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Ken paced the drawn out corridors of the 24th Ward for what must have been at least the better half of an hour. No matter which corner he turned in the boundless maze, the gazes would not cease. The children beamed at him curiously, the older ghouls watched with eager expectation and hope, and his friends and comrades would exchange a nod and smile, stealing quick glances of concern when they believed he wouldn’t notice.
It was hell.
Ken knew that, despite his best efforts to display a permanent smile and be a pillar of strength to all, he looked physically and mentally exhausted.
Finally coming to a stop outside of his and Touka’s room.
He reached under his shirt collar and clutched at the ring he wore around his neck. He pulled it over his collar to glance at the inscription “Arata - Hikari”.
It hadn’t been that long since Touka gifted her cherished family heirloom to him, a token of her affection. It had always been a source of strength for her, and she graciously presented it to him, expecting nothing in return. He didn’t want to inconvenience anyone with his own worries; it’s always better to be hurt than to be the person hurting others. That was truly what he believed, but right now, in this moment, he needed to be in Touka’s presence, to feel the warmth of her aura. He tucked the necklace back under his shirt and gently called out to her.
“Touka-chan?” he began in a hushed tone, leaning against the wall. It had only been a few days since their wedding and since they begun sharing the same room. A lot of things were so new and fresh between them that a level of awkwardness still remained. He still felt weird just waltzing into her room unannounced, even if now it was their room.
No answer.
He waited a moment before continuing. “Would it be all right if I came in for a few minutes?”
Still no response.
He waited a few more seconds before a sense of dread began to settle in and send him into a full panic.
Did Touka have plans to go above ground today?
No, that wasn’t it; she would’ve mentioned it.
Maybe she didn’t want to tell you because she’s noticed you’re worn out.
We both agreed to never cause each other that type of worry.
What if something happened to her?
...
Ken clutched his head in his hands, fighting off his inner dialogue. He always wanted to respect Touka’s privacy, but…
“Sorry, Touka, but I’m coming in,” he proclaimed, pulling aside the piece of cloth that acted as a door abruptly... and startling Touka from the sound nap.
A sense of relief flooded into Ken immediately as he took in the sight of his very confused and slightly agitated looking lover sitting up promptly, little tufts of her hair askew from bedhead. She looked as though she was about to throw something at her intruder until she noticed Ken’s expression. She smiled at him gently, then stifled a yawn.
“I’m so sorry, Touka-chan. I didn’t realize you were asleep, and I thought… I-I thought that maybe…” he trailed off, unable to restrain the frown he'd been hiding back for ages.
She motioned for him to come join her on the bed. “You know,” she began, a playful but tired smirk dancing across her face, “there was a time I would have sent you flying through twenty of these walls and smiled while doing it for waking me up.”
For what seemed like the first time in forever, Ken felt a genuine laugh escape his lips. “Yeah, I know. As you like to remind me of so often, I was quite the bean pole back then, huh? You could probably only manage a few walls now.”
Touka quickly glanced up at him with her fierce blue eyes, a dangerous look sparkling in them. He stopped a couple of feet before reaching her bed, sensing the danger.
“Oh yeah? Wanna test it out?” she challenged pleasantly.
Ken brought a hand to his mouth and feigned a gasp. “You wouldn’t dare lay a hand on the One-Eyed King!”
“Seriously, Kaneki?” Touka rolled her eyes and pushed him upward right as he was in the middle of sitting down beside her. “You can leave how you entered.”
“Okay, okay! Sorry!” he chuckled and sat down, without resistance this time. Touka pulled him closer and gestured for him to lay his head in her lap, a request to which he gladly obliged.
“I’ll be honest though,” she started slowly, stroking his hair. “Lately, you do look a bit like you’ve hit a few walls. And I don’t just mean physically. The One-Eyed King, Goat, this whole thing…”
Ken sat up and quickly composed himself before flashing Touka a small, sincere smile.
“We’re all on your side. It’s not just allies you have here; you have friends.”
“Yeah, I know. I don’t know what I’d do without all of you.” As if struck by a sudden thought, he jumped up from the bed and headed toward the door. “C’mon, let’s go!”
Touka eye-balled him suspiciously. “Go? Go where? A romantic, leisurely stroll in the breathtaking, scenic corridors of the 24th Ward?”
He simply held his hand out for her. Despite looking dead on his feet it was clear, Ken Kaneki was restless. He was trying desperately to mask his stress.
Touka looked at the clearly broken man in front of her, a man who was doing everything possible to keep from crumbling under pressure. He was more fragile than the teacups back at :re. No, he was more fragile than even a porcelain teacup, and she wasn’t even sure if he had realized it yet himself.
Entertaining his request, she rose from the bed and started toward the door, where his hand was outstretched, awaiting her own.
“Kaneki?”
