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Tanner wasn’t actually sure if he liked the cruise ship, all things considered. He wanted to like it — of course he wanted to, everyone was supposed to enjoy being on a cruise ship — but it had been four days and the most fun he’d had so far was locking himself in his room and playing on his switch. He would still be doing that right now if his mother’s parting words weren’t eating him up inside:
Have fun! Meet some people, get some sun, enjoy yourself. (Those three were mutually exclusive in Tanner’s books.) Come back with some stories to tell me, I want to hear all about it.
To put it simply, rotting away with his switch all month would not lead to any good stories. Unfortunately.
So Tanner was trying. Which for him meant coming out for one of the complimentary meals each day and maybe doing a couple of laps in the pool if he was up to it. (He was rarely up to it.) The food was good, at least, and his endeavors in people watching had been more entertaining than he’d thought they’d be. Maybe he’d even be able to come back with a story or two. Not any interesting ones, but still.
Most of the people on the cruise were old couples or families with small children, neither group being a crowd Tanner was jumping at a chance to mingle with. He seemed to be the only person here on his own — which really just further incentivized him to stay up in his room all day. He really did not know how his mom expected him to meet anyone here. The only way he would find someone worth knowing here was if they basically fell into his lap, and even then it was probably iffy—
“Can I sit here?”
Tanner jumped at the sudden voice, looking over to see a man standing beside him.
He was cute. That was the first thing on Tanner’s mind — he was unfairly cute. And he was clearly around Tanner’s age, which was the most surprising part of all. The man had sunkissed skin, curly brown hair, and a nervous smile that pushed his round glasses to a slight tilt. He was decked out in a cheesy hawaiian shirt and khaki shorts, an outfit Tanner had seen dozens of times by now on practically every middle aged man on the ship, but this guy managed to actually make it look desirable. Tanner was pretty sure that this man could make any outfit look desirable.
Goddamnit. Fuck. He was going to have to let the man sit here, wasn’t he? Shit. As much as Tanner dreaded the thought of stumbling through a conversation with this handsome stranger, he knew he wouldn’t have another chance like this. His mother had said to meet people, and, well, here was someone stumbling into his lap.
The man was still standing there, his smile starting to become more panicked. Tanner suddenly realized that he had just been staring at the guy for the past minute or so.
“Oh! Yeah, yeah, of course.” Tanner gestured at the spot next to him. “Go right ahead.”
The man put down his plate and sat while Tanner looked back down at his own food. He was almost done with his meal, but staying for a little while after that couldn’t hurt. He picked up his fork and went back to eating and people watching.
The other man was silent for a few minutes before finally speaking up. “So, um. You like Pokemon?”
Tanner jumped and looked at him, alarmed, because how could this guy possibly know that?? until the man nodded down at Tanner’s chest with an awkward chuckle.
“I noticed your shirt.”
Oh. Right, that. Tanner looked down at what he was wearing, which was, indeed, a pokemon shirt. Nothing too much, just the logo with the outline of some of the more popular pokemon underneath it — something one of his cousins had gotten him one Christmas to try and be in tune with his interests. It was a good shirt, though, and he liked it, and it was in fact in tune with his interests, so it had made its way into his regular wardrobe and… here he was.
Tanner realized that he hadn’t responded.
“Oh! Uh, yeah. Yeah, I like it a lot. I’m mainly big into challenge runs, these aren’t—” He gestured down at the silhouettes — charizard, blastoise, venusaur, pikachu — “These aren’t necessarily my favorites or anything, they’re just on the shirt.”
“No, I get it,” the other man chuckled. “They’re on pretty much every shirt, am I right?”
“Haha yeah!” (Was he doing well at this? God, he hoped so.)
“And what sort of challenge runs? I’m pretty into those too — mainly nuzlockes and stuff, but I’m curious to hear what your thoughts are.”
