, only to find Graves's face was still contorted with rage.
" I wasn't sure you would have the decency to show up today " Graves said curtly, as if not having heard Credence's apology. The words made Credence flinch.
" Please, I am sorry. I won't ever question you again. I promise I will be good " a satisfied smirk touched Graves's lips at the words, but it was quickly replaced by an indifferent expression, so that Credence wouldn’t see.
" You betrayed my trust, boy. What makes you think I will just forgive you ? " Graves questioned, a sharp edge slipping into his voice again. Credence was now unable to hide his desperation and growing guilt.
" Mr. Graves, please I just want to make everything right again " Graves stepped closer again, placing his hands on Credence's shoulders. Again he seemed caring, gentle almost. The shift unsettled Credence deeply, but he said nothing, his hands clutched into fists to control the raising nausea the once comforting gesture brought.
He let Graves kiss him again, even as his body recoiled. He was finally begging to make things right, he could mess it up now.
" Good, then do as I tell you and find the obscurial. You are to meet me here again in the evening, understood ? " Graves's tone was again laden with sharpness, but it also carried the tiniest hint of longing, something that Credence hadn't heard since their fall out two days ago. It filled him with an emotion he couldn't name. Then suddenly Graves pulled away, striding out of the alley and disapparating in his usual dramatic act.

~ 32nd street, evening ~

This time when Credence spotted Graves, his face was once again that of care. It made Credence heart flutter with happiness. Graves's comfort was just what he needed after the exhausting day he had had.

Ma had taken him along with Chastity and Modesty to the press. To try and get her story published. But of course they weren't interested and on their way out the senator had called Credence a freak. The word stung, echoing through his head the whole day. He hoped Mr. Graves would be able to make it go away. He hadn't even noticed when suddenly Graves was towering over him. His frame large, but seemingly non-threatening.
" You're upset. It's your mother again. Somebody's said something - What did they say ? Tell me " Mr Graves's voice was warm, soothing. Credence looked at the tip of his shoes again. It had worked then. Graves had forgiven him. Credence's knees went weak with relief.
" Do you think I am a freak ? " he asked.
" No, I think you are a very special young man, or I wouldn't have asked you to help me, now would I ? " suddenly he placed a hand on Credence's arm. It both startled and fascinated the boy. He could even convey into words how happy it made him to see Graves in his spirit again. At that moment nothing else mattered.
" Have you any news ?" Graves questioned, his tone harsher now. Credence supressed a shudder. He nervously stammered out a response.
" I am still looking, Mr Graves if I knew whether it was a boy or a girl - Graves cut him off abruptly.
" My vision showed only the child's immense power. He or she is no older than 10, and I saw this child in close proximity to your mother - she I saw so plainly. I have told you all this before, have I not, Credence ? " Credence couldn't help but feel fear surge up. Graves's voice was once again sharp like grinding stone.
" That could be any one of hundreds " he remarked, dissapointed. Graves spoke again his tone beguiling, softer now. As if nothing had ever happened between them.
" There is something else. Something I haven't told you. I saw you beside me in New York. You are the one who gains this child's trust. You are the key - I saw this. You want to join the wizarding world. I want those things too, Credence. I want them for you. So find the child. Find the child and we will all be free. " with that Graves moved away swiftly, before disapparating into the night. Clearly he was still at least a little mad at Credence, but it was a significant improvement since their last encounter earlier that day.

Credence walked towards the Second Salem church. A rare smile resting on his lips. He couldn't help the satisfaction that spread through him. His meeting with Graves had comforted him. Shown him that there was perhaps still a way out of the hell he called home.
He entered the church slowly, closing the double doors quietly. His eyes caught a glimpse of Chastity, sitting at the long table, drying crockery. He continued to the stairs, but halted as soon as he saw Mary Lou sitting in the semi-darkness, her face grave. A shudder went through him, he suddenly felt really cold despite the warm air that filled the church.
The smile that had bloomed on the young man's face just moments before was replaced by a look of trepidation. Ma spoke but he could barely hear her words. They seemed to be coming from somewhere far away.
" Credence - where have you been ?" Credence scaned his half empty mind for a reasonably good explanation. Still he tripped over his words.
" I was... looking for a place for tomorrow's meeting. There is a corner on Thirty - second that could - the words died on his tongue as he forced himself to walk closer to the stairs.
" I am sorry ma, I didn't realize it was so late" he whispered, already removing the belt, slung across his waist. Mary Lou stood up taking the belt, then started wordlessly up the stairs. Credence followed after her, but a small whimper caused him to look back. Modesty was standing below the staircase her lip wobbly. She looked upset and scared. Credence tried his best to pull his lips into a reassuring smile. Then he turned back around and walked up the stairs hurriedly. Moving on autopilot he took off his shirt, folding it on the mattress he used as a bed. He stood facing the wall. His hands resting against it. Ma soon striked him. He had to bite his lip to stiffle a groan of pain. As the whipping progressed his hands curled into tight fists. He leaned his forehead on the wall right between them. His breathing was ragged and he had to gasp for air to fill his lungs. You deserve this, he chastized himself, forcing his body to endure it all.

By the end Credence collapsed. His knees hitting the hard, wooden floor. He heard mother come up behind him. Suddenly her fingernails dug into the fresh wounds at his back. He let out a surprised gasp.
" Next time you decide to do such a thing I won't have such mercy, you freak. Clean this up and get off my line of sight. " with that she drove her knee up to meet with the abused flesh. Credence's eyes welled up with tears but he dared not cry. Ma let the belt clutter to the floor loudly then left to go to her own bedroom. Credence did as he was bid.

Soon the floor was clean off of any sign of blood. Only then did he allow himself to cry. He suddenly found himself regretting agreeing to the meeting with Mr Graves.

Chapter Text

~ December 5th 1926 ~

Ma beat him again that evening. They had just come back to the church after yet another failed attempt to garnish the support of Henry Shaw's newspaper. He couldn't wrap his head around why she had decided to go there again. It was clear they weren't interested in what she had to offer.
He didn't understand why she punished him though, it wasn't his fault the senator had no interest in her sorry story of witchcraft. He still went along with it of course, not wanting to make his punishment worse. She led him to his room and as per usual demamded he take his shirt off and hand her the belt. He complied without as much as a word of protest even though he knew it was unfair of ma to punish him for something he had no control over. He shuffled over to the far corner of his bedroom and stayed put. The first lash took him by surprise and there was only so much he could do to stiffle a cry. His hands shot up immidietally, pushing his palms flat against the wall. At first he was able to escape into the very corner of his mind and all but forget about the painful beating, but as more lashes came it got harder to ignore and soon Credence was bent over, panting heavily. His head spun and he felt blood trickle down his back and sides. What's worse his knees had began to wobble and they were dangerously close to giving out. Then finally the beating came to a halt. Credence had never felt such gratitude in his life.
" Turn around, you insolent boy " Mary Lou said, she sounded soft but there was no mistaking the anger underlining her every word. A shudder went through Credence but he moved to face his ma. She tilted his chin up roughly, making him look at her. She studied him for a moment. Time stood frozen. Then suddenly she pushed him away and brought the belt buckle down on his palms. Credence barred his teeth so hard they almost broke. Ma beat his hands again and again, the lashes coming in quick, violent successions. After what seemed like eternity she let go of the belt as it fell to the floor with a loud thud.
" Clean yourself up, then get dinner ready."
She spat, then turned on her heel and was about to leave when she paused in the doorway.
"Remember Credence I am not cruel, this is all for your own good" her voice was soft now, any trace of anger washed away. She left the room slamming the door closed.

As he lay in bed, his back and arms still throbbing painfully everytime the welts came into contact with the thin mattress he called a bed, he wished he could call for Mr Graves. He had promised to help him escape, to teach him magic and most importantly he cared for him, or so Credence thought. Why would he bother to help him if he didn't ?

~the next day~

Credence was standing in an alley, putting up pamplets for the upcoming Second Salem meeting, when he heard a loud pop. There he was. Mr Graves. Credence immidietally felt a rush of relief, but that soon changed when he beheld Graves's face contorted in rage. The wizard's patience was clearly running thin.
" Credence, have you found the child?" He questioned, his voice so loud and angry it scared the young man.
" I can't " Credence whispered, sounding panicked. Graves sighed heavily and ran a hand through his slowly graying hair. When he spoke again all anger had dissapeared from his voice.
" Show me " he said, it was a command no matter how soft spoken and Credence didn't dare disobay. Slowly he extended his hand showing the wizard the red angry welts his palms were covered in. Graves gently took Credence's hand in his own examining the cuts. Instinctively Credence backed away cowering as soft whimpers parted his lips.
" Shhhh my boy, the sooner we find this child, the sooner you can put that pain in the past where it belongs" Mr. Graves sweeped his hand over the sore welts healing them instantly. No trace of yeterday's anger remained. Only the gentelness and care that Credence so cherished.
Credence only stared. When he looked at Graves again, there was an earnest expression on the man's face as he pulled a necklase from one of the many pockets hidden in his coat. There was a strange pendant on the necklase, bearing a shape the likes of which Credence had never seen before.
" I want you to have this Credence. I would trust very few with it " - Graves moved closer and placed the necklase around Credence neck. " Very few " he whispered. Then he gently cuped Credence's neck with either one of his large hands.
" But you, you're different " Credence wasn't sure how to feel, he was both unnerved and attracked by Graves's behaviour. It surprised him just how quickly Graves had forgiven him and he wondered once more what his motives really were. He had been so angry with Credence just days ago, but now he was back to how he used to be. Gentle and caring. The too-sudden shift unsettled Credence. But he pushed his feelings aside. He was just grateful that Graves was being nice to him again.
He was pulled out of his thoughts as Mr. Graves placed his hand over where the pendant lay over Credence's heart.
" Now, when you find the child, touch this symbol and I will know, I will come to you. "
Then he moved even closer. Their faces inches apart as he whispered again " Do this and you will be honored amongst wizards forever."
Then suddenly Graves pulled him into a hug, his hand pressed against Credence's neck. Overwhelmed by the contact Credence leaned closer, closing his eyes as he relaxed slightly. Graves slowly backed away again, stroking the boy's neck. Credence stayed still, his eyes closed, longing for the human contact to continue.
" The child is dying Credence, time is running out" were Graves's parting words as he backed away from the alley in long, confident strides and disapparated. Leaving Credence alone again.

Chapter Text

~ Second Salem church, 6th of december night ~

Credence was sprawled out on the ground, looking under Modesty's bed in search of something.

It felt wrong to break Modesty's trust like that. To violate her privacy after all they had been through together. As he rummaged through the vatious items hidden under his sister's bed, a long forgotten memory roared to life.

~ 2 years ago ~

It was night. Credence had just been whipped with the burning hot whip ma kept next to the fireplace. His stomach and torso were covered in painful blisters and welts. Red and angry. The agony spread through his entire body, making him unable to as much as move a muscle. He was lying on his back, feverish and nauseous.
That was when he heard the door creak open.

