Chapter Text
Yet another of Caine’s dizzying adventures had drawn to a close, leaving behind a bitter aftertaste that lingered deep within. All these NPCs, the roleplay, the scripted plots… what was the point? It was a strange imitation of activity, not even of life, but of mere existence. A desperate attempt to drown out the void.
Pomni found herself questioning their presence here more and more frequently. Why were they trapped in this digital realm among AI shams? Was there some hidden purpose behind humans inhabiting a digital circus? Was there even a shred of justification? What possible use was there in tormenting them, forcing them to participate in this clumsy, maddening show? Why not release them into the real world, their true home? Thoughts of there being no way out were cast aside immediately; Pomni refused to let them settle in her mind for too long. Even after a month in this place, she denied the hopelessness of their situation. She simply could not believe that the trap had only one final destination: to be abstracted, entombed in a black abyss, and forgotten forever by friends, family, and the world outside.
It felt to Pomni as though she were slowly losing her mind within this colorful buffoonery of a counterfeit universe. Unpleasant, absurd thoughts forced their way into her head, eroding everything bright, no matter how hard she tried to cling to the good moments spent with Ragatha, Kinger, and Gangle. The line between reality and make-believe blurred more with every passing day, and she was terrified of the prospect that one day she might not be able to tell them apart. After all, by her second day, she had already grown attached to an NPC from the Candy Canyon Kingdom — a being that was nothing more than lines of code, not a living creature with genuine feelings. Pomni desperately wanted to believe she wasn't alone in this disarming state of confusion, this sense of emptiness and pervasive falsehood. She needed to know she wasn't the only one who feared being just another piece of scenery, someone merely convinced by a script that she was "human", "alive", and "real".
But was she real?
That forbidden thought twisted her insides until she spiraled into painful fits of panic, gasping for air in artificial lungs. It seemed that if Pomni dwelled on it for more than a second, the world would collapse, and she would break, unable to accept such a nature of her own origin.
What if the outside world never existed at all? Caine could be hiding the truth, couldn't he?
Her stomach felt like it was cramping; if they had had their previously mandatory meal, it would have come out now. Pomni couldn't think about this. She mustn't! For the sake of her own psyche, it was far safer not to delve into such heavy reflection. Ragatha had often advised her to take things more lightly, but how difficult that was! It felt nearly impossible. Even now, Pomni hadn't managed to properly integrate into the group. Gangle, Kinger, Zooble, Ragatha, Jax — they were all people just like her; they too could grieve and long for what was lost. Yet, for some reason, her progressing paranoia prevented her from feeling like a true part of the collective. Pomni tried. She really did. She had even started being friendlier toward some of them, but that sense of unity and trust remained elusive. Perhaps it was because her ideas about finding an exit were dismissed or mocked like the ravings of a lunatic. In the other circus performers, she saw only resignation and despair, and the prospect of one day becoming just another of Caine’s puppets repulsed her to her very core. She would never stop trying to get out; she would never accept this reality as a given. She would fight for her freedom until the very end!
Pomni buried her face in her pillow, trying to shut out the white noise in her head. Alas, no matter how hard she tried to run from the nightmare her life had become, there was no hiding from herself or her thoughts. How she envied Jax. He seemed not to care about anything beyond his own superficial amusements. He always acted as though nothing were serious, merely having fun while crudely trampling over the feelings of those around him. In a way, it was frightening. At times, even the madman Caine seemed more "human" than him, to say nothing of NPCs like Gummigoo. She still remembered his name…
"Hey, are you awake?" a soft voice drifted from behind the door. Pomni winced, already anticipating the words to follow. "Caine called everyone for dinner. You’re coming, right? If you miss it for the third time this week, I don’t think he’ll be very happy…"
Oh, if only Ragatha knew how little she cared whether that grotesque, smiling maw was happy! And yet, the realization that if she stayed put, Caine would eventually drag her out of her room by force, just as he often did with Zooble, prompted her to get out of bed and peer through the crack in the door.
"Is this really necessary?" she asked, though she already knew the answer.
