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“Would you love me if I was a worm?”
Phil blinked. “I mean, probably not.”
“What?” Dan tossed his phone onto the sofa and flopped down dramatically next to Phil. “You’re supposed to say yes.”
“Why?” Phil asked. “We couldn’t even talk if you were a worm.”
“We don’t need to talk,” Dan argued. “We mostly just sort of flop around already.”
Phil wrinkled his nose at the description, but he didn’t argue. “We couldn’t hold hands,” he said. “Worms don’t have hands.”
“So you wouldn’t love me if I lost both my hands?” Dan asked.
Phil squinted at him. “What? No!”
“What I’m hearing is,” Dan said, jabbing a finger in Phil’s face for emphasis, “You must not love me that much, because you would let a silly little thing like being different species get between us.”
Phil groaned and put his head in his hands. “You’re ridiculous. How would I even know it was you? I’d just think some worm had gotten into the house.”
“If you really loved me, you’d know,” Dan said solemnly.
“How?”
Dan crossed his arms. “You just would.”
Phil sighed. “Come on. Would you love me if I was a worm?”
“I was going to say yes, but I’ve changed my mind,” Dan said loftily. “I have no space in my life for fair-weather friends.”
Phil scoffed. “You’re stuck with me.”
“I’m stuck with a guy who wouldn’t even love me if I was a worm,” Dan said, shoving at Phil’s shoulder.
Phil laughed, rocking backwards but moving back towards Dan. “You’re such a drama queen,” he said, but his voice was warm with affection.
“I’m bored.”
“I can tell.”
“You’re so chronically online, don’t you know the answer is supposed to be yes?” Dan rolled his eyes.
“Yeah, but then the conversation would be over, and you’d be bored again,” Phil said.
Dan paused, blindsided. “Oh. That’s actually kind of sweet.”
Phil beamed. “You’re welcome.”
“So you would love me if I was a worm?” Dan asked.
“Absolutely not,” Phil said. “If you turned into a worm, I would call the fucking army.”
“The army?” Dan asked in disbelief. “What the hell is the army going to do?” And he let Phil draw him into another ridiculous conversation.