His body went perfectly still, rigid with fear. Had ma returned to lock him up in the basement? Was she going to whip him again? Had she found another fault in Credence's chores?
" Credence, it's me, Modesty" a child's voice lilted through the quiet room. Credence's body slumped with relief. So he wasn't going to be punished again, not yet at least. But even that relief couldn't overshadow the worry that surged up. Modesty was the youngest of the all, it was his duty to protect her from Mary Lou's cruel punishments. Because unlike him she was not yet beyond saving.
" What are you doing here, little dove ? Credence asked gently, keeping the worry out of his voice. The little girl shrugged and waltzed further into the room. In her hand was a small tin. Despite the tense atmosphere that had overtaken the room, Credence couldn't help but feel curious. Modesty made her way to the edge of the bed, sitting down on it carefully, to avoid frightening Credence. Her small fingers unscrewed the stopper and she took out a generous amount of the greenish goo. Ever-so-gently Modesty applied it to Credence's heated skin. It was clear her brother had a fever. She could make out the uneven rise and fall of Credence's chest as she spread the goo over the blisters covering his torso. Then she gently continued down his stomach to where the wounds wrapped around his sides. She noted they were smaller there. Ma's exhaustion had clearly reached it's peak at that point.

Relief flooded Credence instantly. Overhelming all his senses. The pleasure it brought so intense it was almost blinding.
The cool ointment was a stark contrast to his feverish flesh. He could barely feel Modesty's hands move down his body as she treated each and every one of his too-many wounds and blisters. The pain eased, leaving only a dull ache in it's wake.

Modesty screwed the lid back on an slid the tiny, half-empty tin back into the back pocket of her dress. She stood up and made her way to the small vanity, standing just before the matress, that made for Credence's bed. Rummaging through it's drawers she quickly fished out a small roll of bandages, gauze, a lether bit and an old flask of vodka. They had to keep them hidden, because if ma even discovered they were helping each other not even God would be able to save them. The girl returned to the bed, gently nudging her brother with an elbow, careful to avoid his injuries.
" Mhm" a murmur rose from Credence's mouth along with words so slurred she failed to make them out.
" Come on Dee, get up" another low murmur, but this time Credence stirred slightly. He was clearly exhausted, every movement taking a monumental toll on his already frail body.
" Bandages, Dee, you need bandages " the girl piped up again, determined to make her brother sit up this time. She gently looped her arm through his and tried to drag him into a sitting position. It surprised her just how light he felt. Surely too light for his age. Credence tried his best to cooperate with his little sister's effort, even though he felt utterly drained.

After a few minutes of struggle Credence managed to sit up and actually stay up, not slumping back down. Modesty carefully set the bandages down beside Credence's sitting form and doused the gauze over with some ethanol. She proceeded to pass the leather bit to her brother, who placed it into his mouth, sinking his teeth into the rough leather. Swiftly Modesty pressed the gauze to the large, angry welts. She could feel Credence's body stiffen from the pain. His breath hitched and his hands curled into tight, trembling fists.

Agony coursed through him, the moment the alcohol came into contact with his wounds. His jaw clenched so hard, he through his teeth would shatter. But he did not cry out. He couldn't, not unless he wanted mother to burst into the room and whip them both as they stood. Finally the agony lessened it's grip on his body and he had to resist the urge to lay back down. He felt Modesty come up behind him and start wrapping bandages around his stomach and torso. She worked in silence, her fingers moving swiftly over her brother's body with practiced ease. She tucked the loose ends of the bandages, behind the already bandaged part. All was finished now. Modesty quietly put everything back into the drawer and closed it again. Then she slipped out of the room, soundless on her feet. She would have to sneak back in before the crack of dawn the next day to take off the carefully folded bandages, lest she wanted mother to punish not only Credence but every one of her adoptees.

~ now ~

" Whatcha doing Credence? " the boy got so startled he banged his head against the bed. He looked up, frightened. In his hands he was clutching a wooden wand.
" Where did you get this ?" He questioned his youngest sister.
" Give it back Credence, it's just a toy " Modesty whispered in terror, reaching to take her toy from Credence's hands. Then both children went utterly still. Mary Lou was standing in the room, her eyes wide with bewilderment.
" What is this ?" Ma's voice shook with rage. Credence and Modesty both looked to the ground, suddenly very interested in the dust gathered there.
" Take it off !" Mary Lou screamed. She walked over to the balcony, holding the wand in her hand. Then she stopped. Her figure looked powerful almost deified. She turned back to Credence and with a face full of loathing snapped the wand in two. Modesty cowered in fear, hiding behind her brother. Credence hastily undid the strap of his belt, before sliding it off and handing to ma's already outstretched hand. As he stepped forward he pleaded.
"Ma " she cut him off sharply.
" I am not your ma ! Your mother was a wicked unnatural woman ! " in a split second Modesty was between the pair, looking defiently into ma's face.
" It was mine " the girl admited even as her lip wobbled slightly with fear.
" Modesty " Mary Lou exclaimed. Suddenly a supernatural force whiped the belt from her hand, cutting it open in the process. Mary Lou stared, terrified but tried her best to mask it. Stunned, her eyes jumped from Credence to Modesty and back again.
" What is this ?" She asked with barely hidden terror. Modesty stared back at her mother with a fierce expression. Credence was behind her on the floor, hugging his knees and shaking.

Keeping her composure Mary Lou walked down the stairs, her hand outstretched, but the belt slithered away from her grasp again. The woman backed away, tears of trepidation welling in her eyes. As she turned back to the children a black, beastical cloud slammed into her. Mary Lou let out a blood- curdling scream as she was thrust over the balcony, her now-lifeless body hit the floor below. The dark force lurched forward, destroying anything and everything in its path.

When Credence came to, the church lay in ruin. Panicked he grabed the pendant mister Graves had given him and pressed it to his chest. Sobbing he waited. After what seemed like forever Graves's polished shoes came into view. A hand cuped Credence's face tenderly, however the voice that spoke contained none of it.
" The obscurial was here - where did she go ?" Mr Graves sounded almost fanatical, excitement in his voice. Credence looked up at Graves his face a plea for affliction.
" Help me. Help me " he cried.
" Didn't you tell me you had another sister? " as Credence wept, Graves put a hand on his neck.
" Where's your other sister Credence ? The little one, where did she go ? " Graves's voice was now cold, urgent. Credence trembled.
" Please help me "
Suddenly Graves slaped him across the face. Credence looked stunned. Unable to comprehend that his hero had just hit him.
" Your sister is in grave danger. We need to find her" Graves said viciously, pulling Credence up to his feet and they disapparated. Credence lead mister Graves down a dimly lit street. They went all the way into an old, fallen apart building. As they began up the stairs Graves asked nervously.
" What is this place ?"
" Ma adopted Modesty out of here. From a family of 12. She misses her brothers and sisters. She still talks about them " Credence stopped, still shocked, at the staircase. His mind unable to proccess that Graves had really hit him.
" Where is she ?" The wizard demanded. Credence looked down, at a loss.
" I don't know " he admits shakily. Graves marched into one of the rooms, clearly impatient.
" You are a squib Credence, I could smell it off you the minute I met you " he couldn't believe what he was hearing.
" What ? " Graves walked back into the hallway looking to try another room. His false facade of care all but forgotten.
" You have magical ancestry, but no power " he explained curtly.
" But you said you could teach me " the boy said in disbelief. Hurt underlining every word.
" You aren't teachable. Your mother is dead. That is your reward I am done with you " Graves's cold voice carried through the otherwise quiet buliding. Credence's breathing quickened as if trying to contain something.
" Modesty ? " Graves called out. More words came out of his mouth but Credence failed to register them. He was angry, betrayed and hurt. He wanted nothing more than to hurt Graves for his grand betrayal. He couldn't reign the beast in anymore. The walls separating him from Graves crumbled as if made out of sand. Credence was met with Graves's awed face, as he trembled unable to hide his fury.
" Credence I owe you an apology " Graves tried to make amends but Credence knew what his game was this time.
" I trusted you. I thought you were my friend. Though you were different " Credence spit the words out like poison. His face contorted with rage, the fury tearing him from within.
" You can control it Credence " mister Graves said, panicked. Credence finally made eye contact with the man. The man he believed would help him. The man he believed cared about him. It was all one big lie.
" I don't think I want to Mr Graves " the boy answered in a furious whisper. Everything turned black again.

When Credence came to he was standing right outside of a metro station. Scared out of his mind and still infuriated he limped down the stairs. There he curled up on himself.

How could Graves treat him like that? He was his hero. The only male role model he had ever had. Now he was gone. He had betrayed Credence. He had hit him. All the kind words were just big fat lies. None of it was real. All the kind and effectionate touches had meant nothing to Graves.

Suddenly he was pulled from his thoughts by a gentle voice. A voice he didn't recognize. He couldn't make out the words though.
As Credence listened on the incoherent sounds transformed into words.
" Can I come over to you ? " the man asked. Credence looked on, shocked but nodded once. The british man crouched down so he was eye to eye with Credence and slowly made to approach the obscurial. Then a bolt of lightning hit him. Credence whipped around, his body alert, adrenalin coursing through his veins. Graves was here. Wand raised, an expression of pure rage on his face. Credence turned and ran. He didn't see the train coming until it nearly colided with his fragile body. Someone sweeped him off his feet and pushed him aside. Credence was well past the point of crying now. He was hysterical, unable to push down the beast that roared to life inside him. The world erupted once more and Credence's body was but a black mass.

The next time he somehow regained his conciousness a woman stood in front of him. She was crying. He realized it was the same lady that had saved him from a beating those many weeks ago. He had dreamed of her ever since. Other voices drifted past as well but all he could focus on was the woman. She approached him slowly, mindfull of his crazed state.
" I know what that woman did to you, Newt and I will protect you. But you need to stop this now " Credence could feel his human form returning.

Just as he was about to regain control again hot-white pain exploded over his whole body. He screamed, saliva drooping from the corner of his mouth. The world fell away, as agony coursed through him. He slipped away into darkness.

He was kneeling in the mud, at the foot of the ramnants of his old home. How had he survived? What had happened? Why was he here? Credence rampaged his tired brain for answers, but found none. Tears blurred his vision as he scrambled to his feet. He still felt increadibly weak. Every movement sending a bolt of pain down his spine. He slowly straightened his spine, mindful of his injuries. An idea suddenly struck him, loud and insistent. Ma must have kept all documets of the children she adopten, just in case they needed acute medical care. She couldn't have just thrown them out. For a moment adrenaline was the only thing that drove Credence forward. He started to rummage through the remainst, the old, now-broken bricks, that made for the building's foundation. Dust clung to his bloodied hands, staining them a dark crimson as the two mingled. He dug through the ruins, unconcerned with his injuries. Uncaring for his chipped nails and skin scraped raw anew. At last his hands closed around the thing he was searching for. His adoption certificate. He clutched the crumpled, now-bloodied paper to his chest, his knees suddenly giving out. Screams tore from his throat as the tears he had been desperately trying to blink back came rushing with full force. The realisation of what he had done sunk in.

He had killed ma and now he had no home. No place to go. He was all alone. What was he going to do? Would he succeed in tracking down his parents? God, would they even want him anymore ? They had abandoned him after all hadn't they ? Of course they wouldn't take him in, what was he thinking?
Picking himself up, Credence slowly peered at the document. Irma Dougard. That was his mother's name. The revelation should have filled him with a thrill of happiness, but instead he just hollow. He had been so stupid to lose control like that, but what choice did he have left? Slowly he picked himself up again, determined to at least try to find his mother. Maybe, just maybe his parents would prove to be kind people. Maybe they would let him stay. Maybe he would finally have a family in which he truly belonged. And since there was nothing and no one to stop him from it anymore, Credence Barebone was free to begin his search at last. But there was still one thing left for him to do.