“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”
“Are you really okay?”
Ken rested his left hand on his chin for a moment and grinned at her. She wanted to rip his hand away from his face.
“I’m fine!” he declared, as he tagged Touka’s shoulder with his outstretched hand. “I don’t plan on being thrown through any walls, but I wonder which of us is faster?”
He dashed out the door with a head start, leaving a bewildered Touka behind to process the challenge and his sudden, childlike behaviour. For a moment, her worry for him vanished and smiling widely, she thought, bring it on, and bolted out the door behind him.
Touka flashed a sly grin and giggled at Ken’s surprised face when she easily caught up to and tagged him.
“What’s with the look?” she teased. “Did you forget I’m Rabbit? Try and keep up, oh mighty King!” She curtsied into a hurried, sarcastic little bow and took off even faster than before down the limitless labyrinth.
“Touka?” Nishiki nearly dropped a stack of books as the young woman took a corner swiftly. “What the hell are you-”
“Sorry, shitty glasses!” she shouted back, with both a look and tone that implied the exact opposite.
CRASH
“Okay, Kaneki, what the f-” Nishiki paused, noticing the younger children nearby. “What the hell, man?” he whispered, dragging a chuckling Ken to his feet, but Ken wriggled free and continued after Touka.
“Sorry! I’ll make it up to you, Nishiki-senpai!, he yelled, grinning ear to ear.
Nishiki stared at the two, bewildered, as they quickly disappeared into the distance. “People really do go insane cooped up down here for too long,” he muttered to himself, collecting his books, the pages of which were now roughed up at the edges. But still, he couldn’t help but smile. How long had it been since he’d last seen Kaneki like this? Actually, had he ever seen Kaneki like this? Probably not.
Tsukiyama appeared from behind a doorway and began helping Nishiki gather the fallen books. “Interesting, oui?” he mused, nodding toward the couple in the distance.
“You noticed?” Nishiki questioned.
“I can smell the finest gourmet meal miles away,” Tsukiyama hungrily replied, referring to Kaneki. It was a joke most had adjusted to, but it still made a few people exchange nervous glances.
“Speaking of which…” he shot Nishiki an inquisitive look and motioned toward Nishiki’s room. “Something in there smells absolutely rancid. Trying out new cuisine, are we?”
“None of your business,” Nishiki shot back coldly at Tsukiyama, who had his nose in the air.
“C’est un insultant, that aroma, even for down here. Human food…”
Nishiki glanced in the direction where Kaneki and Touka had ran off to and then back to Tsukiyama. “Seriously. It’s best not to ask,” he asserted once again. Tsukiyama simply shrugged, turned on his heel and headed off in the opposite direction.
There’s that generic saying to avoid the bright light at the end of the tunnel, but Ken raced behind Touka excitedly, cherishing the sensation of the slight breeze that wisped through his unkempt hair. Touka was a light he desperately wanted to reach, to hold and to treasure forever. He knew he could out scale her speed easily and take her into his arms, but the sight of her livelihood, her enthusiasm, and the echo of her laughter ringing throughout the tunnels filled him with such a rare joy that he hesitated to bring an end to it.
Those same, awkward gazes that were upon him earlier hadn’t ceased but increased and in severity. Not only did everyone seem concerned but, now, also positively puzzled to see their usually distressed and sober-faced leader reduced to an innocent, childlike state of behaviour. But, for once in his life, Ken didn’t care; he didn’t even notice. He felt weightless, like nothing in the world could sink him. Even before his whole tragedy had started, he’d never once experienced this degree of exhilaration and optimism. He was euphoric.
Unable to bear not having her in his arms a second longer, Ken accelerated his speed, caught up to Touka who only now was beginning to run low on stamina, and wrapped his arms around her from behind, the sudden impact causing the two to topple backward, onto the cold, concrete ground. Fortunate to have cushioned her fall, he remained with his arms holding her with her back pressed on his stomach tightly, and the two lay there for a moment in a fit of giggles. A group of curious onlookers had stopped to gawk at the bizarre scene.
“Ah, I suppose this does look ridiculous,” Touka exclaimed, releasing herself from Ken’s grip and standing to brush the dirt off her skirt.
“Huh?”
Kaneki surveyed his surroundings to realize the alarming number of ghouls who suddenly averted their eyes and vacated the scene, pretending as though they’d been minding their own business the entire time. “Oh.”
“Yup,” she said, unbothered, as she extended a hand to help Ken to his feet.
He met her eyes and fixated deeply into them, into the constant light that shone within them, never flickering even for a moment. She stared back, studying his face with a knowing expression of her own and let out a small snicker.
“That look,” she said smiling shyly, biting at her bottom lip and glancing away briefly.
“That look?” he queried, raising an eyebrow in interest.
