Chapter Text
“It’s because… I trust you.”
More times than he would have liked to admit, Damon had asked himself if he could have changed the course of the events, or even stopped them from happening altogether.
It was nothing more than wishful thinking – the thought alone wasn't expected from someone like him. His actions couldn’t have changed the final result. Which is why, when he went to sleep the night of the trial and found himself in front of Eva, he didn't even try. He trusted her and watched helplessly as that fragile (yet powerful) faith was swallowed by the flames of the furnace. Again.
In the morning his pillow was stained. He flipped it and the evidence was hidden.
The second night, after an entire day without Wolfgang or Eva around, perhaps the weight of everything fully crashed down on him: the fear, the pain, the betrayal, the anger... the grief. Logic be damned.
“Damon… I thought you trusted me.”
No.
Whether it was a conscious lie or just his emotions speaking? He wasn’t able to tell in the heat of the moment. All he could focus on was the way Eva looked first bewildered, then angry.
“Liar”.
Rich coming from her, however Damon couldn’t find it in himself to rebut the claim. It was odd for him who was always so obstinate to prove his points and win arguments – and years of debate taught him how to do that pretty well–, but his mouth felt completely dry.
His eyes instinctively darted to the podium where Wolfgang should have been.
Through the blood dripping down on the portrait, he could clearly make out the gaze full of disdain burning into him. As if the lawyer knew each and every one of Damon’s sins. And maybe he did. Maybe if Wolfgang could have spoken he would have condemned him like an angel of death – not that he was the only one who should have been judged.
In the end it didn’t matter, because neither his answer nor the unspoken words of a dead man would change the outcome: the rumbling, the chain, math supplies, blood, Eva’s screams, stench of smoke in the air and the pillowcase needing to be changed before his roommate noticed.
After exhausting both answers, Damon didn’t expect to see the storage closet again on the third night.
It was a sight he frankly hoped he would have to see for the last time: that underground floor, that storage closet, near that place he didn’t want to name. The thought alone made his nose fill up with a burning smell, rubbing alcohol and cereal. (Or whatever was the right way to describe that chemical reaction.)
“It’s because… I trust you.”
She was there. Her blue eyes looking to the side, her arms crossed over her chest, her eyebrows furrowed. Here again, saying those cursed words.
They fell on deaf ears; Damon had listened to this speech for at least 3 times now and each time it felt more and more unbelievable. When Eva’s voice ceased it should have been his turn to fill the silence.
“Damon? Why are you not saying anything?”
He was given the illusion of choice already. All that was left was a third option, one only cowards would consider.
“You don’t trust me? I-Is that it?”
It didn’t matter. Even if Eva’s frayed voice made him purse his lips and clench his fists, all he could give her was silence. Because there was no choice to make.
“Why? I showed you my blackmail, I have just said I trust you." Her voice grew louder, a foot moving forward, "You were the only one who took my side. We were the only ones who didn’t listen to that lawyer!”
Damon casted his gaze to the floor at the vague mention of Wolfgang.
Soon the storage closet morphed into that place; the pipes, the generator – charred beyond belief– and the weird stench in the air (not just a trick of his mind anymore). Not far from him a knife floated in the water and right behind Eva what he dreaded to see the most: the corpse. Wolfgang’s corpse.
Everything was as he remembered it: his face twisted in a look of terror, his wrinkled suit, his burned hands, the bruise on his neck from the rolling pin, and the red dot which he had come to realise was not a beauty mark or a pimple. It was just another unmistakable and undeniable proof of Eva’s crimes.
“What did I do wrong? Why can’t you trust me?! It’s like you said, in this place if we don’t trust each other we are alone!” the expression was familiar, she looked like that when he had pointed the finger against her.
Oh, how naive he was; Damon thought he knew what she wanted, what they were seeking. He firmly believed there was a “we”. Before it hit him.
What Eva did. Her words. Her lies.
“Eva…”
Even so, a tiny - stupid - part of him still rebelled to the inevitable.
“... did you make any headway on that poster in the pharmacy?”
Although she seemed ready to lose her cool just a few minutes ago, Eva composed herself surprisingly fast. Well, unsurprisingly actually.