Chapter Text

~ 1 week later ~

Credence made his way through the quiet streets of New York. He still couldn't shake the shame that pooled in his gut at the memory of what he had done just mere days prior. He had been wandering the dimly lit streets for the last week, trying to find his sisters. He wasn't entirely sure they had made it out alive from the chaos he imposed, but he never stopped hoping.

Each shadow felt like a threat as he slowly moved through the still-ruined Second Salem church. The place that he used to call home. But in all honesty it never felt like one. The horrors he had endured there refused to leave his head. It had been just a week since he had left but the nightmares had already started and he didn’t know what to make of it. He had never suffered from nightmares whilst under Mary Lou's 'care'. All his siblings seemed to be plagued by them, but he wasn't. It confused him. Suddenly he was able to remember everything more clearly, as if the fog that had been clouding his mind finally dispersed. Bringing with it the unwanted memories that he had long buried back to the surface. Each night now he woke gapsing for breath, his body slick with sweat. It left him poorly-rested and on edge. Suddenly the dark seemed scary to him. Like the shadows were closing in on him, trying to tear him to shreds with their claws.
" Dee "
A soft, broken voice pulled him from his thoughts with a fright. It took Credence all of a second to assign a face to it. Modesty. Extasy filled him, threatening to bubble over. She had made it out alive ! She was here and whole. Credence's eyes scanned the dark place, blinking back tears that were about to fall. Sure enough he spotted two figures, hunched over in the dimly lit street. The smaller one was obscured by the larger - Chastity was standing protectively before her sister, her hands raised, ready to strike. She dropped them however once she recognized Credence's figure. Immidietally Credence noted that their clothes were stained with blood and dirt, tattered and hanging on their thin frames like rags, clinging to their bodies as if barely holding together the little dignity they had left. Poor things had spend the whole week like this ! On the unforgiving streets, barely scraping by, begging for pennies.
" Oh God, Credence, y - you're alive ! " Chastity's voice was a broken shriek, her voice hoarse and weak with unspilled tears. Without hesitation both sisters ran up to their brother, hugging him so tightly he couldn't breathe. Modesty's frame shook with loud sobs as she held on to him. Chastity cried quietly, her body swaying slightly from the sudden wawe of dizziness that washed over her along with relief. They held each other close for a few beats before pulling away. Credence was the first of the trio to break the heavy silence that had befallen them.
" I have been looking for you " his voice broke as he fully felt the weight of his relief. Modesty shuffled closer, her tiny hand closing around Credence's in a tight, yet gentle grip.
" We thought you were gone... like her " Credence flinched at the mention of Mary Lou. He never wanted to remember what she had put them all through. The thoughts of it too painful for him to bear.
" I am here little dove, I am sorry for - for leaving you behind " he nearly choked on his words as the tears he had been holding back slipped free at last. Modesty's face mirrored his own as she threw her arms around Credence's waist. He held her tightly, feeling something akin to peace for the first time in his life. Hesitantly Chastity stepped forward, body trembling.
" What do we do now Dee? We have no one left " hearing his confident sister's voice sound so broken and hollow made Credence's chest tighten with something he couldn't quite name. He pulled away from Modesty. His movements slow, but deliberate. He forced his lips into an encouraging smile, even as his own helplessness rose.
" We will find someone better. Someone who will take care of you, like you deserve" he whispered softly, feeling the truth of his words.
" Better than her ?" Chastity frowned, but there was a small spark of hope in her voice now.
Credence chuckled softly, surprising even himself.
" Certainly, we will find someone kind and caring for you to live with " he promised, his voice steady and determined, despite the uncertainty gnawing at his mind.

It proved more difficult than any of them expected. They went from door to door, speaking to kind-faced couples and stern social workers. Each rejection stung but they did not give up. Until one day they found her. A kind older widow. Mrs. Hawthorne. She was easy-going, social and her warm smile instantly lit up any room she stepped into. The moment she saw the girls she was instantly mesmerized. She didn't even hesitate as she arranged to be their new caregiver. She seemed to be especially fond of Modesty though. When the little girl had shyly asked the older lady if she had dolls, Mrs. Hawthorne replied cheerfully that she had plenty of fabric to sew new ones and even suggested the girls help her do it. Both agreed, delighted. Mary Lou had never allowed them to waste their time on something as shallow as sewing or crafting their own toys. She said their only purpose was to help around the house. They were not allowed to own any toys let alone play with them.

Credence stayed with them in Mrs.Hawthorne's cosy house for a week to oversee how they were adjusting. It pained him immenselly, knowing he would have to say goodbye eventually. He wished he could linger for longer. It warmed his heart to see Modesty giggling freely for the first time in her life while she played with her handmade dolls, how Chastity smiled when she helped the older lady bake fresh bread. They seemed so happy. For the first time in their lives they didn't have to constantly look over their shoulders in fear of punishment. He felt like an outsider, looking in. Witnessing their seemingly picture-perfect lives. But he was glad they had finally found somewhere they truly belonged. Somewhere where they could heal and grow, leaving the past behind at long last.

On the morning of his departure Credence stood outside the house, his coat billowing softly behind him. He had a bag slung over his shoulders with the few personal belongings he owned. His sisters stood by, their eyes full of tears. Modesty clutched to his side, refusing to let go as she looked up at him. Her face a silent plea.
" Dee, please don't go " her little voice lilted. Credence got down so that he was eye to eye with the child. Ruffling her hair gently he pulled her close.
" I promise I will come back for you little dove. But I need to go now, okay ? Mrs. Hawthorne will take care of you, she will keep you safe " Modesty sniffled but let go of him, stepping back.
" You better keep your promise Dee " Chastity said, her voice was thick with unspilled tears though she tried to mask it. A habit she had learned while living with Mary Lou, one she was trying her best to unlearn now that she was finally safe. Hugging them one last time Credence stepped out into the world waiting on him ahead. He cast them one last look. Then he was gone. Just like that, leaving behind the only family he had ever known.

As he walked on Credence felt an all-too-familiar emptiness creeping back in, but he also felt something new. A glimmer of hope. Perhaps one day he would find peace and a place where he truly belonged, just like his sisters. And with that hope burning brightly in his heart Credence Barebone began his search.

Chapter Text

After he had left New York, Credence boarded a ship to Paris, where according to his adoption papers his real mother lived. He could barely hide his excitement.
What was she like? Was her hair the same raven black color as his own? Was she as kind as the mothers Credence had seen playing with their children? Spinning them around in the air, holding them. Looking at them with loving, kind eyes. Credence wanted nothing more than to finally get answers to all of the questions he had been asking himself for years. He was far too young to remember anything from before his adoption and the orphanage. And the only mother he had ever had was far from what a mother should be.

At first things were good as he managed to get by with the bit of money he had stolen from the ruins of the Second Salem church, but soon it became clear he needed to find himself a job. It proved difficult since no one would hire a young man who had never gone to school, thus had no education, because in their eyes a low-life like him was too incompetent for hard work. This left Credence on the streets, hungry and unsafe.
So Credence in dire need of money quickly started looking for a way out. Finally desperation drew him to work at a traveling, magical cirkus, Arkanus they called it. It was more a freakshow really, as Credence quickly discovered. The treatment the workoers received was horrible. The ringmaster, Skender saw them as little more than slaves. While they went without proper food most days Skender's stomach was always full. The ringmaster looked down on his workers the same way one would at a dirty rag. With utter disgust, like the sight of them would burn out his eyes. Skender also had no tolerance for the screw-ups. The meaty ringmaster carried a whip everywhere he went. Always at the ready in a way that reminded Credence too much of Ma. The workers despised him. They spend their days on gruelling, hard work barely earning enough to get scraps of meals. They practically had to beg Skender to be allowed the luxury to shower and even rarer were they given the opportunity to rest. Credence didn't mind very much though. It was not that different from his life with Mary Lou. His body had long grown accustomed to the constant state of exhaustion and hunger. At least Skender didn't whip him as often as ma had. Sure when Credence failed to complete his chores he would be punished, but with so many others constantly demanding attention Credence kind of faded into the background. He was good at hidding in the shadows, making himself small, invisible. The first weeks were by far the hardest as he needed to again adjust to the rough and unforgiving working conditions. But as soon as he slipped into his old habits it became easy to blend in. To do exactly as he was told and stay in line.

He was assigned to clean the cages of the nunerous beasts and oddities that Skender had brough into the circus. All of them were fascinating, but one that caught his interest the most was the beautiful snake woman, Nagini they called her. She was a maledictus. A carrier of a blood curse, passed down from mother to daughter. The affliction made the women able to transform into animals at will, but soon their power lessened, and eventually they would be forever trapped in the body of a beast. He felt a pang of sympathy towards her, she was a prisoner here, not unlike he had been at the Second Salem.
So even though he knew he would be whipped if ever caught, Credence started making conversation with her. At first she was hesitant to trust him, clearly men had not been kind to her. Especially not the previous cirkus workers. But as time went on Credence slowly got the girl to open up to him, even sharing his own stories. At first they just made small talk during their meagre meals, but later started spending more time together. The obscurial came to know a lot about the mysterious beauty.
She was extremely studious, learning the language of each country the circus traveled to. She was even kind enough to help him learn as well so he could have an easier time talking to the other workers.
Her compassion and kindness truly knew no bounds, even though her life had been full of horrors.

Chapter Text

Nagini had been just a young girl, when her mother abandoned her in the forests of Indonesia, probably falling victim to the vicious blood curse, unable to care for her child anymore. That was how Skender got his hands on her. The circus had been travelling through Indonesia. The crew had ventured into the rough woods, where they made camp. It was night when they heard the tormented cries of a small child. Skender discovered the little girl. He had been all but ready to leave her in the hands of the unforgiving beasts crawling about the jungle, when he had witnessed the child's transformation. Her tiny body, one minute belonging to a girl, changed within the blink of an eye into a fully grown serpent. Fascinated with his discovery, the ringmaster took the child with him. Grooming her to be a pupet on his string.
She had been 5 when found, but over the years grew into a beautiful girl. Her figure caught the eye of not just the ringmaster, but also the men that attended the circus's shows. But he made sure she knew whom she belonged to. It was with great pleasure that he took her to bed after shows. Purely to satisfy his own selfish needs. It left her wrecked. Bleeding and sore with tears streaming down her cheeks. No matter how much she cried and begged, he would never stop. So she had learned to stay silent and take it. Like the good girl he had always told her she was.

When she was old enough to perform as one of the oddities of the circus, Skender began selling her body for extra income. It hadn't escaped his notice how the men looked at the snake-girl. He cared only for the financial profit and little for what it did to Nagini. He payed no mind to her deteriorating state.

