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“I love you, you know that?”
“Yes, Nao. For the millionth time, yes.”
Souta was walking a very drunk Nao home from his latest club meeting. He had been attending a lot of them lately. Which was odd, since for the last two and a half years of college, he had been coming home immediately after class, or going to Souta’s soccer practices and games. But this week he had gone out every single night since Monday. It was now Thursday, and Souta was getting very concerned.
This wasn’t the first time Nao needed help walking home. In fact, each day that week, a new friend from one of his classes would show up with him at the door. Except today, when he had made such a fuss about seeing Souta, he refused to leave the bar with anyone else.
It’s good to know he won’t make stupid mistakes when drunk, but this is getting ridiculous.
When they entered the one bedroom loft they were sharing, Nao fell to the floor and rolled onto his back.
“I love coming home knowing you’ll be here, you know that?” Nao slurred through drunken giggles.
“I wish I could say the same,” Souta mumbled.
Leaving Nao on the floor by the door, Souta removed his keys from his pocket and went to hang up his jacket. He paused, debating whether he should put it away or not. At the moment, home was the last place he wanted to be.
“I don't know if I can stand, Souta.” Nao muttered from the floor.
Souta sighed. Home was where he was needed, so it's where he would stay. But he was starting to despise being there.
“Alright,” Souta said in the cheerest voice he could muster. “Time for bed.”
Yanking Nao off the floor, he dragged him to the bedroom and helped him out of his clothes and into the bed.
“I want a night shirt at least,” Nao whined.
“I'm already on it,” an impatient Souta answered.
He shuffled through a random drawer, throwing Nao the first one he saw. Focusing on himself, Souta undressed slowly. It was almost spring again, so the room was only mildly chilly. The cold floor under his feet helped distract him from the grunting and groaning coming from the bed.
“This is yours,” Nao complained. “It's a little too big for me.”
For fucks sake.
“Fine!” Souta said forcefully. “Give it back, then!”
“No!” Nao yelled. The shirt was already over his head and covering most of his body. “It smells like you. I want it!”
Stretching the bottom hem, Nao tucked his knees under, pulling them to his chest. The shirt was now a tent covering his chest and lower body, except his toes. He held the neck to his nose, taking a deep breath.
“If you like it, don't complain,” Souta grumbled. He wasn't sure if he should find Nao's desire for his scent to be adorable, or if he should be mad that one of his favorite shirts was being stretched.
Climbing into bed, Souta laid down and closed his eyes. Next to him, Nao squirmed. He tried not to look up, knowing that it would only give him more reasons to feel sympathetic to whatever Nao was going through. But he could feel the chocolate brown eyes boring into the side of his head.
“What?!”
“You're mad, aren't you?”
Souta sighed. “If you know, then why ask?”
“I'm sorry,” Nao muttered and he dove under the blankets, covering his face.
“Do you even know what you're saying sorry for?” Souta asked, though instantly wished he hadn't. “It doesn't matter. I'm not talking about it when you're drunk."
“I'm sorry I'm avoiding you,” Nao whispered.
Shooting up in bed, Souta felt a tight grip on his chest, like he couldn't breathe.
So he really was avoiding me? But why? I don’t…
Falling back to the bed, Souta covered his eyes with his arm. He was tired. All week, he hadn’t been able to sleep well. Nao’s behavior had been so odd, even the first night he came home late left Souta sleepless.
“If I asked you to marry me, would you say yes?”
Completely baffled, Souta stared wide eyed at the bundle of blankets beside him.
What did he say? Should I ask him to repeat it? Is that why he has been avoiding me? Is he afraid I would say no?
As if that one sentence had fixed their entire world, Souta beamed with excitement. “Nao,” he whispered, closing his arms about the blankets his boyfriend was hiding under. “If you want to know the answer, all you have to do is ask.”
Souta was sure his voice gave away his answer. There was no way it wouldn’t. Even a drunk Nao should be able to see by the smile on his face that the only answer he would ever give was yes. He lifted the blanket until the chocolate eyes found his own. His heart began to race, knowing this must have been why Nao had been avoiding him all week.
Diving under the blankets, Souta pulled Nao as close as he could. Squeezing tightly, Souta whispered, “I will always love you.”
Nao giggled, replying with, “And I will always love you.”
—————————————————————————
Nao’s head was pounding. It was the worst hangover he had ever had. And his stomach felt sick.
Rolling over, Nao found he was alone in bed. He checked his phone to confirm the day of the week. Of course it was Friday, meaning he still had class and maybe a test? He couldn’t remember.
