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It is not a notable day. Well, today, she doesn’t have any part-time or planning anything, so she can take a rest and compose music for her solo career path. At least, that was her plan until her phone buzzed slightly with the ID caller as ‘Wakaba Minami-san’ on the screen and the caller asking Sakiko to check up on her daughter. It is very rare for Mutsumi’s mother to contact her or pay attention to her daughter. Though Sakiko already promised herself she wouldn’t contact Mutsumi ever again, she felt bad now.
So, she brought a sports drink, some cold medicines, jelly, pudding, and apples from the nearest market. She is glad that she can now differentiate which apples contain the best quality and which do not, that’s why Sakiko think positively as one of the benefits of being in poverty for a period of her life. Ah, maybe cucumber too–Sakiko thought absentmindedly as she grabbed a few cucumbers and put it into her bag. Honestly, will Mutsumi eat this while sick though? No, more like, will she eat cucumber that doesn’t come from her garden?
Okay, maybe Sakiko thinks too much. Sakiko shook her head, if Mutsumi hadn’t eaten it while sick, maybe she would have eaten it later. Who knows? With that Sakiko proceeded to ring the bell, before huffing because well, no one could open the door for her. So Sakiko gives a message to Mutsumi’s mother asking her to open the door automatically–after a few minutes, the gate opens and Sakiko lets herself in.
As expected, there is no one in this house.
Mutsumi’s mother told Sakiko that the maid was on vacation until tomorrow. The Wakaba's household is already quiet normally, but usually there is guitar strum can be heard. But now it is completely silent. Sakiko sighed and walked toward her friend’s room–knocking it a few times but didn’t get any answer. Sakiko then let herself inside-it is unlocked.
“You are sick”, Sakiko stated as she found her childhood friend is lying on the bed with a red face. A nostalgic view, honestly–since Mutsumi often gets sick in the spring, she gets colds and allergies.
“How is your condition, Mutsumi?”, to be honest, Sakiko didn’t know how to approach her childhood friend ever since… Ave Mujica broke up. And it is been long time since she see Mutsumi–because Sakiko was too busy with her part-time, study, and composing music as a solo artist. But, yes, this is one of the exceptions–she can’t leave Mutsumi alone while she is sick, after all.
“Why are you here, Sakiko-chan?”, actually scratch that. Immediately hearing that nickname made Sakiko shiver a bit, not because of the flu, but because she knew immediately this person was not her childhood friend. It is still fresh in her memory how this person was… saying the bitter truth about Sakiko’s selfishness. Her acquaintance (if you put it in the best light of their relationship) is smiling at her, sounding chipper almost annoyed before coughing a few times.
Sakiko bites her lower lips, now is not the time to feel scared. Sakiko told herself three times, before stepping further into Mutsumi’s room. Calm down, at the worst, what could a sick person do to her? Yes, calm down.
“Why not”, Sakiko brushes off her fear, though there is some lingering, but at least she doesn’t want this person to know this. Mortis let out a hum as if thinking.
“Have you eaten yet?”, Sakiko asked, she put her groceries on the small table near the bed. Arranging it nicely for Mortis to see and choose. Hopefully, their taste is the same or not too different, “Do you want something from here?” Sakiko show the food to Mortis. A few puddings–chocolate and vanilla, sports drinks, and medicine.
“I don’t wanna”
“Why not?”
“Because Sakiko-chan doesn’t want to see me”
Ugh. Sakiko cursed, she is really enjoying her reactions, is she? Finally, after calming the thump of heartbeats, Sakiko looked at Mortis properly. That girl is grinning mischievously at Sakiko almost like a child. Keyword almost.
“Okay, so have you eaten yet?” Sakiko asked again–fortunately, Mortis answered instead of letting another hum.
“Not yet”
“When was the last time you ate?”
“I haven’t eaten anything today”
“... Okay, I will cook some porridges”, Sakiko nodded to herself as she stood up and went to the kitchen immediately without waiting for any response from the other girl.