“Oh! Um.” Tanner smiled even as he scrambled to put his thoughts in order. “I mean, people don’t usually just straight-up ask me about that stuff, uh, hold on. I mean…” He chewed on his lip as he thought about it, still beaming. He couldn’t seem to get the smile to go away at this point, actually. (Maybe his mom did have a point about meeting new people.)
“Nuzlockes are definitely part of it,” Tanner started. “I’ve been trying this three player soul-link with a couple of my friends. And it’s, I mean, you know, it’s fun, I’m really enjoying it, but it’s also so frustrating.” He laughed. “We’re on like attempt seven, I think. And then lining up our schedules is another challenge of its own on top of that.
“I also did Ironmon, if you know what that is. Also incredibly frustrating, but super rewarding once I finished. Just, the whole strategy of shaping this one little guy to fit through all these different scenarios was super fun for me, like, that sort of figuring out the best path sort of thought process, combined with needing the skill to put it all into motion.
“So I guess that’s also why I’m really into speedruns. Same sort of thought process. Not really pokemon speedruns, though — I’ve tried them a couple times, but they’re just not really my thing. Not really challenging enough, especially when almost all the fights have been optimized to hell and back. Once you know the route, there’s not that much to think about. Mario Oddysey’s pretty fun, though.”
Tanner paused there, suddenly of the stream of words pouring out of his mouth. The man had asked one question, jesus. And looking over at the other man — his eyebrows were raised, and there was a curious smile on his face. Tried and true signs of someone waiting for Tanner to shut the fuck up.
“Sorry,” Tanner said sheepishly. “Started rambling there.”
“No, you’re good!” The other man straightened up some, his smile brightening. “I’m honestly more just, like, impressed that you’ve apparently finished ironmon. I’ve been going at that thing for months, it just feels impossible at this point.”
“I could give you some tips if you want?”
“That would be great, actually.” The other man paused then, eyes widening. “Wait, shit, I never got your name, did I?”
Tanner blinked. “Oh! Um.” This man had been so nice so far. Tanner was pretty sure this wouldn’t come back to bite him later. Pretty sure, at least. “Tanner.”
“Oh cool! I’m Eric.”
And Tanner fell a little in love.
“So, Tanner,” Eric said. “What’s a pokemon pro like you doing on a ship like this?”
Tanner laughed — partly because he couldn’t keep his nerves in any longer, partly because he could recognize the joke, no matter how cheesy it was. “I’m not a pro.”
“I know, I know, I’m just teasing.” Eric took a bite of his food. “Seriously though.” Swallowed. “What brings you here? You’re honestly the first guy I’ve seen my age all trip.”
“You’re the first one I’ve seen, too. It honestly kind of sucks here.”
“Oh, on the lookout for all the hot boys, are we?” Eric wiggled his eyebrows seductively, and Tanner flushed.
“Wh—! No! No, not like that.” He ducked his head away and bit his lip to try and hide his smile. “I just meant, like, my mom pushed me to come to meet new people and get out of the house and stuff, but there just haven’t been that many opportunities to actually do that.”
Eric furrowed his eyebrows. “The first thought your mom had to get you out of the house was to stick you on a cruise?”
Tanner laughed. “No! No, y— You’re making us sound rich or something. No, she just won this sweepstakes, the cruise trip was part of it, but then she wasn’t able to make it last minute so she forced me to go instead.”
“Ah, I see, I see.” Eric nodded as he took another bite of food. “You know, that’s actually kind of similar to what happened to me? My friend Sam booked two tickets with her boyfriend, but then they broke up before the cruise started so she invited me to come instead so the tickets wouldn’t go to waste.”
“She could have sold them.”
Eric shrugged. “Probably. But I know she really wanted to go, and she wouldn’t have wanted to sell just one and have some stranger room with her, so. This was the best solution.”
“Oh, I see.” Tanner looked around in the following lull in conversation, then furrowed his eyebrows. “Where’s your friend, then? Wouldn’t you rather eat with her?”