“The one you’d as Haise would always give me when you’d read your books back at :re, thinking you were being subtle,” she teased.
“Oh yeah? Well it’s intentional right now. And, even if it wasn’t, I wouldn’t be able to hide it, even under a ghoul mask,” he gently said back, leaning down to deliver a small peck to her cheek. Touka flushed red immediately, and Ken loved that something so simple could stir up such a reaction in her. Her emotions were always pure and honest, which is why he knew it wasn’t fair to hold back his own anymore…
Are you really okay? She has asked.
With a deep breath he decided to be honest. If anyone would listen, if anyone could possibly understand, it would be Touka-chan.
“Honestly… every day I wake up and keep asking myself whether or not I can do this, if I’m the right person to fill this role. Everyone’s expecting so much, and I desperately want to help as many people as I can. I’ll gladly bear everyone’s burdens, but what if it’s too much? What if I crack under pressure and fail? … I-I’m not okay. Not really.”
Touka took his words in for only a small moment, and then embraced him, and, finally, Ken let out everything he’d been holding in for weeks, or maybe, his entire life.
“I know. You’re a terrible liar, Kaneki, and I’d be a terrible partner if I didn’t realize something was off with you. But, I didn’t want to pry; I wanted you to be comfortable sharing your feelings with me. I knew you eventually would.” Touka shifted awkwardly for a moment. “I know you’re not okay right now, but you’re going to be.”
Ken lifted his head and managed a weak smile. “Some ‘King’, huh?” he gave her a watery smile, as Touka softly placed her palm against his cheek. “Thanks for letting me get that off my chest. And thanks for entertaining my immature antics today; this is the happiest I’ve felt in a long time.”
Averting his eyes shyly, Ken admitted gently, “To me, the One-Eyed King has always been a duo; I wouldn’t be able to do any of this without you backing me. As long as I have you in my corner, I know I won’t break; I have too much to fight for now. There’s so many people and things I hold precious.” Touka didn’t see his eyes dart down to her still flat stomach with affection.
Touka reached for Ken’s chest and grasped at her parents’ ring which glistened in contrast to his black shirt, even in the Ward’s dim tunnels.
“Oh, it must’ve shaken from my shirt when we were running or fell. Normally, I keep it tucked under so it’s safe, and-”
“Nevermind that,” she laughed at his rushed explanation. “I don’t care how you wear it. I just sometimes wonder if you’ve ever truly figured out why I gave you this ring?”
Ken responded immediately. “You said it’s always been a source of strength for you, so I figured you wanted to pass that sort of good luck charm along to me, right? And, it makes me think of you when you’re not around, not that I’m not always thinking of you anyways.” He flashed her his best dazzling smile and looked like he was waiting for a head pat.
“And I thought my Japanese sucked,” she mumbled under her breath. “That’s partially the reason but not fully. Ayato’s told you before you remind him of dad in some ways, and I guess I get that…but really, it’s my mom that you remind me of. My mom’s name at least.” Ken quirked an intrigued eyebrow but let Touka continue. “My mom’s name was Hikari. ‘Hikari’ with these characters means ‘light’, right?” Ken nodded and Touka steadied herself as she prepared to bare her soul. “You know, I couldn’t stand you when I first met you.”
Ken smiled fondly,“Oh, I well remember.”
“But, for some reason, you had this annoying sense of positivity, this aura of light around you all the time.. I’ve only ever lived in darkness, and, I found myself wanting to follow you, like I was some kind of stupid moth to an annoying persistent flame. You’re someone who comes from dark circumstances too, but you’ve always done your best to uphold your morals and fight for your beliefs. You’re incapable of turning a blind eye to the suffering of others, even if it causes you to suffer instead. It took me forever to come to terms with that, but that’s just the sort of person I am. Everyone else down here, though… I’m willing to bet that’s why they’re so eager to put their faith in you. I wish you could see how far you’ve come. If you were a light when we first met, then, Kane- Ken… you’re the entire sun by now.”
Breathing deeply, heart racing with joy and gratitude, Ken cupped Touka’s face in his hands and lost himself in her eyes, somehow falling in love all over again. Touka blushed but stood firmly in place, matching his gaze, welcoming whatever was to come next. As their lips touched softly, Ken felt his body fill with indescribable warmth, an intoxicating sensation he’d never have believed his body capable of producing. That they were in the filthy underground corridors of the 24th Ward didn’t matter. The world around Ken blurred, as he savored her sweetness. Touka urgently parted her lips, allowing his tongue to engage hers.
Overcome with the dire need to be one with her, he ended their kiss gently and looked at her breathlessly. “Wanna get outta here?” he requested suggestively. “Race you back to our room?”
“Sure,” she smirked. “But do me a favor?”
“Anything.” He meant it.
“Don’t let me win this time.”