It is much way better in the kitchen rather than in a room alone with… Mortis. No matter how much time passed since… that incident. Sakiko still has trouble meeting with Mortis. Wait, why did Mortis appear today? Is Mutsumi under stress or something? Sakiko ponders a bit as she chopped the leeks which will be used for toppings.
But, most likely, Mortis is fronting now because Saki has been avo–
“Oh, wow you can cook, Sakiko-chan!”
Sakiko’s breath hitched for a moment, controlling every part of her that screaming to turn back and run away from this Wakaba household immediately. Okay, be normal. Be normal. Don’t ever let Mortis see the vulnerable side of you again–Sakiko chants, trying to hide her expression and her fear.
Mutsumi needs her.
With the last prayer, Sakiko can feel her heartbeat slowly becoming normal. Right, Mutsumi needs her because she has no one else to take care of her. Wrong. To nurse her back to perfect health. No matter what, Sakiko won’t back down.
“Yes”, Sakiko answered curtly, checking the soup of porridges for the last time. Okay, it seems good enough.
“Since when you can cook, Sakiko-chan?”
“... Well, a while back”
“Can I try?”
One of positive things from being poor is Sakiko has polished her culinary skill, Sakiko thought and feel a bit shy due to Mortís's praise-if you can call it praise. Then she gives the girl behind her a spoon filled with soup for porridge, “Here, be careful it is hot”
“Ouch! It is hot!”
The spoon falls to the floor with a loud sound. Sakiko sighed, “I just told you it is hot” and moved Mortis aside to pick up the spoon put it on wastafel and wash it.
After that, she gave Mortis a spoon of the soup, this time Sakiko blew to it first, “C’mon, open your mouth”
“Mm–! It is good!”
Sakiko unknowingly finds herself smiling hearing Mortis’s innocent reaction. Well, it means it suits Mortis’s taste buds. No need to add something else.
"Okay, you’d better head back to your room. I still have to finish cooking," Sakiko huffed, waving her hand to shoo her away. Without missing a beat, she turned her attention back to the pot. It would take a while, so while waiting, she thought it might be a good idea to make a fried egg to top it off. A runny yolk, just the way Mutsumi likes it. Maybe Mortis would enjoy it too. With that in mind, Sakiko cracked an egg into the pan, carefully cooking it so the yolk stayed soft and runny.
“Hmm, you are really skilful, Sakiko-chan”
Sakiko flinched–she still hadn’t back to her room. Sakiko glanced at the source of the voice. That person is still smiling as happily as ever with her hands cupping her cheeks like a cute doll and sitting on a chair as she stares at Sakiko.
“Why are you still here?”, Sakiko asked as she grabbed a tray, putting a glass and a jug filled with water on it.
“I want to watch”
“You are sick. You won’t recover if you are here. Don’t you feel bad for Mutsumi later?” that girl replied with a grunt–possibly with a pout too–and then there was the sound of a chair moving along with small steps. Sakiko glances again, this time that girl is really going to her room.
Sakiko sighed as she felt relief washing over her chest.
The atmosphere finally feels lighter without anyone watching over her. Okay, while waiting for the porridge to be fully cooked, let’s look for a thermometer.
On the tray, there is a jug, a glass, a bowl of porridge with a lid, a spoon, a fruit knife, and a small plate–if Mortis is willing to eat the apple or cucumber she bought. The thermometer is in her pocket. Okay, everything is okay–with that Sakiko push the doorknob with her elbow to open the door and finds Mortis is eating the vanilla pudding.
“You are eating that now?”
“I am hungry!”
Well, at least she has the appetite. Hopefully, she still has room to eat the porridge. Sakiko then proceeds to sit on the chair and put the tray on the small table. Then, she pulled out the thermometer, “Raise your hand” Sakiko instructed and fortunately Mortis followed her instruction. Then Sakiko puts the thermometer in her armpits.
It kinda reminds her of the old days. She remember she visited Mutsumi because she caught a cold to hand out the printouts. Back then, she put the thermometer in her armpits because she was curious how that tool worked.