“The poster with Tozu on it?”
“Yeah. Have you figured out what it means?”
If the answer was different, just a bit, just two words – heck, one word was all he was asking for- then maybe, maybe he could have let himself believe again.
The scenery changed once again into what he knew really well were the trial grounds. Hope slipped away as soon as it came.
“Well… not really.”
Right. That’s not where Eva’s lies started. Damon knew better; there was no start, he found himself right in the middle of them.
“Why are you making that face?” Eva’s voice was shaky.
Sad? Angry? Disappointed? Possibly just tired of the situation.
“I’m telling the truth.”
The moment it came out of her lips, that word lost its meaning.
“Why won’t you believe me?!”
Why did she insist on lying even when the evidence was staring her in the eye? He should have asked her. Damon wished he had asked her.
“Damon.”
Why say she trusted him? Why look for him? Why stab him in the back like that?!
If there was no start to the lie, was there no end either? And if it was like that, where did the truth fit in all this? Was it ever there? Whatever he chose to believe in this battle between facts and beliefs, he will never know the real answer. Because she was gone.
“Damon!”
Pale hands shook his frame violently, fingernails threatening to dig into his shoulders, but he was quick to shove them away. And he was even quicker to regret it: a familiar looking chain came out of the elevator, locked around Eva’s neck and pulled her inside.
Following a twisted script he had never wanted any part in, it all unfolded one more time: the conveyor belt changed into a flight of stairs, Eva struggling to make it to the top
"I want to live… I deserve to live. I am going to live! I AM GOING TO LIVE!"
Her last words rang with way too much clarity in his head; it felt like the whole room was screaming. The echo bounced off each wall and right into his ears, sending an uncomfortable shiver up his spine. Although he was at a safe distance, the way the sweat fell down his forehead and cheeks would have suggested he was face to face with the fire.
Eva slipped and nails and other math supplies pierced her hands, arms and legs. Damon wanted to look away, but something was forcing him to assist this horrible show from the front row. A place now reserved for him.
The screams and the wails from the walls (at least he believed they came from the walls) accompanied the final part of this sick charade: Eva reached for the dummy's hand – he wished she had reached for his hand before all this– and fell in a combustion of red, orange and yellow. Once attached to her headband, the crow feather softly touched the ground while the sizzling of the fire died down, leaving behind only a pungent smell.
It was over, so why did Damon feel like his feet were sinking into the ground instead?
“ D– a– mo… ”
His arms and legs were trembling, his cheeks felt wet. In spite of this, his eyes were glued to the furnace. Only heavy breaths filled the air until, with an ominous creak, the device's doors were open again. The fire roared back to life and from inside the furnace, a hand -half burned skin, half bones- reached for the ground. Although completely disfigured, Damon knew there was only one person that creature could be.
"-mon"
With a body that could not be described as that of a human being anymore, Eva dragged herself out of the flames which ,despite her efforts, kept sticking to her.
"Damon."
When the distance between him and that fiery figure suddenly disappeared, scorched fingernails dug into his shoulders. Damon had no strength to tear them off.
"Damon!"
The heat kept rising. Sweat dripped down as the figure got closer and closer to his face, as if she wanted to melt it. When Damon couldn't bear looking into those black cavities –once azure eyes– any longer, the heat enveloped him and everything went numb as his body was consumed by the flames.
“Damon!”
The fervent feeling was gone, leaving him room to gasp for air and cough. There was nothing but dark walls in sight. Even when the air had cooled down, for some reason his hand still felt hot.
“Damon, plea- ... -up.”
It didn’t feel like those nails trying to scrape his skin. It was gentle. Warm. Safe.
“Mom?” Damon asked hesitantly.
It was completely illogical to think she would be there, but who else could make Damon feel like that?
Holding onto the hope, he turned around.
A white flash blinded him before he could somewhat make out the string lights hanging over the pink bed’s canopy.
“Damon! Oh thank god you are awake!” an exhale, “That scared me, man.”
Damon groaned as he blinked a few times. He was in Kai’s room. No more Eva, Wolfgang or flames. Just obnoxiously pink walls he would have never thought he would be happy to see. He groggily reached a hand up to his forehead when the tips of his fingers brushed against a soft texture. Damp.