Eric just laughed, covering his mouth to hide the food he had been chewing. “Oh, fuck — God, no, I wish, but she abandoned me day fucking one, dude. I really only see her in the cabin, which still isn’t that often, honestly. She has been getting her money’s worth out of those tickets. I, uh, meanwhile.” He chuckled, self-deprecatingly. “Have discovered that I become horribly seasick if I so much as look at the ocean. Or walk around too much. So that, uh, rules most activities out for me. Also if I think too hard about being surrounded by water I start to freak out a little. To, uh, to put it lightly.”
“Shit, don’t say that, you’ll freak me out too,” Tanner laughed. “I’ll be so honest, I have no idea why I agreed to come, I’m terrified of the ocean. I’ve mostly been staying in my room the past few days.”
“I’ll drink to that.” Eric picked up his glass of water and raised it. “To, uh, to being scared of the ocean together?”
Tanner picked up his own drink. It was nearly empty, but he was sure it was the thought that counted. “To being scared of the ocean together.”
“Cheers.”
The two of them were basically inseparable after that. When they would venture out of their rooms, that is. Facing the terrors is more fun with a friend, as it turned out, as was facing the boredom.
Tanner eventually met Eric’s friend. Sam was bubbly and kind and pretty, and she teased Eric relentlessly for finally finding something to do instead of whining to her all day about how bored he is. To which Eric flushed and stammered and eventually blurted out “I’m not doing him!” to his even greater embarrassment and Sam and Tanner’s laughter.
Almost anything Eric said could make Tanner laugh. Not in a bad way, more just… he was so fun. Tanner couldn’t help but smile every time they were together. Despite all odds, Tanner was actually enjoying himself on the cruise — his mom would never let him hear the end of it.
When they hung out, it was usually in one of the many communal areas — though always the ones away from the deck, away from the windows. Tanner could almost forget that he was on a boat, sometimes. Almost.
But one day, Eric suggested that they get their switches and play some Pokemon together — compare catches, do some trades, the works. Tanner didn’t usually bring his switch out of his room, however; he didn’t trust himself not to lose it somewhere. Eric’s room was a possible hangout spot, but Eric shot it down immediately — the room made him claustrophobic. And so to Tanner’s room they went.
“Oh my God.”
Tanner glanced over at Eric with a laugh while he closed and locked the doors behind them. “Yeah? What’s up?”
“Your—!” Eric spun around to face him, sweeping his arm out across the room. “Your room is massive, dude! You’ve been skimping out on me!”
“Oh, I, uh.” Tanner rubbed the back of his neck. “I guess so, yeah.”
To be fair, Eric was right; the room was huge. It was more of a suite, really — definitely one of the nicer rooms available on the boat, though only Tanner’s due to the nature of the sweepstakes. There was a small dining area slash kitchen in a connected room, as well as a sizeable bathroom in another room of its own. Right by the door was a large seating area with a TV, and further back in the room was a luxurious queen-sized bed, illuminated by the enormous floor-to-ceiling windows that took up the far wall. The curtains were closed, however.
Eric looked around slowly, drinking it all in. “Dude, this isn’t fair.” He laughed breathlessly. “My room is just a couple of tiny bunks. It can barely fit one person, let alone both me and Sam.”
“We can hang out in here more often if you want?”
“Please?” Eric looked at him with a sky chuckle. “I mean, like, if you’re ok with that. If you want. You don’t have to, it’s totally fine.”
“No, I want you,” Tanner said as seriously as he could. He quickly cracked a smile once he realized what he said. “In my room, or whatever. You can come up here whenever you want, I don’t care.”
“I will absolutely be taking you up on that, just so you know.”
“I wouldn’t have said it if I didn’t want you to.”
Eric’s face flushed and he ducked his head. “I… ok, sounds good.”
