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Breakdown was always the last person in and out of the washrooms. It made sense, most cons thought. He had seemingly crippling anxiety and hated when people looked at him too long, so of course he’d want to get cleaned up all alone.
But it went deeper than anyone could’ve guessed. For you see, Breakdown was keeping a secret. A secret that he’d rather die than have anyone suddenly finding out.
After he walked into the washrooms and closed the door behind him, he anxiously looked around to make sure nobody was still in there. He sighed in relief before suddenly wincing in pain.
Today’s mission had been strenuous, but even more so in his case because…
He quickly took off his shirt, revealing that his chest was wrapped up tightly with some sort of tape, keeping it looking flat.
Breakdown carefully began taking it off, stopping once in a while when he felt the pain in his chest spike up. However, a particularly painful sting stopped him right in his tracks.
Tears started to well in his eyes as he fell forward onto the ground, now curling onto himself.
He spent what felt like forever sobbing. Because of the pain in his chest, because of the stress of keeping it a secret being so destabilizing that it’s causing his dark brown hair to slowly grey, because he dreads what everyone’s reaction would be, especially his boyfriend’s.
“Please…” He quietly pleaded between sobs. “Please just stop… It hurts… It all hurts so much…”
“Oh Breakdown.~”
Breakdown quickly sat up hearing the voice coming from outside the door. It was deep and smooth, the voice of his boyfriend, Knock Out.
“Kn-Knock Out…?”
“So you WERE in there after all! You never met up with me after work like you usually do and I got terribly worried.”
“O-Oh yeah, s-sorry ‘bout that Knocks. I-I just gotta-” Another horrible pain suddenly jabbed at Breakdown’s chest, causing him to cry out in pain. “GAHH!”
He really hoped Knock Out didn’t hear that, but with his boyfriend, he knew he could never keep anything hidden from him for very long.
“Breakdown?” Worry could be heard in Knock Out’s normally composed voice, “What happened, are you hurt? Don’t tell me you’re hiding an injury. I’m coming in-”
“NO! DON’T!” Breakdown’s voice nearly broke during his outburst, more tears spilling from his golden yellow eyes. “PLEASE! DON’T COME IN! DON’T LOOK AT ME! YOU CAN’T!”
Unfortunately for Breakdown, the door had already opened. He looked up and saw his lover with long, jet black hair look down at him with wide red eyes.
Knock Out’s medical expertise had been questioned in the past, with nobody knowing where he got or even if he had a medical license. But he liked to think he damn well knew enough, and he could see clear as day the tape Breakdown was wearing was suffocating his abused looking chest.
“Breakdown! What in the world do you think you’re doing!? Are you trying to crush your chest!?”
“I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” Breakdown only let out more sobs, “I-It hurts! It feels like it’s on fire! I-I’m sorry…” He buried his face in his hands, he couldn’t bear seeing his boyfriend’s face, not now.
Breakdown suddenly felt himself get pulled onto his feet. His eyes were clamped shut, but he felt Knock Out cup his face and wipe some of his tears before Knock Out had him lean against him.
The walk to the med bay was a quiet one, far too quiet for Breakdown’s liking. He was used to Knock Out being the talkative one of the two, but he was completely silent right now.
Was he mad at him? Does he hate him now? What if he told everyone his secret? These thoughts only caused more tears to fall down Breakdown’s face.
Finally, the two made it to the bay. Knock Out had Breakdown lay on the examination bed before looking through his tools. Breakdown glanced over at him before he suddenly turned around holding medical scissors, causing him to close his eyes again.
“I’m going to remove the rest of this tape.” Breakdown felt Knock Out’s presence above him, his voice soft and quiet. “I don’t want to hurt you darling, so hold still for me okay?”
Breakdown managed to nod. He heard snipping noises as the scissors cut away at the tape. Finally, all the tape was removed and his chest was open in the air, his breasts open for anyone to see, for Knock Out to see.