She got a lot thinner, refusing to eat even the little food that was brought to her. She couldn't stand looking at herself anymore. All she saw were their hands, roaming along her skin. Their rough, groping hands that caused her only pain. She had long learned to leave her body behind, to escape into a quiet place, free from the pain and terror. No matter what they did to her body, she didn't see it. Nagini was in Indonesia again with her mother, enjoying the last moments of freedom, soon to be taken away from her. Taken away just like her voice, her rights and body. Her body was not her own. No, it was Skender's. Skender's to use as he wished. And Nagini hated herself for allowing it. She couldn't stand what it all did to her, how it changed her. She became more distanced from herself each time her body was violated. She became less the human more the snake. A wild, untamed beast, surving thanks to primal instinct. She had learned that men were all the same. That they only wanted one thing. And if they didn't get it, they would take it. She tried to stay strong though, clinging onto hope that one day she would leave this hell. But even that thinned quickly, replaced by yet more desperation and sadness, as years passed and she was still no closer to escape than the day Skender brought her here. Her life was a blur of pain and misery. Nagini had no reason left to live. And then he came along. Credence. She quickly realized he was nothing like his predecessors. He didn't stare at her with lust, he had not once tried to grab her or have his way with her. No, he was shy, rarely meeting her eyes as he scrubbed clean the cage she was stuffed in. Sometimes he even sneaked scraps of his own modest meals to her, along with fresh water. He never came too close though. Always keeping his distance, as if sensing her fear. He was a bit strange, a clumsy, skinny boy, but he made Nagini feel safe. She grew to trust him as time passed.

Soon friendship bloomed between the twin, lonely souls. And even that bond transformed quickly. The two found absolution together, they were each other's saviors. Their souls were perfectly bound together is if by destiny. There seemed to be nothing capable of separating the two. No matter how many times Skender would whip Credence for as much as looking in his possesion's direction, he never stopped sneaking out to see her whenever possible. He was the only one able to glimpse Nagini's resiliance. Her strenght burning hot like a flame, refusing to be put out. She still had hope no matter how deep burried, it still lived on, binding the two of them closer together. Tethering them.

Chapter Text

Credence had just arrived at the circus two days ago but the ringmaster, Skender was already showing him around, telling Credence how to take care of or rather keep alive each of his beasts, as the ringmaster didn't much care for them Credence noted.
" This is the zouwu, you are to feed her and clean the cage once a day, understood? " Skender questioned gesturing to the cage where a restless, fearful creature sat. " I won't tolerate laziness boy " he added casting a meaningfull glance at the whip he always carried strapped to the belt on his large hips.
The sight of it alone brought back a memory of Mary Lou.

" You freak ! " She had screamed as she brought the belt down on his back, leaving behind a searing, red trail. The pain of it so intense it made Credence want to scream, but he knew couldn't. Not unless he wanted to make the punishment worse.

Fear twisted his insides at the memory but he forced it down. He couldn't get lost in his own head, not now.
" Yes, sir I understand " he answered softly, his voice barely above a whisper, he lowered his head, a sign of submission to the threatening ringmaster's authority.
They walked around the circus for a while, Skender showing off all his freaks, as he liked to call the animals he had heartlessly trapped. Credence just followed behind numb to it all. His eyes flickered from cage to cage with an uncomfortable feeling that made his stomach clench.
Finally they reached the very last tent. It was closed off, separated from the rest of the circus's inhabitants. Curiosity clawed at Credence but he kept his face schooled into a neutral expression.
" This is where the maledictus lives. The only job you have with her is to clean the cage. You are not to speak with her or interact with her, she is dangerous, no matter how soft her exterior " the ringmaster's tone was indifferent but there was something sinister there as well, something that made Credence's stomach twist. He had only spend a few hours with Skender but he could already tell that he was not a good man.
" Yes sir, thank you. I will get to work now " Credence replied, eager to get away from Skender as quickly as possible. The man looked him up and down then nodded storming off, an air of importance surrounding him. Credence was about to step inside when he caught sight of posters. Posters that hung on the wooden pole at the entrance of the tent.
"The Exotic Snake-Woman: Beauty and Danger Combined! " one of them stated. It depicted the woman in a seductive pose - her hands thrown above her head as if mid-dance, her back arched to emphasise the gentle curve of her waist and hips. Her legs were covered in serpantile scales and were slowly transforming into a long tail that coiled beneath her on the ground. Unease twisted Credence's gut. The posters looked violating and he couldn't help but feel sympathy towards the snake-woman. Because no matter how beautiful she didn't deserve to be paraded like that - as if she were an object, a prize to be won.
So Credence varily stepped into the tent, pulling apart the flaps of fabric. The stench of mildew, metal and damp earth hit his nostrils and he wrinkled his nose in revolt. It was clear that hygiene was the last of Skender's worries. Credence forced the nausea down and progressed inside slowly making his way towards the cage the maledictus lived in. He was unable to hide his shock at the sight - a woman lay sprawled on the floor, she moved like a dancer mid-performance as her human limbs slowly gave way to the scale-covered body of a serpent. Credence despite the shame he felt couldn't avert his gaze from her. She was beautiful, her skin porcelain clear and smooth like silk. Every movement was filled with quiet grace. She was slender and carried an undeniable strenght of a person who had been through too much, yet stood proud and unbroken. Credence suddenly realized his hands were on the cool, metal crates of the cage. He had gotten so carried away he didn't even register his own movements. The half-woman, half-snake turned to him abruptly as if struck, fear in her eyes. Her movements slowed and turned careful, deliberate.
" Désolé de vous déranger " Credence stammered quickly in broken french, his gaze dropping to the floor as shame reddened his cheeks. What was he doing? He had no right to stare at her like that, she needed privacy. He should have let her know he was here so she could have covered up.
" Ça va " the maledictus replied, quickly picking up a torn, old dress and slithering into it. The worn fabric enveloped her figure beautifully, as if it were made especially for her. After all it must have been given how Skender advertized her.
A soft smile touched her lips as she noticed Credence's red cheeks and awkward, apologetic gaze. She stepped forward and looked Credence over with a critical albeit gentle eyes. When she noted the cleaning supplies he was holding she relaxed slightly. Her shoulders slumped and her too-perfect posture was gone. She stepped aside, letting Credence into the cage. Despite Skender's warning Credence didn't fear the maledictus, on the contrary he felt drawn to her, as if she were a friend not a stranger. For a while Credence worked in silence. He cleaned the inside of the cage, scrubbing at the remainers of blood and dirt with a wet sponge. The living conditions terrified him and he couldn't help but feel like he was somehow invading the woman's privacy.
Even more posters were glued to the walls, these seemed older, caked with a fine layer of dirt and dust, their presence seemed to mock the woman standing before him. They depicted her in vulgar, seducive poses that highlighted her curvy frame, but captured none of her elegance or quiet grace. The girl before him - Nagini the poster said seemed more closed off, shy even. It was a stark contrast to the daring woman that stared at him from the posters. Noticing how she shifted slightly under his gaze Credence quickly looked away, studying the inside of the cage more closely. In the far corner a vanity stood. Makeup lay scattered all over it. A smudged, cracked mirror hung above, reflecting the posters back at him. Next to it on the dirty, scale-covered ground a worn matress was placed. It was shaby with nothing but a thin, torn blanket thrown carelessly over it.
For a while he worked in silence as Nagini sat curled up against the bars, but eventually the silence that had stretched between them became unbearable.
" Comment vous appelez-vous ? " Nagini asked in a flawless french accent. It took Credence a moment to realize what she was asking as his understanding of the language was passable at best. After the long awkward pause he responded, however in a barely coherent way, his accent thick.
" Je m'appelle Credence, et vous ? "
" Je m'appelle Nagini, ravi de faire votre connaissance " she replied, walking over to him slowly. Credence blinked at her in confusion, he had no idea what the latter part of the sentence meant and a blush crept over his face, betraying him. Nagini chuckled slightly, but not in a condesending way.
" Quelle est votre langue maternelle ? " she asked, a hint of curiosity in her voice. That Credence understood only partially but tried his best to answer.
" Anglais " he replied. It was one of the few words he had learned. Nagini smiled, her cheeks forming into cute dimples as her lips stretched wide. The next time she spoke it was in english, but with a thick accent Credence couldn't place.
" Can you teach me ? I don't know it much " Credence returned her smile and nodded happily.
" Yes, can you teach me french please ? " he asked in exchange. Nagini's eyes lit up, a spark dancing in her coffee-brown orbs.
" Happy to " she replied her smile growing even wider.
" We meet here at 11 am okay ? " she suggested, in her broken english. Credence gave a nod of agreement and carried on cleaning, once again in silence. But this time it was a little easier to bear.

~ the next day, 11 am ~

Credence entered the tent with cleaning supplies in hand, but he didn't plan on using them, not yet. He had spend the whole night unable to sleep due to his excitement. He couldn't wait to begin his study sessions with Nagini. She seemed equally as eager and greeted him with a smile. She was already waiting on him, sitting cross-legged on the ground, her back leaning on the wall. There were a few books laying in the dirt before her, but Credence couldn't make out what the titles said. He walked over to her and plopped down next to her, but not too close. He wanted to give her some space since it hadn't escaped his notice how vary she had been of him the day before. The lesson turned out to be a lot of fun for both of them, even though they couldn't communicate well yet, they were able to explain things to each other by gesturing or drawing on the dusty ground. At the end of it, they were both laughing and their lips were stretched into amused smiles that seemed to lip up the dull, eerie cage. They made it a priority to meet up everyday and soon they were able to talk to each other with ease, their speech a mix of french,english and wild gestures but they managed.

~ 2 months later, Nagini's tent ~

The circus was unusually quiet that day, the usual chatter and laughter of the performers replaced by the soft rustle of leafs in the autumn wind. The pair sat together sharing a silent moment. They had just finished their lesson and were slumped next to each other on the matress that served as Nagini's bed. They were both lost in thought, their gazes distant, a comfortable silence settling between them. Credence was the one to break it.
" Nagini, I have been thinking... " he cut himself off a slight blush creaping up his face.
" Yes ? " Nagini replied, her voice gentle, telling him to continue. With a deep breath Credence voiced the rest of his thoughts, in a near-perfect french accent. The merit of their shared lessons.
" You told me you were from Indonesia, right?" Nagini nodded, her lips twitching into a nostalgic smile as memories of her dear mother came to life again.
" Yes, I was 5 when Skender found me but I do recall small details about my time there. Mostly my mom, she taught me Indonesian before the curse.. - she trailed off a single tear running down her beautiful face.
" Before the curse took her life " Credence nodded, gently reaching out a hand. Letting Nagini decide whether she wanted to accept his quiet comfort. She did, her fingers intertwining with Credence's gently, but firmly. It was a moment before Credence continued once again.
" Could you teach me, please ? " Nagini's expression lit up with excitement at his words. She replied in her ever-improving english.
" Yes, of course I can teach you, nothing would make me happier than sharing this with you " a rare smile bloomed on Credence's lips as he whispered a soft
" Thank you " Nagini sat up a bit straighter, an expression of genuene happiness written across her features. The spark returned to her eyes, the one she always wore around Credence. It was a small sign of just how comfortable he made her feel.
" Are you ready to start ? " she asked, her tone light, teasing almost. Credence barked out a laught at that, she was the only person whom he trusted enough to show this side of himself to.
" Yes, I am " there was amusement in his voice and it lingered all throughout the lesson.

Nagini first taught him some basic words, then once he got the hang of it she progressed to more complicated ones along with some simple phrases. Credence was a very fast learner, soaking up each of her words like a sponge would water. The language had a soft ring to it and coming from Nagini it sounded beautiful. He just couldn't get enough of it.