Tanner had half the mind to ask what had gotten Eric so flustered, but he wasn’t sure if he would get any satisfying answer out of it. Besides, Eric had turned away again, making his way toward the window.
“Why is the curtain closed?” Eric picked up the edge of the fabric and fiddled with it. “You could be letting so much light in.”
Tanner winced. “I don’t really like the view. It makes me uneasy.”
Eric peeked through the curtains anyways, gasping when he saw outside. “What? Dude, this is fucking beautiful.”
He did have a point. Tanner could just see it over Eric’s head as he stepped forward: the setting sun painting the sky in rich pinks and golds. If Tanner was closer to the window, he would probably be able to see the deck below them, but as it was, all he could see was the sun hovering low over the water.
The endless, all-consuming water.
Tanner already felt nauseous. “I guess so.”
Eric looked back, his face softening once he caught sight of Tanner. He held out one hand and smiled. “Come here.”
Slowly, carefully, Tanner stepped forward and took Eric’s hand. Eric beamed ever brighter and squeezed it.
“It’s just unnerving,” Tanner muttered, feeling the need to explain himself. “It doesn’t end, it… mm.” He swallowed his words, looking down at his feet. “Like, I mean, it is pretty, and I wish I could admire it, but I just… Can’t. I can’t do it.”
“That’s ok,” Eric said. “You don’t have to.”
“I feel like I’m wasting so much of this trip.”
Eric rocked into his side. “I can tell you something that might help, if you want? Or something that helps me, at least.”
That caught Tanner’s interest. “Yeah?”
“It’s pretty simple now that I think about it,” Eric chuckled, “But just, like, imagine there’s land behind you. We’re only looking through the one window, we can’t even see the whole horizon. There could totally be a beach behind us and we just never know. Like Shrodinger’s cat.”
Tanner frowned. “But there isn’t land behind us. We’re in the middle of the ocean.”
“Just imagine it! Or try to.” Eric shrugged. “It might help, is all I’m saying.”
And so Tanner tried. He looked out the window and he reigned in his spiralling thoughts and he let his heart race and he tried. It was easier than he thought it might be, actually, with Eric’s hand in his as a steadying, grounding force. The deck below them was almost enough to trick Tanner into thinking he was in some seaside hotel. Which was basically true, he supposed.
He found himself relaxing sooner rather than later. The sunset was beautiful; Eric was right. The golden reflection of the sun on the water and the purple hue of the shadows almost made it seem like it wasn’t water at all, if Tanner stared at it long enough.
So much of the sky was open to him, so much of it showcasing its splendor for all the world to see. For Tanner to see. He would never get a view like this back home, with all the trees caging him in. Here, though, the sky was endless. Far too vast and open for him to wrap his head around, nearly terrifying, but…
Eric’s hand was in his. Steady, grounding. He was in his room, safe inside, and there was even possibly a beach behind him.
He might be able to get used to this.
“It is really pretty,” he finally says. “Um.” He ducked his head with a shy smile, squeezing Eric’s hand before pulling away. “Thank you.”
He turned around and flopped onto the bed, pulling his switch out from where he kept it by his bedside. They had Pokemon to play, after all.
But Eric didn’t fall into the bed next to him like he expected him to. Tanner looked up to find Eric leaning against the window, a curious expression on his face.
“Pokemon?” Tanner held up the switch.
Eric just smiled, tilting his head. “I don’t get you sometimes.”
Tanner frowned — what about this was hard to understand? They had come here to play Pokemon, after all — but he didn’t ask. “Yeah,” he finally settled on, “I get that a lot.”
Eric snorted out a gentle laugh and finally sat next to Tanner on the bed, pulling out his own switch. But Tanner just kept staring at the device in his own hands, turning the past few minutes over and over in his head.
He was missing something. He knew he was missing something, and usually Tanner just brushed those sorts of things off and moved on, but whatever this something was, it was important. Somehow. Something about the window, and the hand, and imagining the beach, and pulling away at the end—
Wait. “Have you been flirting with me?”