The very thought made Breakdown wanna throw up. He hated his body, he hated this body. It wasn’t his, it hasn’t felt like his for a long time. He already couldn’t stand to look at it, let alone have anyone else looking.
“Darling, it’s okay. I just want to help.” Knock Out’s soft voice hit his ears once again. “I’ll have to touch your chest to do that? Is that okay?”
Breakdown’s voice seeped with pain and defeat, “Do what ya need to do…”
He kept his eyes shut the entire time, too scared to see Knock Out’s face. He felt delicate gloved hands rub some sort of cream onto his chest, onto his…
Breakdown shuddered at the thought, at least this cream seemed to somewhat help, although he had a feeling it would be a while before this pain fully went away.
Finally, he felt something cold get placed on his chest. That startled him enough to open his eyes. Breakdown saw two ice packs wrapped in towels sitting there. Although startling at first, the cold packs felt amazing on his burning hot chest.
“I want you to keep those ice packs there until they melt,” Knock Out finally spoke again. “After that, you’ll need to come back and do this everyday until the redness and pain go down. And Breakdown, look at me when I say this.”
Although he dreaded it, Breakdown looked at Knock Out’s face. He expected anger or something like that, but instead his facial expression was stern but concerned.
“I don’t want you to bind until this fully heals,” He made his last point serious and clear, “And I don’t want to see you binding with tape again. Don’t do that to yourself…”
That was enough to bring the waterworks back. More tears fell down Breakdown’s face than before.
“I-I didn’t want ya to find out like this… I-I promise I was gonna tell ya but, I didn’t know w-what ya’d think and…” He looked away from Knock Out and closed his eyes again. “If ya wanna dump me, j-just do it now get it over with…”
After a moment of silence, Breakdown suddenly felt his face get cupped. Right as he opened his eyes, his head was turned so he was facing Knock Out again, and he was pulled into a kiss.
It was a desperate kiss, with Knock Out holding onto his face for dear life. Breakdown closed his eyes and wrapped his shaky arms around Knock Out’s neck.
Soon, the two separated so they could both breathe. Knock Out wiped more of Breakdown’s tears with his thumbs, his expression almost unreadable.
“Breakdown…” Knock Out’s voice trembled, which it very rarely ever did, “Don’t ever say anything like that again… You’re one of the few people here that actually care about me, who knows me beyond my looks or my car racing…”
Tears threatened to form in his eyes, but he refused to let himself cry. “You’re my better half Breakdown… I would never leave you because of something like this… Not now, not ever.”
Breakdown looked at Knock Out with wide eyes as a blush began to form on his face. “B-But you like men don’t you!? I mean, I am one but my body… I’m not enough of a man…”
“But you are. Breakdown, do you think you’re a man?”
“But my body-”
“This isn’t about your body, I’m asking you. Are you a man?”
“I… Yeah, I’m a man.”
“Then you’re a man enough for me.” Knock Out moved some of Breakdown’s hair back and kissed his forehead. “And if anybody else tells you otherwise, I’ll have them on my dissection table faster than they can realize what’s going on.”
Breakdown was touched by his words. Knock Out was not known for vulnerability, especially not emotional vulnerability. So if he was saying stuff like this, he truly meant it.
“I’m still not ready to tell anyone else, and I’m not sure when I wanna try fully transitioning…” Breakdown admitted. “It all feels so intimidating…”
“Then take your time,” Knock Out gently ran his fingers through his hair. “Don’t rush yourself and go at your own pace. I’ll be with you the entire time, I just don’t want you to hurt yourself in the process…”
“I won’t, I promise. I’ll get one of those uh, binder things. I was always too scared to ask for one…”
“Don’t even worry about that. I can pull some strings and hit you up with one.”
Breakdown looked surprised by that, “Wait, you’d really do that for me?”
“I would do all of that and more,” Knock Out briefly kissed his lips again. “For you and only you.”
Breakdown finally smiled for the first time that day, “I love ya so much Knock Out…”
“I love you too, Breakdown, and don’t you ever doubt that.”