Chapter Text
Caelus wasn't the most intelligent on the express, or so he pretended to be -- he was actually quite smart -- not the point. Though, truly, he was way beyond Dan Heng in terms of emotional knowledge... That's what made any of his current plans so much more nerve wracking. It was almost frustrating, how this guy wouldn't stay out of his thoughts, out of his day, out of his heart. The heart, that was so much warmer around him, so much more lively in his chest. It was nauseating, but so, so sweet. He was like the sun in nearly every aspect, no. He was the brightest star Dan Heng had ever met. The light he provided paved new roads in his life, but it also corrupted his every train (no pun intended,) of thought. He couldn't speak to him without feeling this overwhelming dulcet warmth in his soul, daring to come out in words, but what would he even say? "I love you," was too weak for what he felt -- what he had always felt, what had seemed so normal to both of them. They were so close, but not close enough. They had never spoken those words, but they were always around each other, those words baltering around them. Unfortunately, the more he thought of all these feelings, the more sleep he was losing. If he just laid there in bed, doing nothing, then it'd just be a waste. This was what was insufferable, this "crush" was causing him to waste time... but the thoughts, they were just incredibly euphoric.
He'd speak of all of this lightly to March, who had vowed to keep her lips shut. So far, she has, but how long would that hold up? She had no bad intentions, she was just...
This was all a horrible idea. A horrible decision, he has damned himself, cornered himself -- he had to confess, or he would be outed, probably, likely.
He couldn't come to say openly that he was in love with Caelus. He knew he was, March knew he was, anyone who had heard his passionate ramblings would know. He couldn't come to accept it, no matter how accepting he was. How could anyone, ever, openly admit something like that so freely? As if it was just a fleeting feeling? No, he had to live with this. Forever. He was in love with this guy who had randomly come into his life, on a train in space, who had unfortunately seen him in many vulnerable moments. As normal as it sounds... somewhat... it was a lot to accept. He found himself countlessly doubting his feelings, or the others feelings. Was this just a normal friendship to Caelus? If he did confess, would it ruin everything? Logically speaking, a romantic relationship would slow them down on their trailblazing missions, because as much as that trust would help, it'd also cause more attachment and hereby wo-
No. That's not right... Knowing how close they are already, the confession may just solidify things. It wouldn't change much. They're already attached to each other. They had seen each other in the worst scenarios... and some of the best. It was a sweet thought, yet fleeting, his heart warming whilst his worries started to slowly melt. Taking a quick breath to clear his mind and finally get up, checking the time... 05:00.
Dan Heng was one of the smartest on the express. He seemed to always be thinking logically, or have his nose in a book or text... it was charming in a way, to Caelus. Though, he wasn't the best with emotions, and he often seemed to shove them down to appear reserved. Caelus had just assumed he disliked worrying people, which was fair, in his opinion. His ability to share his knowledge on many subjects effortlessly was endearing, his rambles were euphonic, causing his chest to be a bit warmer than usual. He was like the moon in every way - or maybe he was just biased, - he loved it, how Dan Heng would seem so much more bright around him. He had been thinking of Dan Heng a lot more than usual, it really seemed that he cherished him more than anyone. They had a deep trust that connected them, he loved it, he loved these feelings. They also implemented a small disturbance of worry in him.
Even as he was doing some quick chores for the conductor this early morning, he was thinking of the other. He didn't want to confess, he was too worried about the reaction. Dan Heng wasn't the best with emotions, so he had said, and... that could result in a reaction he didn't want. No matter how much he told himself the reaction wouldn't be bad, he still refused to go through with it.
He had decided to start waking up early to get some stuff done before the rest of the crew woke up, giving him more time with them... and Dan Heng. Partially also to show he could be responsible with his sleep schedule, though he really didn't care too much about that. It gave him more time to think alone while he did small chores in the morning.
Think about what? About this engulfing crush? Absolutely.