“Ah, I put a wet towel on your forehead. You know, to help you cool down.”
Kai must have noticed his confusion, because he kept explaining: “You were overheating and sweating like crazy, dude! I didn’t have many options and I couldn’t just leave you like that.”
It did feel unusually hot and ,now that he focused better, he could hear panting. It was clearly not coming from Kai, so it must have come from him. His whole body felt heavy and even lifting an arm was a huge effort.
Disoriented, his scrambled thoughts couldn’t help but go back to his nightmare: the blaze that almost swallowed him, the voice piercing through the heated air and the warmth in his hand. Damon looked to the side and sure enough, Kai’s fingers were intertwined with his.
“Seriously how did you even manage to get a fev–” Kai interrupted himself. “Ah! Sorry about that.”
He chuckled nervously as he tried to pull his hand away, but Damon held onto it tighter much to his roommate's —and his own— surprise. In normal circumstances he probably would have swatted that hand away and told Kai off for touching him like that (not that he did when previously the influencer had held onto his arm), but now? That source of warmth was the only thing remotely comforting he could find. Physical touch and human connection, they were all things he craved and also rejected.
“Hey, are you okay?" Kai asked. "Maybe it was just the fever, but you were tossing and turning a lot in your sleep.”
Should Damon even tell him? Kai might have been his roommate, but he was still a stranger. Even with the fever turning his brain into mush, he still had his common sense. If he couldn’t even put his faith in her until the end, how could he possibly trust him?
However, against his better judgement… “Nightmares” Damon winced at how hoarse and weak his voice sounded.
“Well, I had guessed that much,” Kai brushed a hand through his pink hair. “What kind of nightmares though?”
Damon unconsciously gulped. His mouth was dry.
Kai stared at him through half lidded eyes when a look of realisation spread across his face. The influencer left and Damon quietly mourned the loss of warmth. He faintly heard the sound of water running from the bathroom. Kai came back with a glass in his hand.
“Here.” he nervously smiled. “I have woken up thirsty before and got some water from the sink. I haven’t come down with a stomach ache or anything, so it should be drinkable.”
Should?
“D-Don’t glare at me! There is no way I’m going to the kitchen in the middle of the night. I’m no Jean!” he protested.
Damon rolled his eyes; to be fair he wouldn’t go out at night either, especially in their situation. His throat was starting to burn from the dehydration anyway, so he would have to suck it up.
The towel fell in his lap as he struggled to sit upright.
“Man...” Kai grabbed the towel. “... when I put this on your forehead it was drenched in cold water. It has almost dried up!”
The look of concern Kai shot his way made something stir inside his stomach. Damon couldn’t tell if it was a bad feeling, but strangely enough he didn’t dislike it. He quickly cleared his throat; this fever was definitely playing a number on him. Kai's hands trembled as he offered him the glass of water.
“Thanks.”
Even when his fingers merely brushed against the golden rings —still odd that Kai slept with those—, all Damon could feel from Kai was warmth.
“Uh, no problem”
The unreadable expression on Kai’s face as he looked down at the cloth in his hand intrigued him. It was so different from the looks of panic and mischief Damon had grown accustomed to.
“I’m – err– gonna wet this again!” His voice cracked as he made haste for the bathroom. The water started running once more.
Damon shrugged and looked down at the glass. Sink water was sink water, but for a thirsty man? It may as well have been the most delicious beverage in the world, because he immediately downed it. The refreshment made him feel slightly better, but not enough for his head not to start spinning. He groaned as he placed the empty glass on the bedside-table and lied back down.
That was the worst predicament to be in during a killing game. Such an easy target, not that he thought Kai would try to kill him. Certainly not the guy who sobbed at the mention of anything remotely scary or tried to flee crime scenes as fast as possible — though it did sound suspicious when worded like that. Then again, who could guarantee? Damon had known him for more or less a week after all. "Logical" was supposed to be the first adjective to use when describing him, yet ,against everything that word entailed, that warmth made him believe he was safe there. In Kai's room.
