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Rayla had been settled in her old bedroom. Ethari had never cleaned it out, keeping it available for her if ever she returned, even under the spell that hid her from him. Their bedroom had changed, somewhat, in his absence, Runaan noticed with a pang in his chest as he entered it. More of Ethari’s tools and less of his own clothes littered the space. The desk in the corner was absolutely covered in half-finished projects that made his heart ache.
Strong hands touched his biceps and trailed down his arms, Ethari’s warmth pressing up behind him. The smith nuzzled into his hair, where he would have nudged against Runaan’s horn - if it hadn’t been broken off. “Let’s get ye changed into something clean and intact, yea?” He rumbled.
Runaan swallowed hard and tilted his head back, twisting around a bit to nuzzle Ethari in return. “Yes.” He murmured, but could hardly bear to step away from his partner.
“How I’ve missed you,” Ethari sighed and spun him around, gently, to touch their foreheads together and give him a hug. Runaan let himself be wrapped up in his husband’s arms, curling a hand around his neck and letting the other rest on his chest.
“I have thought of you every moment since I was captured.” He murmured back.
Ethari’s arms tightened around him and he pressed a kiss to his forehead. “Your clothes are still in the closet.” He admitted without quite meeting Runaan’s eyes. “I couldn’t - I just. Couldn’t.”
Runaan slid his hand from Ethari’s neck to his jaw to turn his head a bit, to give him room to kiss the corner of his mouth. “I’m here, my love.” He murmured, and stayed where he was for a moment longer, to just breathe together.
When Ethari moved to let him go, he went to the closet. He left his own clothes hanging where they were, taking out a set of Ethari’s sleepwear instead. It smelled like silver and night air with a faint tang of the fire he used in his forge, and it smelled like home. His heart.
Ethari joined him wearing one of Runaan’s own shirts, and he smiled faintly when he realized it, meeting the smith in a gentle embrace at their bedside. “That’s mine, isn’t it?” He teased fondly.
“You’re in mine,” Ethari pointed out, smiling more weakly back at him, and pressing him gently back towards the bed. “It smelled like you, at first. Most of them it’s worn off.”
Runaan’s heart cracked open in his chest as he allowed himself to be laid back onto their bed. His ribs nearly felt like they cracked as well from the angle, unfortunately, and he sucked in a sharp breath through his teeth before managing to relax. He drew his legs up onto the bed, ignoring the ache in his hips and leg as Ethari settled into the bed above him. “I’m sorry, my moon.”
“Don’t.” Ethari kissed him. “I knew what I was facing when I married you.” His lips pressed tight together and he blinked, tight and slow. “It’s not your fault I couldn’t let go.” His eyes ran carefully down Runaan’s frame, always lean but dangerously thin, now, and he did not settle his weight down on top of him, instead settling onto his side beside Runaan. “You’re not well.”
Runaan snorted softly and tilted his head into the pillows, breath shaking at the familiar comfort, reminded anyway of his experience by the lack of resistance from his broken horn. “Death . . . takes its toll. I will recover.”
Ethari stroked his cheek, achingly gentle, and trailed his fingers down Runaan’s neck to his shoulder. He leaned down to press another kiss to his forehead, then his cheek, then his lips. Runaan opened for him, nearly helpless to resist the adoration in his touch. He held onto Ethari in return, kissed him fiercely, prayed that he could show all the love and regret he held that he could not yet put into words.
He tasted salt, and Ethari made a noise into his mouth that was somewhere between a laugh and a sob as he rolled up onto his aching side to meet his husband. Their tears mingled on his cheeks and between their lips, love and grief and guilt spilling without words.
The kisses did calm, with time, when Runaan’s strength failed him and he had to sink back into the bed again. Ethari cradled his head in his hands, leaning over him, threading his fingers through Runaan’s hair to circle the cuffs at the base of his horns. Stroking up the cuff to what remained of the left one, and Runaan watched his expression with his breath caught in his throat. Ethari just looked sad, and hurt, eyes welling with more tears that he blinked away with a shaky breath.
“I make you the same promise as always,” He whispered finally, golden eyes lowering to Runaan’s. “If you want to talk about what happened, I’m here. If you just need to rest, first, know that you are always safe with me.”
Runaan’s own breath shook as he looked back, into the faith in his love’s eyes, and his throat caught on nothing. He choked on his breath, forcing himself to sit up. Ethari did too, those beautiful golden eyes widening with concern, facing him, their thighs pressed together. Before he could ask, Runaan said roughly, “There is - I cannot finish, tonight, there is so much to tell. But I must - I cannot share your bed, in good faith, until you know-” his voice broke and he swallowed hard.