“Morning, love,” Souta hummed as he entered the room. He was carrying bowls of rice with eggs and a cup of tea. “There’s pain meds on the side table.”
“Thanks,” Nao muttered as he sat up and took his food. “I’m surprised you cooked. Is there a special occassion or something?”
“I figured you’d need something after last night. You were so drunk, I had to pick you up.” Souta smiled.
He groaned. “Sorry about that.” Taking a sip of his tea, Nao couldn’t help but feel nervous as Souta stared at him lovingly. “What?” he asked.
Souta fidgeted on the spot. “So… you remember us talking last night?”
“No,” Nao answered honestly. Dread welled up in his chest.
I said something, didn’t I?
The last week had been hard. Well, actually, it was the last three months. Ever since he bought the ring, which sat untouched in the drawer of his bedside table, Nao had been unable to think of anything else. And one would believe that all that thinking would have led to some idea on how to propose. But it hadn’t.
So, feeling desperate, Nao promised himself he would ask on the next night they had alone.
That led him to avoiding Souta at all costs. It was not what he intended, and God did he want to stop. But whenever he thought of asking Souta, his mind froze.
And now I’ve said something while drunk.
The look on Souta’s face was one of pure bliss. If he had mentioned marriage, it seemed like Souta was very excited for it. But if it had been something else, he would be making a bad assumption. He wanted his proposal to be memorable, not a drunken slur.
Against his better judgment, Nao feigned ignorance.
“I’m not sure what I said, but it was probably just gibberish,” he muttered,taking another swig of tea and swallowing two pain pills while he was at it. “I wouldn’t pay it any mind.”
Nao looked up and instantly regretted everything. Buying the ring, holding it for weeks, avoiding Souta over it, and especially saying about whatever their conversation had been was gibberish.
Souta looked like he was about to cry.
“I see.” His face turned extremely dark. “So, then why are you avoiding me?”
Nao hesitated. “I’m not—”
“Fuck off, Nao!” Souta suddenly yelled, bouncing up from the bed. “Last night you admitted you’ve been avoiding me. That's why you've gone out every night this week, right? Why you’re drinking to the point that I have to show up and carry you home?”
“I just…” Nao was lost at what to say. He hadn’t expected Souta to be this upset over a few words. He had never seen his boyfriend that mad before. “It's hard to explain.”
“Hard?!” Souta yelled. “What's hard, Nao, is coming home each night to an empty room! What's hard is knowing you're out with God knows who, getting drunk to the point that people I don't know have to drag you home. What's hard—”Souta grabbed the food from Nao’s hands and loomed over him possessively— “is having you come home drunk and go on about how you love me, my smell and our home, but then you’re never here!”
Nao's face was red from embarrassment.
This is not the time to be embarrassed!
Souta shoved the food back into Nao’s hand and turned to leave. But Nao gripped his chest from behind.
“Wait!” he begged. “Don't go.”
“I have class,” Souta growled, pulling Nao’s arms off himself. “I’ve already missed morning practice. I can’t miss anything else.”
“Souta, I—”
“Don’t worry about tonight, either. I won’t be coming home, so you can go out and drink with whoever you want to your heart’s content.”
“What?” The fear Nao had been feeling over the past week was suddenly doubled. “What do you mean you won’t be coming home?”
A miserable smile painted Souta’s beautiful face. “What? You expect me to stay home and just wait for you every night?” Grabbing his jacket, he angrily tugged it on. “Like you, I have plenty of people who want to spend time with me. So I will do just that.”
“Souta!” Nao grabbed his arm as he made for the door. “Please, don’t leave like this. I don’t understand. Why are you so upset? Can we at least talk?”
“Why would we talk?” Souta spat back. “It’s nothing, right? It was a mistake, after all.”
Pulling his arm out of Nao’s grasp, Souta went to the door and started to put on his shoes. Nao just stood there and watched, his whole body shaking. He didn’t know what was happening, except that everything was going terribly wrong.
Opening the door, Souta turned his head slightly and mumbled in a quiet tone, “Like you would ever ask me to marry you.”
Nao lost his voice. He couldn’t speak, breathe or move. His vision blurred as the door closed in slow motion. Souta left with the entirely wrong idea.
Classes had just ended and Nao had finished his test just before the time was done. He hoped he would pass. But if he did fail, he wouldn’t care. It would be his just desserts for what he had been putting Souta through.