Damon shifted in discomfort; he was drenched in sweat and he was sure what he touched on his cheeks were dried streams of tears. If Kai had noticed he didn’t speak about it, which he was thankful for. His shirt was sticking to his skin which almost made him run to the shower if not for the headache keeping him anchored to the mattress. When he moved a hand up to his collar, he realised the first buttons were already undone. Kai really did what he could to try and help him, didn’t he? It made his cheeks feel warm. The fever, surely.
“Your face is red again!”
The cold towel made Damon sigh. Sweet relief from the fire spreading throughout his body.
“There is no medicine here and the pharmacy is too far. A-and it’s night!” Kai whimpered. “Man, you–like– don’t even have a cold! What kind of meds should I get?!”
It was oddly endearing how passionate Kai was over taking care of him. Endearing. Damon flinched.
“It’s fine. We’ll make do with what we have.”
“Yeah. Not much of a choice anyway” Kai sighed as he sat back down on the bed. “Do you feel better at least? There is not even a thermometer to check your fever.”
Truthfully, Damon still felt like shit, but not as much as when he woke up. He nodded.
“That’s good.” Kai smiled. “It doesn’t look like either of us will go back to sleep anytime soon so…” he paused, making himself comfortable on the bed, “... can you tell me what that nightmare was about?”
Damon glanced at Kai’s hand, the same one that had been holding his own. Could he really just tell him about the thoughts and images haunting him? What was the use of it? Would Kai even have the answers he was looking for? He doubted. So there was no point.
“You have been really quiet the past couple days” Kai spoke up, “Not that you were ever a chatter box, but you stay in your dorm most of the time now. Even when you come to the dining hall to eat, you barely touch your food and glare at everyone before leaving. I- err- some of us were worried about you.”
Why did that feel hard to believe?
“You were the one closest to Eva and definitely knew her better than any of us. So I understand if–”
“Did I though?” Damon blurted out
“Huh?”
“Did I even know her?”
He didn’t think he did. No one did.
"Well..." Kai was taken aback, "... that I can’t answer, but you knew her better than any of us without a doubt. I mean…” he appeared hesitant before saying the rest, the corner of his lips twitching. “... I don’t think you’d follow any of us alone to a storage closet”
It pained him to say it, but he had a point. More than once he had followed Eva blindly and left his survival instinct to the side. Why did he do that? Maybe he knew the answer. He just couldn’t admit it to himself. Just how lonely he really was. God, he really was a hypocrite.
“It surprised me, you know?” Kai spoke again, “When you came back here last night, I mean.”
On the night after the trial, Damon had refused to be around anyone, Kai included, so he had stayed in his own dorm. However ,after the first nightmare, he had found it unbearable; he was scared, and not just of someone coming in at night to kill him. Despite the embarrassment, he had gone back to Kai, saying he had changed his mind. No further elaborations. The influencer hadn’t questioned it and awkwardly welcomed him back.
At first Damon had thought Kai was just afraid of being by himself with a broken lock, but could there have been more behind his willingness?
“It made me relieved. Being alone at night after what happened is not the best feeling.”
Well, he was at least half-right.
There was something, Damon noticed, about Kai: he managed to flip a switch depending on the situation. The usually cowardly Kai ,who smiled at the thought of having a simple breakfast in a shitty old building during a killing game, could also become really serious, wise even. Not that he would ever tell him, but the dichotomy, admittedly, fascinated him.
“Sometimes I see them.”
Though he wasn’t sure what Kai was talking about, Damon perked up at the words.
“When there is a dark corner or when I close my eyes for a second too much, my brain can’t help but imagine Wolfgang’s body.”
Kai looked away, the ends of his mouth twitching “It’s not a sight you can really forget. Just like the execution.” After a brief pause, he turned back to Damon, “But having someone next to you who most likely won’t kill you feels nice” his signature awkward chuckle echoed in the room.
It sent a shiver up Damon’s spine, different from the one he felt in his nightmare.
How this guy could find reasons to smile in such a dire situation, a moment of peace from the madness… he envied that. They were plagued by nightmares, hallucinating, living in fear, yet Kai could find a positive even in all this. As stupid as it sounded, it was worth some admiration. It’s not like he felt joy in being pessimistic and paranoid all of the time.