“What’s wrong, Sakiko-chan?”
“Ah, nothing. Here is the porridge” Sakiko points to the bowl, “It is still hot, so please be careful to eat it okay?” well, her work is done already. Time to go ho–
“Wait, Sakiko-chan”
“Yes?”
“... I am sick so it is hard to feed myself”
“But you eat pudding just fine before, yes?”
“Geez, Sakiko-chan! Pudding and porridge are different! How could you leave a sick person alone!”
Sakiko surrendered, well, she couldn’t go home yet then she put the bowl in her hand, scoping the outer edge to seek the most lukewarm part. If it is possible Sakiko didn’t want to blow the porridge because carbon dioxide will make it less healthy. Hm, but, it will be too cold and soggy later. Hm.
“Open your mouth, Mortis”, so Mortis did, surprisingly obedient. Maybe she is just too hungry. Anyway, Sakiko is glad. Back then she also fed Mutsumi like this whenever she caught a cold, though it was not her homemade porridge but the maid’s. She remembers well how Mutsumi tugged the tip of her sleeve and asked Sakiko to feed her, saying she was too sick.
That’s why Sakiko didn’t mind it too much. Mortis closed her eyes as she munched the porridge and egg obediently. Her eyelashes are long and curled at the end beautifully–that’s what Sakiko thought from the first time she saw Mutsumi. She is just like a walking doll. She is just like Mutsumi–if Sakiko were none wiser, Sakiko would have smitten. Mortis resembles her childhood friend so much as long she shuts her mouth.
“Hey, Sakiko-chan, why are you still mean to Mutsumi-chan?”
Sakiko blinked at the sudden question, once again reminded it is only Mutsumi’s body and not the Mutsumi she had known for almost all her life, “Because I didn’t reply to her messages?”
Mortis didn’t answer but Sakiko knew it was a yes. The bowl is halfway empty now, Sakikoo noted the bowl on her lap, “I was busy”
“Liar”
And Sakiko is indeed a liar.
She is busy yes, but she is not as busy as she was back then. She have some free time after all now.
She did lie but, the result is the same, right?
“Isn’t Mutsumi happier without me?”, Sakiko cut the egg–its yolk slowly fell on the rest of the porridge, dyeing it with yellow colour. She gives another spoonful of porridge to the other girl. Suddenly there is a beeping sound–ah, the thermometer. Mortis then wordlessly give Sakiko the tool.
Hm. The fever is not that bad.
“Here's your medicine”, Sakiko poured the liquid into the spoon and brought it to Mortis’s mouth. A child medicine with strawberry flavour–since Mutsumi also dislike normal medicine for adult. Fortunately, Mortis didn’t protest. It seems like this is the right decision.
“Sakiko-chan, don’t you know it is a bad manner to not see the person you are talking with?”, Mortis singsonged, which made Sakiko’s heart jump. Then, Sakiko feels human body warmth coming closer to her touching her chin and slowly bringing her face upwards.
Mortis’s cheery laugh fill the air once again, “You are scared” said her. Sakiko doesn’t want to give any answer. Both lying and being honest will bring the same result. So, Sakiko decided to keep her lips shut.
“But, you are still feeding me like this” That hand slowly touched Sakiko’s right hand, which was holding a spoon softly, but Sakiko felt shiver, “Even though you are trembling like this”, she finished by pressing something Sakiko didn’t know, but something soft pressing her finger few times.
“Sakiko-chan, hey, look at me”, The chipper voice is gone, this time, it is a cold voice much like that night. Before Sakiko can control her body, she automatically obeys her words–Mortis is pressing lips to Sakiko’s fingertip and holding her wrist tightly. Her clear golden eyes are staring at Sakiko coldly before changing into happy ones at a questionable pace. Too fast. Too calculated. Too fake.
“Why?”, she asked.
“Because Mutsumi”, Sakiko started to answer, she only hoped she wouldn’t stutter or fumble, “Because Mutsumi is sick… Isn’t it also the reason why you let me nurse you, right?” Sakiko tries to be reasonable. One of the keys of negotiation is to put something both parties agree on and pursue on the table–especially if the opponent is someone like this. Fortunately, the motive is crystal clear.