Walking out into the courtyard of his wing, Nao looked up at the darkening sky and cursed himself. His hand migrated to his left pocket, like it had been doing all day. Gripping the small box tightly, he prayed he could make everything better. And maybe, just maybe, Souta might still say yes.
His phone pinged. Releasing his tight hold on the ring box, Nao checked his screen and sighed with relief. Keisuke had lived up to his word—not that Nao would ever have doubted him—and was sticking to Souta like glue that day. The latest text reported that they were heading to a house party nearby.
When Nao texted him earlier that morning, Keisuke had actually called him and reemed him out for the last week of bar crawling. So Nao came clean, admitting he was avoiding Souta because he was afraid to pop the question. Which led to Keisuke reaming him out for a whole other set of reasons. In the end, Souta’s best friend understood, as he always seemed to, and offered to help Nao fix it.
Thank God we all ended up in the same college.
So finding Souta wasn’t a problem. But getting to him… Well, apparently that was going to be a challenge.
“Like we said, you weren’t invited,” a stout man grunted, blocking Nao from entering the house from which everyone else was freely coming and going.
Nao growled. “You obviously know I’m Souta’s boyfriend.”
“And that’s why you're not allowed in,” a toothpick of a woman announced snidely. She hung off the stout man’s arm, her eye’s constantly running up and down Nao’s body.
Like hell I’m leaving him here with people like you.
“You don’t want me here, fine. Can you just ask him to come out then?” Nao was trying to be diplomatic.
The man scoffed. “Seriously? You know how many people have been waiting to see him at a party? No, you're not ruining this night for anyone.”
“Whatever.” Nao attempted to push past them, only to be met by another two men he didn't recognise.
“We heard there was an issue,” the taller man declared as he stepped up to Nao, his face only inches away. “But this doesn’t look like much of an issue to me.”
He was at least six inches taller than Nao and definitely had more muscle. Nao had become very lean since he stopped all sports clubs, but he still felt confident to take this one on. The problem was there were the other two with him.
“This is Iseya?” the third man said, reaching out and grabbing one of Nao’s arms. “You’re the reason no one gets to see the great Ueshima? I don’t see anything special about you.”
Nao pulled his arm out of the man’s grasp. “I guess it’s a good thing I don’t care what you think.”
“Listen,” the taller man explained. “If you’re here to drag him home, it ain't happening.”
“Rumor has it you’ve been out all week, leaving poor Souta-kun home alone,” the woman giggled. Nao tried not to be furious about the fact that she was using Souta’s given name. “Why don’t you go home and wait for him today instead?”
“I’m not here to start trouble,” Nao stated, holding his ground.
“Then go home,” the third man said. “Don’t worry about Ueshima. We’ll take real good care of him.”
—————————————————————————
Souta was hiding on the back porch, wishing to be anywhere but where he was. Actually, he wanted to be wherever Nao was.
This is stupid. I’m not hurting him. I’m hurting myself. There’s no reason to not talk it out. In the end, I just want to make up.
With a groan, he wandered into the kitchen, looking for Keisuke. He wasn’t sure how, but they had gotten separated. Which was odd. The whole party was odd, actually. Souta was having a hard time finding anyone he knew. The rest of the soccer team was nowhere in sight, and now Keisuke was gone too.
“There you are, Ueshima-kun!” a small woman cheered as she ran over, two drinks in hand. “Here, here!” She shoved one of the cups into his chest, making some of the liquid spill on his shirt. “You need to celebrate!”
“Thanks, but I’m—”
“Souta, my man!” a very drunk frat boy said, slinging his arm around Souta’s shoulders. “You’re awesome, you know that.”
Souta tried to laugh as he pushed the man off him. “Yeah, okay. But I’m just—”
“Hey! Let’s give a toast to the soccer team’s centre starter!”
There were cheers as the group of people seemed to press in from all sides, and someone was pushing the mystery cup towards Souta’s lips.
“Nope,” Keisuke said, coming out of nowhere to knock the drink to the floor. Several people booed. “We don't drink from open drinks.”
The people around Souta all grabbed a hold of him, several pulling him backwards. But then the crowd was broken from behind him as well. Several other soccer team members appeared and surrounded him instead.
“Now I see why you never come to these things, Ueshima,” their goalie sneered, grabbing Souta’s arm and pulling him forward. “It took the lot of us to break through your sycophants.”
Now at his other side, Keisuke wrapped his arm around Souta’s shoulders and also pulled him forward. “And this is why I don’t like to come to these things at all.”
“No way that drink wasn’t spiked,” another member grumbled as he forced a way through the house so they could leave.