“I also see them. Her especially”
The lack of words from his roommate pushed him to continue: “She is always there, waiting for me. Waiting for my answer…” Damon trailed off, “... but it doesn’t matter what I say or do, it always ends in the same way.”
Up in flames.
Damon felt his eyes starting to burn again. He could easily blame this sensitivity on the fever, it was messing with his head after all, but he had a feeling Kai would know better.
“I don’t really know if Eva trusted me in the end. I don’t know the extent of lies she told, nor how truthful she was.” If she ever told the truth. Damon squeezed the bed sheets, “Actually, I’m not even sure if I knew what kind of person she was.”
The stuff she confided in him, her odd jokes, her weird way of being dramatic… it couldn’t be all for show. There were truths buried beneath the lies. There had to be.
“But I guess that doesn’t matter now. I will never know. I can't find out anymore because…” Damon gulped, trying to get rid of the lump in his throat, “... Eva is dead.”
It’s a fact both him and Kai were aware of, yet saying it out loud really made it sink in. It was cathartic, like a Greek tragedy: a nobody who became a hero, fell from grace and into depravity. Killed by those who once were their companions. Perhaps Eva felt like that. That's if she had ever considered Damon a true companion.
"Woah."
Damon stiffened, twisting the bed sheets and digging his nails into the fabric.
“That’s– man, I’m not even sure what to say." Kai muttered, "I didn’t even think we would get this far!”
Damon had no rebuttal, it just happened. Naturally. Like his talks with Eva. He hated how high his walls were yet so easy to breach. If he only hated it though, he’d turn around, give his back to Kai and pretend to sleep even when the fever was – metaphorically– killing him.
“Gosh, that’s a lot.” Kai rubbed the back of his head. “Honestly I know less than you about Eva. I doubt anything I have to say about her could help you… or make you happy.”
Damon had guessed that much, that’s why he was even hesitant to speak about it in the first place.
“But when a person can't be there with you anymore, one thing you can do is remember them in their best moments, right?”
Kai looked down at his own hand with a melancholic smile. “If you can’t talk to them anymore nor ask questions, it’s best to treasure the good times.” he caressed one of his rings with particularly careful motions.
That was... unexpected. Not what he was looking for, but perhaps what he needed to hear.
“The last time we saw Wolfgang... okay- that was nightmare fuel, but it’s not the image I want to remember him with… f-for how haunting it is.” Kai’s expression turned serious as he held tightly onto his ring. His voice was shaking just from recalling the memory, however that soft yet determined look made Damon's heart skip a beat.
“He was nice and tried his best for us and if Diana’s testimony is anything to go by, he had skeletons in the closet ,sure, but like– who doesn't have them?!" Kai laughed loudly, but it didn't seem cheerful. "What I mean is– it’s exactly because Eva is not here to cleanse your doubts that it’s up to you how to remember her.”
How does he want to remember Eva? He will never know the factual and objective truth. Kai was right; all he had were the memories and they weren’t all bad, at all. Eva told him stuff in private no one else in the Academy knew, but she was also deceitful and at times frustrating. She liked to startle him for whatever reason, but she showed him a sight which was rare for her: a smile.
“Ah, sorry.” Kai winced “Sometimes I end up yapping”
“I can’t believe you of all people gave me good advice” Damon said, blunt as ever.
“Wha– H-Hey!” the influencer pouted “What the hell man! I thought we were getting– Wait…” the finger he was going to point hung in mid-air as he fully processed the words. “... good?”
“Yes.”
Kai looked as if he was waiting for Damon to say it was a joke. It was tempting, honestly.
“You have a point. I will never know the truth. There is no way of discovering it now, so all I can do is think back on all my memories with her and decide for myself.”
Who was Eva Tsunaka? Surely a person far too complex to be defined by a simple title.
“Well I’m glad I could help? As long as you don’t kick off the blankets in the middle of the night.” Kai laughed as he let his head sink into the pillow. That almost brought a smile to Damon’s face. Almost.
“How do you do it?”
