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Word was the twerp was here. The life-ruining idiot with a bag of tricks and a critter at his heels was wandering our very halls at this exact moment, and I had never felt so justified in feeling so thoroughly annoyed. Just the thought of him made my jaw tense. His stupidly confident grin, the rambling pitches of his voice, the nervously constant shrug of his shoulders; The noise. This boy makes so much noise everywhere he steps. I can’t fathom how, but he does it. His bumbling demeanor everywhere he goes, the goggles falling off his head, the pretentiously faded hair stripe, it all takes up far too much space in my mind. The lengths I’ve had to go to put my life back together, to crawl back up to where I was, to try and stave off the mounting guilt, all because of this idiotic kid. And the worst thing about him?
He has no idea who I am.
It was an entirely one-sided hatred on my end, which made the whole situation infinitely more embarrassing. Luckily, I had moved past his mistakes. I was the princess’s lady in waiting now, a higher position than the one he knocked me out of, and a convenient excuse to hide away in the sewing chambers while he roamed the halls. I was more than happy to finish my mending in peace, avoiding him, his radius of disaster, and the weekly dusting for that matter. Still, it was hard to shake the feeling of his presence knowing he was within the same walls I was. It slithered under my skin, refusing to leave, and perhaps in hindsight, that was for good reason.
“Anyone here?”
I physically jumped at the voice, the very one I had been dreading, somehow having found its way around the rim of the door. The jolt of my hands found my needle pricking my finger, a short cry leaving my airway, both hands quickly dropping their contents, as I brought the puncture to my lips to stave any bleeding.
It was then, adrenaline freshly flowing, finger in my mouth, that I looked up to come eye to eye with the chaos magnet himself. It took me several seconds to process his basic presence, but it was him alright… Varian.
“Oh gosh!” He stepped fully into the room, glancing around for anything useful. “I’m so sorry!”
I quickly tugged my finger from my mouth, shaking it out. “Nope,” I sighed, standing up. “That’s my fault for thinking today could possibly go without incident.” I walked over to my scraps pile, picking out an appropriately sized strip of fabric to fashion into a small bandage.
“Sorry, Faith. I didn’t mean to scare you.”
I stopped in my search, turning to look at him, now very near to me, my thought process completely derailed by the sound of my name having exited his mouth.
Surely, that couldn’t be right.
“You okay?” He asked, my blank stare obviously being noticed.
“Yes, I just… didn’t realize you know my name.” I reluctantly explained, eyes retreating back to the scraps.
“Well… I do,” he shrugged. “What are you doing in here anyway?”
“Just some mending.” I answered, fastening my chosen strip around my finger. “I’m the princess’s new lady in waiting.” I could feel my posture straighten as I spoke the title aloud.
“Oh, that’s awesome!” Varian smiled, his enthusiasm strangely sincere.
“Not really,” I rolled my eyes, moving back to my work bench. “She’s been going through them fairly quickly. Pretty sure she meant to replace me by now, but I’ll take the promotion as long as I can get it.” I picked my needle back up, returning to my work.
“Well, maybe she hasn’t replaced you for a reason.” Varian offered, moving closer. “Maybe she’s taken a liking to you!”
I shook my head. “I find that doubtful.”
“That does seem weird though,” he mused. “Rapunzel makes friends with, like everyone. I find it hard to believe she’s had the heart to get rid of anyone, never mind several people in succession like that.”
As I finished my current seam, I looked back up at the persistent intruder in front of me, still the visual walking disaster I remembered. His hair needed a comb, his face a hot towel, and his apron. Oh dear, what was happening to this boy’s apron?
“Yes, very strange.” I droned. “Did you need something, or-?”
His face lit in remembrance. “Right! You wouldn’t happen to know where the princess is, would you?”
“Went to lunch with Eugene about a half hour ago.” I reached for my scissors to cut off my thread. “I believe it was a picnic, so honestly they could be anywhere by now.” I made the snip, running my thumb over the completed line.
“Right,” he sighed. “I guess I’ll start outside then.” He glanced at the door, then back to me. “Sorry for interrupting.”
I’m not sure what possessed me to stand as he began to turn away, but even worse was what came next. “I can fix that for you.” I blurted out.
He turned back toward me, confused. “What?”
“Your apron.” I gestured. “Looks like your bottom hem is coming undone, you’ve got a massive thread beginning to drag, the fabric is already starting to fray...” Maybe it was an attempt to prove I could fix something he had destroyed, or perhaps just the overwhelming urge to care for abused clothing, but I was now, indeed, committed to helping mend this sorry excuse for an apron.
He glanced down at the article, for the first time observing its faults. “Um… I don’t want to bother you-”
“It really isn’t safe to have loose clothing like that when working with dangerous chemicals or… explosives?” I offered, suddenly being far outside of my knowledge base. “Whatever it is that you’re always messing with,” I settled.
He stood frozen for a moment, seemingly weighing his options. “You know what, you’re right.” He nodded, reaching around his back to untie his covering. “With my track record, that’s probably a good idea.” He pushed off the fabric, awkwardly bunching it together in his hands before handing it to me.