“I’m sorry guys,” the one member who was close to the house owner apologised profusely. “I had no idea they were planning something like this.”
“Dude, I don’t think they needed to plan it. It just follows Souta.”
“I really hope that’s not the case.” Souta chuckled nervously. The team managed to get him into the garage and out of the house.
“I think we should leave,” Keisuke muttered.
Souta agreed. “No way I’m staying here after that! Plus, I think it’s best if I go home and talk this out with Nao.”
“I think so, too.” Keisuke smiled wide. “You two can blow the littlest things out of proportion.”
Laughing, Souta turned to the rest of the team. “Thanks for the help. Sorry for the trouble.”
“Speaking of trouble,” one of them said, pointing towards the front porch. “Isn’t that Iseya over there?”
It was Nao alright. With his arrogant stance and cold glare. But he was surrounded by what Souta could only describe as sketchy characters, all of whom seemed to be ganging up on him. Nao was good with arguments and more than capable of staying out of fights. But just like the other students inside, these ones were looking for trouble.
Knowing his team would be close behind, Souta raced forward. The raised voices and angry sneers caused his heart rate to excelerate. He saw one of them grab Nao by the shoulders and lean in way closer than anyone would be comfortable with.
—————————————————————————
“Hey, he's gonna have a good night, forget all about you and come home in the morning. You can see then if he'll still put up with your bullshit,” the woman provoked Nao.
They were trying to get him to lash out. Any reason to tackle him. Why they wanted the chance, though, is what really worried Nao.
“I doubt any of you could show him a good night,” he snarled.
“You really should get going, Iseya,” the taller man strongly suggested. “Unless you want to join the fun.”
His eyes traced over Nao’s body like it was a piece of meat to be devoured. Just the thought of someone other than Souta touching him was repulsive. Always had been, always would be.
“There's more than one person here who wouldn't mind a go at you.”
Nao attempted to take a step back, but the stout man and toothpick woman were now in his way. They were suddenly all very pleased with his predicament. He needed to say or do something. But what could he do against four people at once?
“Hey,” one of them whispered, grabbing Nao’s shoulders and leaning in far too close. “No reason to scowl. We’re all here to have a good time, right?”
He was livid. Beyond enraged. But most of all, he was terrified of what might be happening to Souta inside if this was what he was facing outside.
There had to be a way to break free. Escaping this stupid circle was his first task. He could worry about Souta after.
Or maybe he wouldn't have to worry at all.
Just as he planned to step forward and shove the man off, a fist flew past his face, decking the stranger in the jaw.
“Fuck,” Souta yelled, shaking his hand. “I aimed too low.”
The other three quickly backed off as several more people ran up to them. Nao wasn’t sure who they were. His eyes never left his boyfriend’s snarling face.
“You ok, Nao?” Keisuke’s voice brought him back to himself.
“Oh. Yeah.” He felt his face flush. “I thought I—”
“You what?” Souta rounded on him. “You always act like I’m gonna get myself into trouble, and here I find you—”
“I thought it was going to be fine, till two more came out of the house!” Nao yelled, unable to help himself. “And this wouldn’t have happened if—”
“Calm down, both of you!” Keisuke interrupted their fight. “There’s no need to argue over something neither of you had control over.”
Keisuke is right, like always. Nao was trying to convince himself to take a breath and step back, but it was difficult. I should have just kicked the first guy in the nuts and been over with it.
The soccer team stood around them as the assaultent was dragged from the grass by his uninjured friends. For a moment, it seemed like they wanted to start something more. Nao cracked his knuckles in anticipation, causing the four of them to run off.
“That was uneventful,” the team's goalie sighed disappointedly.
Nao's attention turned back to Souta. “Is your hand alright?” He asked, reaching out to his boyfriend.
Souta snapped back. “No, it hurts like a bitch. And I'm not okay! I'm so angry right now!” He looked like it too, his arms shaking and entire face red. “I was aiming for his cheek or nose, but got his fucking jaw instead. I hope it doesn't fuck up my hand.”
He shook his right hand, then rubbed it gently with his other. It was hard to tell if his grimace was from the pain or because he was still mad at Nao.
“I came here to see you, Souta,” Nao declared. “But maybe we should get your hand looked at first?”
“We were just leaving anyway,” Souta grunted. “Did you drive?”
Nao shook his head. “I was hoping we could talk on the walk home. But with your hand—”
“It's fine. We'll ice it when we get home.” Turning the team, Souta nodded with a smile. “Thanks again, guys.”