Once the lesson was over he had to leave and carry on with his job at the circus - cleaning the cages and feeding all of Skender's beasts and oddities as the ringmaster called them, but he promised Nagini to return in the evening, even though he knew he technically wasn't allowed to do that. All the workers had a strict curfew and were they to break it, the consequences would be severe. It wasn't often that Credence was the target of Skender's anger but when he was the beatings he endured were long and cruel, leaving him bruised and bleeding for weeks.

As Credence went about his dull task, he couldn't help but get lost in his head again, but for once the thoughts weren't of the abuse he had endured but of Nagini.
Over the course of the last two months he had realized his feelings for her went deeper than just friendship. He wanted to be with her, to spend every free moment together. A part of him was terrified to admit it as he had never been in a safe, healthy relationship before and the fear of rejection was not far from his mind, but with Nagini things felt different somehow and he found he was unable to keep his feelings a secret any longer. So when evening approached and all the remaining workers settled in their tents, exhausted and drained from a day of hard work, Credence snuck out to see her.

Without a moment of hesitation he stepped inside the tent. There she was, sitting at the matress with a book in hand.
" Nagini, I need to tell you something " Credence said as a way of greeting before walking over and sitting on the ground next to her. Nagini looked up at him with a face full of concern.
" What is it Credence? " she asked gently, placing a hand on his shoulder. The movement made his stomach fill with butterflies.
" I realized that.. I want us to - I feel more for you than just friendship " he confessed, struggling for words, but for once that was not due to his poor language skills. Nagini's brows furrowed in confusion. Taking a deep breath Credence forced the words out at last.
" Aku cinta kamu " he confessed. The words hanging like a promise in the air between them. Nagini looked at him with a mixed expression he couldn't quite read, but he hoped she reciprocated his feelings. After a moment during which Credence felt the urge to bolt and run she finally spoke. And when she did a wide smile upturned her lips. The raw sincerity and honestly of Credence's words made her chest tighten. It reminded her all-too-well of the time before the circus, before all the pain. For a moment she was back there again, in their little wooden cottage at the outskirts of the Indonesian jungle, just by the sea. Her mother holding her close in a gentle embrace, pressing a kiss to her daughter's forehead.
" Aku cinta kamu " she had whispered then.
I love you. And hearing the words from Credence in her native language healed a wound she didn't even know she had and she realized she felt the same way.
" I love you too Credence " she whispered, her voice a mix of sorrow and happiness. Then even though doubt swirled in her mind she brought their lips together. It was soft and intimate, and Credence found himself returning the kiss. To others it would have been a simple gesture but to them it was so much more than that, it was a sign of trust, it solidified their bond, deepening it further. It was like a tether, a whispered promise of their love.

Chapter Text

Chapter 4

It was late evening and Credence and Nagini had finally found a quiet, free moment to spend together. This time they sat outside on a worn blanket they took from Credence's tent. The air smelled of fresh-cut grass and herbs. There was a slight breeze, it played with Nagini's long, dark strands of neatly aranged hair. A half-eaten plate of food sat in her lap - hard cheese, a few vegetables and a small slap of meat. It was not much, but it was better than most meals they received. Taking another bite Nagini glanced at Credence, immidietally she knew something was off. His plate was untouched and he was just stabbing at the food with his fork but he never brought it to his mouth. It was clear he was afraid and Nagini felt a pang of sympathy.

She herself had struggled with food for years due to what she had endured. Her body hadn't felt like her own, she had started avoiding mirrors because all she could see were their hands, grabbing at her despite her protests. She learned to hate her body, it represented what she thought was weakness. Everytime she caught a glimpse of herself it was a cruel reminder that her body didn't belong to her, that she was just an object to be used and moulded to others's desires. But as time passed she realized that not eating didn't give her control, no it was just another cage. But this time it was one she had trapped herself in. And now seeing Credence so obviously struggle with the same terrible illness made her want to cry.

Gently Nagini moved closer, taking Credence's hand in hers. When she spoke her voice was soft, although it carried a notable hint of concern.
" Credence please you need to eat. You don’t need to finish it all, but please just try to take a bite. " he just looked at her, his gaze empty, like he was looking right through her. For a moment they were both silent, the air around them turning suffocating and frigid. In the oppresive silence Nagini made a choice, as painful as it was, she knew it was right.

So even though it hurt to bring it up, to force herself to remember it all over again, Nagini knew she needed to help Credence. And relating to him, showing him that she understood the silent war that was waging in his mind was the best way to do so.

" I used to struggle with the same thing you know. I wouldn't eat for days and when I did I would try to ' make up ' for it because I thought I didn't deserve to eat." Nagini confessed, drawing quotation marks in the air with her fingers.
"I felt like I was not in control when I allowed myself even just a bite. I spend years hating my body because I though I deserved it. I hated myself for not being able to defend myself against them -" A sharp intake of breath swallowed Nagini's next words. Silence stretched again, Nagini using the quiet moment to collect herself again.
"I hated the sight of myself because all I saw were their groping hands, hurting me while Iay still, letting it happen." Again her voice broke, but this time tears, hot and sticky ran down her cheeks. "Unclean" Skender had called her. Pinning the girl's hands to the bed, pulling up her skirt and... A gentle voice brought her back - Credence. "Nagini, it's okay, you don't have to tell me everything. Not unless you want to." He coaxed her gently, laying his hand palm up on his knee. A choice, one only Nagini would decide of. Slowly she slid her fingers into Credence's and with a deep breath forced the words to form again. Credence was right she didn't have to say everything, but it was her choice to make and she had already made it.

"I viewed food as a tool for gaining back what had been taken from me." Nagini continued, voice wobbly, but steadier than it had been just a moment ago. Credence's gentle presence gave her more courage than she cared to admit.
" I thought it gave me back control, but the truth is Credence that it never did, it was just another cage. One that I locked myself in. And only I could unlock it again. So please, let me help you." Her voice cracked again, but she didn't stop speaking. No, she needed him to see and know how much it hurt her to see him like this. She needed him to understand she wanted to help him. Slowly Credence turned to face her, his expression a mix of guilt and sorrow. His hand gave hers a reassuring squeeze. The gestrure making tears ran into Nagini's eyes again.

" I am so sorry Nagini." Credence whispered, he sounded almost guilty, clearly he hadn't expected for Skender's abuse to run this deep.
"You didn't deserve that, no one does." His voice was thick with unsaid words, with the weight of all he had been carrying for far too long. He stared at his plate, the sight of it making his stomach churn with both hunger and unease. When he looked at food all the bad memories came back to him. Mary Lou's cruel voice, yelling at him he didn't deserve to eat, telling him that he was a mistake - that he was better dead.

"Hunger cleanses the sin." She would say before the belt struck his spine. And Credence would let her.
The plate of food wasn't just fuel, no it was a weapon. It brought back all of his still-unresolved feelings for Graves, how the man had used food to control him. How he used to force Credence to eat even when the boy struggled against him. It all made eating seem like an impossible task, like an unpleasant chore, a punishment. But seeing how worried Nagini was about him and hearing of her own experience made something inside him break.

Hesitantly he took the fork to his mouth and swallowed the bite of food even as the voice - Mary Lou's voice screamed at him for it. "Devil's spawn, I shall deliver you from sin."

Slowly with Nagini's guiding and gentle presence he was able to finish the meagre portion. And when he did she looked at him with pride in her eyes, that slight spark bringing light to her dark orbs.
" Thank you " he murmured, automatically switching to Indonesian, as he always did whenever they faced a tough moment together. She hesitantly pulled him into a hug, making sure to not crowd him, keeping a small distance between them for both their comforts.

They stayed like that for a long moment, the afternoon sun shining down on them, giving the pair a warm halo. Soon the bright orange sky turned a light-red shade casting a beautiful glow over the green grass, providing them with a breathtaking sight. It was only then that they pulled away, slowly making their way together to the tent they now shared.

~ 2 weeks later ~

It was a hot summer night. Credence and Nagini were sitting next to each other, below a large tree. It's branches provided some protection from the impossible heat, but it wasn't enought to stop the sweat that made their clothes cling uncomfortably to their skin. Usually though they would be making conversation and chatting away, happy to be able to spend this little time together in their usual mix of languages, but this time silence stretched on between them, taut as a high wire. There was something off with Nagini. Credence didn't press, she had a show the previous night and he knew better than to question her about it. However when she fliched away from him, which was something she rarely ever did Credence could no longer swallow the question that was just at the tip of his tongue.
" Are you alright ? " he asked keeping any judgement out of his tone. Nagini just regarded him with an empty gaze that was so unlike her usual sparky eyes when she looked at him. Credence felt something in his stomach twist, he had an uncanny feeling he knew what had happened. With a shaky breath he forced the question out.
" Was it Skender again ? " she looked at him then, her gaze heavy with shame and guilt. A single tear rolled down her cheek.
" Yes " her voice was barely above a whisper, hoarse and broken. It shattered Credence's heart to see her like this. So broken, ashamed the spark gone from her eyes. She always wore that look after an unsuccesful night. Whenever there was not enough interest in the shows, therefore a lack of money, Skender sold her to greedy men. Men that came only because of her beauty. Men that couldn't wait to have their way with the rare maledictus. She never cried, no matter how much it hurt, no matter how long it lasted. She was strong, but it evidently came at a high price. Each time it happened she felt a bit less human, it was like becoming but a shell of her former self. It was harder to smile, to feel joy or to trust those close to her, even Credence. The isolation left her feeling hollow. Credence moved closer cautiously, making sure Nagini had enough space to pull away if she felt threatened or unsafe. She shuddered slightly as Credence's scarred arms closed around her, but made no move to push him away. They stayed like that for a while, melting into the comforting embrace. The world seemed a little less cruel in Credence's arms.

~ 2 months later ~

Summer had just come to an end. The blooming flowers and herbs were replaced by fallen leafs of various shades - from dark green through bright yellow to deep red. The colorful trees covered in their fruits gave way to empty branches. The blazing-hot wether became calmer, now alternating between rain and a cold breeze. Nagini and Credence sat huddled together in her tent, piping mugs of tea clutched in their hands. They were soaking up the quiet that had befallen the circus. There was none of the usual cheering from the crowd, no chatter and loud laughter of performers, no crack of Skender's whip. Just the blessed silence. The pair was making conversation in various languages, but mainly focused on indonesian. It was Nagini's native language and Credence loved learning it so a lot of their conversation happened in the tongue.
" I missed you today, sayangku " Nagini said as she ran her hands through Credence's short, black hair. He looked up at her, brows furrowed in confusion, he was still mostly unfamiliar with the language, but his progress was steady. Nagini noticing this explained the word, her tone soft and gentle.
" It means my love. That is what you are to me Credence. I trust you and I never want to lose you " Credence smiled at her with a quiet " thank you " before falling silent again. After a moment however another smile spread over his lips, wider this time. Still when he spoke, he struggled for words.
" Nyonya saya - my lady, that is how I see you. You are strong, resilient, you make me feel like I am worth something, you make me feel alive. I care about you and I will never leave, I promise " Nagini looked at Credence with that kind spark in her eyes, one that send butterflies flying in his stomach.
" Thank you sayangku, no one has ever called me that before. It - it means a lot to me " Credence slowly pulled her closer, placing a soft kiss on Nagini's smooth lips.
" You deserve so much more than this Nagini, I hope one day we can leave this all behind. Start anew, somewhere far away from here. Just the two of us, together " Credence replied confidently, letting the truth of his confession bring then even closer. His words made Nagini's heart nearly burst with joy and she leaned in, kissing him again. They scrambled to their feet, their hands tugging at their clothing, but before things could escalate Credence paused for a moment, worry creasing his handsome face.
" Are you sure you are ready ? We don't have to go through with this if you're not comfortable " Nagini's eyes filled with tears and for a brief moment Credence was worried he had somehow messed it all up, but then she spoke again, her voice kind and calm.
" I have never been more sure of anything in my life Credence, I want to share this with you, only you " Credence didn't look entirely convinced but she cut off his further questions with a deep, passionate kiss, simultaniously unbuttoning his suit. For a moment Credence tried to push back the primal need that rose to life inside him, but as Nagini's hands moved along his body, removing yet another piece of his clothing he couldn't stop himself from following her lead. Gently he unziped the zipper of her dark-blue dressing gown and it fell to the floor gracefully as she stepped out of it in one smooth movement. Soon all their clothes lay on the dirty ground and they stumbled over to the bed, nearly collapsing into the sheets. Each of their movements was deliberate, showing trust and comfort. Credence let Nagini take the lead. At first it was clear she was unsure and afraid, doubt swirling in her mind, but as they progressed it was replaced by confidence. Their kisses grew more deep and intimate, like whispered promises. She pressed Credence's body gently onto the matress, making sure he was comfortable before gently guiding him inside her. He slipped in easily and she set the pace. It was slow, but there was no rush. It wasn't about speed but about trust, about love. Every thrust made them come together, solidifying their bond, tethering them. It made them both feel whole and briming with life, like nothing else ever had. In the quiet, calm moments that followed they lay tangled up in the sheets, a bundle of limbs, now bound by an invisible, but unbreakable bond. It wasn't just about the physical act, but about the emotional one as well. They had now let each other in completely, becoming each other's equals.