My fingers quickly found the troublesome thread in question as I sat back down.
“Thanks for the help,” he muttered.
“Well, the longer I can stay busy in here, the less time I have to spend dusting out there.” My head gestured to the door as I clutched my scissors.
His complexion brightened as he connected the dots I had laid out for him. “Ah, I see!” he cooed, moving closer to the table. “So, is dusting like the worst job to do around here or…”
“It’s up there,” I sighed, cutting off the extraneous threads peppering the bottom of the garment. “But really, it’s Crowley I can’t stand. She makes every job an absolute nightmare.” I groaned. “She has the most impossible expectations, the most nitpicky mindset, and never a kind word!” I could feel myself reeling up. “Ever since I got demoted, it’s been so much worse too. It just-” I bit my lip, fighting my anger.
“Why did you get demoted?”
I could feel my mind snap as he approached the subject. “That’s none of your business, is it?”
“No, it’s not!” he reeled back, clearly getting the message.
I sighed, re-knotting my thread. “You probably don’t care about all of this anyway. I should just stop talking.”
“No, it’s alright.” Varian shrugged. “It’s not like anyone else in this castle will to talk to me...”
A smile peaked onto my lips as I began my repairs. “It’s almost like you’ve very specifically wronged everyone in the castle to get them to hate you or something.”
He let out a halfhearted chuckle. “Yeah, I guess that’s fair.” His eyes snapped back to me as I worked. “So, why are you helping me then? Why don’t you hate me?”
“I didn’t say that, did I?” I retorted.
“Okay,” He huffed, his tone more amused than anything else. “Well, this conversation is going great.”
I glanced back up at him as I stitched. He had gravitated towards one of the mannequins, clearly too nervous to take a seat, and uncomfortable simply floating untethered in the middle of the room. He was still the same slinky, cumbersome, jumble of a person, but for the first time I saw something else too.
He was alone.
And he didn’t want to be.
My eyes retreated back to their work, my head now filled with a perfectly confusing cocktail of feelings. “You know, my first impression of you was watching you stumble around the castle halls doing chores that someone else tricked you into completing.”
“Oh, that?” His voice stammered as he spoke, clearly more flustered than he had anticipated getting when entering this conversation. “I mean, I didn’t get tricked, I agreed to do them, it was a favor for a friend, it wasn’t a big deal.”
My gaze remained fixed on my work as I listened to his nervous babbling. “A favor for your good friend Cassandra. I’m sure that was well worth the effort, huh?”
“Well, you know, at the time-”
“Also,” I cut him off, glancing back up. “You do realize you’re telling the current lady in waiting that the job of lady in waiting is ‘no big deal’?”
He sighed, his confidence crumbling. “Yeah, okay, maybe I was in a little over my head.”
“And you didn’t even do most of the jobs right,” I added. “We had to go back and fix everything you did.”
“What?” He asked, an air of disappointment in his tone.
“Look,” I waved it off. “Point is, that’s how I was introduced to you, and so that’s how I’ve seen you ever since. Just a well-meaning idiot running around making a mess of things.” I rolled my eyes, turning them back to the apron. “So… you know, you’re not a threat to me. That’s why I’m talking to you.”
It was a moment before I got a response. “Really?” he asked, a confused sort of delight in his voice. “I mean, I get first impressions and all, but since then-”
“Well, let’s interrogate my latest impression of you then, shall we?” I held up a hand to stop him, my mind almost giddy at the invitation to tear this kid to shreds. “When you and your little friends decided to take control of the castle, it made our jobs as servants a living hell. But you weren’t exactly the one threatening us, or screaming at us, or tossing us around like ragdolls. Giving us bruises to tend to for weeks.” I sighed, lowering my work as the memories from those dark months came back to me. “No. You were held up in your little lab, avoiding contact with anyone as much as you could help it. Just like the rest of us.”
Varian’s eyes wandered around the floor, his voice mumbling in response. “I wasn’t hiding, I was busy with my research.” His words were rehearsed. As if he had reasoned through this before.
“Well, I don’t know what it was you were doing in there, because we certainly never saw any results,” I pressed. “We hardly ever saw you. I know for a fact there were days you didn’t eat. You barely ever spoke with your treacherous allies, and you never said a word to any of us, certainly not to me- I don’t know how on earth you know my name.”
His eyes had taken refuge in the corner as he thought, my words obviously being heard.
“The only reason anyone goes that quiet is because they’re scared. You were scared of them, and I think you were scared of us. Of what we would think of you. Just like you are now.” I exhaled, my attention turning back to the thread and fabric. “And I see no reason to fear someone who’s already terrified of me.”
Varian timidly opened his mouth, hesitating to speak whatever sentence was on his tongue. “And… the Queen?”
I slammed the apron down, throwing my head back. “You know, you make it very difficult to try and defend you-”
“Sorry,” He quickly drew back, his demeanor bracing for impact.