Ragatha gave a kind smile, took her hand, and led her down the hallway toward the meeting place. Truthfully, Pomni didn't understand why the doll continued to fuss over her, trying so hard to win her favor and friendship. Sometimes it felt awkward, exactly like now, as Pomni stared sheepishly at the dizzying patterns of the floor tiles.
"We’re here!" Ragatha announced cheerily, and those gathered around the table waved in greeting.
"Well, well! You actually managed to drag this cowardly recluse out of her burrow," Jax smirked and leaned back in his chair, swaying on it slightly. "The circus must have frozen over."
The pensive emcee looked at his watch as if it displayed the weather forecast for the next couple of weeks. Weather that had never existed in the circus.
"Oh, it didn't seem likely… But! My dear friend, you gave me a marvelous idea to add some atmosphere and lift the spirits of our sweet and gloomy Pomni" He snapped his fingers, and a strange contraption landed near the table with a crash, a massive striped trombone protruding awkwardly from it. "Bu-u-ubble!"
The little assistant flew over to the miraculous machine, licking the buttons with its tongue as if trying to swallow them all at once. A deafening blare erupted, causing even those without ears to clutch the sides of their heads. Pomni shuddered, feeling her eye begin to twitch. Again: why had she come here?
"No, no, Bubble! Quite the wrong button!" Caine exclaimed in frustration, waving his cane as he flew in circles. Shimmering, glitchy numbers flickered in the air around him. The assistant popped, and in its place appeared a faceless wooden mannequin dressed in a formal, cream-colored suit. It sat down, theatrically flicking its coattails, and began to play. Large white flakes began to billow from the horn. It truly did look like a snowfall.
For a brief moment, Pomni felt a sense of peace watching the quiet descent of the fluffy flakes. It resonated with something familiar and distant. Surely, in the real world, she had watched snow fall many times, but she had never given it such significance as she did now.
"How beautiful!" Gangle admired, while Kinger, sitting nearby, merely squinted with delight, trying to catch the flakes on a fork.
"You can actually be non-annoying sometimes, jaw-head," even Zooble seemed to emerge briefly from their state of impenetrable boredom and indifference.
Pomni reached out, holding her palm open like a child until the first tiny flake landed there. Disappointment immediately washed over her face, impossible to hide from the others.
"Is this… sticky polyester stuffing?" She should have guessed. Where would real, cold snow come from in a digital circus?
"What were you hoping for, foolhardy?" Jax teased her for her naivety. Of course, he couldn’t miss an opportunity to make fun of someone. “Jerk,” she thought, and opened her mouth to say something, but in the next second a dense, clumped snowball hit her square in the face. To the sound of the rabbit’s obnoxious laughter, Pomni began spitting out the sodden cotton.
"I-I don't think that's..." Gangle started, wanting to stand up for newbie, but the next projectile caught her in the eye, cutting her off mid-sentence. The comedy mask, as usual, shattered, and she covered her face with ribbon hands, sobbing quietly into palms. Noticing this, Kinger offered his bowl of "snow" as consolation. "Thank you," she sobbed, though she didn't understand what use it was.
"Jax!" Ragatha snapped righteously, hands on her hips. "Are you at it again? Apologize this instant! You’ve upset Pomni and Gangle."
"And are you going to ruin the fun with your dreary nagging as usual? If you want to play mother so bad, ask Caine to give you a couple of plushies," he said in a bored tone, tossing a ball in his hand with that same mocking grin. However, when a counter-attack struck him right between his ears, the smug look finally vanished. "Hey! Who did that?!"
"What, not so funny anymore?" Pomni gave a crooked smile, breathing heavily. Someone had to stand up to the arrogant Jax.
"Ah, so it was you, little clown," his confusion and indignation evaporated almost as quickly as they had appeared. "So, you’re challenging me to a fight? Better watch that jester cap, Pomni."
"The only clown here is you," Zooble interjected, standing up from the table. They weren't going to participate in this farce any longer.
As the commotion escalated, Caine awkwardly looked from one circus resident to another, nervously fidgeting with his fingers. He genuinely didn't understand when the pleasant get-together at the table had turned into a battle between his wards. Besides, no one had touched the food yet, and the chef had worked so hard on today’s menu. Perhaps he should ask them to clean up the whole mess later to build some team spirit? He would definitely think about it at his leisure.