Ethari reached across his lap to rub his arm, holding him without restraining him. “Tell me,” He said softly, no judgment in his tone - not yet.
Runaan swallowed again, took a deep breath, and began with the assassins’ arrival in Katolis. The way he had foolishly sent Rayla to eliminate the guard that witnessed them. Ethari closed his eyes briefly and sighed, but did not interrupt him. He confessed how she had spared the soldier and doomed the mission, and they’d discovered it the next day. How he had banned her from the mission itself, how she had come anyway, how she had fought him.
How he had tried to kill their daughter. His voice would not stop cracking as he confessed, overridden with guilt that streamed from his eyes to his hands before he was finished. “She forgave me , and I - I did nothing to deserve it, I - how could I -” He broke off again with a soft cry of anguish and buried his face in his hands, unable to bear looking at the judgment he imagined must be in Ethari’s face.
He felt the bed move before he heard Ethari sigh, and he flinched from the hand that stroked his shoulders. “You did what ye were meant to do, as an assassin,” Ethari said softly.
“I am not just an assassin!” Runaan cried. “I - I am her father , Ethari, and I-”
“You’re not the only one,” Ethari cut him off. “What about me, Runaan? Lain left her with us, we can leave him out of this, but I let ye talk me into letting her become an assassin in the first place. I knew she didn’t have the heart fer it. Should I blame myself for lettin’ her go with ye?”
Runaan flinched at the very suggestion. “ No. ”
“She knew the risks, Runaan.” Ethari held his gaze firmly. “So did you, and so did I. No one went into that mission blind. She failed. She may have failed spectacularly, in a way that saved all of Xadia and the world - but she still made a mistake to get there. And you gave her every chance ye could.”
Runaan shook his head. “She is right , Ethari. We - what we did was wrong.” He pressed his lips together and then squeezed his eyes shut against the guilt of the furious face of a little boy in Katolis.
“So you learn from your mistakes.” Ethari said evenly. “Runaan . . . if Rayla’s forgiven ye, I see no reason I should hesitate to do the same. It was her life on the line. She knows your duty better than I do, though neither of us could hope to do it.”
Finally, Runaan dared to raise his eyes to Ethari’s. “I cannot ask you for forgiveness.” He said weakly. “I cannot even grant it to myself.”
“Ye never have tae ask, my heart.” Ethari leaned in to press their foreheads together. “Rayla and I have both forgiven ye. And I’ll be here until you’re ready to forgive yourself too.”
Runaan shuddered in his arms and grasped for Ethari’s shirt, tangling his fingers in it to hang on. “I wasn’t certain you would be able to live with . . . that. For all that I’ve done, I . . . I’ve never harmed our family before. Not intentionally.”
He felt more than heard the sigh through Ethari’s nose, the heat on his face where they were pressed together. “I love you both with all my heart,” Ethari said softly. “But Runaan, I loved you first. And I know how you are. I trust your reasons. I’m glad you failed in that one! But I would have expected nothing different from you.”
Runaan shook his head slowly, and withdrew a little to look into Ethari’s eyes again. “I . . . don’t like that man,” He said slowly. “I don’t like being the sort of man who can kill his own child. I . . . I can’t be that man anymore.”
Ethari studied him for a moment, and then slowly laced his fingers into one of Runaan’s hands. “Then don’t. I’ll be here, no matter what. I’ve always loved the way you love, Runaan. If your love drives ye to change, I’ll walk with you every step of the way.”
No words were enough, but the meager ones that Runaan managed to summon were a husky “Thank you.” before he melted into Ethari’s embrace. The smith just held him, tucking his head close, rocking slightly to comfort him with a soft, rhythmic hum.
After a while like that, Ethari broke off his hum to murmur, “Is there anything else ye need tae say, my heart?”
Runaan shut his eyes further and hugged him as tight as he could before his ribs ached with the twist and pressure he was putting on them. “Later. Not tonight.”
“Then lie back.” Ethari gave him a gentle push, guiding him back to lie down on the bed, and settling at his side with an arm protectively draped across his chest. “On your back, love, I see the bruises on your ribs. Rest now, Runaan. You’re safe.”
Runaan kept a grip on Ethari’s shirt, pressed against him as much as he could, tangled his leg with his husband’s. He let his head rest in the pillows on the broken side, because it meant he was facing Ethari, and he breathed in the familiar scent of his beloved and let it soothe his nerves. Here, he was safe. Back in the arms of the man he loved. He had finally kept his promise.
“I love you, Ethari. Sleep well.” He murmured. “Thank you, my love.”
“Always, Runaan. I love you too. Rest now, I’ve got you.” Ethari petted through his loose hair and whatever skin he happened to be near, and Runaan drifted off to sleep to the gentle caress.