I sighed, trying to form my thoughts together as rationally as I could manage. “The princess seems convinced that you deserve grace for what happened, that she’s partially responsible for your actions, and maybe that should account for something, but I don’t think I can ever forgive you for what you did that day.” I could feel tears peak into the corners of my eyes as I stood. “You’ve done some unthinkably terrible things. Everyone’s avoidance of you is warranted. It is frankly a miracle that you aren’t in jail right now. I would probably say you deserve to be locked up indefinitely. You’re an impulsive, reckless, blite on my life. And that gives me plenty reason to distrust you. It gives me reason to hate you even.
“But you are not a monster, Varian. You are an annoyance.”
I could feel my soul shrivel as my rant came to an end, my head falling. Never had I imagined that these thoughts would ever leave my head, but having finally spoken them, they seemed increasingly foreign to me. I fell back into my chair, hands moving to hide my face.
“I’m sorry, that was really harsh-”
“No, I walked directly into it,” he muttered. “At least it’s honest.”
I gripped my eyes shut, hating the restraint in his words.
I had this twisted feeling sinking to the bottom of my stomach, this inevitable impression that no matter what I did I was tied to this man. Because of what he’d done to me, because of what I’d said to him, we were forever fated to have to deal with the presence of the other. There was no leaving him in the past, no avoiding him as best I could, no discarding this link between us. He was at my work, he knew my name, and it was his clothing crumpled in my hands. I do not know what forces brought me here, but I was now stuck. And the only way out was through.
I slumped back, head now staring at the ceiling. “If it’s any consolation, it’ll probably end up getting me fired one day… the honesty.”
He was silent for a moment, the strain in the air palpable, but malleable. “Or… demoted?” he suggested.
I sat back up, meeting his eyes. He had finally settled in one location, dropped onto the window bench, limbs clumsily draped on top of each other.
“It’s a good guess,” I granted. “But no, that… that wasn’t it.” My hands began to busy themselves as the room went quiet again, finishing the hem that currently kept us in the same room.
“Well, hey. Maybe I can put in a good word for you with the princess?” he offered.
“Or get me fired sooner, if you’d prefer,” I countered.
I focused my mind on the weave of the needle in and out of the thick fabric. The necessary back and forth which strengthened the piece but felt so horribly slow and tedious at times. I could feel it wearing me down. Maybe it wasn’t worth it for something in such disrepair.
There was a deep inhale from Varian, seemingly reluctant to say whatever he was about to. “I was going to erase your memory.”
Obviously, this drew my attention. My eyes flicked back up, the rest of my body remaining instinctually still. His face had shrunk, hands awkwardly clutching his body, eyes darting across the room, as he searched for what to say next.
“I was going to erase everyone’s memories- that’s what I was figuring out in my lab.” He elaborated. “I thought it would be the only way anyone could ever accept me again, if they forgot what I had done.” As his thoughts took him inward, his body loosened. “And then maybe I could present myself as a friend who already knew everyone, and was ready to help out. Maybe then I would have an actual chance to finally fit in.”
“Why are you telling me this?” I finally broke.
His attention snapped back to me, a defeat entering his voice. “That’s why I know your name.” He admitted. “I was learning everyone’s name, so that I could better make connections after the memory wipe.” His gaze frantically darted around the room as his demeanor began to tighten again. “I know it sounds ridiculous but… that’s where my head was at.”
My gaze gently lowered back to my hands as I tied off the end of the seam. “Well, next time, maybe just start with learning people’s names, having a conversation with them, and see how far that gets you before jumping straight to mind manipulation.”
“Yeah,” he sighed. “I think it might be too late for that at this point.”
“I don’t know,” I shrugged, standing as I reached for my scissors. “I think it worked pretty well on me.” I snipped the end of the thread, holding out the garment as I moved closer to him. “And if you need proof, you can always just look down at your newly reinforced apron that your good friend Faith mended for you.”
His eyes remained focused up on me as I handed the article back to him. “You mean it?”
“You know me,” I shrugged. “Can’t help but be honest.”
He smiled, finally glancing down at the repairs.
“Sorry I did it in pink,” I quickly added. “It was the color I already had out, and I didn’t really feel rethreading my needle-”
“No, I like it.” He chuckled, cutting me off. “It makes it extra unique.” He stood up, beginning to put it back on. “I’ll have to pay you back some time.”
“Well, you already helped me kill some time, remember?” I argued.
“Right.” I could tell the wheels in his head had started turning as he finished tying the apron. “Wouldn’t it be part of your duties as lady in waiting to make sure Rapunzel makes all of her appointments for the day.”
I crossed my arms, trying the gauge where he was going with this. “...yes.”
“So, in some ways, it would be your job to make sure I can find the princess, so I can speak with her…” He left the suggestion in the air, patiently waiting for a response.
I thought for a moment, very tempted at the proposition. “Would you consider your meeting with Rapunzel official business?” I questioned.
“Oh, like so official,” he assured me, a wide grin encompassing his expression.
“And this would assume you couldn’t find her on your own.” I added.
“Oh, absolutely.” His shoulders popped up, eyes now wandering the room. “This place is so big; I get lost all the time. Like what even is this room? Are we in… the kitchen?”
I let out a laugh, playfully hitting him as I moved toward the door.
“Okay, goggles. Let’s go find ourselves a princess.”