“Anytime,” Keisuke chimed in for all of them. “Call if you ever want to go to a party again. I'll make sure to bring the whole team.”
Souta rolled his eyes, reaching his unharmed hand out to Nao. “Ready to go home?”
—————————————————————————
It was quiet now that they were walking away from the frat house. With dim lights above them, Nao and Souta walked hand in hand, alone on the residential streets. Nothing but their footsteps accompanied them.
Did I fuck up, or did he? Souta pondered. Maybe we both did.
Glancing at Nao, Souta found the normally proud face furrowed into a piercing glare. He seemed angry and nervous. Nao’s other hand was clenching into a fist in his pocket.
Souta sighed. “I'm sorry about this morning.”
“What?!” Nao's eyes went wide as he stared at Souta.
“It's just,” Souta stared off into the night sky. “I know you were drunk and everything, but I guess I just got really excited and… I overreacted.”
Souta glanced back at Nao and instantly stopped. The man he loved looked as though he had just been handed the world. The dark chocolate eyes gleamed for a second, but only a second. Then his well known pride came back.
“I wonder, Souta.” Nao took a predatory step forward. “Why were you excited?”
“Hey, this isn't fair,” Souta whined. “I'm still mad at you saying it was a mistake.”
“I didn't remember what I said,” honesty dripped from Nao’s words as he took a step closer.
“L-like you didn't figure it out shortly after,” Souta stuttered, taking a small step back.
Letting go of Souta's hand, Nao reached around his side and pulled him as close as possible. “Maybe I did, but you didn't give me a chance to explain.”
Souta's face turned red as the wheels in his head kept turning. “You wouldn't have been able to figure it out i-if you hadn't thought about it a lot lately.”
Nao's face turned serious. Souta knew he was second guessing himself. The twitch of his fist, still in his pocket, caught Souta’s attention.
“I have been.”
When Souta heard Nao say I love you for the very first time, he had thought those would be the most memorable three words he'd ever known. But that very moment changed everything. I have been was now ingrained into his very soul.
“Y-you want to discuss it?” Souta tried desperately to control the tone of his voice.
“There's no need to discuss it, is there?” Nao's eyes dove deep into his own.
It was hard for Souta not to start crying. “No, there isn't. I know what you feel for me and how I feel about you.”
Nao sighed. Taking a step back, he let go of Souta's waist and proceeded to bend to one knee. “Then I'd better do this right.”
Souta's mind screamed and then went blank. The hand from his pocket revealed a small dark jewelry now beneath his tightly clenched fingers. He threw his head back and covered his eyes.
I can't do this. This can't be another misunderstanding. It cannot. Please, let this one be real!
“Souta,” Nao called to him.
Lowering his hands and opening his eyes, Souta saw the one and only sight he wanted to see. Nao on one knee, with confidence in his eyes and a smile on his lips. Slowly, Nao raised the box.
“Oh my God, this is so embarrassing!” Souta cried, covering his eyes again.
“Embarrassing?” Nao chuckled. “No one is here. It's just you and me.”
That was very true. The road had single family houses with large yards. There was no one else even in sight.
“That's just it,” Souta bellowed. “You're here and you're the only person whose opinion of me matters.”
Nao stood up, gently pulling Souta's left hand away from his face. Souta's eyes darted to the box in Nao's hand.
Except, there was no box. Just a single ring.
“Souta,” Nao said in a soft and soothing voice, causing his eyes to once more find his partner’s own. “I love you more than life itself.”
I can't take this! I can't breathe! I can't focus on anything but his eyes!
“Having you in my life has changed everything for me.” Nao smiled a toothy grin, his face growing softer by the second. “I hope I have changed yours, too.”
Souta felt the cold slick metal slip over the top of his ring finger.
“The only thing I could think of that would ensure we would continue to change each other's lives—” the rose gold ring slid to the base of his finger— “is this.” Intertwining their fingers and pulling Souta's hand gently, Nao kissed the ring on his finger.
The flames in Souta's chest melted his very soul, leaving Souta's heart as nothing more than a puddle. He felt his heart in his throat, beating rapidly. Unable to breathe normally, he gasped. The meaning of Nao's words hit far too fast and hard.
“Ueshima Souta,” Nao said with a pause. “Will you marry me?”
Before that moment, Souta had not understood the depth a person's words could truly affect people. But now that he knew, Souta swore that, no matter what the future would bring, they wouldn't ever have to face it alone.
Taking in a deep breath, Souta smiled widely. “The only answer I would ever give, in this life and the next, is yes.”