Mortis lets out another hum, “Even though you are this scared?” playful, intentionally exposing her vulnerable side of her again.
“Yes…”, Sakiko answered by grabbing Mortis’s hand as well, trembling as she is and then put it down, “Now, I think you are sweating a lot enough, let’s wipe you off and change clothes” Fortunately Mortis stopped her tortuous mind game and let Sakiko go.
Sakiko brings a small basin filled with warm water and a cloth. Then she opens Mutsumi’s wardrobe. Nothing has really changed over the past year, Sakiko noticed and then picked a set of pyjamas from there.
“It will be a bit cold, but please undress yourself”
“Kyaa, Sakiko-chan pervert!”
“Don’t say something impure like that”
Sakiko could feel the warmth on her cheek, and then she sighed. It is just one of Mortis’s weird antic and humour–one that Sakiko think she will never get used to. Mutsumi’s body is pretty, Sakiko can’t help but stare. It is smooth, pristine, and pale, she really resembles a doll. Though Sakiko hopes Mutsumi eat more–she is so thin.
“You should make Mutsumi eat more”, Sakiko spoke while rubbing Mortis’s back with cloth. It is far much easier since she doesn’t have to see Mortis directly, or her eyes.
“Ehh…”
“You don’t want Mutsumi to get sick, right?”, Sakiko replied to her whine calmly, okay, she can totally do this–then pull Mortis’s arm and wipe off her armpit then her neck carefully, “Ah, if you feel uncomfortable, please tell me okay?”
“Okayy”
When Sakiko doesn’t have to see her directly and only hears her voice, Sakiko feels like she is speaking with a child. Really, doing this was kind of routine back when they were children. It is nostalgic. Mutsumi can be an airhead, so Sakiko often does this kind of thing. Brushing her bed hair, fixing her messy uniform, or reminding Mutsumi to do something because she is often so forgetful.
It is like back to those days.
“You are really skinny”, Sakiko commented as Mortis showed her front, “Really, tell Mutsumi to eat more” Sakiko sighed and started to brush her chest and stomach.
“You should tell her yourself”, Mortis snorted a bit, “You are also getting skinnier, Sakiko-chan. You should eat more too”, Sakiko can feel Mortis’s gaze on her body. Well, Sakiko can’t agree or disagree with her. It is been a long time since she measured her weight. Not that it matters. The most important one is–
“If I told her myself, she would just get sad again…” Sakiko spoke while wiping Mortis’s legs, “I don’t want to see her like that again”
“Also, don’t you hate me? Isn’t it better for you if I never see Mutsumi again?”
“But, Mutsumi loves you, Sakiko-chan”
“I know…”
She knows. Of course, she knows. That’s an undeniable fact. And because of that love itself, Mutsumi destroyed herself for Sakiko. Sakiko never wanted it to happen ever again. The last thing she has to preserve is her childhood friend’s heart as much as she could.
Sakiko then picks the pyjamas and puts them on Mortis. Carefully buttoning every single one of them. Then Sakiko pushes Mortis down to the bed. Maybe because she has been attending Mortis for quite a while, she feels a bit brave and now she is looking at Mortis.
“I love Mutsumi too”, Sakiko whispered to Mortis, “That’s why I can’t get any closer. But please tell me if she or you need something, okay? I will try to help” and Sakiko couldn’t help but pat Mortis’s head. It is like automatic body movement–as she always pats Mutsumi’s head as routine.
“... As expected I really hate you, Sakiko-chan”, Mortis replied, her face flushed, hm, is the fever getting worse?
“Well, sorry about that”, Sakiko smiled bitterly, “Do you want to sleep now? Or eating something again? I have apple and cucumber if you want to eat” Sakiko showed the apple and cucumber, each of them in Sakiko’s hand.
Mortis then laughed, “You bring a cucumber for a sick person?”