“Do what?” Kai raised his head a little as he stared with what Damon assumed was curiosity.
“Just how can you find a way to smile even in the shittiest situations?” Damon huffed. “It’s like you can tune out everything even if just for a short amount of time.”
In this situation finding a silver lining was like looking for a needle in a haystack: extremely hard but clearly not impossible. Kai did it.
“I guess this is one of those typical 3 am talks” Kai joked and Damon couldn’t help scoffing.
“If you are not gonna answer forget I asked anything”
"Hey! No, no!" the influencer laughed. “I was just surprised at how talkative you are tonight.”
Damon clicked his tongue. “You said it yourself. Neither of us will be able to sleep anytime soon.”
“Touchè”
Usually he would have felt annoyed from an exchange like that, but the way Kai’s laughter ceased to leave the place to a sorrowful smile defeated any attempt at a frown.
“It's true, life can be shitty. Like– really shitty.” Kai looked up at the ceiling but Damon’s eyes never left him. “When hard times hit, you have to appreciate even the smallest things. Be happy about what good there is, even when it seems hopeless. Otherwise…”
Kai trailed off. He had a solemn expression. It wasn’t the kind of face Damon would picture when thinking about "Kai Monteago", but strangely it didn’t look bad on him. Still not quite as good as his smile.
“... how are we supposed to carry on?”
If sentences were bullets, this one would shoot him right through his brain. Such a simple concept that sounded even more obvious when said by someone else, but in reality? Preaching was always easier than practicing. He went through hard times before, of course, but none of those moments were quite as dire as being stuck in a killing game.
There was a light at the end of the tunnel back then and there was someone to hold his hand through all of it. But here? He struggled to see that light. Perhaps that was the reason he latched onto Eva’s words so fast. A flicker in the dark. Someone relying on him and whom he could rely on. Well, he thought he could.
“Did I say something weird?” Kai whined. “You have gone silent again.”
Damon shook his head. “I was just thinking”
“About?” Kai cocked his head.
“What you said, obviously.”
The influencer's eyes were almost sparkling, like a puppy expecting a treat for good behaviour "And?"
“You…” Damon stopped himself, averting his gaze “... really are something.” he concluded in a flat voice.
Kai didn’t seem to like that answer since he groaned. “Seriously? How am I supposed to get something as vague as that?”
His frustration was somewhat amusing.
“You could at least be clear. I have been taking care of you and entertaining your questions." the influencer pouted "You owe me that much.”
“Oh.” Damon shifted to his side, careful not to let the towel fall from his forehead. “I didn’t know this situation suddenly became transactional.”
“O-Of course it isn’t!” Kai sat up with a frown, seemingly taking offense that he even dared to suggest something like that. “I’m just saying you could show some gratitude.”
As hard as it was, Damon choked back a laugh. It was weird how fast the tone of the conversation had changed. Oddly, he didn’t mind that. Maybe it’s because he was sick, but talking to Kai was revealing to be pleasant. He coughed.
“Well, even if you don’t I would still look after you until you feel better.” Kai mumbled, but Damon was close enough to hear it.
Taking care of sick people was normal, nothing groundbreaking. He wasn’t special, yet Damon still felt a tug at his chest. Not a painful one. It was like being surprised with the thing he wanted the most as a gift. He didn’t quite understand what was happening, but he pulled the duvet up to his chin. The warm feeling he had been craving came back, brushing against his cheek and neck. He wouldn't let it slip away this time.
“S-Sorry!” Kai immediately apologised when Damon grabbed his hand. “Your face was very red and I thought the temperature rose again. I was just checking, I swear!”
He barely registered the influencer’s words, he was completely entranced by the hand he was clasping. A sweet and nostalgic feeling he has only ever felt from two people. Three now.
“Guess I should have asked for permission.” the influencer laughed nervously as he attempted to pull back, but Damon wouldn’t let him. “H-hey! You are still sick so don’t think of–”
Damon nuzzled Kai’s fingers, “Just shut up.”
Their hands rested together on the mattress. He didn’t know what kind of face the influencer was making as his eyes were closed, but he felt the bed sink underneath him. When his hand was squeezed, his roommate was staring at him. Maybe the fever was starting to make him hallucinate, because Kai’s cheeks seemed red.