Nagini, now tired after their act of love leaned her head on Credence's chest, his arms wrapped around her gently and he placed a kiss on her forehead.
" Sayangku, thank you for giving me this, it means a lot to me " Credence only kissed her again, his words muffled as her hair brushed agaist his mouth.
" Nyonya saya it was my pleasure " he pulled away slightly, taking her hand in his. With a smile on his lips he looked into her eyes, searching for premision. She gave it right away with a soft nod. Credence brought the back of Nagini's hand to his lips and kissed it gently. Then he pulled away, lowering himself to the sheets. As Nagini cuddled up to him, their breating even and steady they both let themselves melt into the soft touch. And for the first time neither felt afraid to face the day ahead. Now that they had each other things would be different, they could finally escape and start anew, because all they needed was their shared bond. A bond of love and trust, one that made them feel complete.

That night they talked about leaving,running away. They had had enough of Skender's cruelty. They were done with the circus. The thin tents the workers slept in, piled onto each other to keep warm even during summer, the cage Nagini was forced into against her will, cramped with the other beasts, their misery filling the tight space. Months went by before an opportunity finally presented itself. But when it did they didn't hesitate to take it.

During one of the many shows when Skender was too busy showing Nagini off, Credence snuck into the back, breaking a cage filled with firedrakes. Tiny flying lizards, emmiting flame from their tails. They flew straight at Skender and Nagini struck as well. Throwing her body against the cage, causing the audience to break into a frenzy. Screams sounded all around them, but they couldn't care less. Clutching their hands together, the obscurial and maledicus ran. Not once looking back. Because for the first time in their lives they were not afraid.

Chapter Text

The life on the streets was tough, but anything was better that the tangle of pain and suffering their lives had been so far. As ironic as it was, they were better fed on the streets, having to fend for themselves, often resulting to stealing, than they were at circus Arkanus. They found comfort in their new life as outcasts. There was no one constantly breathing down their necks, no one to harm them, it was peaceful. Having finally escaped Credence could focus anew on his quest to find his biological mother, uninterrupted at last. Nagini was glad to tag along. Their lives finally garnished a new purpose, they had something to live for and that something was each other. During the few short days they were free. Finally free! What's more their search for Credence's parentage proved fruitfull, or at least at first glance. They were able to track down Irma Dougard, the woman who was supposted to be Credence's mom. But they were vary to approach her. So after a day of hidding in an attic, directly above Irma's place they finally gathered enough courage to speak to her. Of course she was mortified when two complete strangers came into her house and began questioning her, but after Nagini's smooth explanation she settled, albeit still reluctant. Credence couldn't help the wild thrill that filled him. He had found his real mother at last ! He will finally have family in which he belongs.
" I am not your mother, I was just a servant. I looked after you. You were a beautiful baby and you are a beautiful man. " Irma said softly, but sadly. The world came to a standstill and Credence's breath hitched. The exhilaration he had felt a moment before shattered to tiny pieces. Irma moved to hug Credence and to his own surprise he let her. Suddenly a spell hit her. Her lifless body crumpling to the floor. Credence turned, fury flarring up. There was a man standing in the middle of the small apartment, holding a still-raised wand in his hand. Nagini was nowhere to be seen. Credence's eyes wildly scanned the whole space. There! She was trapped by a spell inside a wall, her body twisting, she was in serpent form again. Panicking and trying to break free from the spell holding her in place. Credence lost control for merely a second and his osbcurus took hold of him. The house exploded, but Credence's anger was directed only at the killer of Irma. The obscurus thrashed against the invisible shield that the man had cast over himself, trying in vain to break it. To kill him. The wizard disapparated and Credence's body took form again. He was panting heavily, tears running down his face. Nagini stepped towards him, now freed from the curse that had binded her only moments prior. Her hand came to rest on Credence's face, her fingers cupping his cheek gently. She pulled him into an embrace. He let the tears fall freely. He was struggling to process everything that had happened in the span of but a few minutes. It made him so angry to think he could have finally known who his real mother was, only for her to die before his very eyes. It pained him.
Later that night, after they had already retired back to the attic they had settled into, a strange visitor decided to come by. Grindenwald sat at the roof of the building, his legs outstretched before him.

When he spotted Credence and Nagini approaching he got up to greet them. Their eyes flickered to him in bewilderment. Why was he here? Had he come to hurt them? He didn't look threatening at all though. He stood up walking closer to the pair.
What is it you want, my boy?" Grindenwald's tone was light, gentle. But it still made Nagini feel uneasy and she grabed hold of Credence's hand.
" I want to know who I am" Credence answered, desperation bleeding into his voice, raw and unfiltered.
"Come to Per Lachaise cementary tonight, you will find the answers you seek" with that he dropped a map at their feet.
" How do we know we can trust you? " Credence questioned varily, standing protectively before Nagini, having taken note of her hesitance.
" Because, I want to help you, Credence " Grindenwald's mouth twisted into a smug smile. Credence stood shocked. The wizard actually sounded genuene, maybe he was telling the truth. Maybe he actully meant to help him. Grindenwald narrowed his mismatched eyes at Credence who gave a barely perceprible nod.

With a loud pop the wizard disapparated. The wind, blowing past softly was the only sound that cracked the silence.
" We shouldn't come " Nagini said in protest, she knew how much it meant to Credence, but still felt frightened at the though of having to mingle with Grindenwald and his followers.
" Nagini please " Credence pleaded, his voice thick with unspilled tears.
" Okay, but we have to keep close " she relented, though fear was written across her features. She had a bad feeling about Grindenwald, but seeing how desperate Credence was to find his family Nagini just didn't have it in her to refuse him. She wouldn't hold him back.
So they didn't discuss it again, not even as they neared the cemetary.

They went into the tomb, which's name was written on the back of the map Grindenwald had given them. They soon found themselves surrounded by strangers. Who are all these people? Credence thought to himself, as he shifted nervously, unable to stay still. Nagini on the other hand seemed to have gone perfectly motionless, most likely out of fear. A swarthy wizard stood in the middle of the eerie tomb, his gaze flickered to Credence and he immidietally raised his wand, ready to strike. Nagini jumped between the two, her body transforming into that of a serpant. She attacked the wizard, blocking all his attempts at harming Credence.
" Move, move back ! Out of the way! If I must kill you as well as Corvus I shall! "
A young woman raised her wand at him, he swung around to see her.
" Stop ! " she yelled.
" Yusuf ? " she asked, tears in her eyes.
" Is that really you? My little sister? " the wizard replied, in disbelief, his own eyes watering a little. Credence stepped forward, clearly impatient.
" So he's your brother. Who am I? "
" I don't know " the witch answered, sadness lacing every word. He pushed past her, facing Yusuf, unprotected.
" I am tired of living with no name and no history.Tell me my story, than you can end it" he said determined. Yusus gestured to the woman, saying
" Your story, is our story" and then he began to tell the tale. Credence listened on, intently. He was hang on every word. He imagined the whole story vividly as they spoke. Was this his real identity ? He was hungry for more.

Finally Yufus finished.
" All he cared about was little Corvus " a beat passed.
" So this is the truth ? I am Corvus Lestrange?" Credence asked, a wild thrill in his voice, he was so close to finally finding out who he really was. To finally having a name and story.
"Yes - No " Yufus and the witch said in tandem. Credence's eyes went from one to the other. Confusion mixed with dissapointed in his gaze.
Then the pair started bickering, but Credence tuned out their words, he had long learned to dissociate whenever people argued near him. There was just one single sentence that caught his attention.
" Corvus Lestrange is already dead. I killed him! " the witch screamed in despair and Credence's heart dropped. So he was not Corvus after all. He still had no name, no story. He was once again a nobody. The witch summoned a tiny box. A family tree of the Lestrange. They all gathered round. There was distant chatter, but Credence couldn't focus on any of it. All he saw was the name Corvus Lestrange, marked dead. He stared at it as dissapointment and hopelessness swirled in his gut.
An opening suddenly appeared in the wall of the masouleum. Everyone stared at the steps leading down into the earth. The roars of a big crowd rumbled beneath them. Everyone seemed to be in a hurry to get downstairs, but Credence waited until everyone had gone, before reaching out his hand to Nagini and the two walked together. Upon reaching the bottom, they both stiffled with terror.
" They are purebloods, the kill the likes of us for sport! " Nagini complained loudly, clearly in distress. She gripped Credence's hand tighter. But Credence carrierd on walking even as Nagini tried to hold him back. He needed to know who he was, everything else be damned. Nagini followed hesitantly, fear rising inside her with each step. Grindenwald walked to the middle of the spacious auditorium. His voice carried across the whole room, everyone waited with bated breath. Credence watched, transfixed. Grindenwald said he could help him, and as Credence listened, he felt the truth of the man's words. He felt strangely drawn to him, as if Grindenwald's voice had a hypnotic effect, he just couldn't pull his eyes away.
The more words spilled from Grindenwald's mouth the more he drew Credence in. His promises of power and a fear-free life hit Credence hard like a blow. That was exactly what he had craved since childhood, he had craved to express his magical ability without the ever-present, overhelming fear and shame. Soon Grindenwald's words were all Credence could focus on. Doubt rose inside him, as much as he loved Nagini, she couldn't give him this. Not like Grindenwald could.
He had made his choice, stepping forward, ready to join Grindenwald's ranks, but Nagini's tight grip made him turn around. She looked so scared, fragile almost.
" He knows who I am" Credence said, voice full of longing and desperation.
" He knows what you were born, not who you are ! " Nagini pleaded, pulling closer to the obscurial. As though she could tether him to her.
" He is trying to manipulate you, can't you see? It's all lies. Please, please stay with me. Credence!" Nagini's voice was full of despairation, she held onto Credence like a lifeline. Tears flowing down her beautiful face.
" You promised you'd never leave ! " her voice was a broken plea. Credence wavered just for moment, remembering how much they had been through together. His heart shattered and tears came into his eyes, matching Nagini's tears streaked face. He hesitated for a brief moment, remembering all that they shared together, all they helped each other survive.
A circle of blue flame engulfed the auditorium and one by one Grindenwald's followers stepped through, disapparating quickly after. Credence decided then, slipping away from Nagini. Leaving her behind. In every way it felt like a betrayal. Like tearing apart the bond they had built.
He stepped through the flames, tears spilling from his eyes, already feeling the weight of his own shame. Grindenwald embraced him, gently.
" This has all been for you, Credence " he said before letting Credence disapparate.

