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Karl may only be a raccoon, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t see the flaws within society. Living with Edgar Allan Poe, he got a front row seat of the class divide, with some of Poe’s coworkers in the guild owning multiple cars, multiple houses, even boats and airplanes, while others they passed on the streets couldn’t even afford their food for the day. And yet, those better off earned more, only making it easier for them to stay on their thrones.
Karl was tired of this human stupidity. If they wouldn’t change it themselves then perhaps he would have to take matters into his own paws, educate them on what needed to be done. The only question was how.
As he paced back and forth about Poe’s room on his hind legs, he chittered slightly to himself. If he was correct then the lower class would eventually see the unfairness of their current system, and band together to overthrow it. But perhaps he could speed this process up a bit. If he could communicate to the masses what needed to be done, then perhaps they would be motivated to take action!
How to reach them though.... perhaps by writing? Karl’s human companion always did seem to rant about the value of a pen and page, preaching on how they reached people far and wide. But no, Karl rarely saw people out and about holding books, with the exception of students and a few who read for pleasure. There had to be something better, something with a wider audience.
Poe suddenly burst into the room, his face slightly red. He seemed to be excited about something, but his look shifted quickly to concern when he spotted his raccoon friend pacing about with an air of distress. The fact that he was standing on two legs with his front paws rubbing together in front of him did nothing to reassure the author.
“Karl? Are you okay my friend? Did the ravens snatch your toy again? Oh, those charred creatures, always snatching up that which shines to return to the heavens with them.”
Karl slinked back onto all fours, quickly rubbing up against his companion. He didn’t want him getting suspicious if his plan was to be put in action. The raccoon nudged Poe’s hand with his wet nose, his whiskers tickling him. This of course elicited a laugh from the human.
“What is it you’re looking for there? All I’ve got in my hand is my phone. Oh! Speaking of phones, you’ll never believe who I was just messaging!”
Karl knew exactly who it was. Ranpo was literally the only person who ever texted. Well, Ranpo and that guy who was always talking about the car warranty, but Karl doubted Poe would be so enthusiastic about such a call. He chittered up at his human.
“It was the most remarkable detective in the world, my dearest Ranpo! My rival!”
Yeah sure, “rival” Just admit you’re basically dating and schedule the wedding already. Honestly, humans are so naive. Karl thought all this to himself, not sharing aloud of course due to the language barrier. Oh how he wished he could give his human caretaker a piece of his mind when it came to Ranpo.
“And get this! He has agreed to call me when the clock chimes half past six!”
Karls sniffed at the metal square device, leaving a little wet imprint where his nose made contact. An idea began to form inside his walnut-resembling raccoon brain. These devices were used to communicate with people far and wide, almost everyone had one. He had seen many humans walking around the streets holding them and watching videos on their “social medias.” Yes, this would be perfect.
While his scheme began to take shape, his determination only grew. He would get his paws on that device and use it to broadcast his knowledge to the rest of humanity. The most ideal time to snatch it would probably be after his author friend went to sleep, but with that phone call later who knew how long that would take. No matter, he could wait.
“Karl, you’re doing that face again. The one you did yesterday right before tripping Ranpo so he fell and I caught him. What are you planning?” Poe asked, growing a bit worried.
Karl just gave an annoyed chitter at the accusation, turning his tail to the man.
The author tried to smooth things over with a, “You’re right, I have no right to claim that you’re guilty of some unknown crime. I’m sorry.”
It was accepted by the raccoon, though bitterly, and he turned back to face him with a look of disapproval.
Poe gave him a head pat of appreciation for his forgiveness, before holding out his arm for Karl to skitter up, which he did. Once the raccoon had wrapped around his
shoulders like a scarf, Poe walked back out of the room they were in, making his way over to the kitchen. He put a kettle on the stovetop, filled with water. Once he had turned the stove dial to the appropriate setting, he leaned against a counter and pulled out his phone.
Little did he know, the innocent-looking raccoon resting on his shoulder was actually observing closely, watching and learning how the phone worked. Even more conveniently, his human had made the rare decision to open up a particularly popular social media app. Score.
Karl was paying rapt attention, all the while maintaining a guise of being tired and on the verge of a nap. He came to realize that his revolutionary speech would likely require accompanying visuals. Thank the raccoon lords for opposable thumbs.
After the high pitched whistle sounded, signifying the water had been sufficiently warmed, Poe set down his phone. Karl had already gotten all the data he would need, thankfully. As the human moved around the kitchen to make a cup of tea, Karl got down from his perch. He had work to do.
His sudden exit was of course assumed to be him off to take a nap or something of the sort by his human. After all, he had been looking pretty sleepy. It was all too perfect.
His small form made its way through the halls, his claws making a slight click whenever they hit the ground. He found himself in an office space, where all the paper and coloring supplies were. He yanked some papers down from the stack, forgetting to keep his grip and scattering them like pale white snow. He could retrieve those later, it’s fine, he decided while he opened another drawer of a desk. Inside he found a thick red marker. Great, very attention grabbing.