“In my nightmare it was scorching hot, I thought I would get burned. I wasn’t bothered by it...” And that bothered him. Damon's hold on Kai’s hand tightened. “...but then the fire ceased. It was still warm, but not the kind that would hurt. It was nostalgic…” his vision started to become blurry, but he forcefully blinked the tears away, “... it felt like home.”
Damon couldn't cry, he didn’t want to be even more vulnerable. He didn’t want to admit how scared he was and how much he missed his mom and dad. Saying otherwise would be a lie though, and he had a track record of being “brutally honest”. So it was better to hold his silence and cover up the evidence. He should have done so; instead of pulling away, he leaned in when Kai got closer.
“Listen…” The influencer opened and closed his mouth a couple times, wanting to say something but changing his mind last minute. Damon didn’t care if they stayed in silence though. It was comfortable.
“... we don’t have to trust each other, but we could stick together.”
The proposal made Damon back up a little.
“Let me finish!” Kai gently pulled Damon back through their intertwined hands, successfully stopping his retreat “Being completely alone is just as bad as trusting everyone.”
This guy was making one too many good points Damon knew would be hard to refute. For the record, he would have been able to, he had faced harder debates before. He just didn’t want to. Genuinely.
“I’m pretty sure you won’t kill me and if this situation didn’t convince you I won’t kill you either, I don’t think anything will.” Kai smiled a little. The strange feeling in his chest came back.
“So…” the pause was brief, but enough for Damon to almost get lost in Kai’s golden irises “... we could try staying together. We don’t need to talk about deep stuff like tonight, small talk. Just staying quiet in the same room also works.”
Kai averted his eyes to their joined hands. “It’s comforting to know there is someone else. Being alone makes everything harder.”
The small brush of Kai's thumb against the back of his hand sent a jolt through Damon’s body, however it also sent him down a spiral: Why was Kai saying this to him? Weren’t there other people in the academy he felt more comfortable with? Diana maybe, or even Ingrid?
Did Kai pity him? Did he feel sorry for Damon who was betrayed by his closest ally? Did he want to use him? Was Kai even that kind of person? Or was he just the usual coward who needed someone to hang onto and he was the idiot he could get close to?
But amidst all that there was one thought, one he secretly — and naively— wanted to be true: Did Kai genuinely care about him?
“Let’s talk about it when I’m not delirious from this fever.”
The solution to this query won’t become some interpretation he’d have to look for in his memories, but it could wait. Just not too much. Damon would make sure of that.
Kai’s cheerful laughter interrupted his thoughts like the first ray of sunlight peeking through the curtains. The heat definitely got to his brain.
“That’s fair. You are acting pretty weird tonight.”
Damon rolled his eyes, no malice behind it. “Make sure to enjoy it because it’s never gonna happen again.”
“That’s fine.” Kai’s smile seemed more radiant than before. “It just means I will be the only one who gets to see this side of you.”
He saw a side of Kai he wouldn’t usually show as well. His stomach turned.
“So, how do you feel about sleeping now? You seem more relaxed and–” Kai yawned. “I need my beauty sleep.”
Damon felt at his limit as well. He was confident he wouldn’t see figures warped in flames so he gave Kai a nod. His roommate sighed in relief as he adjusted the bed sheets to fully cover them both – with just one hand because Damon wouldn’t let go of the other– and lied down with a grin.
“May your dreams be sweet, Damon.”
Damon blinked, unamused. “That was so corny.”
There was a moment of silence before Kai turned the other way. “I guess that’s what I get for trying to comfort you” he grumbled, pulling the pink duvet up to cover his face. Damon had been fighting it for a while, but a smile finally spread across his features.
“Earlier when I said you really are something…”
Kai rolled back, lowering the duvet enough to peek at Damon. Dork.
“... I meant that you can be unexpectedly charming.”
How did Kai react to that? Damon didn't know. He was pretty sure he had said something, but he was already drifting into a peaceful slumber and all he could hear were muffled sounds.
Maybe he would ask him in the morning.