Eric stared back at him, eyes wide. Fuck. Fuck. He messed up, he guessed it wrong, fuck, abort—
“I just, uh— I suck at this, sometimes. Like, telling when people are flirting with me, or telling when they’re not, and I just want to know what the hell is going on so I don’t mess up and do the wrong thing on accident.” Tanner let out a weak laugh. “Or not doing what you want me to because I can’t tell you’re asking. Like, I seriously, genuinely, suck so hard at this stuff, and my parents are always telling me to ask directly more if I’m confused about something because a lot of the time I’ll just make the wrong assumption and that doesn’t usually go well, and—”
“Tanner.”
Tanner snapped his mouth shut. It was his turn to stare now, eyes wide. But Eric just smiled.
“Yes, I’ve been flirting with you.”
“Oh.” Tanner let himself relax again. “Ok, good.”
Eric stammered for a second, laughing, clearly baffled by Tanner’s response. In Tanner’s defense, though, he wasn’t sure how else he was supposed to respond. He didn’t want to be too forward or anything.
“Wait,” Eric giggled, “Have you really not noticed this whole time? I mean, like, part of the reason why I sat next to you that day we met is because I think you’re hot.”
That threw Tanner for a loop. “You think I’m hot?!”
“Have you seen yourself?”
“Have you seen your self?!” Tanner gestured at Eric’s whole body. “You’re way out of my league!”
“Dude, I’m a huge nerd, that bumps me down, like, five levels. At least.”
“And so am I, so that’s a moot point.”
“Fine, ok, we’re in each other’s leagues, then.” Eric laughed again, the sound bursting out of him like he couldn’t bear to keep it in. “Fuck, dude. I just really like spending time with you. You’ve made this trip so much better.”
Tanner blushed. “I could say the same for you.”
They sat in silence for a minute or so, simply staring at each other. Tanner would’ve been happy to spend the rest of his life doing just that, but he could see in Eric’s eyes that he had something else to say, something else to ask. Probably about starting Pokemon? They had gotten a little sidetracked, after all…
“Do you want to have dinner with me? Tonight? After this?”
Tanner furrowed his eyebrows. “We almost always eat dinner together.”
“I… Yeah, I guess so.” Eric laughed bashfully. “But I meant more, like… formally. As a date. If you want. Not much else we can do on this boat.”
“Oh! Yeah!” Tanner smiled. “That… yeah, dude. That sounds great. I would love to.”
“Good.” Eric was blushing. “I would love to, too.”
It was storming, and Tanner hated it.
He really was trying to think about anything else — the past few weeks, for example, starting with that first dinner date, and how they have been the best weeks of his entire life. Tanner loved Eric — loved him, in the chest-aching, mind-numbing, all-encompassing sort of way that was terrifying to experience but also something Tanner wouldn’t give up for the world. He had never felt like this around another person, never been so desperate to keep them around. He had no idea if any of that affection was coming across the right way, but… he was trying. More than he had ever tried before. And he was pretty sure Eric was trying, too.
Another roll of thunder, the kind that grew louder and louder until it was almost deafening. Tanner winced.
It was the middle of the night. Tanner had turned off the lights in an attempt to sleep hours ago, but the flashes of lightning mixed with the incessant drumming of the rain against his window made it impossible to grow tired.
Another flash, another roll.
Tanner could feel the boat rocking beneath him. He was pretty sure it was not supposed to do that.
But they wouldn’t capsize. Right? It was a huge ship, it would be difficult to knock over, and he couldn’t think about it upside-down and sinking, he couldn’t think about drifting alone in the water with nothing at all to stabilize him, nothing but water for miles and miles and miles and he couldn’t. He couldn’t think about that. Besides, the crew was working nonstop to make sure nothing bad like that happened. They were trained professionals. Tanner had looked up the specifications of the ship beforehand, and he knew that there were safeguards in place in case of any sort of breach to the hull. They would be fine.