“... Well, maybe you like them as Mutsumi does”, Sakiko could feel a blush creeping on her face, ashamed.
Mortis didn’t say anything for a while, “I… don’t like it too much. I want the apple but I think it is too hard for me to eat”
“Shall I grate it for you?”, Sakiko looks at the apple, then to Mortis. That girl seems so weak right now, there is no trace of her playful smile. Mortis looks dazed–maybe she is finally sleepy. The medicine finally kicks in. That’s a good thing.
Sakiko put down the apple on the table, “Good night, Mortis”, that girl nodded weakly, but she grabbed Sakiko’s sleeve, not letting her bid a farewell and leaving her room.
“Don’t go…”, Mortis told her weakly, and Sakiko nodded. It feels so strangely familiar and something ticklish. Because Mutsumi also used to do this whenever she was sick while Sakiko attending to her. She becomes a bit clingy and asks Sakiko to stay by tugging her sleeve or grabbing her hand and seeing Sakiko like an abandoned puppy.
“Hey, Sakiko-chan… What if I told you I… intentionally break Ave Mujica…?”
Mortis asked her, Sakiko barely felt strength on her face. She really resembles Mutsumi when she is like this.
“It doesn’t matter…”, Sakiko replied, “... I broke Mutsumi and isn’t it fair if you broke me too?”
Yes, it doesn’t matter any more. Whether Mortis is really devastated Mujica is gone now or she is happy because one of the things that burdened Mutsumi no longer exists. It really doesn’t matter anymore.
Sakiko smiled, “Even if you did, it was for Mutsumii”, there is no way she can win against Wakaba Mutsumi looking like that. Just this once, Sakiko broke her promise to herself to stay away from Mutsumi–she told herself that and kissed Mutsumi’s forehead and then held her hand. Maybe she should have not avoided Mutsumi... this much. Sakiko takes that into consideration because Mutsumi will be too stressed if Sakiko keeps doing this.
Mutsumi woke up with grogginess in her head. Her room is dimly lit. It is evening already, she noted as she saw the sky had turned dark. The moonlight is seeping through the window. She can barely remember what she did before–she was practising the guitar in the basement studio, right? Why she is here in her room? She wonders a bit as she looks around.
There is a small basin with a few groceries on her small table near the bed. But, that’s not what she is surprised about. Sakiko–her childhood friend who never reply her messages anymore and the one who disappeared into thin air is near her clearly avoiding her since Ave Mujica's fall. Her head is on Mutsumi’s bed, evidently sleeping while holding her hand. Is this a dream?
The sight of her was almost surreal. Mutsumi’s heart skipped a beat. She can’t believe the sight before her. Saki is in her room and in very close proximity on top of it. Her heart beats in longing and affection. Sakiko is sleeping while the moonlight pours over Sakiko, bathing her in an ethereal glow. It is extremely captivating. She is like a goddess.
“Saki…” Mutsumi called softly; Saki didn’t move or heed her call. Mutsumi reached out, her fingers brushing Sakiko’s hair. The scent of her old shampoo–lavender. It is been so long since Mutsumi smelled this. This is really a dream, right?
“I miss you” Mutsumi brought Sakiko’s hand to her lip, then pressed a kiss–a long one, because honestly, she didn’t know when Sakiko would appear again. Dream or reality, as long she could feel Sakiko and see her, it really didn’t matter for Mutsumi. As long she can see Sakiko and feel her once again, Mutsumi is delighted. This is like balm to her ache of yearning. She misses Sakiko a lot.
Her head feels a bit numb. But, Mutsumi decided to pick a blanket and cover Sakiko’s body. Whether this is a dream or reality, she will never let Sakiko fall sick or break apart. Never. So, while it is hard to bring Sakiko to her bed without waking her up. She succeeded.
“I love you”, Mutsumi whispered before closing her eyes again, this time with Sakiko in her arms, "I love you, Saki", she repeated.
‘Dear God, please don’t ever let Sakiko go from my arms again’
Silently, Mutsumi prays as she envelops herself in Sakiko’s warmth.