~ 3 months later ~

Credence stood in a large drawing room, looking out of a window. He was lost in thought, unsure whether he had made the right decision by leaving Nagini. Not a day had gone by when his thoughts hadn't wandered off to her.
His inner turmoil was interrupted when Grindenwald walked into the room. His movemets slow and deliberate.
" I have a gift for you, my boy" he said, pulling a wand from behind his back and handing it to Credence. The boy stared at it, enchanted. He couldn't believe his eyes. Then he reached out his hand and the bird chick Credence had been carrying with him, gingerly walked into the wizard's palm. Grindenwald thrust it up, into the air, where it was swallowed by flame. It was a phoenix reborn.
" It is your birthright my boy. As is the name I now restore to you. Aurelius. Aurelius Dumbledore. We will go down in history together, as we remake this world " Grindenwald whispered, almost seductively. Credence-or Aurelius as Grindenwald had just revealed turned back towards the window. The name hang heavy in the air between them, as did the truth it brought. Was this what he had been searching for all this time? Was this the reason he had been abandoned, left in a world that brought him nothing but pain? Or was it all just another lie, a manipulation? His head spun with the questions, chaotic and overhelming. Shakily he reached out a hand to the pheonix. It allowed him to stroke its warm feathers, as if understanding the wizard's inner turmoil, the silent battle that was waging in his mind. Smearing ash all over the obscurial hand, the chick leaned into his palm.

His family had abandoned him, hadn't they? He turned to face Grindenwald searching for answers in the wizard's unreadable expression.
" You have suffered the most henious of betrayals, bestowed upon you by your own flesh and blood, and now your brother seeks to destroy you" Aurelius felt a wawe of anger and hatred wash over him. So he had really been unwanted, a dirty secret, better dead. His body trembled slightly, the realization finally downing on him. He had left the only person who ever loved him behind, abandoned her just like his family did to him. His hands clenched into tight fists. The pheonix settled on his shoulder, offering little comfort to his owner. His breaths came in quick, ragged, needy gulps as Credence struggled to process all the information Grindenwald had hurled at him. Aurelius turned to look at the wizard, to demand he tell him more, but Grindenwald was already gone. Credence's body shook with uncontrolable rage. His obscurus buzzed with power, that could at last be channelled. It scared Credence, knowing what destruction it had brought in the past. But a wild thrill awoke his alongside that fear, strange and unfamiliar. Let it go, it whispered. Show them what you are capable of. Make them scared of you.
He pointed the wand at the glass, a spell of immense power shattering it along with a mountain opposite. Credence stared through the broken glass, admiring his own handiwork. Each fragment, now laying at his feet was a cruel reminder of the life he had left behind and the life he could have had, had his family not left him with Mary Lou.
His eyes flickered over to the moutaintop, destroyed. For some reason that filled him with pride. He was extraordinary and this was just his beggining. It made him feel powerful even if just for a moment.
He was going to kill Dumbledore, he was going to do so gladly he woved. But the wild rush of power evaporated too-quickly and Aurelius was left feeling hollow. While the destruction brought him temporary reprieve, it didn't change anything. Not really. He was still left with the whirlwind of his thoughts,
questioning whether following Grindenwald was truly the right choice. During the three months the wizard had changed. He was no longer so kind to Credence, now making demands of him. Moulding the obscurial to whom he wanted him to be rather than helping Credence get over his complicated, still sore wound of his own stupidity. It was now clear those were his intentions all along. But Credence had been pulled in too deep, he was a prisoner anew, but this time he was more than certain no one would come to save him.
There was doubt, deep seeded in his chest. Weighing him down. The imagine of Nagini flowed to the surface once more, her tear-streaked face as she begged him to stay. He didn't listen. Now he wished he had. There was nothing in this world he wouldn't sacrifice to once again be held by the woman he still loved, despite everything. But that would never happen again. He had hurt her, the knife cut too deep. She surely hated him now. Perhaps even more than he did. If only he could go back in time and never leave. Never follow Grindenwald. Tell her how much he loved her, stay with her forever until death do them part. Regret pooled inside him, repulsive. The pain of it so strong it kept him awake at night. Along with the ever-strenghtening nightmares of his live in New York. With Nagini it got better. He was able to sleep through the night peacefuly, but now when he was alone again, there was nothing to keep the nightmares at bay. He hated himself for what he had done. The guilt tearing him from within. But he knew there was no turning back now. What was done was done. He couldn't despise himself more.
This wasn't right and he knew it. He was taking a dark turn, one he wasn't entirely sure he could undo. He was scared he would become something beyond redemption. Scared of becoming Mary Lou's likeness.

Chapter Text

Nagini lay curled up, in an abandoned alley. Her body trembling with the cold. Exactly three months had passed since Credence had left her. She had spend every moment searching for him, while still trying to make sense of his betrayal. Why had he left her? Was it because he didn't love her anymore? Was she simply so broken that even Credence could no longer piece her back together? Or was he disgusted with what had been done to her? Did he think her dirty, unlovable? Was it all just a game all along? Had he ever loved her, like she loved him? The questions kept her awake at night, as did the nightmares, that started soon after Credence had left. At first they were just of the men, Skender. Pushing her down, pinning her body under their own, hitting her when she tried to protest, when she screamed and cried for them to stop. But soon they became that of Credence. Each one worse that the previous. Credence leaving her, as her body caught fire, burning alive. Her body becoming permanently that of a serpant, unable to change back, to regain its former humanity. Credence forcing himself on her, just like all other men. Sometimes she wondered what was real and what a nightmare. Was Credence ever this kind or had she just imagined it all, desperate for someone to hold her without hurting her? She should hate him. She knew that, but every fibre of her body still loved him, longed for him. Longed for the many nights they had spend cuddling, lying in the grass under the bare sky with nothing but a blanket of stars overhead. Just thinking about him made her chest tighten painfully and tears come into her eyes. She wanted him back, but she knew it wouldn't work like that. He would only hurt her again. That was what men did, they hurt her, cutting her soul into pieces, as they did her body. But no matter how hard Nagini tried she couldn't get herself to dispise Credence. Not even a little bit. Her love for him still burned strong, depsite her fruitless attempts at putting out the flame. Even after all he had broken inside her.

She had no appetite, rest was but a far dream. Unreachable and distant. She had lost all the spark Credence's presence brought. Once again she found herself at the verge, ready to tip over the edge. Her life had no purpose anyomore. It was gone. Credence had taken it with him as he stepped through the flames.
Still the maledictus wished for Credence's kind, warm hands, tracing along her bare skin, unlike all the others, gentler, softer, non violent.
Sometimes it felt like she was going insane, like the walls were closing in on her. But she refused to crumble. Not this time. She would seek him out, she would show him that he had not broken her yet. That no one had been strong enough to break her. As much as it hurt, Nagini knew she had to snap the tether. She had to let Credence go, otherwise she would suffocate.

She would not spend her last years of humanity, trying to mend her broken heart. She decided then, that she would never let another man decide her worth. That no man would ever have power over her. Not ever again.

Nagini was still standing, tall and proud. And even as her humanity slipped away, giving way to the raw power of the serpent, she was more than glad that she had let it all go. That she had finally unmade the last of the bond her and Credence had shared. He was nothing but a fond memory now. One the serpent looked back at, filled with nothing but happiness, it no longer threatened to drag her under. To drown her.
And for now that was enough for her. Now she was finally enough.

Chapter Text

Three months have passed since Credence decided to join Grindenwald's side. He felt both fulfilled and regretful about his choice. Grindenwald's words and actions oftentimes clashed. Not quite matching. He promised to give Credence the world in a honeyed voice, yet that same voice turned harsh and sharp like a knife the moment Credence failed to live up to Grindenwald's immpossibly high standarts. It all only left Credence more conflicted. He genuenly missed Nagini and often found his thought straying from training to focus on her instead. But then again Grindenwald's sweet promises rang in his ears. They seemed too good to be true sometimes. Maybe because they were.

" They had abandoned you Credence, you are nothing to them. They let you suffer for years, while they stayed behind, safe in their own homes. But I - I want to help you my boy. If you want my help however you must cooperate. That is why I must punish you. With time you will realize that I am not cruel. I am helping you, but you can't keep resisting."
Grindenwald would tell him, as he stood towering above Credence's crumpled form. Wand raised, spell already firing. The cruciatus was painful, yes, but nothing could compare to the pain that crushed Credence's chest when Grindenwald's face twisted with dissapointment. When his voice turned colder than ice and sharper than steel. When he used the cutting curse instead. When he let red soak into his carpet and smear over his ever-polished shoes. Credence wanted to believe that he could still be saved, that this pain would somehow put an end to his weakness. He really tried to believe it, but some part of him couldn't. Not when the promise of safety was broken. Over and over again.

And after weeks of this useless back and forth the boy didn't know how to believe Grindenwald anymore. He of course wanted to be helped, but pain had never been of help to him before. It was like living with Mary Lou all over again. But worse. Because there weren't just strict rules he had to abide by but also painful love. Grindenwald didn't always use the cruciatus to break Credence, sometimes he just used his body. Gentle hands turned cruel, voice soft like velvet wrapped steel and fingers digging into warm flesh like a blade. That violence wrecked Credence above all, because for once there was no blood, just soft sheets and warm fingers that somehow felt more violating than cold steel.

He tried telling himself that both Mary Lou and Grindenwald had been right and that their punishments weren't a sign of cruelty but rather of care. But no matter how hard he tried he just couldn't make himself believe their words. But as time passed and Grindenwald's honeyed promises never stopped ringing inside Aurelius's head he found himself questioning his judgement. What if he really didn't understand? What if Grindenwald was really trying to help him out and he was pushing him away? What if Mary Lou meant to do the same? What if it was his fault all along? Eventually he became so tangled up in his own feelings he could no longer tell which thoughts belonged to him and which were not. So he drowned them all in bubbles. That way he didn't need to wonder. He didn't have to think, all there was to do was reach for the bottle and the world fell away; slipping from his grasp like wet silk - the same silk Grindenwald insisted he wore wrapped around his ever-thinning waist.
All he needed was to keep himself in line long enough and maybe then everything would stop. He just needed it to be right and Grindenwald would never touch him again.

Life at Nurmengard was harsh. Grindenwald demanded Aurelius train with him. He said it was for his own good, but Aurelius knew well enough that was a lie. All Grindenwald ever wanted was control, and he got it, eventually. By hurting Aurelius for every failiure then stuffing him up when the boy was 'good.' Aurelius felt suffocated by this constantly swinging pendulum of punishment and praise. He just couldn't keep up and instead chased his own tail like a confused puppy. It was tying a golden leash around Aurelius's throat - one that was clasped so tight it choked.