The boat dipped — hard and fast and forward, nearly knocking Tanner against his headboard.
They- they would be fine. They would be fine. Deep breaths. They would be fine.
There was a sudden knock on his door. Tanner jumped, whipping his head around to look over. Who the hell would be at his door right now? The only reasonable explanation he could think of was room service, but god knows he hadn’t been present enough for the past hour or more to even think about making a phone call. Unless it was someone with evacuation orders? Oh god…
Tanner swung his legs over the edge of the bed and stumbled his way to the door. He never had gotten his sea legs in — not that he had needed them before now, but still — and every step threatened to send him tumbling.
But he made it, eventually. He held onto the wall for support and opened the door and—
Eric was there. He was pale — sickly, almost, with a sheen of sweat glistening on his skin. His curls were flat and his eyes were red and he was shivering even with a blanket wrapped tightly around him. Tanner couldn’t do anything but pull him into a hug.
“What are you doing here?” Tanner whispered. “You get seasick so easy, why would you leave your room?”
Eric whimpered. “It’s worse in there.”
“Oh, sweetheart.” Tanner kissed his head, held him close. Eric seemed to be relaxing now, at least. “Are you ok?”
Eric just whimpered again, burrowing his face into Tanner’s shirt.
“Yeah, me too,” Tanner sighed. “Come on.”
He began to usher them towards the bed. It was easier than walking to the door, at least; having someone to lean on certainly helped. He got Eric lying down, wincing at the way the man immediately curled in on himself with a whine. Tanner grabbed a water bottle and a trashcan before lying down with him, setting them beside the bed in case Eric needed to throw up.
The second Tanner was in the bed, Eric had wrapped his arms around him and pulled him close once more. Tanner melted at the touch, running his fingers through Eric’s hair in his best attempt to soothe him.
Another deafening crack of thunder. Tanner tensed, feeling his heart begin to race.
“I’m scared,” Eric whispered.
Tanner kissed his forehead. “Me too.” He could feel Eric shifting in his arms, his chest rising and falling with deep, steadying breaths — oh, right, breathing. That was… that was smart. Tanner probably needed to breathe.
Deep breaths. In and out. He could follow Eric’s example, as shaky as it was.
“We probably won’t sink,” Tanner said suddenly. He needed to keep his mouth occupied or his thoughts would spiral in the suffocating silence. “These sorts of storms happen a lot, the crew’s trained for this sort of thing.”
Eric huffed out a weak chuckle. “That’s good.”
“And even if we did sink, there’s enough lifeboats for everyone to get off. And someone would be fast to rescue us, coast guards tend to keep a pretty close eye on cruise ships.”
Eric groaned. “That feels a little less good.”
“I’m just saying.” Another crash of thunder and— deep breaths. Deep breaths. When Tanner spoke again, his voice was softer, weaker. “We’d be… we’d be fine. We would survive, we would be fine. And it’s probably not even gonna happen at all, right?”
“Right.” Eric tilted his head up, pressing soothingly into Tanner’s chin. “And… we’ve got each other, so we’ll be fine.”
“…Right.”
“Just focus on me, ok?” Eric kissed Tanner’s neck, then yawned. “Just focus on me, and I’ll focus on you. It’s gonna pass, I promise.”
Tanner grimaced, but held Eric closer nonetheless. “If you say so.”
“I do. I already feel so much better just being with you, you know that?” Eric’s words buzzed against Tanner’s neck, comforting, grounding. “I want you to let yourself feel better, too.”
Tanner nodded, certain that Eric could feel it if nothing else. “Ok. I’ll… I’ll try.”
“Good.” Eric kissed him again with a content hum. “That’s all I ask.”
He relaxed in Tanner’s arms like it was easy. Tanner focused on the sound of Eric’s breaths and tried to do the same.
When he finally woke up, the sun was shining.