Once all the papers were regathered, he set to work with the marker. He wrote messages of protest, writing of the dangers of capitalism (being able to write was one of the major benefits to living with a renowned author that spent all his free time with a pen and page). He drew pictures of the poor at the bottom with nothing, and the rich at the top with everything they wanted. Now, he never claims to be an artist, but they at least somewhat resemble what was envisioned. Either that or a murder scene. The red wasn’t exactly helping. It was abstract art, okay!
When he was done with all his visuals and satisfied, he heard the door to Poe’s room slam shut. So the phone call had likely begun, which meant he had a good couple of hours left to prepare without any interruptions.
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Five hours later, the lull of talking had finally died down. Karl had stashed his papers, thought up his speech, and even had time to take a nap, before Poe cracked open the office door with a creak. He yawned before speaking to the half-asleep raccoon.
“I’m off to bed Karl. You seem comfy enough here, so I don’t want to disturb you. But the call went great! I’ll tell you about it in the morning! Good night dear.”
Karl simply glanced up in acknowledgement before the author closed the door, yet again leaving him in the silence. He waited a few minutes before springing up onto his four paws. It was time for a heist.
Making use of his stealthy raccoon design, he was able to make it up to Poe’s room without making much of a noise. He clambered up the imposing doorframe, using his front paws to twist the knob while his hind paws pushed off the wall to pull the door open. When he released his grip of the circular door knob, he went soaring through the air from the momentum. Thankfully raccoons have the incredible ability to orient and twist so as to land on their feet, much like cats and squirrels, so he impacted the ground safely with barely a noise.
He slipped into the room through the crack he had managed to open the door. On the other side he was immediately met with the sound of his human’s deep breathing. Good, he was definitely asleep.
Karl spotted the phone up on his bedside table, where it always was at night, and began to make his way over. A paw landed on a poorly placed creaky floorboard, which released a terrifying “KREE!” sound. The raccoon immediately froze, and he noticed that the author’s breathing had paused as well. This was not good, not good at all. He felt his heartbeat speed up as adrenaline was pumped through his small form.
The breathing resumed. Could the racoon really be so lucky that the human had not even awakened after such a loud disturbance? It seemed like it may be so, but he waited a few more seconds to ensure. Everything was quiet except the faint breathing, which had fully steadied back to its normal rate.
He cautiously resumed his journey, the white charging cord that was inserted into the bottom of the phone was almost in reach. He outstretched his raccoon fingers, wrapping them around the long, thin, power cord. One good tug brought the cord down, along with the phone attached at the end. The electronic came plummeting down to the ground, and Karl utilized his bushy tail to cushion the impact with the wooden floor. Thankfully, no damage was done.
The process of getting out of the room was significantly easier, he simply clutched the phone to his furry chest with one paw and ran to the exit. After the door was pushed back into the closed position and the little click of the latch snapping in place was heard, he scurried all the way back to the office.
He clambered up the chair and propped the phone up against a book that had been left on the desk. Thanks to his earlier observations, it was pretty easy for him to open the phone and select the app he was looking for. How to make a video... oh. Yeah, probably the big plus sign at the bottom.
He pressed the plus with his snout, then the circle to record. Once he was certain everything was properly in view, he launched into his prepared speech.
Occasionally bringing in one of his drawn diagrams, he hissed, chittered, and growled about the current economic state of their country, trying to spread his knowledge to the internet. When he was satisfied with all that was said, he pressed the button for a second time.
Feeling accomplished, he hit post.
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Edgar Allan Poe awoke the next morning to the sound of repeated dinging. Did someone forget to replace the batteries of the fire alarms? No, it was too close to be that. He turned his head and was immediately facing the source of the noise, his phone? No one ever texted him, how strange. He picked up the phone, opening it to read the notifications. They seemed to be from some sort of social media app.
Thisisausername commented: “Awww, cute raccoon!” under your most recent video
ImSleepysaurous commented: “What do you think it’s trying to say?” under your most recent video
LoLimSogoodatnames commented: “He looks so passionate haha!” under your most recent video
What? He didn’t remember ever posting a video.
Poe went to his profile, and under recents sure enough there was a video posted by HIM. The timestamp read, “4:30 AM today”. What the hell? With growing curiosity, he clicked the video.
“KARL!?”
The raccoon in the other room thought to himself, Oh shit. I’ve been discovered. Before he could even think about hiding though, he was found.
“How? I’m not even mad, but... how?”
Karl simply showed his teeth as an almost smile. What was Poe expecting, him to talk?
“No more using social media to attempt to start revolutions for you, okay? You do realize that people don’t speak raccoon.”
His singular flaw in the plan. Next time he would simply have to find a way to translate his hisses into words.
Unfortunately Google Translate wasn’t raccoon inclusive, so he would have to do it himself. He would simply have to hack into-
Poe spotted his look and responded with, “Stop thinking it. No.”
The world has not seen the last of Karl the raccoon.