Aurelius often felt like a little child, just listening to the adults, trying to be like them. To fit in, no matter the cost. Telling himself that maybe then he would be safe. But he better than most knew safety was never given for free.

It was late evening. Aurelius had just finished duelling with Grindenwald. Already he could tell he had failed. Grindenwald's otherwise calm expression gave way to an ungly scowl of disgust. When he spoke, his voice was like the crack of a whip.
" Have you learned nothing ?! We have done this so many times before, and yet you keep failing. I will not tolerate that. You either do as you are bid or suffer the consequences. I heve been lenient with you long enough." The words burried themselves deep into Aurelius's heart. Just like shards of broken glass. They stung and he was unable to take them out.
" I am sorry, I really tried this time. Can't you see that? " there was a sharp edge to the boy's voice. He knew he was toying a fine line this time. Grindenwald's patience was easy to deplete and the consequences of doing so were terrible. But at that moment Aurelius just didn't have it in himself to care. He had been hurt so many times already. What could one more beating change?
" If this is what you call trying, you are more useful to me from the grave. Now try again. This is your last chance." Grindenwald's voice was calmer now. The anger now a distant memory, but his words brought the obscurial little comfort. Whatever Gellert had in mind it was bound to happen - when? - it didn't matter. All that mattered was that there would be punishment and Aurelius would have no choice, but to give in.

They dueled again and just like last time Aurelius lost spectacularly. The obscurus nearly breaking free again. He was lucky he caught himself in time to stop it. This time Grindenwald's fury was impossible to miss. He looked down on Aurelius with a face so full of loathing imade Aurelius's cheeks heat with shame.

" Crucio" the dark wizard whispered and agony exploded all over Aurelius's helpless form. The cruciatus curse was worse than any of ma's beatings. It was a clean way of torture. Swift, brutal and effective. Leaving behind not as much as a scratch. Aurelius's muscles were pulled taut, so much so he thought they might snap. The unbearable pain spread through his entire body as if lighting it on fire. It radiated through his very bones. It seemed to slash at his flesh, ripping it to pieces, but it left no marks.

Finally the pain ceised. Aurelius was lying in a puddle of mud and snow, his muscles spasming dully. Aurelius didn't even know if he had cried out or not. His throat felt raw and tears ran down his cheeks mixing with the ugly, cloudy water he lay in.

Embarrased he got to his feet and waited until Grindenwald left at last. Then he retired to his room. He slumped onto the soft covers - yet another uncomfortable reminder of the luxury Grindenwald held over his head like bait, ready to pull his hand back the moment Aurelius would dare come close.

Books on curses, spells pilled high on the shelves, all that Grindenwald wanted him to learn. But Aurelius didn't have the strenght to move, his mind refused to leave behind the memory of what he knew for sure would come. Soon enough there was a knock on his door and Aurelius jumped startled out of his thoughts. "He is expecting you in his chamber." A house elf informed the obscurial stifly. Fear filled the hunched creature's eyes, its ears flopped around as the elf nervously jumped from foot to foot. Aurelius swallowed thickly, tears filling his eyes depsite his best efforts to stop them. A part of him wanted to lash out, to scream and send the elf away, but he couldn't. Not because he didn't have the strenght to do it, but because standing there in front of it felt like looking into a warped mirror, a different version of himself stared back at him - so different, yet the same.

He walked the long marble hallway back into his room. His torso was marked by thin, shallow cuts from Grindenwald's blade. Aurelius's muscles cramped and he limped, still feeling the faint echo of Gellert’s hands on his hips as they slid lower. Automatically he bit down onto his lips to stiffle the sobs that rippled in his chest. He felt dirty, like Grindenwald had covered him in black, sticky tar that was impossible to wash of no matter how long Aurelius stood under the scalding water, watching it drip softly from the ceiling.

Again he reached for the whiskey-filled glass. He couldn't tell apart what was real and what imagined. His skull felt like splitting and yet he still brought the glass to his lip, drowning it in one gulp. The amber liquid burned as it slid down his throat, but Aurelius didn't even flinch, just poured another. And another, until his eyes fell shut and his stomach twisted upside down splashing whiskey and bile down the boy's collar. Only when the first ray of sunlight stroked Aurelius's cheek did he get up. Quietly he changed with a flick of his wand. He never dressed manually, because that would mean looking in the mirror and Aurelius didn't even have to look to know his reflexion wouldn't be his own. Not anymore.

He snuck out into the courtyard, taking some books with him. He stayed in the open space for hours, practicing. But his magic did not obey him. Gradually he grew frustrated. The osbcurus was taking hold of him again. Rising alongside bile and phantom hands. Aurelius was ready to hurl his wand across the field in anger. A kind voice made him drop his hands however. Queenie, Aurelius realized with no small amount of gratitude.
" Aurelius, what are you doing here so early, honey? " she asked, her voice was warm, soothing.
" I was just practicing. Grindenwald makes me." he refrained from talking about the inevitable torture awaiting him if he failed. He didn't need to say it though. Queenie sensed his panicked thoughts and using her gift of legilimensy snuck a peek into his mind. One that revealed all the obscurial was desperately trying to keep hidden.
" I can help you" she said softly. Gratitude flickered across the boy's face, the smile that shyly creeped onto his lips was bright as the sun. Queenie smiled back.
" Thank you" Aurelius replied, his eyes downcast, not daring to meet hers.

They kept meeting in the courtyard after that day. Sometimes for training, but mostly just for another's company. For Queenie had the gift to hear the unspoken and Aurelius to understand without words. Even as neither said it aloud they both felt a connection. That kind that doesn't demand anything in return, not even words.

Though trust was still a fragile, fleeting thing even at the best of times, but they made it work. The world had nothing more to take from them so what was one more heartbreak?

Chapter Text

Her depression started only a month after she had left Jacob. Queenie found it difficult to get out of bed, to brush her teeth or to as much as take care of herself. Her once immaculate outfits, full of bright colors now turned to crumpled, dark robes, that went unwashed for days at a time.

She started skipping meals just like the obscurial. On some days she was better, but most of the time the sadness and despear dragged her under, drowning her. Stealing air from her lungs, making her head spin wildly.

Queenie was previously very ougoing and social, but even that part of her seemed to drift away. She couldn't even bear to stay it the ever-crowded halls where Grindenwald hosted his many parties.

The crowds closed in on her, making her chest tighten with anxiety, something that had never happened to her before. She found herself bolting out of the room, nausea suddenly raising in her throat along with bile. Sometimes she would throw up, holding onto the bathroom walls for support, her head splitting with a sudden onslaught of pain.

She spend most of her time alone, cooped up in her room. Grindenwald often came to try and console her. After all she was the most useful tool he had gained during the Paris rally. He cared not for her but for the unique power dwelling inside her mind.

" What you did required immense bravery Queenie, with time he will forgive you. He loves you after all, does he not ? I know you are hurting right now, but sacrifices must be made if you want to love freely. You have made the right choice, do not doubt me. "

She didn't know what to think anymore. Grindenwald's carefully selected words planted doubt inside her mind. Sprouting too quickly.

Did Jacob love her? Would he stay with her even after her betrayal?

The days seemed to get longer still and Queenie's exhaustion was at its peak.
Grindenwald told her one thing, but did another.

He promised her she would be free to love Jacob as she wanted, but the actions of both him and his followers told another story.

During the lenghty meetings that made Queenie's stomach turn, they would discuss how to get rid of the no majes rather than how to help bring both communities together.

Their violent fantasies and intense hatred made Queenie's anxiety shoot through the roof. It made her nauseous, having to sit there and listen on to them making violent plans, that strayed completely away
from Grindenwald's tempting promises.

It was early morning. Queenie had gotten out and about only because of yet another meeting. She had already established that she hated them. But she didn't dare go against Grindenwald. She was too afraid that he would go back on what he had promised her. That fear was enough to hold her back.

She was walking around the courtyard when she noticed him. Credence stood surrounded by stacks of books, wand in hand. His eyes had gone completely white. A warning sign that his obscurus was about to burst out. Queenie had spent enough time around Aurelius to know how dangerous he could be in such a state. Swiftly she walked over to him.

"Aurelius what are you doing here so early honey?" The boy' head whipped around. They were now face to face. Suddenly a wawe of pain and despair hit Queenie like a physical blow.

She was now wearing Credence's form, lying on the ground, covered in mud and snow, agony eating away at every fiber of her being.

She blinked.

She was again standing directly in front of the obscurial. He was studying her curiously, his brows furrowed with confusion, as if expecting an answer. But Queenie hadn't heard him.

She had accidentally invaded Aurelius's privacy. It made her feel guilty, but also determined. Determined to help the boy escape further punishment. She also hoped it would prove a useful distraction. Something to help her get her mind off of Jacob.
" I can help you" she tried to sound cheerful even when it felt like all of her joy had been sucked dry. Aurelius's expression brightened, his shoulders slumping with unmistakable relief.
" Thank you" he replied, sounding genuenly grateful for Queenie's offer.

From that day on the pair met up together at the crack of dawn. Queenie, having had a proper magical education and years of practice quickly slid into the role of a patient teacher. Starting with the basics Credence should have learned as a child, and slowly progressing.

Even when Aurelius's frustration bubbled over she never once got angry.
" You are doing well honey, this takes time. You will get there"

The boy started making progress. It was slow but steady. Each small success a flickering light in the darkness.

Unfortunately no matter how well Aurelius prepared Grindenwald was not satisfied, which only added to Queenie's too-quckly mounting guilt.

It was enough she had started having nightmares of her own, but helping the obscurial was draining the last dregs of strenght she had left.

Queenie didn't know how long she could go on like this.

The nightmares were driving her crazy. Taking away the last remaining comfort she had found in sleep.

She dreamed of all the innocents, whose lives she had doomed. She could hear their desperate pleas as a green flash emmited from Grindenwald's wand.

She still heard the heavy thump of their bodies, lying motionless in the merciless snow.

Grindenwald used her as his personal spy. He forced her to infiltrate the minds of all his followers and then report back to him. To convey all of their thoughts and plans.

If they happened to be traitors Grindenwald or one of his eager followers would take their life. Not without torturing them first. Not without making Queenie watch.

She started resenting herself for complaying, but her fear of loosing Jacob was ever-growing, and Queenie was unable to fight it.

So she went along with Grindenwald's plans even though they were eating away at her from the inside out like parasites. Her mind was a whirlwind of thoughts and feeling she couldn't grasp.

Not even Aurelius's steady presence was enough to console her. To help her overcome her new-found struggles. She was of course grateful for all Aurelius did for her.

How he gently coaxed her to eat, even when she had no appetite left. How he persuaded her to get out of bed everyday, showing up at her door, clearly exhausted himself but with a smile blooming on his lips.

He always brought her a tray of food, despite the fact he rarely ever ate himself. Weirdly enough it brough the legilimens some consolation to know she was not the only one was grappling with guilt for going with Grindenwald.

She even started considering Credence a friend of hers now, though she could sense he still didn't know how to trust her.

Credence was of course not a replacement for Jacob. No one was, but he did help Queenie to slowly dig herself from the hole she had been burried alive in. And even though it didn't make all her self-hatred go away it was a start. And for now that was enough.