Work Text:
Tim hated being back in school but Bruce insisted he at least graduate high school. This was the priced he paid for having another parent. Oh wait, that had been his spleen.
(RIP spleen sitting on Ra’s desk, probably.)
Only good thing was that he got to be an overprotective uncle to his ptsd riddled post dead inter dimensional nephew. (Honestly, had everyone in their family but him and Duke died and come back in all their multiverse vigilante incarnations?) A nephew had trauma bonded with Dick and was prohibited from patrolling until he was 18. (No one expected it to last more than a few months. Peter was more afraid of Alfred than Dick.)
So Tim was eating the lunch Alfred had given him and watching Peter in line for an additional lunch. (Meta dietary habits were so weird at times. Duke ate a more too.) ((Or was it that their vigilante lifestyle just had them eat more?)) (((Tim was losing track of the plot. He needed more sleep.((((Cooofffffeeeee. Stupid prohibition.))))) Focus, Tim!)))
Right. Baby spider nephew. Peter was in line. He waved at Tim. Tim waved back with a smile.
He’d have to make sure his nephew took his vitamins. He was malnourished from said meta metabolism (meta—wait you can’t portmanteau that). Peter would sit next to him in a bit.
One of his kind of friends from math (boring!) sat across from him. The girl smirked. Tim looked at her briefly.
“You got a crush on Parker?” Tim spat out the bite of Alfred’s sandwich he’d been chewing on. “Ew. What the fuck?”
“My what the fuck? What your what the fuck? That’s my nephew!” He hissed.
“Oh come on. It’s not like he’s really your family. Your “brother”—” Oh she did not just finger-quote ‘brother’! “—is not really related to you nor is your ‘dad’. You can date and it’s not gross.”
“Wait what?” Peter said. Tim startled. Peter had moved fast in line. Oh he had the New York Style pizza most Gothamites refused to eat. It was the shortest line.
“Nothing, Peter. Madison, she just thinks that apparently you can fuck your brother for something.”
“What?” Peter looked more confused. “Is that half eaten sandwich on the table?” It was. Tim cleaned it with his napkin. He wasn’t hungry anymore.
“I never said that! Richard’s not really your brother nor is Parker.” Madison said and glared at him. “You’re not blood related.” Peter looked disgusted now.
“What is wrong with you? Uncle Tim is my uncle!” Yes, thank you Peter. Tim thought. Emphasizing his title really helped.
“He’s not blood related. You could kiss Bruce Wayne and it wouldn’t be incest.” She incest.
“Eww. Grandpa B is my grandfather.” Peter gagged at the thought of romantically kissing B. Tim had to agree.
“You sound like you’d fuck your brother if you found out he wasn’t related to you.”
“Or her parent.” Peter said. “Is this rich people perversions? Because adoption is valid form of family.” Peter said glaring at them. “My aunt May wasn’t my blood aunt but she raised me.”
“What no!?” She pointed at Peter. “That’s different! Girls would bond for babies they raise.” Madison insisted.
“Sure sounds like it.” Duke’s voice broke through. He was glaring at them. Duke had a later lunch than them and had just joined with the lunchbox Alfred had packed for him. “Peter is Tim and my’s nephew. Dick is our brother. It’s incest. If you think adoption or family of choice means nothing I feel sorry for you.”
“But it isn’t—“
“If you say one more thing I’m going to throw up on you.” Peter said and he looked really green. Madison gawked and got up.
“So…you destroying her reputation?”
“Yes.” Tim said. “And looking into her family because what the fuck?” Tim and Duke then fussed after Peter, who quickly lost the green on his face and ate the luke warm pizza (and Duke’s extra lunch because he was a thoughtful uncle) ((and the vitamins! Don’t forget them, Peter!)) (((How inbred was Madison? Tim wondered. There had to be a reason for her grossness.))))
“Thanks, Uncle Tim and Uncle Duke. See you after school!” Peter said as he went to his economics class. Tim had a free period and decided to ruin Miss I-accuse-you-of-incest while he was at it. (Tim did not sacrifice his spleen for his relationship with his family to be considered invalid because Bruce didn’t ejaculate into their respective mothers, thank you.) ((Except Damian.)) (((Damian would definitely kill Madison if he found out what had happened.))) ((((Would that really be wrong? No, bad Tim. Murder is wrong.))))
Right, life ruining first then taking care of baby spider nephew later.